I'm 33wks pregnant and I loss my dad lastweek! Things have been so hard! Sleeping has gotten even harder and all I keep thinking about was how excited my Dad was when I told him I was pregnant and expecting a boy! Now that it's Easter it's even more difficult, I'm eating and drinking water only when I do eat I notice how much I don't eat or drink enough! Someone please tell me my baby is doing okay and this will pass!
I had the stupidest breakdown- MIL asked if she could throw me a shower. I didn't want a shower so we kindly said thanks but no thanks. Then DH saw a video of a coed shower and got kind of excited and MIL mentioned that "lots of people" wanted to help us out, so I broke down and made a list of cloth diapers for her to pass around. I then got really upset that I hadn't held fast to my values of its my baby ill get them what they need and how sad it made me that my DH's family is so big and involved and my family is really small (no aunts and uncles or cousins anymore because of a family dispute with money and gramma passed away last May so it's just my mom, my two brothers, and me). I felt like such a dork for crying.
@Shiloh1121 Sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine what you are going through, but please start looking after your body!! You need to eat in order to take care of your growing baby and yourself. If you have someone to take care of you, please lean on them as much as possible. Thinking of you!!
I've only sobbed twice. Once a few weeks back watching a video about a dogs "bucket list" on fb. And last night while watching "steel magnolias". No pregnant woman should EVER watch "steel magnolias".
So far this week I've had two breakdowns. One is that because neither my husband or myself get a real leave, I feel like we will be abandoning our baby and leaving her with a stranger. And secondly, I am working crazy tax season hours and haven't received any help or support from my anyone at the office (including my boss who is my dad).
Literally had a meltdown tonight over tile. Whoever thought gutting a bathroom 33 weeks pregnant was a good idea - don't! Breathe.
I would say hire a contractor to finish! or leave it to your SO. I can barely do laundry all in one night, let alone gut and remodel a bathroom. @avalentine81
So far this week I've had two breakdowns. One is that because neither my husband or myself get a real leave, I feel like we will be abandoning our baby and leaving her with a stranger. And secondly, I am working crazy tax season hours and haven't received any help or support from my anyone at the office (including my boss who is my dad).
What?! Have you asked for help or explained to co-workers... including your own DAD that you need help and are very pregnant with raging hormones and stress? As for the leave thing.. I'm sorry. That really sucks. Everyone's situation varies but try to make the best of it, take what leave you can take and try not to feel guilty. Just remind yourself you have a family to support now and you're doing it for your LO. @sarajan2014
Literally had a meltdown tonight over tile. Whoever thought gutting a bathroom 33 weeks pregnant was a good idea - don't! Breathe.
I feel your pain! We are gutting two bathrooms simultaneously and I'll be 35 weeks tomorrow. Every day there's been a new major problem. I'm over it.
I had a meltdown last night because our beloved babysitter is relocating and her last day has to be 4 days before my due date because of her husband's new job. She was going to watch DS1 while I'm in labor and now we are trying to figure out who we can ask with 5 weeks left. She's upset, I'm upset, and I know DS1 is going to be really upset.
I have the most miserable cubicle mate EVER. She was out yesterday and it was glorious. I get to work today and see her car in the parking lot and burst into tears! I'm insane, I know. I just wanted to turn back around and go home.
Due to insurance changes I am left scrambling for a new doctor at almost 33 weeks. I totally broke down crying on the phone with the SIXTH doctors office who told me they would not accept me this far along. I probably sounded crazy. But I had reached my overwhelmed point... What in the world to people expect someone to do if they move or have insurance changes during the 3rd trimester?!?!
Only 32 weeks here but my doctor has decided to retire at the end of April and there is not another doctor at her practice, so here I am looking for another doctor. I am so sorry that you are going through this! Sending you prayers!
I have the most miserable cubicle mate EVER. She was out yesterday and it was glorious. I get to work today and see her car in the parking lot and burst into tears! I'm insane, I know. I just wanted to turn back around and go home.
@southerngirlgetsfit You are not crazy. I used to share an office with my co worker than I cannot stand. Now we have separate offices but right next to each other... while this is MUCH better. Some days I still can't stand to see her, lol. I sooooo feel your pain.
I had a bit of a breakdown Saturday night but its a sweet story. Last week I NEEDED Starburst jellybeans so my H and I went to CVS to get them, natch. While we were there I started loading up the cart with a wide array of Easter candy but my H stopped me. "Leave something for the Easter Bunny," he said. I was surprised because my H had never given me an Easter basket before but I happily put almost everything but the jellybeans back and then proceeded to forget about it entirely. Fast forward to Saturday night at around 9 o'clock, H starts swearing. "Sh!t Sh!t!" He says. "I didn't get you an Easter basket. I didn't get you any candy at all." So, even though I honestly had forgotten his promise, I promptly burst into tears but told him it was OK. He barely heard me before he was putting on his shoes and racing out the door muttering to himself, "My pregnant wife is getting an Easter basket, I don't give a f%ck what I have to do." So of course my sad tears turned into happy tears. He ended up getting me SO MUCH candy in a basket shaped like Olaf from Frozen's head, it was perfect. Love that guy.
I am on the midst of one right now because one of my special needs students is having something going on and I want to dive all in and figure it out, but I don't want to get in too deep because I know that I am leaving soon and if I make myself more involved in his case and then abandon him it will definitely make it worse. He just sat in my office for snack time eating pretzels and sobbing repeating over and over "I happy. I happy. No tears. I happy". I checked with our SLP and she confirmed that he just started exhibiting a stutter and his SpEd teacher is very concerned about how much he is perseverating on teachers being "mad" at him when giving him directions. He is constantly saying "Miss Liz mad. I happy. I happy, but Miss Liz mad" when she uses anything but a super high pitched sing-song tone. I told his teachers to try to be more cognizant of tone and demonstrated for him a high pitched voice and a low pitched voice and he had an immediate defensive reaction to the low pitch tone and said "Nurse Lauren mad" even though the direction was exactly the same and I didn't change anything about body language. I then asked the guidance counselor if there is any change in living situation and she said that he mentioned sleeping on a couch with a cat, but I know he doesn't have a cat at his house so I think they may be staying with his mom's new boyfriend and it seems like there is something going on there. I have been checking in with mom every single morning at drop-off and she is totally overcompensating by putting on an excessively happy face and laying it on so thick with the "You are such an incredible person and have made all the difference and with you here I know my little baby is safe and cared for" etc etc to try to misdirect from the real concerns I have. Again, I have to continuously check myself that I am not getting too involved because my internal alarm is going off, but I know this is a Pandora's box and I just don't have the time to handle everything that will come out.
Last night, I full on freaked out thinking about all my kids that I see and how am I ever going to make sure they are all taken care of properly when admin refuses to hire a substitute until the very last second?! I have been up my nurse leader's butt since September about getting someone in here to start learning the ropes and she has done nothing. I went above her head to the director of student services and got a ton of crap from both her and my principal about not "following the chain of command". So I went back to harping on them and still nothing. And now this today. I can tell that his teacher is in waaaay over her head and she is holding on to me like a lifeline and I feel so bad that I am going to have to let her sink because no one else seems to care.
I had a bit of a breakdown Saturday night but its a sweet story. Last week I NEEDED Starburst jellybeans so my H and I went to CVS to get them, natch. While we were there I started loading up the cart with a wide array of Easter candy but my H stopped me. "Leave something for the Easter Bunny," he said. I was surprised because my H had never given me an Easter basket before but I happily put almost everything but the jellybeans back and then proceeded to forget about it entirely. Fast forward to Saturday night at around 9 o'clock, H starts swearing. "Sh!t Sh!t!" He says. "I didn't get you an Easter basket. I didn't get you any candy at all." So, even though I honestly had forgotten his promise, I promptly burst into tears but told him it was OK. He barely heard me before he was putting on his shoes and racing out the door muttering to himself, "My pregnant wife is getting an Easter basket, I don't give a f%ck what I have to do." So of course my sad tears turned into happy tears. He ended up getting me SO MUCH candy in a basket shaped like Olaf from Frozen's head, it was perfect. Love that guy.
We actually have a contractor doing everything but even the decision making seems overwhelming at this point! I know we will be glad we did it when the time comes - @Bltbear82 good luck to you too!
I swear, there are more sad stories about another kid who has been abused/killed/etc in a really horrific way than there was before I got pregnant, and tonight I had a total panic attack about it. The combination of a break-in I had just learned about that happened across the street a few days ago, a scary article about Internet dangers that my husband sent (why he sent it, I do not know - I'm usually pretty careful about what I do and don't share online) and an Amber Alert my phone received was the proverbial straw. DH just kept saying humanity sucks and tried to get me to stop talking about it, but I couldn't let it go. Now he's mad because he thinks I was trying to start a fight with him, when I really just needed to rant about it all to someone who would listen. Ugh. Hormones. And this world.
@amberraysofdawn I totally understand. This world is a sick, evil place and for a long time I debated if I even wanted to bring a child up in this hell on earth... but I tried to tell myself that she will be raised right and I will shield her from the evil as long as I can and once she's older we will discuss what needs to be talked about. She will know right from wrong and that's all we can do as parents is teach and protect. Nothing in this life is guaranteed but I have faith that my LO will grow up and live a happy life regardless of all the bad that goes on in this world. I have stopped watching the news and I even try not to listen to it on the radio. It has helped my sanity.
And...I just had another. I let loose on my nurse leader. She started to talk about how my monthly report for March wasn't done yet (ummm, because we have 2 more days left of the month? Does she think nothing will happen today and tomorrow because when you see 60+ kids a day, 2 days makes a huge difference in the count and reported treatments/visits so...) and she got all "So, tell me why it isn't done" and I unleashed!
I said "It could be that I am scrambling to put my entire practice on auto-pilot because apparently I will not know who will be covering my office before I leave, which theoretically could be any day now. This is not some vacation that can be changed or some emergency surgery that just sprang up. You knew before most of the important people in my life that I was pregnant and would be leaving at some point in April or May. So since September, I have given the administration ample time and opportunity to have this issue settled and where we find ourselves now is not...ideal" She jumped right on that, patronizingly saying "Well, this is not an ideal world. This is the real world..."
So I shot back "Yes. And in the real world, ANY employee should expect that their manager would be in charge of a staffing decision such as arraigning coverage and providing that employee the opportunity to pass along information and orient new staff to the myriad of issues that come up that you can't possibly write down. I have been saying for MONTHS that I need someone to come in and see a full day at least a couple times before I can expect them to take over the practice that I have worked so hard to build. I don't want to watch it all burn down..." And then I started to feel the tears, so I had to stop and just compose myself because there was no way I was going to cry...AGAIN...at work.
My nurse leader said "Anyone who would come in would be a professional nurse with experience...and besides, you just have that one diabetic, right?" That cleared those tears right up! I saw red, spun back around and in my strongest, calmest voice said "I have a caseload of over 325 students and 50 staff. My office sees an average of 60 visits a day, which does not reflect the meetings, parent communication, education, and case management that I perform throughout the day. I have multiple students who I consider high profile cases that I have worked very closely with and have been experiencing exceptional progress toward individual wellness goals. I feel as though you may not be fully aware of the impact I have had as a part of the collaborative team at this school and in this district. I understand that there are only 2 months out of this school year that I will not be in the office, but those are a crucial two months that include reporting off to the other schools for students who are moving on or transferring, settling end of the year medication return, preparing students for transition to summer, multiple field trips, outdoor Fun Runs and other events, class parties...This is not the time to just throw in someone who has never done school nursing before. By the way, will there be one nurse or is it going to be a patchwork of coverage?"
She did respond that it will be multiple people and she doesn't even know for sure who any of them are. I just shrugged and said "OK, then, do you need me to orient you so YOU can fill in the gaps since I am not going to be available?" She balked and stammered that she wouldn't be able to do that blah blah blah...I "don't understand the whole picture"...."this is just one piece of the puzzle" etc etc, so I threw up my hands and said "Fine, then. Honestly, I don't know what else I can do. This is the situation we find ourselves in. We can't go back and fix it now, it is too late. I could leave at any moment and I will not be available by phone or email so if any questions come up, they will default to you. I will make it very clear with my staff and parents that you will be the person to contact as the nurse leader for the district because I cannot give them one specific name of who will be covering my office. I find it a little insulting to all the work I have put in that you think it can run by itself and that it doesn't really matter who is sitting at my desk. But that is neither here nor there. Thank you for the very valuable information that I will not have consistent coverage and that I do not have a specific name to provide to staff and parents and will instead direct them to you if they have any questions. If any more information comes to light, please keep me in the loop. I need to go to the upper office now. Have a great day." And I swooped out of there before the tears came again.
I'm really struggling with my parents right now. They are my favorite people, but they had some issues in my childhood that really stuck with me. I've talked to my DH about it, but it was supposed to be in the past. Fast forward to me being 5 months pregnant and all the issues resurfacing. They call me to talk to me about it, show up at my house in separate vehicles mad at each other (literally bringing the problems to my doorstep). My husband told them that if there was an emergency, they could contact them, but I needed space. And I broke down, feeling guilty because I know they are hurting and then I'm hurting them because I'm cutting them off for the time being.
They act like things are good, and everything is starting to return to normal, but then I get a call this morning about all this stuff I didn't know. And I tell them I can't deal with this, they need to go to counseling. And of course, they say I shouldn't have unloaded on you, but the point is now I know. I held it together on the phone, but I had a breakdown in my car at lunch, called my husband balling. I'm currently looking up my work's confidential program to talk to someone because I feel like this is going to break me.
Really been struggling with DH being out of work for the past few months. He's been applying to a few jobs but none of them come to fruition so far. I'm starting to loose hope and it's hard being supportive knowing we will have 0 income after I start my un-paid leave. It's hard to stay positive at this time. He's educated but in a hard field to find entry level jobs. He says he'll take a part time job at a restaurant or something and I wish he would start now so we could have some money saved for when baby arrives. It's so hard to talk to him because he feels like he's not a good provider. I just don't know what to do to improve anything besides just to grin and bear it.
AliciaD39 I'm sorry you're going through this, you should not feel guilty for taking some space from others problems. You need to focus on yourself and your baby. It's great you're reaching out to your works resources.
I swear, there are more sad stories about another kid who has been abused/killed/etc in a really horrific way than there was before I got pregnant, and tonight I had a total panic attack about it. The combination of a break-in I had just learned about that happened across the street a few days ago, a scary article about Internet dangers that my husband sent (why he sent it, I do not know - I'm usually pretty careful about what I do and don't share online) and an Amber Alert my phone received was the proverbial straw. DH just kept saying humanity sucks and tried to get me to stop talking about it, but I couldn't let it go. Now he's mad because he thinks I was trying to start a fight with him, when I really just needed to rant about it all to someone who would listen. Ugh. Hormones. And this world.
There's an on-going story all over the news of this little girl that endured some really horrific things before she was killed. I've had a couple break downs over it. She was barely over 1 year old and it has just been eating away at me.
Last Sunday we planned to rent a truck from Lowes to pick up all our baby furniture from Buy Buy Baby... they do a $19 ninety minute rental, but they don't reserve it, the most you can do is call ahead. I called at 10am and she was just renting out and couldn't tell me how long it would be gone. I hung up and cried for like 5 minutes. Oh, jeesh!!
I'm really struggling with my parents right now. They are my favorite people, but they had some issues in my childhood that really stuck with me. I've talked to my DH about it, but it was supposed to be in the past. Fast forward to me being 5 months pregnant and all the issues resurfacing. They call me to talk to me about it, show up at my house in separate vehicles mad at each other (literally bringing the problems to my doorstep). My husband told them that if there was an emergency, they could contact them, but I needed space. And I broke down, feeling guilty because I know they are hurting and then I'm hurting them because I'm cutting them off for the time being.
They act like things are good, and everything is starting to return to normal, but then I get a call this morning about all this stuff I didn't know. And I tell them I can't deal with this, they need to go to counseling. And of course, they say I shouldn't have unloaded on you, but the point is now I know. I held it together on the phone, but I had a breakdown in my car at lunch, called my husband balling. I'm currently looking up my work's confidential program to talk to someone because I feel like this is going to break me.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this right now. As someone who has gotten a lot out of therapy, I would definitely encourage you to talk to someone if you can. It really, really helps. I think I can relate to what your feeling. There were a lot of great things about my childhood but my parents weren't around much and their marriage was very strained which had a huge impact on my brother and I because we were often in the middle and ended up knowing things that really no child should know about their parents. And any secrets they tried to keep always came out in some dramatic argument in front of us. After two years of separation and nearly getting divorced they were able to save their marriage and keep our family together. I consider myself extremely lucky that my parents did eventually seek help and made us all go through a lot of family therapy while I was still in high school. Between that and continuing therapy on my own, I was actually able to drop that emotional baggage by the time I was in my twenties. I can't imagine how hard it would be if I was still going through that now, especially during this pregnancy. I'm sure our situations are not the same but I just wanted to give you some support and let you know that it can and does get better. HUGS.
My breakdown came after my husband was just laid off last week. We knew the industry was falling so we saved the best we could but I had to leave my awesome job with benefits when I was put on bedrest early on in my pregnancy. I was able to re-enter the workforce again a few weeks ago, but since I haven't been at my new job long enough, I'm not eligible for benefits yet including health insurance which we no longer have due to the lay off. This happening so close to arrival of baby is overly stressful. Hoping we can rebound quickly.
@laurenmdrn16 where are you with those other positions you were looking into? Because it sounds like you need to get far away from there.
I worked for someone like that for 8 years. After I gave my notice and she demanded that I hire my own replacement, she came to me and said "I don't actually know what you DO." Nice. Thanks. BTW I was the HR Manager. Soooo...a lot. And most of it revolved around keeping you from getting sued.
I flipped out/freaked out on my boss today (this weeks tw) then proceeded to cry to my hr person about the issues in my area. And I have to say, I am NOT a crier. I might complain and commiserate with co-workers but to actually have a meltdown to hr? I told her I'm not sure if it is really that bad, or if I'm just having a hormonal kinda day!
My husband started his first job in the IT field last October. He graduates with an IT degree in 4 weeks. He loves the work and what he does but it's a hostile work environment. There was little to no training and when something goes wrong, he doesn't get the support from his department. The impression he gets from his boss is he could be fired any time. He has felt like he's walking on egg shells and is scared to make any mistake but with learning and then the self-doubt on top of that, it's going to happen. Even experienced employees make mistakes. First, it is really hard for me to see him be in a field, especially his first job in the field, he loves with little to no support from his department. Second, it stresses me to think he could be fired any day when we have a baby due in two months or less and I'm starting to cut back on work. He's handled the stress really well and I know if I start to stress about it, he'll freak out. I asked him to start putting out resumes and find a different job sooner than later.
I lost my ish last night. Heartburn. Vomiting. Menstrual like cramps. Sore pelvis. And baby was kicking and flipping like crazy for the last 72 hours. I just cried and cried and cried for at least two hours. I needed to get it out!!!
I had a minor freakout this morning when I woke up to find an unexpected district court order in my email inbox. I thought I screwed something up in a case and the court was annoyed with me.
When I got to work and read the actual order, though, it turned out the defendant just lost his mail and needed a new copy of something and it wasn't even on me to send it. Cue massive relief and vanishing anxiety. But for a minute there it was like "augh noooo" because I live in dread that pregnancy brain will cause me to screw something up at work.
I realize this is the most anticlimactic story ever. Oh well.
I had a minor freakout this morning when I woke up to find an unexpected district court order in my email inbox. I thought I screwed something up in a case and the court was annoyed with me.
When I got to work and read the actual order, though, it turned out the defendant just lost his mail and needed a new copy of something and it wasn't even on me to send it. Cue massive relief and vanishing anxiety. But for a minute there it was like "augh noooo" because I live in dread that pregnancy brain will cause me to screw something up at work.
I realize this is the most anticlimactic story ever. Oh well.
I get this! I thought I'd lost my students grade reports twice! They were on my desk.
I had one tonight. I'm sick and super miserable so I went to Minuteclinic to be seen. Got there at 5:40. They wouldn't see me because they close at 6pm. Which gave them 20 minutes to see me!! There is a sign that says you have to be signed in 15 minutes before they close...yup, so what's the problem? They said "we shut the kiosk down a little early today because we saw so many patients today." What the actual fuck? I'm clearly pregnant, and clearly miserable, congested, I look like poop on toast. But definitely turn me away so you knock off 20 minutes early. So I left the store and cried all the way home.
So I had major pregnancy brain fail today. Last night, my PUPPS was so irritated that I only slept for a little over an hour. So this morning, I drowsily went about my routine, which included filling up a glass of water to take my prenatal. Then I turned on the shower and hopped in to get ready for my OB appointment. Well...I never turned off the sink faucet.
When I was finished showering, I stepped out to dry off on the bath mat and the bath mat slid out from under me. Luckily, I caught myself on the edge of the counter top and managed to stop my fall. As I steadied myself, I came eye level with the overflowing sink. I quickly turned it off and began to make my way towards the towels, but I couldn't get more than a step without slipping again. Naked, cold, and itchy, I called DH from my cell and sobbed that he needed to come home.
When DH arrived, he found me, a hysterical prisoner on bathroom mat island surrounded by water. Because our bathroom and adjoining closet are tile, there was nothing to absorb the water before it reached my clothing. All I could do was sit on our bed and itch and sob as DH tried to undo my mess. I spent the entire car ride to the OB either apologizing or bursting into tears.
@lbachran you poor thing!! I'm so sorry you are dealing with PUPPS and everything else. I'm glad you're DH is supportive and there for you. Stay strong, you can do it! (But also, cry when you need to!)
@Ibachran Hugs! I'm glad your DH was able to help you out! PUPPS can be so rough, but you only have a few more weeks with it at most-- you can hang in there, and definitely cry when you need to. No shame!
When I had it, DH had a bad poison ivy reaction at the same time (he's extremely allergic to it), so we were absolutely no help to each other and both looked like over-boiled messes competing for cold-shower-relief time.
After learning I needed a root canal so late in pregnancy, I started getting hungry. I texted my husband (still at work) and told him our school was having a fundraiser at Peter piper pizza and that we should have dinner there tonight. He said okay. So I went off to have office hours at the university and got to the pharmacy afterwards to pick up my antibiotics. I had to wait a long time because they didn't have the correct dosage, so 30 min later, I'm raging hungry. I finally leave the pharmacy and call my husband (he's now at home) to be ready. He says "nah, I'll pass." So I become very upset because that means I have to go home and spend time cooking when I'm so clearly starving and want food NOW. I get home and let loose on him, how he just goes home and plays video games, how dare he pull this crap on me, etc. I was so ANGRY. I started to cry, but controlled it. We ended up going to get the pizza and I wolfed down and entire small pizza.
@LadySamLady and @kbrands7, thanks mommas! DH said I looked like I was in a daze for the rest of the afternoon and kept mumbling "How could I do that?" I think I could handle tired or itchy, but the combination just broke me. Luckily DH works 15 minutes from home, but poor guy thought I had gone into labor with all the sense I made amid the sobs.
Re: Let's talk about our breakdowns.
I would say hire a contractor to finish! or leave it to your SO. I can barely do laundry all in one night, let alone gut and remodel a bathroom. @avalentine81
I had a meltdown last night because our beloved babysitter is relocating and her last day has to be 4 days before my due date because of her husband's new job. She was going to watch DS1 while I'm in labor and now we are trying to figure out who we can ask with 5 weeks left. She's upset, I'm upset, and I know DS1 is going to be really upset.
@southerngirlgetsfit You are not crazy. I used to share an office with my co worker than I cannot stand. Now we have separate offices but right next to each other... while this is MUCH better. Some days I still can't stand to see her, lol. I sooooo feel your pain.
Last night, I full on freaked out thinking about all my kids that I see and how am I ever going to make sure they are all taken care of properly when admin refuses to hire a substitute until the very last second?! I have been up my nurse leader's butt since September about getting someone in here to start learning the ropes and she has done nothing. I went above her head to the director of student services and got a ton of crap from both her and my principal about not "following the chain of command". So I went back to harping on them and still nothing. And now this today. I can tell that his teacher is in waaaay over her head and she is holding on to me like a lifeline and I feel so bad that I am going to have to let her sink because no one else seems to care.
I said "It could be that I am scrambling to put my entire practice on auto-pilot because apparently I will not know who will be covering my office before I leave, which theoretically could be any day now. This is not some vacation that can be changed or some emergency surgery that just sprang up. You knew before most of the important people in my life that I was pregnant and would be leaving at some point in April or May. So since September, I have given the administration ample time and opportunity to have this issue settled and where we find ourselves now is not...ideal" She jumped right on that, patronizingly saying "Well, this is not an ideal world. This is the real world..."
So I shot back "Yes. And in the real world, ANY employee should expect that their manager would be in charge of a staffing decision such as arraigning coverage and providing that employee the opportunity to pass along information and orient new staff to the myriad of issues that come up that you can't possibly write down. I have been saying for MONTHS that I need someone to come in and see a full day at least a couple times before I can expect them to take over the practice that I have worked so hard to build. I don't want to watch it all burn down..." And then I started to feel the tears, so I had to stop and just compose myself because there was no way I was going to cry...AGAIN...at work.
My nurse leader said "Anyone who would come in would be a professional nurse with experience...and besides, you just have that one diabetic, right?" That cleared those tears right up! I saw red, spun back around and in my strongest, calmest voice said "I have a caseload of over 325 students and 50 staff. My office sees an average of 60 visits a day, which does not reflect the meetings, parent communication, education, and case management that I perform throughout the day. I have multiple students who I consider high profile cases that I have worked very closely with and have been experiencing exceptional progress toward individual wellness goals. I feel as though you may not be fully aware of the impact I have had as a part of the collaborative team at this school and in this district. I understand that there are only 2 months out of this school year that I will not be in the office, but those are a crucial two months that include reporting off to the other schools for students who are moving on or transferring, settling end of the year medication return, preparing students for transition to summer, multiple field trips, outdoor Fun Runs and other events, class parties...This is not the time to just throw in someone who has never done school nursing before. By the way, will there be one nurse or is it going to be a patchwork of coverage?"
She did respond that it will be multiple people and she doesn't even know for sure who any of them are. I just shrugged and said "OK, then, do you need me to orient you so YOU can fill in the gaps since I am not going to be available?" She balked and stammered that she wouldn't be able to do that blah blah blah...I "don't understand the whole picture"...."this is just one piece of the puzzle" etc etc, so I threw up my hands and said "Fine, then. Honestly, I don't know what else I can do. This is the situation we find ourselves in. We can't go back and fix it now, it is too late. I could leave at any moment and I will not be available by phone or email so if any questions come up, they will default to you. I will make it very clear with my staff and parents that you will be the person to contact as the nurse leader for the district because I cannot give them one specific name of who will be covering my office. I find it a little insulting to all the work I have put in that you think it can run by itself and that it doesn't really matter who is sitting at my desk. But that is neither here nor there. Thank you for the very valuable information that I will not have consistent coverage and that I do not have a specific name to provide to staff and parents and will instead direct them to you if they have any questions. If any more information comes to light, please keep me in the loop. I need to go to the upper office now. Have a great day." And I swooped out of there before the tears came again.
They act like things are good, and everything is starting to return to normal, but then I get a call this morning about all this stuff I didn't know. And I tell them I can't deal with this, they need to go to counseling. And of course, they say I shouldn't have unloaded on you, but the point is now I know. I held it together on the phone, but I had a breakdown in my car at lunch, called my husband balling. I'm currently looking up my work's confidential program to talk to someone because I feel like this is going to break me.
AliciaD39 I'm sorry you're going through this, you should not feel guilty for taking some space from others problems. You need to focus on yourself and your baby. It's great you're reaching out to your works resources.
I worked for someone like that for 8 years. After I gave my notice and she demanded that I hire my own replacement, she came to me and said "I don't actually know what you DO." Nice. Thanks. BTW I was the HR Manager. Soooo...a lot. And most of it revolved around keeping you from getting sued.
When I got to work and read the actual order, though, it turned out the defendant just lost his mail and needed a new copy of something and it wasn't even on me to send it. Cue massive relief and vanishing anxiety. But for a minute there it was like "augh noooo" because I live in dread that pregnancy brain will cause me to screw something up at work.
I realize this is the most anticlimactic story ever. Oh well.
When I was finished showering, I stepped out to dry off on the bath mat and the bath mat slid out from under me. Luckily, I caught myself on the edge of the counter top and managed to stop my fall. As I steadied myself, I came eye level with the overflowing sink. I quickly turned it off and began to make my way towards the towels, but I couldn't get more than a step without slipping again. Naked, cold, and itchy, I called DH from my cell and sobbed that he needed to come home.
When DH arrived, he found me, a hysterical prisoner on bathroom mat island surrounded by water. Because our bathroom and adjoining closet are tile, there was nothing to absorb the water before it reached my clothing. All I could do was sit on our bed and itch and sob as DH tried to undo my mess. I spent the entire car ride to the OB either apologizing or bursting into tears.
When I had it, DH had a bad poison ivy reaction at the same time (he's extremely allergic to it), so we were absolutely no help to each other and both looked like over-boiled messes competing for cold-shower-relief time.
After learning I needed a root canal so late in pregnancy, I started getting hungry. I texted my husband (still at work) and told him our school was having a fundraiser at Peter piper pizza and that we should have dinner there tonight. He said okay. So I went off to have office hours at the university and got to the pharmacy afterwards to pick up my antibiotics. I had to wait a long time because they didn't have the correct dosage, so 30 min later, I'm raging hungry. I finally leave the pharmacy and call my husband (he's now at home) to be ready. He says "nah, I'll pass." So I become very upset because that means I have to go home and spend time cooking when I'm so clearly starving and want food NOW. I get home and let loose on him, how he just goes home and plays video games, how dare he pull this crap on me, etc. I was so ANGRY. I started to cry, but controlled it.
We ended up going to get the pizza and I wolfed down and entire small pizza.