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November 2015 Moms
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Getting a Babysitter

cdepperschmidtcdepperschmidt member
in November 2015 Moms
My husbands cousins turns 30 on Saturday. Even though he is an adult he suffers from Fetal Alcohol syndrome and functions on the level of a young teenager. He can't live alone, hold down a job or maintain lasting relationships. That being said his cousins and their spouses are throwing him a birthday party. 

This is party is VERY IMPORTANT to my husband and his cousins. So important that the only other cousin with a child got a babysitter over night for her 15 month old so her and hubby could come. Because of this DH wants us to get a babysitter from like 4-12 so we can "party too".

I have absolutely no desire to do this. I think it is way more trouble than it's worth for several reasons. One, I have serious mommy guilt for leaving my kid at day care for 9 hours a day. Even though he loves daycare and our provider is WONDERFUL, it makes me feel like when I'm not working I should be with him. Two, DS is going through a clingy, I hate strangers phase. Three, I hate pumping. Four, the last time we left him with a baby sitter it was a disaster (even though that was in January). Five, drunk people get on my nerves. Six, even though DH loves to party it  has never really been my thing and is even less of my thing now.

Sorry this was long.  Am I being unreasonable or overly anxious?


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Re: Getting a Babysitter

  • bellie1223bellie1223 member
    edited March 2016
    Can you not take the baby with you and stay sober yourself? Then everyone's happy--your husband gets to go to the party, you get to hang out with your son. I know drunk people are annoying, when I get fed up at functions like that I usually just head off to a corner of the house by myself. Hope it works out. 

    Eta posted too soon
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  • GoogleMDGoogleMD member
    You said it yourself that this is very important to your husband and his family, so I think you should try to be flexible. I get being guilty about leaving your LO at daycare, but it is OK to use a babysitter to go out on occasion. Not to mention he will be sleeping most of the time I am assuming.

    Is it possible for you to just make an appearance and for your husband to stay overnight with a cousin or Uber home?
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  • poupoulepoupoule member
    If it is not too far, you get there and you say there is an issue at home the babysitter needs you and you go back after an hour. My husband would be ok with me doing that.... 
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  • Lolo427Lolo427 member

    Eh I'm of with @MargaretC5 , it's beyond obvious you don't want to go so try to offer a compromise where baby can come for a bit- and then head on out after a visit.  At least through compromise you can show your husband that you care and validate his feelings that this is important without feeling crappy about your son or needing to be at an event you're not to keen on.
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  • 3JTMom3JTMom member
    I know it is hard because of the guilt and the fact that this isn't your thing. It is important to chose to participate in those things that would make your DH feel special and respected. I agree that the compromise might be the best option. You are doing a good job mama, please don't let the guilt rule in your heart. It is hard to leave our LO's but with love and nurture you can be the mom YOU were designed to be for him. I hope your Saturday turns out just right.
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  • nycmommy13nycmommy13 member
    Check and see if it's important to your husband that you go. If so, I'd say try to take the baby for a few hours to make an appearance, then leave with him when things start to get a little crazier and your husband can stay. If not, maybe get a babysitter but let your husband know that you're going to stay sober and have to leave at a moment's notice if the baby has a meltdown.

    P.S. I also hate pumping and also have serious guilt about leaving my LO in daycare 9 hours a day even though he loves it and the daycare is great. You're not alone in that!
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