Literally had a meltdown tonight over tile. Whoever thought gutting a bathroom 33 weeks pregnant was a good idea - don't! Breathe.
So far this week I've had two breakdowns. One is that because neither my husband or myself get a real leave, I feel like we will be abandoning our baby and leaving her with a stranger. And secondly, I am working crazy tax season hours and haven't received any help or support from my anyone at the office (including my boss who is my dad).
Due to insurance changes I am left scrambling for a new doctor at almost 33 weeks. I totally broke down crying on the phone with the SIXTH doctors office who told me they would not accept me this far along. I probably sounded crazy. But I had reached my overwhelmed point... What in the world to people expect someone to do if they move or have insurance changes during the 3rd trimester?!?!
I have the most miserable cubicle mate EVER. She was out yesterday and it was glorious. I get to work today and see her car in the parking lot and burst into tears! I'm insane, I know. I just wanted to turn back around and go home.
I had a bit of a breakdown Saturday night but its a sweet story. Last week I NEEDED Starburst jellybeans so my H and I went to CVS to get them, natch. While we were there I started loading up the cart with a wide array of Easter candy but my H stopped me. "Leave something for the Easter Bunny," he said. I was surprised because my H had never given me an Easter basket before but I happily put almost everything but the jellybeans back and then proceeded to forget about it entirely. Fast forward to Saturday night at around 9 o'clock, H starts swearing. "Sh!t Sh!t!" He says. "I didn't get you an Easter basket. I didn't get you any candy at all." So, even though I honestly had forgotten his promise, I promptly burst into tears but told him it was OK. He barely heard me before he was putting on his shoes and racing out the door muttering to himself, "My pregnant wife is getting an Easter basket, I don't give a f%ck what I have to do." So of course my sad tears turned into happy tears. He ended up getting me SO MUCH candy in a basket shaped like Olaf from Frozen's head, it was perfect. Love that guy.
I swear, there are more sad stories about another kid who has been abused/killed/etc in a really horrific way than there was before I got pregnant, and tonight I had a total panic attack about it. The combination of a break-in I had just learned about that happened across the street a few days ago, a scary article about Internet dangers that my husband sent (why he sent it, I do not know - I'm usually pretty careful about what I do and don't share online) and an Amber Alert my phone received was the proverbial straw. DH just kept saying humanity sucks and tried to get me to stop talking about it, but I couldn't let it go. Now he's mad because he thinks I was trying to start a fight with him, when I really just needed to rant about it all to someone who would listen. Ugh. Hormones. And this world.
I'm really struggling with my parents right now. They are my favorite people, but they had some issues in my childhood that really stuck with me. I've talked to my DH about it, but it was supposed to be in the past. Fast forward to me being 5 months pregnant and all the issues resurfacing. They call me to talk to me about it, show up at my house in separate vehicles mad at each other (literally bringing the problems to my doorstep). My husband told them that if there was an emergency, they could contact them, but I needed space. And I broke down, feeling guilty because I know they are hurting and then I'm hurting them because I'm cutting them off for the time being. They act like things are good, and everything is starting to return to normal, but then I get a call this morning about all this stuff I didn't know. And I tell them I can't deal with this, they need to go to counseling. And of course, they say I shouldn't have unloaded on you, but the point is now I know. I held it together on the phone, but I had a breakdown in my car at lunch, called my husband balling. I'm currently looking up my work's confidential program to talk to someone because I feel like this is going to break me.
I had a minor freakout this morning when I woke up to find an unexpected district court order in my email inbox. I thought I screwed something up in a case and the court was annoyed with me.When I got to work and read the actual order, though, it turned out the defendant just lost his mail and needed a new copy of something and it wasn't even on me to send it. Cue massive relief and vanishing anxiety. But for a minute there it was like "augh noooo" because I live in dread that pregnancy brain will cause me to screw something up at work.I realize this is the most anticlimactic story ever. Oh well.