Girl, you SHOULD have those rules! My sister smokes occasionally, and she won't even do it in her own car because she doesn't want me exposed to it at any point! She told me there is such a thing as 3rd hand smoke- which is like you said the toxins lingering in hair, clothes, fabric, etc. after. I don't blame you at all! I feel like a nazi already- when people are smoking near me, even if they are total strangers, I go out of my way to get away from them.
Your baby, your rules. Tbh, I wouldn't go over there anymore, period. Anything that can hurt the baby when he's here can hurt the baby from 2nd hand smoke.
You would be willing to deny your child a relationship with his or her grandparents? Grandparents can be awesome, especially loving ones. As the OP said her in-laws are pretty much house bound, so not going there would mean that the baby doesn't ever see his/her grandparents. Like pp have said, a calm discussion about it is probably the best way to go.
Smoking is a big deal, but it's a very personal thing. You can't demand that somebody quit for you. That isn't likely to turn out well.
As a former smoker I don't agree. Smoking is not a personal thing, it greatly affects the people around you. 2nd hand smoke IS a contributing factor to SIDS. A coworker of the BIL's just had a baby die of SIDs. She and her husband are smoker and while it could/could not be related to smoking I am sure they will always wonder what if.
I am not going to expect my parents to quit smoking but they still will have to conform to my rules. I am not going to risk my baby because they can't give it up. Only smoking outside of their house (sorry but people who smoke inside are gross), washing hands, changing clothes, etc might be a lot to ask but it is necessary at least until after the baby is 1.
Maybe I wasn't very clear. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking smokers to keep the smoke away from the baby. Including the things you mentioned. I am not disagreeing that there are real health risks with 2nd hand smoke.However, I do think it's harsh to say "Sorry, you smoke so you can never see our baby."
@VeraMali You're really comparing smoking cigarettes to heroin?
Um, reading comprehension. OP said mil smoked on the patio with the door open and smoke blowing in her face. Totally considerate. I also said her kid, her rules. Then I said what I would do.
Where in my post did I say "you smoke, you can't see the baby"?
My sister still smokes, outside. I bring my son over there and she washes her hands before touching him. She also visits at my house and smokes outside. But thanks for assuming, idk, lies?
@SuperFudge00 You said you'd stop going there. Considering that the op said her in-laws are mostly housebound, not going there would mean they don't see the baby.
This has gotten pretty far away from the op's question and I don't see how it's going to be helpful to her. So I'm done. I feel like a child bickering with somebody, and I'm sorry for my contribution to that. Clearly I should stay offline until I've had my coffee.
@SuperFudge00 You said you'd stop going there. Considering that the op said her in-laws are mostly housebound, not going there would mean they don't see the baby.
This has gotten pretty far away from the op's question and I don't see how it's going to be helpful to her. So I'm done. I feel like a child bickering with somebody, and I'm sorry for my contribution to that. Clearly I should stay offline until I've had my coffee.
Do you not get what you are arguing? I can't anymore. Either you refuse to acknowledge common sense, or there's something wrong with you.
@LeahKnits yes I am. Smoking to me can actually be more harmful than heroin. Smoking physically harms others around you just by you doing the act. Even if you try to do it away from others 3rd hand smoke still harms others, especially children. It completely justifies itself to me to treat smokers around our babies with the same cautious & strict rules that we would to drug addicts.
Thanks everyone for all the input and advice! I spoke with DH and I feel like we’re well on
the way to planning out this conversation with them. Now to find the “right” time…
@KimmySchmidt I really like the idea of “the doctor said…”
Thanks!
@jackiel1987 congrats on quitting! It’s funny how much you can go from not
noticing a smell or liking a smell to being disgusted by it
@skirtandsandals that sucks that your mom would react
that strongly. That’s pretty extreme. For me, personally, smoking around my kid
(even if it is free child care) would be a deal breaker. Maybe she’ll be more receptive to quitting or
switching to vaping once she gets into the swing of things with her new job.
@Katie8687 the idea of the pack n play sounds like a good
option. You can say it’s because the
baby might be crying during the night and you want to get to them quickly
before (s)he wakes up the whole house. I’d
be side eyeing that too…how often is she planning on having visits if she’s
creating a nursery? Hopefully the
conversation with your FIL goes well!
@CricketBug you make a great point about presentation and
remembering that the in-laws aren’t the enemy.
I think we’ll use the approach you suggested, along with the “the doctor
says” suggested by @KimmySchmidt to start the dialog.
@camichael84 ooh good point about the smoke already being
on the clothes if they smoke in the house sometimes. The idea of a towel or blanket (that we have
brought with us) will be the solution for us.
@Smallinetta Fx that the conversation with your FIL goes
well!
@Flowr4246 After reading the responses yesterday and
speaking with DH last night I agree that the 1 hour is a little extreme. Especially with the length of our
visits. And if they already smoke inside
new clothes won’t matter. We’re leaning
towards washing hands, waiting a few minutes, and providing a blanket to cover
their clothes.
@SuperFudge00 oh my gosh you have no idea how much I wish
I could just say we’re not going over there anymore. It’s unfortunate because my FIL is a really
great guy. He connects with kids, has a
great sense of humor, knows a ton of random but interesting facts, and is just all
around awesome. My MIL on the other
hand, she’s very selfish and doesn’t make any effort to relate to kids. It’s all about her, all the time. Sorry, end rant It’s my husband’s parents so we
grin and deal with it. And limit the
number and length of visits per year.
@luv4LO sorry to hear about your sister smoking while
pregnant and while being around your son.
I hope your future niece/nephew is okay when they are born.
@SarahMConnors
that’s nice of your sister to do those things.
I find myself going out of my way too.
Or holding my breath a lot if I have to walk past them lol
Re: In-laws who smoke
Where in my post did I say "you smoke, you can't see the baby"?
My sister still smokes, outside. I bring my son over there and she washes her hands before touching him. She also visits at my house and smokes outside. But thanks for assuming, idk, lies?
November Siggy Challenge: Selfie Fails
Hidden for the sake of your eyes!
This has gotten pretty far away from the op's question and I don't see how it's going to be helpful to her. So I'm done. I feel like a child bickering with somebody, and I'm sorry for my contribution to that. Clearly I should stay offline until I've had my coffee.
November Siggy Challenge: Selfie Fails
Hidden for the sake of your eyes!
Thanks everyone for all the input and advice! I spoke with DH and I feel like we’re well on the way to planning out this conversation with them. Now to find the “right” time…
@KimmySchmidt I really like the idea of “the doctor said…” Thanks!
@jackiel1987 congrats on quitting! It’s funny how much you can go from not noticing a smell or liking a smell to being disgusted by it
@skirtandsandals that sucks that your mom would react that strongly. That’s pretty extreme. For me, personally, smoking around my kid (even if it is free child care) would be a deal breaker. Maybe she’ll be more receptive to quitting or switching to vaping once she gets into the swing of things with her new job.
@Katie8687 the idea of the pack n play sounds like a good option. You can say it’s because the baby might be crying during the night and you want to get to them quickly before (s)he wakes up the whole house. I’d be side eyeing that too…how often is she planning on having visits if she’s creating a nursery? Hopefully the conversation with your FIL goes well!
@CricketBug you make a great point about presentation and remembering that the in-laws aren’t the enemy. I think we’ll use the approach you suggested, along with the “the doctor says” suggested by @KimmySchmidt to start the dialog.
@camichael84 ooh good point about the smoke already being on the clothes if they smoke in the house sometimes. The idea of a towel or blanket (that we have brought with us) will be the solution for us.
@Smallinetta Fx that the conversation with your FIL goes well!
@Flowr4246 After reading the responses yesterday and speaking with DH last night I agree that the 1 hour is a little extreme. Especially with the length of our visits. And if they already smoke inside new clothes won’t matter. We’re leaning towards washing hands, waiting a few minutes, and providing a blanket to cover their clothes.
@SuperFudge00 oh my gosh you have no idea how much I wish I could just say we’re not going over there anymore. It’s unfortunate because my FIL is a really great guy. He connects with kids, has a great sense of humor, knows a ton of random but interesting facts, and is just all around awesome. My MIL on the other hand, she’s very selfish and doesn’t make any effort to relate to kids. It’s all about her, all the time. Sorry, end rant
It’s my husband’s parents so we
grin and deal with it. And limit the
number and length of visits per year.
@luv4LO sorry to hear about your sister smoking while pregnant and while being around your son. I hope your future niece/nephew is okay when they are born.
@SarahMConnors that’s nice of your sister to do those things. I find myself going out of my way too. Or holding my breath a lot if I have to walk past them lolDD 10/4/02
DS due 9/28/16