"Are you pregnant?"

laurenlalap · March 2016

yep - I have gotten this already twice by two seperate coworkers. I'm not even friends with them so they're just asking to be noisy.
I am definetly "showing" because of the bloat. Normal clothes are too tight but mat clothes make my bloat even more noticeable.
I'm shocked people already have the gull to ask me, especially in the workplace.
I never answered them. I just gave them a dirty look and said "excuse me?"

Would I be overreacting if I reported this to HR?

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

I think it is entirely inappropriate for people to ask (unless they are involved in delivering health care to you) and I probably would consider approaching my boss about it if it was bothersome, but I'm not sure I would go so far as HR. What would you expect to come out of that?

BmcD2016 · March 2016

There's a golden rule that people are just not supposed to ask. However, if someone were to ask then I'd be like "shhhh!" And I'd giggle a bit and then feel relieved someone knew why I've been a cranky bitch for a while now.

I don't believe it's that bad as to need to waste HR's time.

ShallowSeas · March 2016

I'm really surprised people are rude enough to still ask that question. I haven't had anyone directly ask me yet, but my boss (who knows) told me that a co-worker asked her if I was pregnant. I always try to think of what I would say and how I would handle it if someone did ask me. I hope it never happens. I think you handled it well with the co-workers. I don't think I'd take it as far as HR at this point, though.

jarethinafrock · March 2016

Though I think it is incredibly rude and would never ask someone that, I don't see what going to HR could do to help. I think getting the company involved would cause more harm than good. If I were you, I would just shrug it off and get on with my life.

grannysmith912 · March 2016

I have a friend who asks this every time I talk to her on the phone, since she knows H and I have been trying. I know she means well, and I'd probably do the same thing if I were single with no experience TTC, but I feel like I eventually need to tell her that if someone who's TTC hasn't mentioned that she's pregnant, it's either because (1) she's still trying, which is probably frustrating and discouraging, (2) she's had a loss, which is devastating, or (3) she is pregnant, but it's too early to tell anyone--either way, she clearly doesn't want to talk about it! Anyways, since I got my BFP, my response to this question has always been, "Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you when there's something to tell!" My hope is that this will encourage those who ask that they don't need to ask again.

doraleigh35 · March 2016

I think you've handled it the best that you can at this point. I wouldn't involve HR. However, when you do announce at work I would take those colleagues aside and let them know that they put you in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe it will make them think twice before saying something to someone else in the future.

shevaCC · March 2016

I agree with those who say to avoid talking to HR. It's frustrating, rude, and annoying, but probably not worth getting your company involved.

I don't think I could bring myself to do that, but if asked, I would like to call them out for being rude and tell them that's not ever an appropriate question to ask.

ficbot · March 2016

I am pretty sure everyone at work knows. I had to tell our assistant director because I am applying for sub work in September and needed a second reference, and she said 'oh great, I wasn't sure it was common knowledge yet.' That suggests to me that everyone knows but won't bring it up until I officially announce it.

therealvday · March 2016

I have experienced this too & I can't believe this is still asked, so tacky.

The worst was a wine tasting bachelorette party weekend I went to a couple weekends ago. It was out of state, I had already purchased my event & plane tickets before I knew I was pregnant so I ended up going, otherwise it would have been a waste of money. Imagine how awkward it is going wine tasting with a group of girls and being the only one not drinking. Needless to say, every single one of them asked me if I were pg. I didn't care so much that the bride-to-be asked because we're good friends but the other girls? I had just met them! And they kept prying even after I tried changing the subject multiple times.

I've had some close friends ask, that I don't mind. I went to a basketball game viewing party at DH & my friend's house and they all decided to take a shot during time. I politely declined and then DH's friend LOUDLY asked "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" in front of the whole group. WTF?

And this doesn't include my one coworker who has asked for the past year or so (way before I was even TTC) "Are you pregnant yet?" weekly and my coworker who asked because I had called out sick 2 days a month ago. Give it a rest, people!

pinnerk · March 2016

This speaks to me!!

I have been peeing a lot more at work and I've had 11, yes 11 co workers come up to me and accuse me/ask me if I was pregnant.
I couldn't handle it.
The first 5 or so I just brushed iit off and said Nah.
But the other ones, I'm proud to say I actually got snippy. 'Are you calling me fat?' 'Why would you ask me that'
Most mean well of course, they just want to be excited since they know I've always wanted kids.
But I always just assumed it was common knowledge to never ever ask someone.

beforeyou · March 2016

I've had one person ask me at work and I like this coworker so I told them that I was- but I was also really excited so I didn't mind.
I think I would have been much more put off if anyone else had asked me and I plan on saying something like what @pinnerk said... "Oh man, do I look that fat?" Just to make them feel crappy for asking such an inappropriate question. People just don't think!
Anyway, I agree with PPs, I wouldn't go to HR, but if they do it again have a snappy comeback or just tell them flat out that that's a pretty invasive and personal question to be asking someone.
Good luck!

anne11716 · April 2016

That is crazy that someone would ask that! I would just try to brush it off but man alive, what is wrong with people?! I have a friend who does knows that we have been trying too @grannysmith912 and everytime we get dinner or lunch and I don't order a drink she is like, "OH MY GOSH!" and then when I tell her no...she asks if I am going to start going to the doctor to see what is wrong. For real? Now that friend is in a very different place in her life then I am right now so I don't expect her to understand but still.
So weird that someone at work would say that. I feel like people are genuinely excited at the thought of a friend being pregnant but sometimes they might not think about the trials and tribulations that it took to get to that point.

mrsjlang · April 2016

It's definitely rude that they asked. Like, hypothetically, there are multiple other health concerns why anyone could be gaining a bit of weight. And it's not like any of us would want "problems" to be common knowledge.

Honestly, politely tell them to mind their own damn business. If you're rude that could give them grounds to go to HR about your professional conduct. At this point though, they technically haven't done anything that would be in HR's realm of business. If you need more advice specific to your workplace, I'd suggest going to your manager for advice (obviously easier if your manager already knows).

MissAmeliaPond · April 2016

My old coworker waited until she was TWENTY-SIX weeks pregnant before she admitted to us that she was. I knew when she was probably 5-6 weeks because we went to lunch together and she got caffeine-free diet coke. Who orders that?! Even though that was a super obvious tell, I still didn't say anything because DH and I had started TTC at the time, and I knew how I would feel if anyone asked me that. There was a group of us girls who were all very close in that office (including her), and another friend and I were getting ready to ask her if she was KTFU (5 months after the caffeine-free diet coke lunch), because, well, it was pretty obvious. If we reached the point of bluntly asking her, and she came at me with "why, do you think I look fat?", I would have said "heck yes!", at that point. It was getting to be like in Knocked Up where Katherine Heigl didn't tell her boss, and they finally confronted her when she was 8 months. Sorry, I just wanted to share that anecdote because it was getting super awkward and weird for everyone.

OP, I agree with everyone else, I don't think you need to go to HR, but it's still so early you can definitely come back with the snippy responses like "OMG are you calling me fat? So inappropriate." People need to be taught that it's never okay to ask a woman if she's pregnant. Or you could flat out say "Wow, don't you know that it's incredibly bad manners to ask a woman if she's pregnant?!"

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