June 2016 Moms

So inconsiderate or am I being controlling?

Hi Everyone!
So here is my rant/question.
My husband owns a gym and is a P.E. teacher part time....so he always busy. He basically has decided that he wants another dog and is not willing to wait until after we get settled with our daughter. My logic is if you don't get home until 8:00pm or sometimes later when would you have time to tend to a dog and spend time with your baby? Also, if your not home that leaves me to take care of the puppy. He says that he isn't looking for me to help him at all. The reality of the situation is I will have to help him because HELLO you won't be home. It's almost like where is your consideration for how I feel? He says "I did consider your feelings but I'm still getting a dog". He is like you always tell me to wait on stuff or talk me out of things. This is true ...but for good reasons. He is being irrational. Puppies are like babies, they need love and time. This is our first baby, we don't know what we are doing. So why add the extra responsibility? So should I just let him learn the hard way and drop it? How would you handle it? Thanks ladies!

Re: So inconsiderate or am I being controlling?

  • Loading the player...
  • What does he consider considering your feelings? Doesn't sound like he is at all. A puppy is like a newborn. I would also be concerned about having a puppy around a newborn baby. Why is he so adamant right now??
    April Sig Challenge: Why my kid is crying

     Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Um yeah no.

    i also think it's a slap in the face for him to say he HAS considered your feelings but is still getting the dog anyway. He's bringing another living being into a household you both share, so you should both be on board.

    not to mention the fact that he doesn't have the time for a dog like you said. Maybe see if you can come to an agreement about pushing the dog thing out until after the baby gets here? maybe that will give him enough time to reconsider what a huge responsibility a puppy is on top of being new parents
    Mrs. H
    Crohn's Dx: August 2008
    Endometriosis Dx: May 2010
    Married: 05/19/2012
    TTC #1: June 2013
    BFP: December 2013
    DS: Born 08/29/2014
    TTC #2: July 2015

    BFP #2: September 25, 2015

  • If he's never home how does he expect to enjoy time with the puppy?  If he wants a dog that bad he can wait until after the baby cause he'll be so tired from baby and work he might not want the dog right away. Dh and I knew we wanted a dog but we had to plan it right cause there was no way we will have a puppy and a baby at the same time.  We got the dog first cause obviously they grow faster but still we got her a couple months before we started trying. Now she's a year old and still has some pain in the butt moments but I've gotten settled into her routine and can make the adjustment for baby.  I couldn't imagine trying to housebreak a puppy, taking her out every two hours plus feeding baby, changing diapers, cleaning puppy accidents, training the dog... No too much! 
  • Not okay at all! He's being completely inconsiderate. That would be unfair to you, to the puppy, & your LO. What is his reasoning on rushing this? June isn't that far away...enjoy the last few months before baby is here, adjust to the new reality as a family of 3, & then re-evaluate the possibility of bringing a dog into the mix. 
    I agree with PP's...it doesn't seem like he has considered your feelings at all! 
    Me: 30 || DH: 32
    Married: May 3, 2014 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    SaveSave
  • @NLewis1 that's what I asked him and all he could do was look at me like I'm the crazy person!  I told him to just wait but he is so stubborn.Like I'm so pissed that I didn't talk to him all Easter.
  • @adiaz132003 That's what I was hoping. Our daughter would come and he be so tired that getting a dog wouldn't even cross his mind but I digress....We already have a dog...play with that one. He is house broken and 5 years old. But he wants to make our life difficult.
  • @VikingGirl12 I have no clue. He is like one of those people that will have a fixation for something until he gets it. It's a good and bad quality. It's so annoying. 
  • @Sgoldberg247 I totally agree. He will never have time for an additional dog. I told him that the dog would start to act out because he is being neglected but he seems to think he can make it work. I really don't understand his thought process on this at all. It's totally selfish to me, his daughter and the puppy. But he will have to learn the hard way and I will be there with my petty hat on saying " I told you so" 
  • I kept telling my husband about 4 years ago that I didn't want another dog. I just had to have my amazing boxer put to sleep because he was old and sick. .. I meant it but he thought it might help so he set up for us to get this rescue dog... I tried real hard to appreciate his intention but it ended terribly because no one but me took care of the dog and my heart wasn't ready to invest. Totally not fair for the dog. The more unhappy the dog got the more he peed on stuff and then started running away. He was caught the last time and I told my husband no let him go back to the shelter (he was chipped and registered to the shelter still, it didn't last long) it wasn't fair he needed a family that had time... it was stressful... no thanks. If that dog gets unhappy it will get very stressful, he will act out... lol

    Anyway, I don't think it's selfish to ask him to wait at all... maybe like a pp suggested figure out if you can give a temporary solution to tide him over or make a deal about getting a dog after dd is ___ months old.... 
  • We got a rescue puppy before I got pregnant and he will be a year old when the baby comes. In the beginning he bit us constantly, was hyper, and was a ton of work. I spend a lot of time with him, but he doesn't currently get walked as often as he should, because at this point in my pregnancy, I can't do it. He has calmed down, but I'm still a little nervous when the baby comes. We love our dog and having a dog, but there's no way I way I would get a puppy at this point in my pregnancy.
    37 y/o
    Married 9/1/13
    Off OCP 3/1/14
    TTC 6/1/14
    DX Endometriosis in 2002
    Laparoscopy 2002 and 2007
    HSG 8/2014, right tube partially blocked
    1st BFP 1/5/15 EDD 9/12/15- miscarried 1/8/15
    BFP 10/5/15 EDD 6/17/16- delivered healthy girl 6/18/16
    BFP 8/4/16 EDD 3/2/18- trisomy 18 girl- no heartbeat 8/25/17 at 13 weeks d&c 8/28/17
    BFP 12/4/17 EDD 8/19/18



  • We just got a puppy. He's 10 weeks. It's been great. He is learning quickly and will hopefully be fully trained by June. :)
  • I don't think getting a puppy at the same time as a new baby is necessarily -impossible,- but I don't think that's even the main issue here. Getting a new pet, especially a puppy, is such a lot of work, it certainly shouldn't be a unilateral decision made by one member of the partnership. Make your H specify exactly how he envisions this puppy-training plan proceeding where you don't have to do anything whatsoever while he's gone 8+ hours a day. How is he anticipating the dog getting fed, walked, let out, crate trained, toilet trained, everything? I don't think it's possible for all of this to happen without your participation, and I would flat-out refuse to get an animal I knew wasn't going to be properly cared for. It's unfair to the dog, and potentially dangerous for your newborn to be sharing a home with a poorly-trained puppy.

    Also, like, we're grown adults here. Sometimes we have to wait for things we want. Even ice cream at midnight. Even puppies. You can always revisit the puppy question in a year or two.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • BlueJuice said:
    Make your H specify exactly how he envisions this puppy-training plan proceeding where you don't have to do anything whatsoever while he's gone 8+ hours a day. How is he anticipating the dog getting fed, walked, let out, crate trained, toilet trained, everything?
    I agree with this whole-heartedly. If he doesn't plan on needing you to take care of the dog while he is at work until 8pm, he needs to have logical answers as to how all of those things will be accomplished. Frankly, I would be LIVID if my husband basically said, "Hey, I know we're adding a baby to our family that will be 100% dependent on us, and I know you don't want to add a dog, who will also be 100% dependent on us, but I don't really care. I want to get my way." He is not a 2 year old; he is a grown man, soon to be a father. Adding a new dog into the mix is going to be a LOT of work, and if he's not going to be around, it's going to fall on you, and if you aren't totally on board with what that means, it's not fair to you, or the dog, or the soon-to-arrive baby.


     
  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    edited March 2016
    A wise woman once said if one member of the couple doesn't want a pet (it applies to babies too, or anything that BOTH members of said party are going to have to care for,) then don't get it. Tell him to get something that really won't require any of your time, like a fish. 

    He's asking too much of you. Getting a pet needs to be a mutual decision.
    BabyFetus Ticker

  • @laurenm2123  you took the words right out my mouth. He is being an asshole pretty much. I know I would have to take care of the puppy because I would feel bad. Its not the puppy's fault that he has lost his damn mind. If I get left to  take care of the dog...I will be selling him to a nice home STAT!
  • Is there a bigger, or perhaps more long standing issue here?  I'm thinking that perhaps he's feeling hemmed in or controlled in other areas of his life - whether by you, by work, by family, whatever...

    And since he feels out of control there, he's making this insane idea his hill to die on.  

    I'd say absolutely not on the dog, right now.  But I'd also try and figure out where this is coming from.
  • I agree you are in the right here and its not the best time to add a new pet to the family. With that said a potential compromise might be to see if there are any rescues in the area that are looking for foster homes. If you foster a pet and find that he is able to keep his promises and make time to take care of the dog you will likely be able to adopt him as a "failed foster". If you see that he isn't meeting your expectations as far as caring for the dog and a lot is still landing on your shoulders then it will probably only be a short time until the pet is adopted out and then you have firmer ground to stand on when you say no dogs. Good luck !
  • To your husband:

    I have two dogs (ages 1+3) that are my life and I love more than anything in the world. But here is my advice:

    DO NOT GET A PUPPY AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE!!!! Dogs require so much love, time, attention and consistency. In the beginning they go out every 20-30 minutes. The will pee and poop all over your house.... Including right on your bed. Not joking!! They need to be exercised, played with and trained every. single. day. They wake up in the middle of the night to go out. They destroy your stuff when they are bored and left home alone. My mom is currently sewing new piping on my couch because my puppy chewed at it all day while I was at work.

    Getting a dog right now is one of the worst ideas possible. If you think your wife won't have to take care of the dog while she is home and you're at work, you're an idiot. If you realize the work your wife will have to put in to both the baby and the puppy and don't care, you're an asshole.


    Sincerely,
    Just walked my dog 3 miles so he would stop chewing my fucking couch



    I co-sign 100% of this. 

  • Yeah, like lauren said, your husband is being an asshole. A puppy is a lot of work, and who is going to watch both dogs when you go into labor. He expects you to take care of 2 dogs and a newborn while he is gone all day and recover from birth? What the hell is he smoking? My opinion is that someone with such little common sense shouldn't be a pet parent, it's not fair to the dog, you, the dog you already have nor the baby.



  • honestly, I believe it will be too much for both of you to handle. I have a 18 week old puppy, and it is so much work balancing a 3 year old, 18 month old, and now a newborn on top of it. They need lots of attention still as a newborn would, and they chew on things, and make plenty of messes. Since this is your first baby, I would try to talk him out of this because you will be still adjusting to life with a new baby. 

    I think he was wrong for saying he is still gettting a dog no matter how you feel.. I think an older dog, maybe 6 months to 1 year would suit you guys better then a small puppy. Because older dogs have been trained prior to you, and you can see what kind of dog they are.. Potty training a dog is hard work especially if you don't have the time, especially being really pregnant, it takes alot of work still.

    Maybe you can ask him if he can stay home and watch the dog then.
    I would let him know that there will be no way that you can watch the dog and a baby. You just have to let him know that this isn't going to work, and if he wants a dog, he has to clear his schedule for one. Theres but so much your gonna be able to do! 

    Best Wishes! :smile: 
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    My life completely changed, 03/20/13, then a year later it changed again, 09/14/14, then a year and a half later, it's changing again! 
    #momlife  <3
  • honestly, I believe it will be too much for both of you to handle. I have a 18 week old puppy, and it is so much work balancing a 3 year old, 18 month old, and now a newborn on top of it. They need lots of attention still as a newborn would, and they chew on things, and make plenty of messes. Since this is your first baby, I would try to talk him out of this because you will be still adjusting to life with a new baby. 

    I think he was wrong for saying he is still gettting a dog no matter how you feel.. I think an older dog, maybe 6 months to 1 year would suit you guys better then a small puppy. Because older dogs have been trained prior to you, and you can see what kind of dog they are.. Potty training a dog is hard work especially if you don't have the time, especially being really pregnant, it takes alot of work still.

    Maybe you can ask him if he can stay home and watch the dog then.
    I would let him know that there will be no way that you can watch the dog and a baby. You just have to let him know that this isn't going to work, and if he wants a dog, he has to clear his schedule for one. Theres but so much your gonna be able to do! 

    Best Wishes! :smile: 
    I second the bolder part. People always ask how our dog is so well behaved and chill. It's because we knew he was a relaxed pup when we got him at 9 months. The only way to know a dog's temperament is to see them as a grown up. This is why I will never get a puppy.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • I'm the caregiver for our dog. I love him, but taking at least a 3 mile walk every day with two young kids and 7 months pregnant is exhausting. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to manage it once baby comes. We only have a double jogger, that I may need to trade in for a triple. I can't imagine adding a puppy to that mix. I'm adding a picture of what a quick walk looks like for us. The longer 3-5 miles requires snacks, books, and other forms of entertainment. When I'm not pregnant I run because it gets the miles done faster, but I hate running! 


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thank yall for the input. I knew I wasn't crazy or controlling! 
  • @Rosehip15 I think that is something I need to give thought to for sure. I didn't think of it that way maybe he does feel like he is being hemmed in but he is still being inconsiderate.
  • @Rosehip15 I think that is something I need to give thought to for sure. I didn't think of it that way maybe he does feel like he is being hemmed in but he is still being inconsiderate.
    Oh absolutely - the puppy idea is totally insane, and not something he can unilaterally decide and then literally dump on you.  There's no rational argument for how this makes sense - you're the one who will be home, and you are (very reasonably) not up for it at this point. 

    Unless he's literally planning to take the dog with him to work for the entire time he's out of the house AND commit to all the nighttime stuff (and will actually follow through), this sounds like the kind of discussions you have with an 8 year old.  There will always be puppies up for adoption.  You will only have this newborn once.
  • edited March 2016
    Well, my friend did this after her dog died, when she was like 8 months pregnant. The puppy lasted about 2 months (maybe it was less) after the baby was born and they had to get rid of the dog. It's too much. I like the fostering idea.

    This is a "foot down" moment. Agree with all other posters!! Also, you might say, "how about we reevaluate after the baby is born?" I think he will then agree that it's not feasible.
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!




    BabyGaga
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"