Help! Over involved grandma

brittneyketcham · March 2016

Ok I love my MIL but I'm about ready to rip my hair out. My son is 5 weeks old. He and I have a special bond so far. But when I'm with my MIL I feel like he's not even mine. She takes him from me or my husband immediately without asking. It's maddening!
yesterday we took him to visit her at work as she's been begging us for 2 weeks to do so, however we wanted to wait. She immediately tried to remove him from my husbands arms. When he turned away and told her to ask first, she flat out told him "I'm his grandma, you see him all the time so I get him now." She then proceeded to walk around her office telling everyone to "come look at MY baby" while completely disregarding my husband and me. Multiple times, she attempted to hand him off to people we've never met before. And to top it all off, after my husband had him back in his arms, I tried to wipe something off of his pacifier causing him to get a little bit fussy, and she turned around and hit me with my sons jacket. I'm extremely frustrated and want to set boundaries immediately as I can already see that this is going to get way out of hand, but she is very easily offended and feels that my son is "hers" and she has as much right to him as my husband and I do. When she's around I'm literally not allowed to do anything with my own child!
May this point I'm not sure what to do. I don't feel comfortable talking to her on my own and until yesterday, I don't think my husband really saw this or understood where I was coming from. Advice would be so appreciated!

SmrBrd2012 · March 2016

I think the ball is in your H's court on this one. His mother, his issue to deal with. Try to get him to talk to her about this. I'm sure she's just really excited about your LO. Is he her first grandchild? At least she cares but I do understand how maddening that can be.

ashton2190 · March 2016

I agree that your DH needs to have the conversation, and based on him telling her she needs to ask before taking the LO, I'm hopeful he'll be able to do it. I would tell her that until she can respect your boundaries, you won't be bringing him around

kdoak2015 · March 2016

Bite it in the ass now, but pick your battles. I had it out with my mil around 2 months because she was cray cray. It's a lot better now.

4N6s · March 2016

The only thing that would annoy me is that she is calling him hers. That's dumb. Haha
Otherwise, honestly... It sounds like you're overreacting.

Miss Lilac · March 2016

I *really* wouldn't be okay with my baby getting handed off to strangers. Her co-workers don't need to hold your 5 week old. Get a wrap and wear the baby so it's convenient to keep him close. Let your husband deal with the rest. If you guys are uncomfortable with it then she needs to adjust. After all, he's really not her baby. Only you get to decide what's okay for you and your child.

nackie · March 2016

The wrap is a great suggestion. It'd be really hard for her to take your baby when he's in a wrap

Ceridwen77 · March 2016

I see two problems here. First is her disregarding your husbands request to ask before taking the baby. Not that it's a huge deal but it shows she doesn't respect him. He needs to have a straightforward conversation with her. Second is your 5wk old being taken and passed to strangers. Honestly I'm not sure why you brought him to her work. Each parent has different comfort level with bringing baby around other adults at a young age. I guess my point is you brought him there knowing this would happen (based on your mil's history), so I don't understand how you can be upset about it. Next time don't put him in that situation if you don't want him passed to strange people, or start baby wearing.

Synnovus · March 2016

Did I just read that she hit you with your son's jacket?!? What the f**k?!? That would NOT fly by me!! I hope you or your DH told her that hitting isn't okey, even with a baby jacket...! She also needs to start respecting the two of you and realise you two are the parents, not her. I agree with pp that your DH is the one who should sit down with her and have a serious talk about the issues. Good luck

2-Step · March 2016

The hitting with the jacket part is very odd and that would bother me but the rest of this sounds like a very normal case of an overly excited grandmother to me. My mom has told me multiple times that she would get very mad when her mom would say that my brother and I were her babies, but now she does it constantly to my kids! In the grand scheme of things these are really small potatoes and I urge you to pick your battles because there are going to be much more important and significant ones as your child grows. You really can't control all the little things like what someone calls your baby or if they happened to try to hold them before asking permission when excited. If it's a safety issue then you need to address it but if you start picking on every little thing you are going to end up with resentment and drama. When you have kids the Inlaw thing goes to a whole new level and they will probably drive you crazy but sometimes you just need to grin and bear it. Trust me, I have the only grandkids on both sides and we have some crazy obsessive behavior from those grandparents sometimes, and plenty of times I want to correct them, but I try to remind myself it's all done out of love and man they sure do make great babysitters!

TwizBeans · March 2016

She sounds like an excited grandma to me too BUT I wouldn't hesitate to sit down and be honest with her. Be strong and set boundaries.

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