We're having another girl.... And I'm sad ):

smahlberg · March 2016

I am due with my second baby on August 2nd and we just found out we are having another girl... I feel horrible for not feeling as excited as I should be, but in my heart I really wanted a boy this time. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I already started thinking of boy names and boy nursery ideas... Even my mom, grandma, and MIL thought I was having a boy. I struggled at first when we first found out last week that we are having another girl and I cried for a few days. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I'm already thinking of trying for a boy again and I haven't even had baby number 2 yet

...I was wondering, has anyone else felt this way about "gender disappointment?" I'm slowly starting to feel better and am trying to focus on the positives... Like I'm excited for my 3 year old to have a baby sister because growing up I never had a sister! I've just been feeling sad and guilty, and was curious if any other mommas out there have experienced this same feeling or are currently experiencing the same thing as me. I know that this was completely out of my control and that God blessed me with another baby girl for a reason.

megframe16 · March 2016

Don't worry!
I had two boys right away. I was hoping for a girl the second time but I knew it was a boy. Then they confirmed he was for sure a boy. I put a smile on but I had really wanted a girl. I went home and grabbed my boy and cried. I just remember thinking "but he's my baby boy, how am I going to love another boy as much as him" and I am pretty sure I over coddled him the whole next week. Once it sank in that being disappointed won't change the sex there was the o it option of planning for another boy. Once the name game started, all that disappointment went away! I was excited to pick out another name and then started to see how great two boys so close together would be. Once he was born I couldn't imagine life any other way. So give it a little time and eventually the feelings will turn into excitement and you will know you were blessed with another girl for all the right reasons

mumblefrog86 · March 2016

I was the same, having a second girl. I was dissapointmented for a bit too especially since this is it for us. But now I am excited for my girl to have a sister. We picked a name and we will be saving a lot from reusing all my DD s stuff. Since they will be born in the same season. Two girls are going to be so close and it will be great. It's ok to feel dissapointmented it does not mean you don't love this baby.

the_other_mother · March 2016

I'm feeling the same way. You are definitely not alone. This is my first baby, and I've wanted a son and pictured myself with a son my whole life. Of course we will love our girls, but it's just a matter of adjusting our mindset. I hope no one ever tries to make you feel bad about the disappointment.

cait5413 · March 2016

I'm sure if we had 2 girls, I would be a little sad because I know how much DH wants a boy and if we had 2 boys, I'd be sad not to have a little girl. I've always wanted (at least) one of each. Give yourself a little time to grieve, and then you can focus on the benefits of having 2 girls--like the hand-me-downs! At least you know now and aren't being disappointed at the same time you meet your new little one! You've got time to adjust--let yourself feel your feelings for a bit.

SkiChic626 · March 2016

I'm not in exactly the same boat, but I was actually hoping for a second girl, and in fact was sure that it was a girl. I have a sister and I wanted that for my daughter but closer on age. When they said boy I was in such shock, like legit shock, for a while. I'm very excited but it wasn't what I was expecting, and I actually feel sad for my daughter that she's not going to get a sister close in age. So not exactly the same, but I totally get where you're coming from having mixed emotions.

Bookhousegirl · March 2016

I also was secretly hoping for a girl this time (we have a 2yo DS) and when I found out we were having a second boy I felt some pangs of disappointment. I'm so afraid of comparing the two boys and how I'm going to love a second boy as much as I love DS. I know I will, but it's just some fears I have. I keep reminding myself of how much fun DS is and how amazing it will be for him to have a brother. The more I think about the reality of having 2 boys the more excited I get. Sometimes it just takes some time to settle into a different idea of what life will look like. We all obviously want healthy, happy babies first and foremost but a little disappointment about the sex doesn't change that or mean we won't love and adore them any less!

almostahawk · March 2016

I think I'd feel the same if I'd pictured it a certain way. The first pregnancy that I miscarried I really wanted a girl, and then we miscarried before we even had the first scan.

This time, since I'm so happy to be pregnant again, it's completely changed my mindset and I'm so excited for whatever it is, but I have been consciously trying not to picture a gender because I know that if I get a specific image of my baby in my head before I find out then I'll probably be disappointed if it's not what I'm expecting. I think this would be regardless if I pictured a boy and it turned out to be a girl, or vice versa.

@Cait5413 described it as 'grief' and it is probably an accurate description - you'd pictured a particular child and now that image has been shattered. But I'm sure it will soon pass when you begin to imagine your new daughter.

cal031686 · March 2016

I'm glad I'm not the only one who wonders how they are going to love another little one as much as they do their first. I snuggle baby girl (who is 3 mind you) and think there is no way My heart can love another baby girl as much as I love her.
To be clear, yes I love my growing peanut it just feels like a different kind of love from holding my baby girl. I guess time will tell and prove me wrong soon enough.

Snaps816 · March 2016

This might sound corny, but maybe as your pregnancy progresses you could make a point to watch/read movies, books, and TV shows about sisters. Sisters really do have a special relationship, and your daughters will be lucky to have each other. Maybe this would help you get in a better head space about the whole thing.

1faceinacrowd · March 2016

My situation is a little different, but I can definitely relate in a way. I have a daughter and my DH has a son (she's now with us 75% of the time; his son is with us 50% of the time). Since we technically have one of each, I didn't really care which we had this time, though I sort of half-hoped it'd be a girl because my DH has never had a girl of his own and I wanted him to see what that's like. But, we're having a boy, and I'm super excited.

What I'm NOT excited about, or what I'm most worried about, is that our next one might be a boy too. We want one more after this, so that'll be our last chance for DH to have a girl of his own. Obviously he treats my daughter like his own and he loves her a ton, but I know it's not the same as having your own and raising them from birth. Now that he has TWO sons (including the one on the way), I kind of worry that maybe he can't make girls. I know it's silly, and people have two in a row of the same sex followed by a different sex ALL the time, but I can't help but worry. If this one had been a girl, I think I'd feel a bit more at ease because he would've "produced" one of each and I would've felt more confident that we could have a boy as our last one.

I feel really guilty already worrying about the next one too. It's normal though, I think. And as others have said, no matter what happens, we'll probably look at our kids and feel like we couldn't imagine having it any other way, no matter how it works out.

Stephanie7693 · March 2016

I feel the same, but I'm having another boy. I have a 10 yr old girl and 6 yr old boy. My daughter is not my husband's, so I had really wanted a girl with him, and for his mom to finally have a girl too. She has two boys and will now have 3 grandsons. My daughter is their family too, but since she has another dad, she spends a lot of holidays and every other weekend with him. I cried too when I found out I was having a boy, mostly bc this is my last baby and I have to give up my vision of a girl for us. I feel guilty for being anything but happy and grateful for a healthy baby, but giving up something you'd hoped and prayed for is hard. And don't worry, I was already thinking about having a third when I was pregnant with my second, even though I was getting one of each right away! But I an glad to know that we're having a boy so I can get past the disappointment now. I was so sure I was having a girl, I can't imagine how I'd have felt if I found out in the delivery room. I'm trying too look at all the positives of another boy. I am getting more excited for him every day. But still holding on to that tiny bit of hope the ultrasound was wrong lol

missrebecca421 · March 2016

We are not quite in the same boat as you. I have always wanted a girl and have always dreamed about girl names and nursery decor, etc. Last year we MC our first pregnancy at 13 weeks and learned it was a boy. I was completely devastated. Now we are pregnant again (18 weeks) and have learned its another boy. Part of me is sad that we are having a boy because I've always dreamed of a girl. At the same time, going through a MC has made me appreciate that we are pregnant with any baby. That being said, I am already thinking about when we try for a sibling how devastated I will be if its a boy again.

Give yourself some time to adjust your expectations. I'm still trying to as well. I still catch myself looking at little bows and dresses knowing that I dont have a use for them now, but I cant help it. I guess we always want what we cant have. I would have loved 2 girls!

bananers · March 2016

I'll be honest. I have a hard time with gender disappointment posts. They rub me the wrong way. I won't hash that out here because you say you feel guilty so I won't rub your nose in it.

But I just want to point out... when you say you're "already thinking about trying for a boy again" just remember, you have just as much of a chance of having a third girl. Please, for the sake of your potential middle child and your potential third daughter, don't have another baby unless you're fine with the possibility of three girls.

Signed, mom of two boys who gets defensive when people act like DS2 is somehow a disappointment because he doesn't have a vagina.

tinkerbell11210 · March 2016

@bananers I agree with you I can't stand that people look sad for me because I am having another girl. I an not upset so please don't give me that pity look. DD is 6 and I always hoped to have 1 of each but that is not our life and I am fine with that. I always told DH that I could see him with all daughters so I wasn't upset to find out this one is a girl too. I am actually really excited for that sister bond to form over time. My sister is 6 years older than me and I just remember how much I looked up to her when I was little. I still think the world of her and hope that my girls have a similar bond.

@smahlberg - I understand you are disappointed but try to look at all the positives. Your little baby is healthy and she will have a big sis to look up to! Try to think about how you felt when your first daughter was born I suggest pulling out some of her newborn clothes. I did this and it brought back so many wonderful memories. I hope it does the same for you and hopefully you can get excited agian.

LEOwife726 · March 2016

Alright alright...girlfriend...after two precious little boys who I love and adore and cherish, I was SURE this baby HAD to be a girl. If for no other reason than statistically speaking surely I'd get the other 50% chance on the 3rd shot. I was in LOVE with my girl name, had her chandelier all picked out, paint colors, had my basket full of hair bows and ruffley boutique clothes on etsy, and when I saw that blue smoke at our gender reveal party, I was devastated. I cried for two days solid. Not because I hated my baby. Not because I'm a horrible person, or selfish! Because I'm human and I had my heart set on having a girl. Looking back, I didn't really allow myself to prepare for the alternative so I felt a "loss" of my plan. And it's ok. Don't let these moms convince you it's not. I'm so happy now it's another boy and don't have to spend my shopping money on bows and monogrammed everything! let it sink in. You'll soon not be able to imagine it any other way!

AliKay20 · March 2016

I think it makes matters worse when other people chime in with their reaction if you're having another boy or another girl.

Even if you're ok and wanted two girls or two boys, it still rubs you the wrong way when people seem to be disappointed or expect you to be.

Until I became a mom, I didn't realize how much it annoyed me about people throwing in their two cents on EVERYTHING including how your family should look like ideally and that involves having at least one boy and one girl. Even if they don't say it directly, their reactions say it all. Ugh, they just need to be in our shoes to shut their pie holes. Hopefully they understand then at least how nosey and rude they were!

ShanRum3 · March 2016

I have 2 boys, and really wanted a girl, but I didn't let myself get caught up in what sex this baby would be. I'm glad I didn't, because at 15 weeks, they told us they were pretty certain it was another boy. Yesterday at my 20 week anatomy scan, it was confirmed that we are indeed having a third boy! As much as I wanted a girl, I found myself not being disappointed. Instead, I thought, "this is good, we've done this before, we've got this." Look on the bright side. You may not have gotten what you were hoping for, but you still have a healthy, growing, baby. It may take some time to get used to the idea, but it will be ok!

Stephanie7693 · March 2016

@bananers ... I realize you were being as compassionate as you could in your response, but I think it's unfair to believe that every mom who experiences gender disappointment is ungrateful for a healthy baby, or that they only had that baby for a certain gender. Up until this pregnancy, I viewed gender disappointment the same way you do. With my first two kids I got the opposite gender I had been hoping for, but was still extatic when they told me what I was having. I felt no disappointment whatsoever. I almost lost my first child when she was just hours old. I spent a year trying to get pregnant with this third baby. I've been through enough that I should not be one to experience any disapepointment. Yet I am. As awful as I feel about it, I can't control what I feel. Please have some compassion for us moms who just want support for things beyond our control. We feel guilty enough, and I know for me, it's hard to talk about because most people don't think it's OK to feel this way. None of us want to feel this way

ashleymz · March 2016

I had a boy.... and this time I was CONVINCED it was a girl. Luckily I had the 10 week blood test so I'm glad I found out early I was wrong. I was SO sad. This was our last chance to add to our family. It took me a couple months to start getting excited, but I am still sad about it.

And I love how people are insulted by gender disappointment (typically from people without kids yet). I think I have every right to be sad etc. But it is what it is.

I am very thankful he's healthy and so far everything has gone perfectly. I spoke with other moms who had 2 boys and they all said it was the best, just like my friends with 2 girls said they wouldn't trade it for anything. So speaking with the other moms helped me enjoy the idea of 2 boys more.

ashleymz · March 2016

PS. Time hop on facebook keeps showing me baby pics of our son... so I have been getting more and more excited about having one that is the same as what I already have!

kristynmac · April 2016

I wanted another boy. I must admit that I had a lot of anxiety just waiting for the doctor to tell me it was a boy and so I don't know how you feel, but after just searching "gender disappointment" you will see it is very common and also a very touchy topic. I really do wish you the best and I know you are not necessarily disappointed in your baby, just in the "ideas/dreams" you had that are now changing. I do think it is frustrating how taboo of a topic this is, in one of the articles a mom talked about being afraid to say she was disappointed because people would judge her, but yet when someone asks what you are having and you tell them the next question is often--is that what you wanted? Its as if you are not allowed to share that disappointment until someone gives you the opening to do so.

linsmarie31 · April 2016

Right there with you! I have two step daughters, and we have one daughter together.... #4 is a girl too! We were all so hoping for a boy and I'm in a bit of denial right now. The baby is healthy and growing right on track, so I'm very happy about that! I know I'll love this little lady, and she'll have the 3 best big sisters ever to look out for her, I just need a little time to wrap my brain around it.... and start looking for a second job to save for proms and weddings!

Now on to the task of coming up with the perfect girl name!