Encouragement needed

Kp214 · March 2016

I have been really frustrated, mad, sad, you name it, the last few days. My husband and I are taking a break from ivf but the debate has begun for how long. I want to take some supplements (dhea) and try acupuncture to try to improve egg quality but I don't know for how long. The RE says at least 6-8 weeks. DH is thinking months. I was thinking June or July we should try again. I feel like every day more of the few good eggs I may have are disappearing. There's this giant clock that is ticking and with each tick another one of my good eggs turns bad. On the other hand, I don't know how to keep going on this journey.

cmm012 · March 2016

I'm sorry you are experiencing a challenging time with your infertility journey. You definitely have good reason to feel all of the emotions you are feeling. I can certainly understand feeling rushed in regards to your eggs (I'm 35!). Have you had an AMH done? That could give you some peace of mind about your egg quality (or give you a rationale for trying again sooner). I think it's important that both partners are on the same page in regards to treatment. Is DH concerned about the cost of IVF? Is he thinking that you need more time to make changes that will produce a different result? Could he possibly be concerned that you and he will be disappointed again and doesn't want to go through that? Understanding his line of thinking may help you see what his concerns really are, and may help you two come to a consensus. I wish you the best.

Kp214 · March 2016

Thank you. You make a great point. I've tried asking why DH wants longer but I don't think he knows. I think you may be right that he's concerned about being disappointed. That seems obvious now that you say that. Thank you.

My AMH was 1.1 last year, so low normal. The RE didn't seem very concerned until this last cycle was canceled and then she mentioned donor eggs.

I'm discouraged.

bbkidz · March 2016

Prayers for you!

chickyclg · March 2016

Kp214 said:

Thank you. You make a great point. I've tried asking why DH wants longer but I don't think he knows. I think you may be right that he's concerned about being disappointed. That seems obvious now that you say that. Thank you.

My AMH was 1.1 last year, so low normal. The RE didn't seem very concerned until this last cycle was canceled and then she mentioned donor eggs.

I'm discouraged.

My AMH was .54 and I was told not to give up on my own eggs. I know it's hard but try and just take one saw at a time. It's ok to have bad IF days, make sure to pamper yourself some how on those days.

cmm012 · March 2016

I'm sorry you are feeling discouraged. I certainly would too, if my RE suggested it for me. One thing that helps me is looking at IVF success stories on you tube. I saw one with a women who went through IVF and they were only to get one egg. That egg fertilized and she has a son now. I don't know how typical those types of results are, but it's important to have hope. I would definitely look into the acupuncture. I'm personally doing that. Also, someone posted about personal care and cleaning products that have endocrine disruptors in them. She had a huge difference in her IVF cycle after she switched to clean and organic products. I've done this too, actually. I hope this helps some.

cmm012 · March 2016

Here are links to two threads that mention beauty products.
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12668818/ivf-beauty-regimen#latest

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12667216/removing-toxins#latest

Kp214 · March 2016

@chickyclg thank you for that. I love my RE. She's great and I usually like when people are straightforward. I understand she doesn't want to get my hopes up. I just wish she had said something like that to me.

@bbkidz thank you. I don't know what to pray anymore.

@cmm012 thank you so much. I was just thinking about buying a book that discussed what I might be exposed to that could be affecting my egg quality and what changes to make. I had never considered that before until I stumbled across a book on Amazon.

Kp214 · March 2016

Thank for the threads. These are great and have given me some hope as well as a place to start. I appreciate this.

vssbrm · March 2016

@kp214 I have no advice for you that has not already been given, but I am thinking about you and hope everything works out for you and your H. It only takes 1!

oxinfree · March 2016

All I can say @Kp214 is that my DH and I have been there. We ended up taking a very VERY long break, and never really settled on when we would start up again, though at once point we talked about waiting until the 1 year mark after our move. In the end we just had ongoing conversations about how we were feeling on a month to month basis. I think when you take a break and focus on getting better you need to just feel it out mostly. If you have a set date in your mind you may find that you move forward with that date regardless of how well or better you feel. I for instance had to really get my diet in check (I have tons of allergies) and all of a sudden I felt very different, and when I reached a point I just knew I was in a better space so we ended up getting started before the time we sort of set out. Try not to think too much in black and white. As much as we can try and plan, it doesn't always pan out. That being said, I know how the urge to have a family can be so strong, and hurt so much to continue waiting on. I'm sorry that you and DH aren't on the same page currently, and I'm sending you lots of big big hugs and positive vibes. GL to you.

edited to add:
in terms of egg quality, I know you're concerned about losing some as each month passes and feel the pressure of time, but ultimately if those eggs aren't of good quality its a moot point. Better to get the quality of the eggs up and give it your best shot to avoid more disappointment.

Okay that is all. xx

Kp214 · March 2016

Thank you all so much. Thank you @vssbrm

It's funny @oxinfree that you mention black and white thinking, because DH and I are very much black and white thinkers and have been trying to get out of that. It will be hard to not have a set date but I think that's a good idea for us. We were talking last night about why August wasn't good (I teach so school starting back is stressful) and so on for each month. it still up in the air but that's ok.

Griffin5413 · March 2016

Kp214 - I'm so sorry to hear about your frustrations! Hoping you guys find a balance that works for both of you! One of the things I've had to learn is that life isn't going to stop b/c of what we are going through. There is always going to be something that could come up to push back our plans. I know it's harder for my DH to express some of the doubts and fears that he has in this process which I assume is pretty common with a lot of men dealing with infertility. Sending prayers for your family as you are trying to figure just one more thing out in the journey!

dragonfaerie · March 2016

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles and frustrations @Kp214. I know my DH and i struggled with fear of being in debt forever with this, and it's something we've just had to work through. I don't know if you are spiritual or a believer of any kind, but I would like to share with you a verse that helps me when I am feeling discouraged:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. -- Romans 15:13

Praying for you today.

oxinfree · March 2016

@dragonfaerie - thank you for sharing that verse. Perfection. xx

ShayLatrice · March 2016

Kp214 I hope that my situation can be of some encouragement to you. In October of 2014 I found out I was pregnant, it was a natural pregnancy that happened after about 3 weeks of me starting back acupuncture but unfortunately that pregnancy ended at about 6 weeks and I miscarried a little while later. That was my second pregnancy and second miscarriage. My RE was there for me during the miscarriage and she reassured me that this was something that necessarily meant that I can't have a successful pregnancy in the future. I was also concerned about my AMH level and my Egg quality. I was 33 at the time I was diagnosed with a 0.39 AMH Level and that was in August of 2014. After the miscarriage in November I took a long break from anything fertility related because I wasn't mentally ready. I didn't go back to my RE until June of 2015. that was 7 months after the miscarriage. I thought that I would for sure have an even worse chance of getting pregnant but my RE was confident that because of my age that egg quality wasn't something she was worried about. She also reassured me that taking 7 months off wasn't going to drastically change my egg count or egg quality. But she wouldn't let me go longer than June. In July we started our first med cycle and it got cancelled half way through because I only developed 1 follicle, of course I was devastated again. I thought for sure I had messed something up. But because she was so upfront with me from the beginning she reiterated to me that never expected to get a lot of eggs from me, but she did expect the ones we get to be good quality. Round 2 started in September 2015, fast forward to my retrieval in October and we retrieved 6 Eggs, 5 fertilized and 3 of them made it to blasts. We transferred 1 egg in December and I am now 19 weeks pregnant with twins. If you need to take some time off, thoroughly discuss it with your RE ahead of time... and if you have age on your side I say a small break wouldn't do to much damage. My RE told me numbers don't change to drastically from one month to the next. Continue your acupuncture in the mean time and try to stay as relaxed as possible.

Kp214 · March 2016

@dragonfaerie Thank you for the verse and reminder. I am a believer and this process has made my faith stronger; however, this week, I've been so mad and frustrated.

I feel better today,less mad at the myself, the situation, and God. Thank you all for your support.

dragonfaerie · March 2016

@Kp214 Oh, I hear you there. *hugs* Some days you just get so mad at the whole thing. I'm glad you are feeling better.

Kp214 · March 2016

@ShayLatrice Thank you so much for sharing your story. That gives me hope. Did you make any other changes during your time off? Yoga, organic foods, dhea, royal jelly, etc? Congratulations on twins! I would love to have two children and think twins would be great!

@dragonfaerie I pray things go well in May for you. Thank you.

ShayLatrice · March 2016

@Kp214 I'm already a health nut so I eat very healthy. But I did add DHEA and CoQ10 slong with my chinese herbs and acupuncture. The most important thing I did, I focused on me and DH. The focus was getting my mind together and making sure that DH and I were stronger than ever before the next cycle.

Kp214 · March 2016

That is great. I've felt like the first cycle brought DH and me closer, made us stronger. This time, I hope it does as well.

bbkidz · March 2016

Pray for God's will! Easier said than done, though.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us[a] with groanings which cannot be uttered

Kp214 · April 2016

@bbkidz thank you for that verse! It is perfect for how I feel right now. I pray for His will to be done but then try to take control and do things my way. I'm definitely a work in progress.

bbkidz · April 2016

I agree; same for me! He is the potter, and we are the clay! He will help us

Want a personalized experience?

Encouragement needed

Re: Encouragement needed

Choose Another Board

Search Boards