Wanting Another Baby Already but Partner isn't ready.

ManiWilliams · March 2016

So, I have a 3 month old son and I love him to the moon and back. I was put on birth control so I wouldn't get pregnant like literally right away again but I feel like I'm truely ready for another baby, I'm young so it's not like I'm running out of time or anything but my fiance isn't ready for another baby

. It's because he's afraid that he doesn't make enough money for us to have another baby and all but he does his best and acts like we would never go threw a rough patch in our whole life. I'm just a little upset that we never really had a conversation because it was all him telling me no end of story. We do plan on having more kids but we wants to wait 5 years! I can't wait that long for another baby and I want to have and get it over with while it's early instead of waiting then changing my mind on having more children. Is anyone else in this same problem or something similar? I don't want to argue about it with him but some of his reasoning are unreasonable! lol.

cdepperschmidt · March 2016

5 years is a long time to wait for baby #2 BUT 3 months is not much time at all. Maybe you could compromises with 2-3 years?

ManiWilliams · March 2016

yes, but I can't even talk about it to him without him getting upset at me , but im trying

hlaverett88 · March 2016

My husband and I always agreed we would have two, but after about a week after having our son he said he was done and getting snipped. I was very upset at him for this and every time anyone or I would bring it up he would say no more and that we were done. However about a week ago after many conversations, and pleading on my part, he said we could have one more in about a year. So just keep the conversation open and revisit it. He may change his mind.

kmd91 · March 2016

Honestly, I would wait a little bit before pushing the conversation. Let him get comfortable in the parenting role and let it become not this fresh, new, intensive thing. He may think he wants to wait at least 5 years now, but as your little one gets older he may be more willing to consider adding another baby sooner. This phase is a lot of work and for a lot of people the idea of having another one seems intimidating so they don't even want to think about it yet. You've let him know how you feel, you know how he feels. You don't have to make any decisions right now about when exactly baby #2 will come into the picture.

Ceridwen77 · March 2016

kmd91 said:

Honestly, I would wait a little bit before pushing the conversation. Let him get comfortable in the parenting role and let it become not this fresh, new, intensive thing. He may think he wants to wait at least 5 years now, but as your little one gets older he may be more willing to consider adding another baby sooner. This phase is a lot of work and for a lot of people the idea of having another one seems intimidating so they don't even want to think about it yet. You've let him know how you feel, you know how he feels. You don't have to make any decisions right now about when exactly baby #2 will come into the picture.

OP, take this advice. Spot on!

GoogleMD · March 2016

I agree with the pp, 4 months is still very early to start discussing adding another baby. Not to mention the cost of another child is a legitimate concern. Yes everyone goes through rough patches but those can be lessened by planning for big changes. I would give your partner some time to adjust to being a parent and revisit the topic in a year or so. I understand your desire for another child, just make sure to consider your partner's wishes as well. I wouldn't pursue getting pregnant until both parents are on board.

doodleoodle · March 2016

I agree with PPs about waiting awhile to bring it up again, but when you do talk about it again I would tell him you were upset at first by his reaction, but you've since realized that major decisions cannot just be made by one person in a partnership and that they have to be made together. Hopefully this will prevent him from saying "five years, end of discussion". I would then tell him that you're willing to compromise by meeting in the middle at 2.5 years.

AmoLovesAud · March 2016

Perspective from the other side: if I had to choose right now, I'd say I'm done with having kids. The newborn phase is too fresh in my mind, I'm not ready to go back to waking up every 2 hours! And we just got our hospital bill for LO's birth, major financial ouch! Even taking out my c section recovery, the thought of doing this all again is overwhelming and scary right now. I bet your partner feels similar. Approach it again later, when LO is closer to toddler hood than baby hood.

Jtk13 · March 2016

I am the opposite of you, OP. The newborn phase is hard and with a colicky/reflux baby and no family to help, I have said I am one and done! My husband got mad at me when I said this and feels like I am making the decision on my own. Especially since we always talked about having a big family. I do want siblings for my daughter but I can't imagine having another high needs newborn and a toddler at the same time. I've said unless we move closer to my family, we have to wait until she's 4 or 5 and can do some things on her own.

wulfpackgirl · March 2016

Jtk13 said:

I am the opposite of you, OP. The newborn phase is hard and with a colicky/reflux baby and no family to help, I have said I am one and done! My husband got mad at me when I said this and feels like I am making the decision on my own. Especially since we always talked about having a big family. I do want siblings for my daughter but I can't imagine having another high needs newborn and a toddler at the same time. I've said unless we move closer to my family, we have to wait until she's 4 or 5 and can do some things on her own.

I said the same thing the first few months. No colic or anything but he ate every three hours for almost three months. I said never again am I doing this and my husband didn't like that bc he is ready for another. I was so exhausted. Now I'm starting to want another one. Not excited about doing the newborn phase again though. It's rough! My mom comes over most days though for a few hours. I couldn't imagine doing it without her help.

urby87 · March 2016

ManiWilliams said:

yes, but I can't even talk about it to him without him getting upset at me , but im trying

If that's the case, I would just cool your jets for now. Enjoy this baby, here and now, and be patient. Let yourselves adjust to this one and don't bring it up for a while. If your SO doesn't feel ready, you should NOT be pressuring him into another baby to placate your wants. That could cause big issues in your relationship down the road which would ultimately have a negative effect on the children you brought into the world.

irohspupil · March 2016

*lurking from Aug15*

Hey, OP. I just wanted to let you know I was the exact same way. A few months later, I still desperately want to start on baby number two. I started pretty strong on pushing the idea on DH about TTC sooner rather than later when LO was just getting out of the NB phase*. At first he was open to us trying again late this spring/early this summer, but he's recently admitted to me that he's afraid LO won't get the attention he thinks she needs once the new baby is here. I'm a SAHM and surrounded by family, so I don't really get his viewpoint, but I feel like I have to respect it because I can't make a decision that affects both of us alone.

I agree with PP to keep the conversation open, but don't push it. DH keeps telling me to just enjoy the time I have with LO now and that we can revisit the conversation about TTC#2 when LO turns one this summer. Maybe you can have him agree on a date for y'all to revisit the conversation about the next baby. That way you at least have an end date that's closer than 5 years, and he still has time to cool off from the NB phase and rethink it all.

*ETA: I really pushed so hard because my sister and I are just 15 months apart, and I really really wanted to have kids that close in age. I loved it growing up. DH is four years apart from his only sibling, and he thinks that works out better for the parents; makes paying for them easier or whatever.

ManiWilliams · March 2016

I honestly wanted to is because I feel so happy and so much love for my son that o couldn't help but feel this way lol but I'm defiantly going to wait a couple years !

Saramore10 · March 2016

In my opinion, I think it is a little too soon to have another one. Your body is still recouping from your pregnancy, labor,and delivery. My hubby and I want to have more too as we are loving parenthood so I understand your want. My doctor advised us to wait Atleast 15 months before trying again and that would be from when our son was delivered. I am totally comfortable with that time span and may even wait a little longer. Another will happen at the right time. Try not to rush it. Your SO may change his mind. He is still going through the changes of having a baby too. Once your baby gets older he may have a change of heart. Communication is key so just try to talk to him about it when you feel the time is right! Good luck!

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