When does it start feeling better?

jade24422 · March 2016

I know I just found out about my MMC on Friday, so it's just been a little less than a week since my D&C, but when do you start feeling better emotionally? I know everyone and every situation is different, so I'm asking this rhetorically. I have had a few good moments since then, but mostly I've just felt sad, depleted, empty. I am back at work for the first time since then today, and I heard some people laughing in the kitchen about their basketball brackets. I felt mad at them for complaining about their teams losing. I hated feeling mad at them. This isn't their fault, and I know it's selfish, but I just feel so mad at everything. I don't want to feel that way.

What has helped you ladies to feel better and start to heal?

roxgibbons · March 2016

@natsfan2442 I am so sorry for your loss and that you are joining us here. I had my D&C exactly 6 weeks ago today and let me tell you I still have days where I feel terrible. For example yesterday, I wanted to either a) punch someone in the face or b) go home and hide under the covers and cry my eyes out. Today is better. Everything you are describing about being mad and then feeling bad about being mad is totally normal and I'm sure the other ladies can relate as well. What has helped is leaning on those who provide me with the most support and focusing on self-care. For me it was getting back into my exercise routine and starting acupuncture. Focusing on myself has helped tremendously on days where I feel down. As for the support piece, I have two people (My DH and a close friend) I really still talk about my loss with as others have kind of dropped off but talking to them about how I am feeling is very therapeutic for me. Something else that's also helped is podcasts. I listen to a lot of them about infertility ( which has been my struggle) and loss. One in particular that focuses on loss is the Real Food Mamas Podcast Episode #029 Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss and it discusses the stages of grief and emotions after a miscarriage. Is there a hobby or activity you enjoy? Maybe focus on that or a project. Distractions are great. Whatever it is I hope you start having more better days, but until then just know whatever you are feeling is totally fine and that there is no timeline.

This group has also been a great source of support and has helped me heal, so any questions you have or if you want to just vent please do so. We are here for you.

Spartanrd4 · March 2016

I don't know if I will ever truly feel "better" but I am definitely coping better these days. It's been 4 weeks now and I think what really helped me is some of the physical aspects of the MC improving which made me more hopeful for the future and that constant reminder of what happened wasn't there. I am looking forward to my follow up with OB in a few days to get some insight on where to go from here. But definitely I still have some bad days- yesterday I went to my book club where one of the members is pregnant and I remember thinking last month at book club I was pregnant and was ready to announce to everyone this month but obviously not anymore. No one knows that I was pregnant in that group and what happened to me so it made me feel very alone in that moment. So much can change in such little time but I did not cry at all on the way home and that is a big improvement for me. You have to take recovery day by day....but this board is wonderful and has helped me so much- we are here for you!

lilylover27 · March 2016

First, I am very sorry about your loss. Second I probably am not good to give advice since I am in the same time frame as you, took Cytotec last Friday for my MMC at 8 weeks, but I just want you to know I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I hear people complain about dinner or what to wear and I instantly think that wow if only that was the biggest thing I had to deal with right now and then I feel bad because I remember that before all this I used to be that way too. From what I have read on this board you never truly move on or get over it but it becomes easier to live with it and go back to a new "normal". Even in this short span of time I have noticed varying emotions. Yesterday I felt completely empty and generally down. This morning I felt a little better even chuckled at a joke DH made. Been having a trying day at work so now I am getting upset and angry at the same time.

I know this wasn't really any advice but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

I am so sorry for your loss and that you have to join us. I am going to reuse a way I described how I felt a few weeks ago and that the emotional recovery from this is like a roller coaster with each down being worse after each up. I am 4 weeks today from my d&c and some days I laugh and feel great, then something happens and it knocks the wind out of me and my chest hurts with so much grief I can barely breathe. I am noticing the bad sometimes feels every worse after a good day being its a bigger swing. Slowly the good days last a little longer and I can identify possible triggers to avoid. It's progress from feeling emotionally numb.

There is no time frame for when it will be better. Don't pressure yourself into the expectation that you need to be "okay" by a certain time frame because that will just make you feel like you are failing at moving on and make it worse. That's been my big thing this week. Accepting it's normal to still be hurt and upset over things.

Cubslove12 · March 2016

I feel the exact same way right now... I also feel as though our bodies are regulating again so our hormones don't help this process at all. One moment I'm sad, the next happy and at then bam something pisses me off. Honestly it took me over a month the first time to really start feeling like myself again and then we got pregnant again. This time I'm hoping I bounce back quicker, however it's a process. I personally had my D&C last Wed and I felt ok Fri, Sat, and Sun, when Monday came and I went back to work I began to struggle and today I cried in my office the first 20 min. It's like I'm slipping this time where the first time I was so sad at first and then gradually felt better. Everyone and every situation is different. It's ok to feel sad.

Even though there's no real answer on when it gets better, I hope that you do feel better and are stronger from this experience.

fmannino85 · March 2016

I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but these women are so amazing! Like the PP said, I felt I was able to bounce back quicker after my first miscarriage. Within a month I also started to feel myself again. This time around it has been a lot harder. I had my d&c two weeks ago, and like another post said, it's been a roller coaster of emotions. Talking to people sometimes helps and sometimes doesn't, but talking on here has helped the most. As much as the situation sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's nice to have people who understand what you're going through. Take as much time as you need. There is no right or wrong amount of time to grieve. Just know you always have support here!

ThePax89 · March 2016

I started feeling better when I got pregnant again. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. Then I lost my rainbow. I started feeling better again when I was able to start trying. But I still cry and grieve my losses every day.

JDMRS · March 2016

@natsfan2442 thank you for asking this question-I was wondering the same thing.

LaurenDarling · March 2016

I grieved in several ways that helped me get back on a better track:
1. My first alcoholic drink after the mc. I had a beer and it hit me like a brick that I was no longer pg and allowed me to take a step in the forward direction.
2. My first AF after the mc. Realizing that my body is a beautiful machine and going right back on track to starting over.
3. When I had the green light to start trying again, it brought me hope.

The biggest thing is that pain is healed by time. Everyone is different, but time passing and moving forward again helps to ease the blow. It felt like it was crawling so slow for so long, but march toward the light at the end of the tunnel and begin again.

jade24422 · March 2016

I hate knowing that we are all going through this, but the support I've seen on this board in the last week has been so strong. I feel like a lot of us are feeling the same way. Like today I couldn't get out of bed. Eventually did and started feeling a little better, then DH and I decided to get sushi for dinner and I started feeling like crap again because I could eat it. The alcohol thing has been interesting because despite feeling bad for being able to drink, that is all I have wanted to do this week. I also have reverted to bad eating habits. I've decided that I am going to give myself through the weekend to indulge and then get back on track starting Sunday. I think working on getting and staying healthy will help too because we want to start trying again when we can. Hoping we all can find some comfort somewhere.

Pompomlove · April 2016

I'm back here waiting for my second mc to physically start.

For me, I felt a lot better once all my hormones where evened out and my period properly came back.

I'm Feeling a bit numb this time. It wasn't as far along and not as much of a shock.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Seek help from a professional if you need if but know you are absolutely allowed to grieve in your own time and your own way.

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