Young, Single and I want a baby

JenLMac1988 · January 2016

I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. But like many, my fantasy of how my life would go never really came to pass and so I find myself Googling the crap out of donor insemination, IUI and Single-Moms-By-Choice.

At 28, I am single, or mostly single. The man I'm currently "figuring things out" with (his words) and I want very different things at this point in our lives. I want a family; children, a home, holidays surrounded by those I love...and he wants to do his thing and will talk about marriage and children when he's ready. I've had lots of input from people saying to leave him, I still have lots of time, try online dating, "You're still so young" etc, etc. Personally, finding a partner really has become secondary to having a child.

Ultimately, I have decided that I don't want to put my life on hold while I'm waiting. Waiting for "the one", waiting for someone else to be ready etc. I understand the process can be long, and may even be unsuccessful but I'd really like to get the ball rolling.

I'm wondering if there is anyone else who is, or was in a similar situation and if so, how did you begin your journey to being a parent?

peregrinefalconx · January 2016

I don't have experience with your situation, but a friend of mine did donor sperm. But she was 42 and had spent 10+ years of her life waffling around with guys who wouldn't commit.

So from a purely advice perspective: you indicate that you want a family. A baby is not a family per se. I don't know if you have thought about what day to day life would be if it was just you and a child, financially, emotionally, psychologically. I think most women who want babies want a family but they get focused on the cute little thing bc they perceive it as being less work than a relationship. It is doable, single, if you can afford it and have other forms of support. Optimal? No. And imagine how much more complicated it would be to try and date with a kid. Babysitters, making sure you aren't dating a molestor, doing what is best for the child, etc.

As an internet stranger, I would echo what the people who know you are telling you. Just quit fooling around with a guy who isn't at the same place as you, and keep on your journey of trying to find a partner who has similar desires on a similar timeline. They are out there. I met my husband on eharmony, as did several of my friends. You can toy with this idea, but make sure you are toying with the reality of being a single mom. GL.

Cmartin6706 · February 2016

I'm going to second that I met my wife on eHarmony. I was a month or so out of a breakup with a woman who was in her early thirties and still unsure about having children. It hit me that I'd always been look for someone to marry but instead of limiting my picks to just those women who also were ready I was going solely off emotion. Eharmony allowed me to weed out those who weren't ready to get married, thoroughly question the woman who later I would marry about everything including having children and frankly speed everything up. We didn't meet until I knew she wanted to have children and had an interested in getting married to someone soon. We were dating within a few months of getting our profiles, living together 3 months later, engaged 6 months later and married a year after that. Honestly, at 28 I wouldn't hang out with people that don't have your life goals.

I I have a best friend that got tired of waiting in her mid-thirties and did one IUI. She has a beautiful 7 year old daughter and still isn't married.

cmm012 · March 2016

I was in a very similar situation. I echo the previous two posters and their comments. I grew up in a single parent household, so I knew I did not want to be a single mom by choice. Of course, some people go that route and are very happy. It took me longer to find my partner (also on EHarmony). I got married at 33. If you want to be proactive, you could consider freezing your eggs. That way you know you will have an opportunity to be a mom when the right person comes along.

STBMrsMiller · March 2016

I agree with PP who suggested freezing your eggs. In general, I would recommend testing for fertility, because I'm a good study in "young" not equaling fertile. It would help you make an informed choice about waiting or moving forward with egg freezing or treatments.

peregrinefalconx · March 2016

She was a post and run. She got a lot more support for going forward in the Babies on the Brain category.

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