To Have a 3rd baby or not...how did you decide?!

Fergiegal · February 2016

Hi all ~ I just turned 32, and I have a 4 year old, and an 18 month old. I have been thinking a ton about having a third kid. When I had my second, I was so set on being done. But, now as I see my kids really growing, I am scratching my head about it all. Should I try for another, or not. How do people decide on this. I feel like it's a huge deal. I mean, this is a third! I work non stop with just my two kids. Things are pretty crazy on a daily basis for me, but I can say that I feel balance with just the two. But, then I think to myself, what if I don't have the 3rd, and then go through life wondering what it would have been like. I definitely can't get pregnant now, as my husband and I have our plates full financially, and would have to clear that off, or at least get rid of most debt before we even try to have another. If I had to decide right now for another baby, we'd have to go with no, bc we truly can't afford it. But, my husband says we can revisit all this middle of next year, and see where we stand, and then we'll decide. Tough decision. I like my lifestyle now. We don't travel anywhere exotic or expensive, but we have just enough money to enjoy life with our boys. I grew up with my parents never having money left over for trips or anything fun, so my memories of being a kid are so boring. I always told myself I could never do that to my kids. I want to be able to go on vacations every now and then, as a family. And just have flexibility to also escape with friends or hubby once in a blue moon. Perhaps a 3rd doesn't mix with that lifestyle bc it would just be too much? As you can see, my mind is in a million places with this. So, I am just curious to see how other beautiful mamas came to the decision of having their 3rd baby? How much did your life change after baby #3 came? I want to hear it all. Thank you!

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

I am 35 and have a 4 year old son and a 17 month old daughter and there is ZERO chance I would have a 3rd! I'm busy every waking moment of the day and can barely get out by myself with 2 kids so I think a 3rd child would probably kill me! LOL

Not to mention the additional daycare costs, food, clothing, a BIGGER CAR to fit all the kids and car seats, another room in the house...no, no, no. I can barely get through each day while holding onto my sanity so another child (a baby none the less) would push me over the edge. I also could never go through the newborn stuff again. I love that my youngest is at the age she can play with her big brother, she walks, talks and is a little self-sufficient. I'm ready for them to get older so we can go do fun stuff together.

Only you and your husband can make this decision but if you know you can't afford it now then I wouldn't do it.

Fergiegal · February 2016

Bigboobsmcgee said:

I am 35 and have a 4 year old son and a 17 month old daughter and there is ZERO chance I would have a 3rd! I'm busy every waking moment of the day and can barely get out by myself with 2 kids so I think a 3rd child would probably kill me! LOL
Not to mention the additional daycare costs, food, clothing, a BIGGER CAR to fit all the kids and car seats, another room in the house...no, no, no. I can barely get through each day while holding onto my sanity so another child (a baby none the less) would push me over the edge. I also could never go through the newborn stuff again. I love that my youngest is at the age she can play with her big brother, she walks, talks and is a little self-sufficient. I'm ready for them to get older so we can go do fun stuff together.
Only you and your husband can make this decision but if you know you can't afford it now then I wouldn't do it.

Thanks for your reply. I totally agree with you. I never have any down time. I also work from home full time, so I'd have to hire a nanny to come and balance things out if I had another baby around. And the way the world is today, I don't trust letting anyone in my home unless it's family. I'll be honest, I never really started thinking about having a third baby until my crazy sister announced her 4th pregnancy. I know she definitely doesn't think rationally. She's way too emotional when it comes to the whole mommy thing. And, she also grew up as an only child, with a mom who abandoned her at a very young age. So, she has "mommy issues". So, I feel that now she just keeps popping babies out to make up for her lonely and sad childhood. She actually admitted it to me a few months back. But, I don't think that's smart. When they were pregnant with their 3rd, they said it was in case something happened to one of their two kids. And when they got pregnant with their 4th, they said the same. So, in their minds, kids are accessories and you always have to have a lot on reserve. She also refuses to work, so her husband works endless hours to make ends meet. And, call me crazy but I don't think that is quality of life. I feel it's better to just have 2, be able to afford extras for my kids, maybe little trips here and there. I want to enjoy my life, and have my kids enjoy their childhood. I don't want to struggle, and bring my kids into a life of struggle.

mexicolombiana · March 2016

I haven't been on thebump in FOREVER but i'm 35 and I have a 4 and 5 year old and I just found out I'm having a 3rd. We had talked about it and were on the fence for all the same reasons but we just thought, Eh maybe it'll happen? And boy it did. Like really fast. We weren't really "trying" but I had gotten off birth control so I guess we kind of were.

I'm still really early but I'm still in shock. We'll need at least one new car and some other things will change but we just dove in and it happened! I'll let you know how I feel in a few months

rynalicia · March 2016

For us, we had always talked about it and we then just knew it was time. I knew I wanted a third and we just felt ready.

now I do go back and forth thinking about a fourth, but we are not ready. If we are never quite ready then we will have our answer!

kimmee1997 · March 2016

I'm 40. I'm done. I'm just done. I See a baby and I think to myself, "glad I'm not doing that again,". I know I'm done. I think if I had started out younger then yes I might entertain the thought of another because I assume I'd have more energy. But I'm tired. I want sleep, a clean house, my sanity!

JanetTrebbi · March 2016

Too expensive! Two is enough!

svenyagabby · March 2016

It was easy. We can't afford a third.

Stephorse · March 2016

I think we may be done too. I toyed with the idea for a while and almost felt guilty as my DH and I both grew up in homes where there were 3 kids, but right now DH is not working and even if he was we probably couldn't afford daycare and insurance for all three and I'm a teacher, so right now funds are tight and we're making it work. This way too, I think each child can get some attention from both of us and it'll give us more money to spend on them and do fun things. Also each child is just now starting to sleep through the night and we have one potty trained (they are 3 and 2) and especially the youngest one is just very energetic and demands a lot of our time. They are also learning to play with each other now and are close and best friends. I'm just starting to enjoy sleep again and know that newborns are a lot of work, so I think we probably are done. If it just wasn't so pricey and if our children weren't so fully of energy and had such trouble sleeping, we probably would have gone for a third, but I'm at peace and am very happy with our family.

Fergiegal · June 2016

mexicolombiana said:

I haven't been on thebump in FOREVER but i'm 35 and I have a 4 and 5 year old and I just found out I'm having a 3rd. We had talked about it and were on the fence for all the same reasons but we just thought, Eh maybe it'll happen? And boy it did. Like really fast. We weren't really "trying" but I had gotten off birth control so I guess we kind of were.

I'm still really early but I'm still in shock. We'll need at least one new car and some other things will change but we just dove in and it happened! I'll let you know how I feel in a few months

Best of luck! I'm sure you will do just fine. Everything in life has a way of working out. Which is why I feel that I'll end up trying to for a 3rd eventually. I mean, if I don't I will more likely regret it, then not. Or always wonder about it. If I have the baby, I'll love it for sure, no questions asked. Regrets, none. You never regret a child. Let me know how things go once baby is here!

2winterbabies · June 2016

Fergiegal said:

mexicolombiana said:

I haven't been on thebump in FOREVER but i'm 35 and I have a 4 and 5 year old and I just found out I'm having a 3rd. We had talked about it and were on the fence for all the same reasons but we just thought, Eh maybe it'll happen? And boy it did. Like really fast. We weren't really "trying" but I had gotten off birth control so I guess we kind of were.

I'm still really early but I'm still in shock. We'll need at least one new car and some other things will change but we just dove in and it happened! I'll let you know how I feel in a few months

Best of luck! I'm sure you will do just fine. Everything in life has a way of working out. Which is why I feel that I'll end up trying to for a 3rd eventually. I mean, if I don't I will more likely regret it, then not. Or always wonder about it. If I have the baby, I'll love it for sure, no questions asked. Regrets, none. You never regret a child. Let me know how things go once baby is here!

It sounds like you do want to have a third child even though you want to do the things as mentioned in your previous post. I am in the same situation as you, but I am in my upper 20's and DH will be 33 next week. I was always on the fence about whether to have a third child when I started to have kids. DH and I always agreed to 2 and no more.... but it is him that is swaying back and forth with the decision to have a third baby now. I am just going to guess that maybe it's his age because all of a sudden he has changed for the better ... more of a 'family' man now. He has also been raised in a large family as well.

What I am doing is taking out a sheet of paper and writing down all the pros and cons of having a third baby. For example some of my "pros" and "cons" are ...

- Adding another brother or sister for both kids to play with
- Having a larger family! (more events, things to do)
- All of the kids will be close in age
- Being pregnant again! (love/hate relationship here...)
- The joys of putting a nursery together one last time
- Experiencing all the baby milestones again
- DH has a lot more time to spend with the kids now that I am working again
- DH has been stepping up A LOT with chores since wanting a third

Cons

- Expenses (adding a third means now tripling the expenses than doubling--- more clothing, car seats, furniture, etc)
- Starting all over again... I want to start my career now. Been putting it off since being pregnant with my first
- Possibility having 2 under 2 -- not easy! I would like to spend time with my DD as she would still be very young
- More stress!?!? Just read an article stating that the third child adds the most stress on a relationship/marriage.
- Child care -- now finding a nanny or babysitter that can watch THREE kids. May be challenging here.

TUGOsQueen · June 2016

Ummm....a third was an easy decision for us. I couldn't shake the thought that our family wasn't complete and 2 didn't seem like enough. You adjust to what you know and what you have. Yes, we are not flying overseas and taking month long trips but we do plenty as a family and they all have a close relationship.

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