yesterday i texted my gf after I got ds down & dd wasn't having any of it. I was like "tonight's the night! The night I walk right the f out!" And she talked me off the ledge. She even helped me remember dd loves music so I turned some on & it actually helped.
Point is - if you wanna vent- vent away!
confession: tomorrow night is my first night out since dd was born & I am clicking my heels! I need OUT!!
I lost the wubbanub pacifier. It's the favorite paci for DS, but I'm pretty sure I miss it more than he does. Now I have to hold the pacifier in his mouth until he falls asleep, and hope he doesn't wake up and cry for it.
I just ordered another off Amazon because none of the stores around me had any in stock, and I got the free 2 day shipping. They damn well better deliver on Sunday like my confirmation said it would. I am so mad at myself for losing the damn thing I could cry, but I'm also kinda pissed I had to spend $20 to get another one!
I found out yesterday my Dad got a new job and he, my Mom, sister and nephew get to move back home to Canada while I'm stuck here in the US. I'd give anything to go back home and have my next kid there with the year maternity leave and free healthcare (just made a payment to my medical bill over the phone 5 mins ago, that stung). I'm happy my sister gets to raise her son in Canada now, but jealous at the same time. They moved us down here and now they're leaving me here in a new city I hate. With them up there now maybe DH will be more likely to agree to move up there finally! When everyone up there finds out they're moving back, they're going to ask if I'm coming and I'll have to tell them all no and then they'll be all Awww... You should, blah blah blah... Ughhhh!!!
I don't like taking my baby to work with me. I know it saved daycare money and I get "the best of both worlds" being a mom and an employee, but in reality it is more like the worst of both worlds. I spend all day getting nothing done while the work continues to pile on, and my child cries and doesn't sleep because (surprise!) an office is not a conducive environment for a baby. Counting down until he turns 6 months old....
Alright here's my rant. It's long. And I'm sure I've bitched about this stuff on other posts. But sometimes you just have to rehash a bunch of stuff.
- Like I said, I'm sad. I don't have much of a social life on account of having to stay home and watch the kids while my husband has an active social life. (We've tried babysitters in the past, but the ones we have found around here are spotty at best and recently had their own kids. Plus, not many are comfortable watching a 3 month old in the evening). As such, I don't get many opportunities to go out and be an adult, but I had three opportunities this past week, and ALL of them were shot down. First, I was visiting home and a friend and I were going to go out for dinner and drinks, but she canceled because she was not feeling well. Then, I was going to go out alone (I was that desperate), and my mom backed out of babysitting because she was tired. Then, I was invited out for drinks by a former coworker who is selling skincare products. Yeah, it was partially a sales thing, but also an opportunity to go out and mingle with other adults. Unfortunately, not only did my DH forget that I told him about it twice and schedule someone to come and look at the car he is selling that evening, but my older daughter got a 24-hour flu bug and I wasn't able to shower, let alone get away to socialize. Then, the same friend who backed out of dinner the other night ALSO backed out of visiting this weekend (she made these plans AFTER backing out) because she's sick with a different illness. The icing on the cake was a message from a co-worker in another office (who I really like a lot) telling me that she was having lunch with two of our other former co-workers and that she really wished I was closer because then I could join them. (This was really sweet that she said this and it made me feel good, and then incredibly sad that I live two states away and will never have a good social relationship with these people). So I feel pretty awful about myself. My old friends are far away and/or flaky, and I can't make any new friends because I never have any free time.
- On top of that, I feel like I've been covered with baby and kid barf/diarrhea for the last three days. The baby isn't sick yet - but loves to spit up whenever I happen to put the spit rag. And also for the past week, I can't seem to get a shower in while my DH is home, so it's usually rushed while I have a kid or two screaming at me.
- DH has been slightly better the past two weeks. He's been home a little more and in a better mood, but still treats me like little more than a roommate or sister. I feel like I'm always waiting. Waiting for him to find a job. Now waiting for him to get a better paying job with a more flexible schedule (which is already sort of lined up, just waiting waiting waiting for confirmation and an actual offer), waiting for us to get our bills paid off, waiting for my mom to move down and be available to help with the kids (this was supposed to happen well before the baby was born, but my grandma got sick and my mom volunteered to let my grandparents live with her until she got better. They are down in TN now, but still waiting for my mom to put her house up for sale....).
- I don't have much to look forward to. We were invited to a wedding in May that I was looking forward to, but it looks like my DH is opting to plan this super awesome golf/drinking weekend with his buddies that weekend instead. That's also the weekend my daughter got a free ticket to a local baseball game for school, so looks like I'll be handling that all by myself, too. I have my sister's wedding in July, too, and the bachelorette party at the May, but that's on the same day as my daughter's 6th birthday, so that weekend will also be combined with overwhelming guilt.
- I know that most of these issues are temporary, so I'm just charging through it like a champ. Taking care of my kids, working as much as possible. Trying to make plans to be a person again and not getting upset if they fall through. But it's really hard some days. Then I have to deal with my mom telling me she's worried about me. HIS mom telling me she's worried about me. HIS sisters telling me that they wouldn't blame me for leaving. I know they think this helps somehow, but just makes it harder.
My hubby's friend is a slow train wreck you can't not watch. He is in a toxic, turbulent relationship with a damaged girl. He brought her over to my house the other day without telling my husband she was with him so I could hide the baby. Because I am too soft I handed over Odie, thankfully he did not like her and fussed for me within a minute. That isn't the worst, today is April Fools, whoopie freking doo, right? WRONG! This bitch is posting all over social media that she is pregnant but it is totally a joke and it is insensitive and childish, because her bf is freggin sterile!!!!
As much as I wish DD would nap in her crib during the day, I am enjoying cuddling with her because soon enough she's going to be too big to have nap on me.
I don't like taking my baby to work with me. I know it saved daycare money and I get "the best of both worlds" being a mom and an employee, but in reality it is more like the worst of both worlds. I spend all day getting nothing done while the work continues to pile on, and my child cries and doesn't sleep because (surprise!) an office is not a conducive environment for a baby. Counting down until he turns 6 months old....
Agreed- I love having her with me, but I have a very physical job and can get NOTHING done while I have her. I try strapping her to me in a carrier but that just seems dangerous most of the time...
DH has an easy day today. He didn't go to work until 930 and got off at 12. Meanwhile, I was up all night with DD and ran all over the city this morning trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. I'm exhausted! But guess who is oh so peacefully taking a nap? Yup. DH. I'm slowly plotting a murder right now. Totally kidding lol but I am on a cooking/cleaning strike.
Re: FFFC 4/1
I actually told my DH that I'm having a rough day, but I always follow it up with "I'm sure it'll pass. It's just hormonal. No big deal."
yesterday i texted my gf after I got ds down & dd wasn't having any of it. I was like "tonight's the night! The night I walk right the f out!" And she talked me off the ledge. She even helped me remember dd loves music so I turned some on & it actually helped.
Point is - if you wanna vent- vent away!
confession: tomorrow night is my first night out since dd was born & I am clicking my heels! I need OUT!!
I just ordered another off Amazon because none of the stores around me had any in stock, and I got the free 2 day shipping. They damn well better deliver on Sunday like my confirmation said it would. I am so mad at myself for losing the damn thing I could cry, but I'm also kinda pissed I had to spend $20 to get another one!
- Like I said, I'm sad. I don't have much of a social life on account of having to stay home and watch the kids while my husband has an active social life. (We've tried babysitters in the past, but the ones we have found around here are spotty at best and recently had their own kids. Plus, not many are comfortable watching a 3 month old in the evening). As such, I don't get many opportunities to go out and be an adult, but I had three opportunities this past week, and ALL of them were shot down. First, I was visiting home and a friend and I were going to go out for dinner and drinks, but she canceled because she was not feeling well. Then, I was going to go out alone (I was that desperate), and my mom backed out of babysitting because she was tired. Then, I was invited out for drinks by a former coworker who is selling skincare products. Yeah, it was partially a sales thing, but also an opportunity to go out and mingle with other adults. Unfortunately, not only did my DH forget that I told him about it twice and schedule someone to come and look at the car he is selling that evening, but my older daughter got a 24-hour flu bug and I wasn't able to shower, let alone get away to socialize. Then, the same friend who backed out of dinner the other night ALSO backed out of visiting this weekend (she made these plans AFTER backing out) because she's sick with a different illness. The icing on the cake was a message from a co-worker in another office (who I really like a lot) telling me that she was having lunch with two of our other former co-workers and that she really wished I was closer because then I could join them. (This was really sweet that she said this and it made me feel good, and then incredibly sad that I live two states away and will never have a good social relationship with these people). So I feel pretty awful about myself. My old friends are far away and/or flaky, and I can't make any new friends because I never have any free time.
- On top of that, I feel like I've been covered with baby and kid barf/diarrhea for the last three days. The baby isn't sick yet - but loves to spit up whenever I happen to put the spit rag. And also for the past week, I can't seem to get a shower in while my DH is home, so it's usually rushed while I have a kid or two screaming at me.
- DH has been slightly better the past two weeks. He's been home a little more and in a better mood, but still treats me like little more than a roommate or sister. I feel like I'm always waiting. Waiting for him to find a job. Now waiting for him to get a better paying job with a more flexible schedule (which is already sort of lined up, just waiting waiting waiting for confirmation and an actual offer), waiting for us to get our bills paid off, waiting for my mom to move down and be available to help with the kids (this was supposed to happen well before the baby was born, but my grandma got sick and my mom volunteered to let my grandparents live with her until she got better. They are down in TN now, but still waiting for my mom to put her house up for sale....).
- I don't have much to look forward to. We were invited to a wedding in May that I was looking forward to, but it looks like my DH is opting to plan this super awesome golf/drinking weekend with his buddies that weekend instead. That's also the weekend my daughter got a free ticket to a local baseball game for school, so looks like I'll be handling that all by myself, too. I have my sister's wedding in July, too, and the bachelorette party at the May, but that's on the same day as my daughter's 6th birthday, so that weekend will also be combined with overwhelming guilt.
- I know that most of these issues are temporary, so I'm just charging through it like a champ. Taking care of my kids, working as much as possible. Trying to make plans to be a person again and not getting upset if they fall through. But it's really hard some days. Then I have to deal with my mom telling me she's worried about me. HIS mom telling me she's worried about me. HIS sisters telling me that they wouldn't blame me for leaving. I know they think this helps somehow, but just makes it harder.