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September 2016 Moms
JennM205
member
"The Blues" in Pregnancy
JennM205
member
I debated long and hard about whether or not to start this thread...or just post in Randoms...or just let it go...
Finally, I decided it deserves some attention, for several reasons - First, I had PPD after DD was born. I'm hoping being involved in this community helps prevent/deal with it this time around...but how is that ever supposed to happen if we're not talking about it? Second, I know it's common for others to avoid talking about the blues at a time that's supposed to be happy and for them to "just hope it goes away" on it's own. In my experience, it doesn't. So let's talk about it!
Anybody out there feeling down or just not like themselves? Anybody have advice for those of us who are dealing with it?
Finally, I decided it deserves some attention, for several reasons - First, I had PPD after DD was born. I'm hoping being involved in this community helps prevent/deal with it this time around...but how is that ever supposed to happen if we're not talking about it? Second, I know it's common for others to avoid talking about the blues at a time that's supposed to be happy and for them to "just hope it goes away" on it's own. In my experience, it doesn't. So let's talk about it!
Anybody out there feeling down or just not like themselves? Anybody have advice for those of us who are dealing with it?
Re: "The Blues" in Pregnancy
I've spent time blaming this on the nausea (which is now gone), the lack of sleep / general exhaustion, the weather changing waaaay too slowly into something nice, my BIL living with us (taking advantage of us and not giving us space), DH working long hours, etc, etc.
BIL is looking at apartments and going to move out soon. Will I start feeling better then?
DH is thisclose to getting a new job that would eliminate his four-hour-per-day commute. Will I start feeling better then?
Spring is almost here? Am I just suffering from a bit of seasonal depression and it's almost over?
Sorry if this is all over the place. I'm just having a really hard time identifying which feelings are "normal", which are maybe unusual but "normal" for pregnancy, and which actually point to something deeper that I need to face.
Thoughts, anyone?
Plus weather does affect moods, and I don't know where you live but here it has been pretty miserable weather, cold, cloudy, rain... After a long winter it is normal to be ready for some warm weather and sunshine.
You mentioned a four hour commute too, I think that if your DH does get a different job then it would definitely help, all those hours...
I can't say if it has anything to do with pregnancy or no to be honest but to me it just seem like all those things combined may be more the reason (and pregnancy exhaustion is not helping for sure) but don't feel bad or beat yourself up. Maybe try to do some things you enjoy? In my case when I need to relax I take a nice warm bath with some candles and I put some nice smelling oils in the water. How about a massage?
I hope you feel better soon! With some nice sunshine and maybe even your brother in law moving out hopefully it will be much easier!!!
PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
Miscarriage at 8 weeks
First saw
It's a boy!
I'm really sorry to hear that you haven't quite been feeling 100% and I wish I had more comforting or insightful words to share. Perhaps you have a different perspective now and things that would previously make you worry pale in comparison to the importance of having a healthy pregnancy and child. I can certainly think of things that seemed so important before that just seem kinda "meh" right now and part of me thinks because planning for a kid and solving kid-related problems (like finding a trust-worthy daycare that I can afford) suddenly seems so much more important than xx problem to me.
I too haven't been feeling 100% like myself. I blame the fog and fatigue of the first trimester combined with general winter ickiness, but for me it (finally!) feels like it's lifting a tad. I did struggle with getting DH to understand what I was going through it was really tough at times to get him to understand why I had so little to give in the way of household help. But my best friend (who has a 8 month old) actually called him one day to talk about how things were going. I'm glad she took a moment to listen to him and support him, but also support me by explaining just how horrible the first trimester was for her and her husband as well.
What I have found that helps me is doing some sort of exercise (me and DS do our own rendition to Zumba in the kitchen and have dance parties). Or whenever the weather is semi-decent, we go for a walk together.
The thing I've been finding most challenging is working full time, having a toddler, and being pregnant. I just can't win at everything and that's frustrating to me. Since DH is home with DS the majority of the time, DS has grown partial to his dad, and while I understand this, it's still really hard for me to deal with. For instance, when he gets hurt, he'll run to dad. In the morning when he wakes up, he'll yell for DH. I feel like I've failed at motherhood (my most important job). When this LO comes along, I plan to take a year off from work. This I fear will be a challenge in itself. I'm so torn because as much as I dream staying home with my children, I'm also sacrificing a lot by not having my own paycheck (DH is really generous, so it's all in my head) and not having adult communication (although I'm a high school teacher and don't experience it frequently anyway lol). We will also have to resort to another form of health insurance since we are dependent on my benefits. These are the random thoughts that are brewing in my head as I'm trying to be excited for the pregnancy and bringing a new member into our family.
So, I think it's totally normal you're feeling all of these emotions! I talk to a counselor about 2x a month and it's nice releasing some of these worries/pains to another professional woman who has been through the same circumstances as me. Good luck and know we are always here on TB
I had a pretty yucky case of the winter blues last winter so I started taking Vitamin D3 in December and still do today. I checked with my doctor who said it was good.
During all the first tri yuckyness and fatigue, I constantly didn't feel like myself and would always apologize to DH for it. I felt no desire to leave the house or even watch our favorite shows together. I lost interest in many things I loved but, thankfully, I knew it was because I couldn't help feeling down when I was nauseous and/or puking every moment I was awake.
Over the last few years, I've had a tendency to slip easily into clinical depression and I do feel like the vitamin D helps. All my doctors (GP, OB and psychologist) want to monitor me closely after I give birth for PPD and one already gave me medication to keep for when baby gets here. I've been on and off medication for some time so we'll see how therapy goes by then.
I'm early into the second tri and don't feel 100% normal but I feel that I won't go back to my "normal" until after baby comes. I don't like going out all day, if I'm out of the house for over a couple hours, I get this feeling tht I just want to be home in bed so we end up coming back. I'm actually okay with this, though, I just feel like I'm changing, even if it is temporary, and I'm good with changes as long as they don't intervene with my life.
I am also beginning of 2nd tri and am hoping that this improves soon. I feel the fatigue starting to alleviate which is a good thing. I still haven't told my work that I am pregnant and am dreading it as my timing is not great since we just had major restructuring and I know they won't be happy.
I wish any others who may at times feel similar all the best in this new range of emotions.
Throwing this out there...
One of my good friends saw a counselor who specializes in pregnancy and postpartum throughout her first pregnancy and I plan to do the same. Obviously this depends on resources in your area and finances, but it made a huge difference for her, and I think it will for me too.
I struggle with the same sort of questions - is there something wrong with me or is it normal to feel this way? It helps me to talk this through with someone who sees pregnant women all the time, and understands the range of emotions that women go through. I also like having a credible outlet - I love my friends, family and husband, but I hate to burden them with all my random thoughts and sometimes they don't always give the best advice.
I'm sorry you've got the blues. As a first-time mom, I can't offer much advice, but I can tell you you are not alone. I have had moments during my pregnancy where I feel very alone, despite having an incredibly loving and supportive husband and family. Sometimes it's hard to get myself out of a funk. Don't get me wrong --- becoming pregnant is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Despite the horrible morning sickness + other not-so-delightful pregnancy side effects, I am so very happy.
One thing I've been trying in hopes of helping those bluesy days is to do one thing every day that makes me happy. It can be anything, big or small --- going on a walk, reading a book, sitting outside, going shopping, indulging in a treat, cooking --- but I try to do something every day, just for me.
I hope this thread helps all of us. Women kick ass.
First time mom to a human but have been a puppy mamma for over 12 years
Fast forward to this pregnancy and it was almost to the day of my bfp that I starting feeling exactly like you explained. But I noticed my anxiety has sky rocketed to the point where I'm considering medication. I haven't done enough research to know if it's okay to start while pregnant and haven't talked to my doctor about it in length. I briefly mentioned my anxiety at my 14 week check up. My thinking is just to ride it out and if I still feel this way after birth then I would consider meds.
Well this month has been hell for me, and finding out my dog has cancer last night, after many lows on the family front this month, is pretty much icing on the cake. Sometimes I wonder how much bad news a person can really take without falling apart. Needless to say, after no sleep for three days and the news of my dog (may sound silly to some but she is everything to me), instead of planning my girls birthday party today like I planned, I decided to hang low and enjoy a nice cry session during nap time. I feel a little better.
Im hoping you feel better soon. Have you mentioned any of this to your doctor? I have an appointment on April 4 and plan on talking to mine about everything. I'm justifying my feelings by saying I'm just overwhelmed with all the bad news I'm getting plus raising two spunky girls while pregnant and husband traveling for work every weekend.
Wow....I think I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading my novel
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
Hang in there! Xoxo
and the dogs definitely take a back seat to the kids once they are here. But they know after bedtime it's their cuddle time! One is in between my legs now and the other on my hip haha
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
However, and this is kinda of everyone, since you mentioned PPD and you sound as if you are concerned that you might be experiencing depression again, My advice (since you asked) would be to seek out a professional to talk to. I'm a LMFT (licensed marriage and family therapist) and I understand how hard living with depression can be and if you're even a little worried there is no harm in looking into it. Besides Once you find someone you like (a very VERY important piece to successful care) you'll then have an easy/comfortable go-to if you experience PPD again. Just that fact alone might take some anxiety out of the situation.
I have struggled more with this pregnancy than the other two. Although I'm happy to say that I've been feeling more like myself the last few weeks. I assume it's because the first trimester hormone surge is slowing down a bit.
I don't have any advice except what I learn in therapy - acknowledge your feelings, and don't fight them. If I'm having a bad day, I say "I'm feeling _______. It's ok, it's just (hormones, work, family, etc). It will pass and I'll feel better soon." The more I fight my anxiety and depression, the worse it gets.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety at 14 and have struggled with both my entire life. I was on antidepressants until I was about 21 and then voluntarily (with the help of my doctor, of course) got off of them to try only counseling/therapy instead. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get the support I needed, but I managed to get along fine. I still have random attacks of anxiety and depression but they're much less often and usually less severe than they were years ago.
Now that I'm pregnant, however, I feel like I'm constantly down. I feel sick all the time. I never want to eat. Putting food in my mouth makes me cry sometimes, even when I feel like I'm starving. And then I feel guilty. I feel like I'm hurting the baby, and it's completely preventable, and my fault.
I plan on bringing this up at my next appointment but... I just don't know what to do. I feel like I have no willpower. I'm miserable.
Hormones suck, basically.
Thank you ladies!!
@PoodleDoodleOoo I think an emotional weekly or monthly thread would be great. Like you, I think it's important to talk about - whether the blues/depression/anxiety are something you've dealt with previously or are new to pregnancy. The best way to work through it is to talk it out, sometimes!
@RedMar I love your Zumba kitchen sessions with your DS! They sound like fun!
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom Interesting about the D3. I'm going to look into that! I'm glad you've found relief from it and it sounds like you have a great support system in place for when things get hairy.
@Geminigirl16 I hear you on feeling like you're going through life on "auto-pilot" but I'm so sorry you're dealing with it, too. I hope the weather helps things take a turn for you and, if not, don't hesitate to try some other more proactive approaches to lifting the fog. You deserve to be happy and "clear". It's not always easy to make that happen but we owe it to ourselves to at least give it a shot!
@nativetexan512 I'd never heard of counselors who specialize in pregnancy / PP but it totally makes sense. I'll definitely be looking into that!
@ElcaB Good for you for doing something nice for yourself each day! It really is necessary - how can we take care of others if we're not taking care of ourselves first?
@blondie080300 I hope you can get out of your funk soon! I think you're right, though, as long as we're aware of it and bringing it up (in whatever fashion) when needed, we're taking care of ourselves and that's first and foremost! I, too, have felt disconnected with this pregnancy which is part of where my funk stems from, I think. I was SO connected with DD. But I could also be remembering a later time in pregnancy, when I was showing more and she was moving more...so hoping that connection will still manifest itself for both (ALL) of us!!
@Seitzy3 I'm sorry to hear about everything you're going through. None of that sounds easy and to top it all of with the news about your poor pup!? I wish you the very, very best and hope you can find relief from your anxiety soon (and not have to wait until your pregnancy is over). And I hope your pup's treatments help her live a long, happy life with you and your family!
@beachmama14 Sorry to hear you also are in a bit of a funk. I hope you can pull out of it when the nicer weather hits and you can get out and about more. Don't beat yourself up about not getting to the dishes and laundry. It's not pathetic at all. I think every woman in S16 can relate!
@Cameron1113 Thank you for your advice. I will definitely be seeking a counselor here in the near future. At first I felt I didn't "need" to but now I'm of the opinion, "why not!?" If it can help, even a little, I deserve that and so does my family.
@homebird Yes! The more I fight my feelings, they worse they get. Thank you for reminding me of that. I hope you, too, can find relief and enjoy your pregnancy. Stay strong!
@jln27 Oh hon, I'm so, so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you've got it rough. When is your next appointment? I might consider calling your OB - today, even - to discuss what's been going on. You don't deserve to have to live through that and I think it's especially scary if it's affecting your eating habits. Why go through one more day if you don't have to? Please, call your doctor. And keep us posted. If there's any way we can help, even just by "listening" we're here!
@schuberta I'm sure you wish you didn't have these feelings at all but, at the very least, isn't it nice to know you're not alone? Hang in there!
Thank you all, again, for your posts on this thread - whether to courageously share your own feelings or to offer advice! Our bodies are going through something tremendous right now. Sure, there will be good days and bad but after thinking about my own feelings these last few days, reading all of your posts, and feeling how GOOD it feels to get it out there / talk about it, I'm ready to be more proactive in seeking help and making a change. I hope you all can do the same or, at the very least, lean on S16 for support when needed!
I was just thinking of starting an anxiety thread because I'm struggling very much with it this round. I got PPA after my daughter and it lightened up after a year but I still get bouts of fear/anxiety after several surgeries and a few healthy concerns.
My fears go from my own health to the baby (I think of things between prenatal appointments but when I get to the dr I go blank and don't bring things up. I end up gooling and driving myself insane with what the internet says) to my kids to my husband and then back on finances and work (my company that DH and I both work for is filing bankruptcy).
Most of the time I can keep a balance and I see a therapist (counselor) once a month but I'm upping that after reading suggestions above to 2x a month because talking to DH or family just worries them and their advice I don't tend to really "hear", does that make sense?
DH and I are really hoping for a better after birth since that is when things turned for the worse last time, gallbladder removal, depression/anxiety and then a few more surgeries (out patient) but with my anxiety they threw me for a loop. DH keeps saying "I just want you to enjoy this pregnancy"... I enjoyed it last time but this time after everything that's happened since my first its hard to not be so anxious. I don't remember getting so wound up until gb surgery started health spirals.
I'm so tired of being afraid and feel like I often look for something to be afraid of. This sounds so ridiculous once I type it out but its what's going on in my head. I'm grateful to be pg again and happy for another child. There is just so much I didn't think about or expect would happen right now - how do you shut the snowball down and maintain your sanity??
Personally, while I think having had previous issues with PPD makes me more anxious this time around (the fears of repeat), I also hope that having previous experience will help me deal with it sooner and more effectively this time if it does happen again. Not sure if that helps qualm some of your fears at all but it helps me to look at it in that light sometimes.
If you're feeling more anxious than usual then increasing your sessions with your therapist is a great idea. If, after a time, you decide to go back to once per month, no harm done!
I totally get the issues talking with friends and family over professionals. If I talk to DH about my fears/anxieties, I just project them on him. And when he worries, it worries me even more! My best friend listens and really tries to help but also just doesn't get it. So I hear you! On the "snowball" thing, too. I think of it as a "hamster wheel" in my brain. It's tough to get off of but it's absolutely necessary to maintain sanity. Again, no enlightening advice there - just know you're not alone, if that helps even in the slightest.
I really hope you can find some relief. Keep us posted!
Best friend has never been pregnant before, DH is wonderful, but we have a lot going on outside of the pregnancy.
To anyone who is considering talking to someone but is concerned that it's not worth it/too expensive - do it if you can. I go twice a month(ish) and it's nice just to get some stuff off of your chest with out judgement. It's also a good place (or at least, should be) for you to be reassured that you are not losing your mind, and most of this stuff is normal, treatable and will hopefully pass.