Leave already!! Rant...

andreaAL11 · March 2016

I wish my ex would just leave the country already. He leaves Thursday and I can't wait. All day he has been demeaning me and talking shit to me. Saying things like "how can you live with yourself, knowing you're taking my child from me?" And "I'm looking at you like a human and wondering how can a human do this to someone?"

I told old him the plans I had with his dog. I am keeping the dog, my parents already have 2 and are taking a trip to Germany right after I arrive to the house. So they wanted me to keep the dog with my cousin until we got settled in the house then we come back and pick him up. And of course he says "the dog is what you start with, abandoning things you know."

You know where his country is? Saudi Arabia. I'm sorry, whether or not she was "born Muslim and born into the father's last name" she will not be going over there to be treated as a second, maybe third class citizen.

He has been verbally abusing me all. Day. We woke up and got the divorce papers done and signed and it's over. And he feels like a "free man" but does that justify how you're treating me? Telling me "okay you breastfeed and change diapers, but what have you done? Nothing" and I ruined his life and made it a living hell. Just putting me down. Telling me I'm lazy, and he feels bad for my next boyfriend. I'm mentally unstable, how can I care for a child.

He decided to leave. And I just wish he would. After all of this shit I'm taking it really hard. I'm tired my brain isn't straight and he is still kicking me while I'm down. Ironic because his "dad" (an American who raised him) was kicking HIM while down, when he was going through this process and having a hard time.

Sorry for the rant. I'm tired. I feel like shit. I'm done. I want him to GO. To LEAVE. And I'm glad I'm young enough to find a better man. I'm just so alone.

sharonholck28 · March 2016

I'm sorry you are going through this and I'll be praying for you. From the sounds of it you will be better of without him. And he shouldn't be talking to you like that. It's wonderful you are getting out of this situation cause if he will talk to you like that he could eventually talk to your LO like that. I just want to say you are a strong powerful women and don't let him tell you otherwise. You are a hard worker tending to your little one! Just keep telling yourself you're amazing every time he belittles you and when he is gone you will be free. Your next man will be so proud of you and love you for who you are and what you've been through! I'm sure other ladies will back you up with more encouraging words and I hope this makes you feel a bit better.

For now you have us, I hope maybe you have family and friends around who can help support you. I'd also maybe look for a mommy and me group too to meet some new people that might be nice

thatgirlree24 · March 2016

So sorry you're going thru this. Sending well wishes and prayers your way!

Stay strong mama, you got us ladies thinking of you!

andreaAL11 · March 2016

I hope to find some women my age in the small town with kids. It'll be a whole different group, I don't want my old friends back.

pupsicle23 · March 2016

Thinking of you and so happy for you that he's leaving and won't be able to talk like that to you or your LO. Wishing you luck on a fresh start. I'm shy and can have a hard time making friends, but I've noticed that moms are eager to meet other moms!

groovylocks · March 2016

Oh man, screw this guy.

I know this rant like I wrote the damn thing..

You are about to have THE BEST time once you're single and the dead weight is gone.

Does he have any kind of plan for being able to see his child? If he is good to her, you guys should talk about that happening NOT in Saudi Arabia with your female child.

celainev · March 2016

Good luck @andreaAL11! Still thinking of you!

kiam032 · March 2016

Im a single mom and had a baby by a surprising deadbeat. It is extremely easier dealing without her father. I refuse to put up with any abuse. Once your ex leaves you'll feel the weight of his negativity lifted off of you.

andreaAL11 · March 2016

@groovylocks we agreed that we both have rights to her when he visits in the states. He will visit 3 times a year. He's amazing to her, and that's part of the guilt I have is him not being there 24/7 with her. He loves her, just not me. But if he does have her when he's in the states he CANNOT get her a passport and take her. There's a huge issue with us being married and having a child back in Saudi so he would have a long process and possible jail time over there. That's the only way I know he can't take her.

dec15mum · March 2016

My dad moved to Saudi Arabia to work for a bit and asked if I wanted to go, hell no! Woman need permission to leave the house by men and need to be escorted! You definitely made the right decision with that and with leaving your husband he sounds horrible and has no right to verbally abuse you like that- you'll be so much happier without him!
I agree with you wanting to finding a friend with kids, I think that would be good! Take your baby to classes or the park!
Best of luck to you and your babe

andreaAL11 · March 2016

dec15mum said:

My dad moved to Saudi Arabia to work for a bit and asked if I wanted to go, hell no! Woman need permission to leave the house by men and need to be escorted! You definitely made the right decision with that and with leaving your husband he sounds horrible and has no right to verbally abuse you like that- you'll be so much happier without him!
I agree with you wanting to finding a friend with kids, I think that would be good! Take your baby to classes or the park!
Best of luck to you and your babe

He actually decided to leave ME, I just served the papers. His reasoning is I'm a bad housewife. I don't cook or clean or organize or do the laundry or dishes. I did my fair share, but due to culture differences he also expected me to care for the baby all at once. It was never enough for him.

I I think once I get into town I'll start a group asking if anyone is in my area. What kind of classes do some of you recommend ? I'm thinking maybe swimming?

dec15mum · March 2016

andreaAL11 said:

dec15mum said:

My dad moved to Saudi Arabia to work for a bit and asked if I wanted to go, hell no! Woman need permission to leave the house by men and need to be escorted! You definitely made the right decision with that and with leaving your husband he sounds horrible and has no right to verbally abuse you like that- you'll be so much happier without him!
I agree with you wanting to finding a friend with kids, I think that would be good! Take your baby to classes or the park!
Best of luck to you and your babe

He actually decided to leave ME, I just served the papers. His reasoning is I'm a bad housewife. I don't cook or clean or organize or do the laundry or dishes. I did my fair share, but due to culture differences he also expected me to care for the baby all at once. It was never enough for him.

I I think once I get into town I'll start a group asking if anyone is in my area. What kind of classes do some of you recommend ? I'm thinking maybe swimming?

For goodness sake, it's 2016 men can do house work and go to work too. Ugh, I'm sorry you have to go through this, I'm getting angry just reading about it I can't imagine how you're feeling! If he's going to act like that then good riddance
Oh a swimming group would be really nice, I'm actually about to join one! Maybe a group where mums could get together in a library and ready books to their babies? Or get together to have tea?
Any idea is a good one, meeting other people is a great kind of therapy!

momotheflyinglemur · March 2016

Everything you have said about this man sounds exactly like my dad and you know what, good fracking riddance to him! If he expected all of that from you he would have tried to instill the same thing in your daughter. Bullet dodged. Good luck with all of the wonderful things the future has in store for you and your daughter without this asshole in your lives.

amye02 · March 2016

@andreaAL11 sorry you're going through this and that he's acting like a child. Only a day and a half and he'll be halfway around the world and if he's being a jerk you can hang up on him

laurabwalker · March 2016

@andreaAL11 good riddance to him, hopefully you have peace soon!

groovylocks · March 2016

andreaAL11 said:

dec15mum said:

My dad moved to Saudi Arabia to work for a bit and asked if I wanted to go, hell no! Woman need permission to leave the house by men and need to be escorted! You definitely made the right decision with that and with leaving your husband he sounds horrible and has no right to verbally abuse you like that- you'll be so much happier without him!
I agree with you wanting to finding a friend with kids, I think that would be good! Take your baby to classes or the park!
Best of luck to you and your babe

He actually decided to leave ME, I just served the papers. His reasoning is I'm a bad housewife. I don't cook or clean or organize or do the laundry or dishes. I did my fair share, but due to culture differences he also expected me to care for the baby all at once. It was never enough for him.

I I think once I get into town I'll start a group asking if anyone is in my area. What kind of classes do some of you recommend ? I'm thinking maybe swimming?

Oh yeah. Seriously. Screw this fool.

GRRR..

Per classes.. so around here (Michigan) I can FINALLY take Olive in the pool when she's 6 months old. The kid LIVES for the water. Babies like water and will become good swimmers typically if parents share water time with them from a young age. So I recommend it.

Also look and see if there are any baby music classes offered. It's mostly just music appreciation and hobnobbing with other babies. Babies love music, they love other babies and they love adults who play music We took Olive to a class like that but she's still a bit too young..

andreaAL11 · March 2016

@groovylocks I want her to be a great swimmer! I was a fish when I was young but only because my house had a pool. There's not really any pools where I'm moving, it's a little cold, so what's the use of them?

And as for the music classes that's such a wonderful idea! Maybe it'll lead her to be musically inclined, which I'm really hoping. I played the French horn for 10 years and played piano so it'll be easy for me to help with reading music.

It's so exciting to look towards the future and wonder what the munchkin will be like and what she will do and be good at.

I just want want a group of moms to go to coffee with and boast about what our babies can do. My only best friend I don't connect with anymore because she doesn't understand.

beccabeeee · March 2016

@andreaAL11 I'm sorry your going through all this. He seems like a real asshole, there's no need for him to blame you for a decision he decided to make all on his own. Just because you followed up with it by serving his ass doesn't give him the right to talk down to you. His loss!

As as for swimming, it's too cold here too. Temperature wise it's hot, but it's not enough to heat the pools enough to take her in. In the meantime though, you can always fill up the bathtub fairly high and get in with her. Obviously it's not the same as a swimming class and you can do much, but it's definitely a way to get her used to the water while you wait for classes. My DD just turned 3 months but I get in the bath with her a lot because I plan on doing swimming classes as well. I hold her the entire time but now that she kicks her arms and legs a lot I just hold her under her arms with her head above the water and let her body free flow in the water. She loves it, sometimes she just lets the rest of her body float in the water while I hold her. It seems to be relaxing and it's cute to see how she reacts lol

pupsicle23 · March 2016

@andreaAL11 My local library has all kinds of story times and groups. I'd definitely check that out. We even have a wine bar that does story time and has specials for moms. A friend of mine used a meet up app to find mommy groups, too.

abidabi · March 2016

Today was the day! How you holding up mama?

andreaAL11 · March 2016

He left this morning. I was a wreck, and I wished him a good flight and such. It's hard. I think I'm more glad that I can start new and focus on myself and the baby. Instead of walking on eggshells. It's really hard. Very. But I know I'll get through it.

He he was supposed to pay half of the cost of the moving company but forgot to give me the money and he left me 400 for child support now and I asked him about the moving money and he's like "I've been paying this whole marriage why don't you pay something for once" and so I'm going to have to either have my parents pay the thousand dollars or I use the 400 he gave me and just idk. He's being a dick. I'm glad he's gone but I know he's going to try to fight for custody when she can eat food and not depend on me for breast milk. He even told me. So I have to get to my city, get a job and get my ass in check! Just to show him I can do it on my own

abidabi · March 2016

I'm sorry your going through all this, I really do think it's for the best, your strong and you got us for support anytime you need it. From what you have shared with us I know you will be fine and be a fantastic mother to your beautiful daughter. You sound so much better off without him. Thinking of you at this shitty time though, big hugs!

andreaAL11 · March 2016

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. It's so hard because I was isolated and I don't have any friends left, so it's nice to have you ladies

abidabi · March 2016

I know what that's like since having a baby most of my friends are no longer interested and the friends with kids are always so busy, but coming on here helps a lot.

BostonBaby1 · March 2016

I'm sorry you're going through this. He doesn't sound like any of the Saudi men that I know. If he did, you would have a nanny and a cook and a housekeeper. In any case though, you're right not to send her to Saudi or any other country before checking the laws. Especially in the Gulf states. If you're not a Muslim citizen and he is, he will most likely be granted custody. The good news is, Saudi Arabia has very good relations with the West and hopefully it will never come to that. I know this is very difficult for you, but I would say to accept whatever help from your family that you can get. And I'm very glad he's gone!

andreaAL11 · March 2016

@BostonBaby1 he isn't from a rich family, and was raised mostly I the US by his dad's best friend (such a weird story). I know that if she got over there he would get custody for sure, but here he needs me to sign the papers and be there for the passport. So idk it's a shitty situation. But he's a great dad. He couldn't stay due to green card issues after the divorce. I feel sad for him

BostonBaby1 · March 2016

andreaAL11 said:

@BostonBaby1 he isn't from a rich family, and was raised mostly I the US by his dad's best friend (such a weird story). I know that if she got over there he would get custody for sure, but here he needs me to sign the papers and be there for the passport. So idk it's a shitty situation. But he's a great dad. He couldn't stay due to green card issues after the divorce. I feel sad for him

Very true. You would need to be there for a passport but if were from a very rich family, he could hop on a private plane with her. I am sorry that he's a great dad and he can't stay, but I'm not sorry that he's not wealthy. Because that would make life very complicated for you. And I am sorry that you're going through this.

Court11152325 · April 2016

You're a strong momma @andreaAL11 - keep your head up and you'll get things figured out. You'll be much better off without the mental abuse.

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