Bridesmaid at 36 weeks - Dilemma

balamama · March 2016

Fairly soon after I got pregnant one of my closest friends got engaged. I had told her right when I got my BFP and she really wanted to make sure I could be at her wedding, so after a ton of negotiation with her fiancé, she planned an April wedding rather than a May or June one. She's getting married in Long Island (about a 2.5 hour drive from me) in two weeks and just sent out the wedding weekend itinerary. As with a lot of weddings, it's a FULL day of activity, including traveling from hotel to church to venue with the bridal party (all of which are ~20-30 min away from each other) from about 9AM-11PM.

As I get bigger and more uncomfortable and more exhausted I'm concerned about how I'm going to be able to make it through the day. Today all I've done is get up, make breakfast, do a short workout and take a nap and I'm wiped out. There doesn't seem to be a lot of down time and since we're going to be hopping from place to place and my husband won't be with me a lot of the day (he's not in the bridal party and the bus only has enough room for bridesmaids/groomsmen) I'm getting worried about overdoing it but also about disappointing her. Obviously she knows how pregnant I'll be but I'm sure she's not focused on that as her wedding approaches.

Anyway, would love suggestions/advice about how to handle the wedding weekend without going into early labor/disappointing my friend.

vinerie · March 2016

Obviously you need to listen to your body. You don't want to go into labor early. That being said, I'd probably do what I could for my friend. One long day (assuming everything is normal) is probably okay. I probably wouldn't stay until the bitter end of the wedding, though. Or at least I wouldn't be leading the dance party portion! I suspect it would be fine to be on the fringe of the action as the night progresses--feet up. Your friend will understand--especially if you give her lots of compliments and help beforehand

vinerie · March 2016

--Also, bring some comfy shoes for non-picture, ceremony time!

js8812 · March 2016

I would participate in all of the early activities, but wouldn't feel bad turning in early once the dance gets rolling if you're tired.

hellogoodbye2 · March 2016

I agree ^^ I wouldn't worry too much. It's going to be an exhausting day, but only one! Listen to your body and take breaks/sit down when you can. Stay hydrated!!

kbrands7 · March 2016

Just as PP mentioned, just be sure to sit when you can with your feet up and stay hydrated. I was in a wedding last pregnancy (like you, DH wasn't in the bridal party). I managed the day festivities, but DH and I went back to the hotel to rest after the cake was cut and only dancing was left. I let the bride and groom know ahead of time that I likely wouldn't last all night and they understood.

JennyS86 · March 2016

I second the listen to your body advice. If you can, consider really resting the day before, and planning to the day after. I think staying hydrated and sitting when you can will do you well, though then you may need a million bathroom breaks.

I generally love to dance at weddings - but I agree, time to peace out and sleep

I hope you feel better than I did at a wedding at 8weeks pregnant (not in bridal party thank goodness!). I had just been in the ER the day before for dehydration, and it was a 4hr drive, all while trying to keep the pregnancy at secret. and traveling with the twins. blahhh

balamama · March 2016

Thanks for the responses. I agree, I should just give her a heads up ahead of time that I've been tired lately and probably won't make it to the end of the reception. Luckily two of the other bridesmaids have children and will understand the need to sit down/rest periodically.

thismakes4 · March 2016

I second what PP had to say about resting, being comfy, and staying hydrated. Also keep some healthy snacks and food around. May seem like a hassle but it's better than going hungry or eating too much junk food. Oh and most importantly, have fun!

2.red.heads · March 2016

babyfmama said:

Thanks for the responses. I agree, I should just give her a heads up ahead of time that I've been tired lately and probably won't make it to the end of the reception. Luckily two of the other bridesmaids have children and will understand the need to sit down/rest periodically.

That's good that a couple others have been pregnant before so they'll understand. Three weeks ago (30 wks pg w/twins) was our big elementary school auction that I helped co-chair. It was also a 9am-midnight kind of thing. I made it! It was fun and tiring! What majorly helped me was in the middle of the day I was able to go home and lay down for an hour. That was huge. If you're able to put your feet up and zone out for a bit that will be refreshing. Maybe your DH can even drive to where you're at in case you want to slip away and attempt to louge in the car.

But yes, it's one day, you can do it. It will be a great memory for you and your friend.

PS - double check where the hospitals are around the reception! just in case!

lalala2004 · March 2016

Just get rest whenever you can, obviously people will understand! Even though most days I could probably lay in bed all day, when push comes to shove, I can power through any task or activity that need to be done, albeit more slowly....

Delitachan · March 2016

Talk to your doctor. I told mine that we were invited to a wedding (I'll be 35 weeks) and we really should go since they're very close friends of DH and I. Doc said that it was not a good idea (but go if I want to), but that he'd be willing to be the bad guy and take the blame for not attending.

hellogoodbye2 · March 2016

@Delitachan why did your doc think it was a bad idea to attend a wedding at 35w?? Unless you are on bed rest or the wedding is very far away I don't see a problem.

balamama · March 2016

I did ask my doctor and she said if I were to go into labor as long as we had the car and my husband she would just advise driving back and heading straight to the hospital. I've (luckily) had a very healthy and relatively easy pregnancy thus far so there's no reason I shouldn't be able to go. It's really about whether I'm going to be able to handle the marathon day and be able to participate fully and not disappoint my friend.

buffythevampireslayer · March 2016

Wow that must feel like a lot of pressure--weddings are just so crazy to me! I would just listen to your body and do what you need. Hopefully she will be so focused on her wedding she won't notice if you are sitting or tired or whatever. And find someone who will rub your feet at some points during the party.

20bridetobe15 · March 2016

I don't have any advice to add, but I will be a bridesmaid in a wedding at 33 weeks and will be keeping all this in mind! Luckily my husband is a groomsman as well so he will be on hand should I need him. We are flying from North Carolina to Indiana for the wedding and my doctor has no problem with it!

lest12 · March 2016

I don't know how you're friend will react, but my first thought is that I would skip out on the bridal party bus, and just follow the group with your husband driving behind them.

For me at this point (35 weeks) the idea of hopping on and off a bus and being in an uncomfortable seat wearing a dress is too much. Riding in your car with your husband, where you can take your shoes off, have a snack, ask him to grab you a water, complain about how miserable you are, etc., just sounds so much better and like it might make the very long day more bearable.

ETA - I was my sister's MOH 3 months PP and drove from the church to the hall with my husband so I could pump in the car. I didn't have many other options. It wasn't ideal but it wasn't the worst thing in the world, either.

balamama · March 2016

lest12 said:

I don't know how you're friend will react, but my first thought is that I would skip out on the bridal party bus, and just follow the group with your husband driving behind them.

For me at this point (35 weeks) the idea of hopping on and off a bus and being in an uncomfortable seat wearing a dress is too much. Riding in your car with your husband, where you can take your shoes off, have a snack, ask him to grab you a water, complain about how miserable you are, etc., just sounds so much better and like it might make the very long day more bearable.

ETA - I was my sister's MOH 3 months PP and drove from the church to the hall with my husband so I could pump in the car. I didn't have many other options. It wasn't ideal but it wasn't the worst thing in the world, either.

that's a good idea... maybe I'll take the bus to the ceremony and then get a ride with my husband to the reception when people will (presumably) be getting rowdy/drinking on the bus and all I want to do is stretch out and take my shoes off.

lest12 · March 2016

That might work!

pia_colada · March 2016

I think you'll be fine. I'm in a bridal party where one of the bridesmaids is due the day before the wedding and another bridesmaid is due a week after

gingerbride26 · April 2016

I'm also a bridesmaid at about 36 weeks. We have a 12 hour drive down to the wedding - but sounds like less day-of shuffling (just hotel to venue) in our own car. Doctor wasn't concerned at all. It's my best friend's wedding and I'm not missing it.

We're splitting the drive over multiple days with frequent breaks, and playing the "after party" and group things by ear. Probably will just go to the rehearsal dinner the day before and skip the bar hang outs. Day off it's a long/early day with getting ready and pictures but less than 10 hours and no worse than a day at the office. I'll sit whenever possible and stay hydrated. Already know my sorority sisters will keep my husband busy on the dance floor while I sit at the table with my feet up. Bride-approved backup plan is that my husband stand in for me in the party (we're all close from college and there's a groom's lady too so it's not that weird in our circle). We're bringing the hospital bag and car seat just to be safe but are not expecting any issues.

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