Working mom rant

Aug2016BBNY · February 2016

This is totally not meant to offend anyone but is something I just need to get off my chest. I figure this board might be a little more receptive to it...

A Letter to Ignorant Women, Especially Other Moms:

Dear Ignorant Women (or anyone who wishes to pass judgment, for that matter),

There really isn't anything more exciting than starting a family with the person you love. Even though he is still just a tiny peach growing inside me, I already love my baby boy so much and want to give him only the best.

But there is something else that I love very much, and which, up to this point, I have spent my whole adult life working for - my career. Yes, even with impending motherhood, my career is still extremely important to me and, at 30 years old, there are still a whole slew of goals I have yet to accomplish. Goals I have set for myself - probably due to my inherently competitive nature - but also, now, goals that will help me provide a beautiful life of enrichment and opportunity for my children.

The unfortunate side effect of accomplishing these goals? Hard work. Long hours. The constant sacrifice of free time. But, as someone that has always had her eyes on the prize, these obstacles do not deter me.

"But how will you choose between a career and a baby?" "How can you leave your child with a stranger everyday?" "Take it easy, stress isn't good for the baby!"

All of these statements not only offend me, but they completely infuriate me. First of all, Mrs. I-Just-Had-A-Baby-And-Have-Worked-Part-Time-Virtually-My-Entire-Life, or Ms. I'm-Six-Months-More-Pregnant-Than-You-Are-So-I'm-The-Authority-On-Motherhood,* who are you to tell me that I have to "choose" between a career and taking care of my child? Who are you to say that if I do not spend a certain number of hours a day with my baby, that I am automatically a "bad" mother? And who are you to jump to the conclusion that because I work long hours (by choice) at a job I am proud of and that I find intellectually stimulating, I am "stressed" and putting my baby in danger?

I do not judge those women who choose to be stay at home moms. My own mother gave up her career and was a stay at home mom to three kids. I do not judge those women that choose to have "jobs" rather than "careers" (this distinction is not itself a criticism- there truly is a difference). I don't even judge the women who decide that they do not want to have children at all. If you have different goals and a different life path planned than I do, that is 100% ok. Everyone is the director of their own life. But all I ask in return is that you, Woman with Different Priorities and Views on Family, please keep your judgments to yourself. Realize that not everyone wants the same life that you want for yourself. Not every woman believes that once you give birth your entire pre-baby life needs to come to a screeching halt.

Do I purport to know everything there is to know about taking care of a baby? No way. Do I even fathom what it is like to give birth? Hell, I'm just trying to figure out all the weird stuff happening to my body one week at a time. But what I do know is that for as long as I can remember, I have worked hard, worked long hours, and constantly sacrificed my free time, and I am so proud of everything I have accomplished because of it. And I do not believe that -with the help and support of my husband, his family, and (gasp!) a hired nanny, that I cannot continue to achieve my goals, one of which is to help provide a wonderful life for my future children.

And if I'm in for a rude awakening and find out that I can't "have it all"? That's fine too- I'll adjust, and re-adjust, until I find a way that works. But at least I will have tried. That, to me, is the most important piece of this puzzle. And for you to tell me that I should stop trying so hard- well, I guess I just feel sorry for you and the example you will be setting for your children.

Sincerely,

A Working Mom

*coincidentally the same person that thought it was appropriate to give me advice on how to get pregnant in the first place.

NurseRieger · February 2016

Don't let people get to you, the commentary is just beginning. Everyone likes to put their 2 cents in about breastmilk vs formula, cosleep vs CIO, hell even circumcision vs foreskin. If you let people get under your skin you will be constantly irritated. You owe no one an explanation and plenty of moms work full time by necessity or choice. I just ignore it and be proud of the choices you will make as a mom.

SmrBrd2012 · February 2016

Yeah...I agree with PP. It's the only beginning of never ending comments.

I absolutely hate the "But how will you choose between a career and a baby?" "How can you leave your child with a stranger everyday?" questions. Isn't it interesting that no one ever asks the father these questions? Luckily, I'm in an area where it is the complete norm to work and not stay home so I don't get these comments a lot. It's actually quite common for moms to work these days. Some stats are as high as 70%. The easiest thing to say is that you're doing what is best for your family. The end.

NurseRieger · February 2016

@SmrBrd2012 That's a good point. I should ask my husband if anyone gave him a hard time about me going back to work. I doubt a single friend was like "how can you have your wife work full time?" I'm very lucky because I have my mom watching the baby 1 or 2 nights a week and he's home with my husband the other nights. I'm a night shift RN so I work 3 12hr shifts a week. So far I'm not having trouble balancing work and home life. Get quality time with DH on out nights off after LO falls asleep, and managing to keep up with housework, groceries, cooking. Only thing I'm lacking on is "me time." Honestly your network will become other working moms because when you hear a SAHM complaining about not having free time or being so busy or so much housework it gets obnoxious.

TRA0816 · February 2016

NurseRieger said:

@SmrBrd2012 That's a good point. I should ask my husband if anyone gave him a hard time about me going back to work. I doubt a single friend was like "how can you have your wife work full time?" I'm very lucky because I have my mom watching the baby 1 or 2 nights a week and he's home with my husband the other nights. I'm a night shift RN so I work 3 12hr shifts a week. So far I'm not having trouble balancing work and home life. Get quality time with DH on out nights off after LO falls asleep, and managing to keep up with housework, groceries, cooking. Only thing I'm lacking on is "me time." Honestly your network will become other working moms because when you hear a SAHM complaining about not having free time or being so busy or so much housework it gets obnoxious.

So it's possible to be a new mommy and work night shift? I work in production and when I go back I'll be in a night shift rotation. I'm so nervous! I hate the thought of my baby having to spend nights with my mom because my husband works until midnight

kimmee1997 · March 2016

BabyArnold2016 said:

NurseRieger said:

@SmrBrd2012 That's a good point. I should ask my husband if anyone gave him a hard time about me going back to work. I doubt a single friend was like "how can you have your wife work full time?" I'm very lucky because I have my mom watching the baby 1 or 2 nights a week and he's home with my husband the other nights. I'm a night shift RN so I work 3 12hr shifts a week. So far I'm not having trouble balancing work and home life. Get quality time with DH on out nights off after LO falls asleep, and managing to keep up with housework, groceries, cooking. Only thing I'm lacking on is "me time." Honestly your network will become other working moms because when you hear a SAHM complaining about not having free time or being so busy or so much housework it gets obnoxious.

So it's possible to be a new mommy and work night shift? I work in production and when I go back I'll be in a night shift rotation. I'm so nervous! I hate the thought of my baby having to spend nights with my mom because my husband works until midnight

It's possible. Like the one above I was a night shift nurse. With the help of my husband and his mom, it was possible. I'm not sure how anyone else did it, and I worked only in night shift for about 6-9 months, but we attempted it without day care. Looking back, if I was going to do it long term, I would think at some point daycare would be needed. Because when I got off at 715 in the morning, I had to stay awake for my son. Luckily my mother in law would take pity on me and keep him during the day so I could sleep because when I worked back to back, I just had to get sleep during the day to function for the next night. But the flip flopping of my schedule was hard. I know it's doable because I saw many nurses do it, but man it is hard. which is why I only lasted till my son was 6 months old. I would think it would only get harder the older your child gets (at least the toddler and preschool years).

snowflake2214 · March 2016

There is a book out now about time management for mothers in high power careers titled "I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time" by Laura Vanderkam. Lots of examples of mothers who also work hard at their careers.

TRA0816 · April 2016

kimmee1997 said:

BabyArnold2016 said:

NurseRieger said:

@SmrBrd2012 That's a good point. I should ask my husband if anyone gave him a hard time about me going back to work. I doubt a single friend was like "how can you have your wife work full time?" I'm very lucky because I have my mom watching the baby 1 or 2 nights a week and he's home with my husband the other nights. I'm a night shift RN so I work 3 12hr shifts a week. So far I'm not having trouble balancing work and home life. Get quality time with DH on out nights off after LO falls asleep, and managing to keep up with housework, groceries, cooking. Only thing I'm lacking on is "me time." Honestly your network will become other working moms because when you hear a SAHM complaining about not having free time or being so busy or so much housework it gets obnoxious.

So it's possible to be a new mommy and work night shift? I work in production and when I go back I'll be in a night shift rotation. I'm so nervous! I hate the thought of my baby having to spend nights with my mom because my husband works until midnight

It's possible. Like the one above I was a night shift nurse. With the help of my husband and his mom, it was possible. I'm not sure how anyone else did it, and I worked only in night shift for about 6-9 months, but we attempted it without day care. Looking back, if I was going to do it long term, I would think at some point daycare would be needed. Because when I got off at 715 in the morning, I had to stay awake for my son. Luckily my mother in law would take pity on me and keep him during the day so I could sleep because when I worked back to back, I just had to get sleep during the day to function for the next night. But the flip flopping of my schedule was hard. I know it's doable because I saw many nurses do it, but man it is hard. which is why I only lasted till my son was 6 months old. I would think it would only get harder the older your child gets (at least the toddler and preschool years).

I am doing it now...but its dang hard. I never sleep. Ever. I've actually bidded out to another job within the company..pay cut but it's m-f day shift only and I start monday. I cannot keep going like I am...

Aug2016BBNY · April 2016

Just wanted to jump back in and give some respect to all these working moms! You are all incredible and your children are lucky to have you- we can all get through this by lifting each other up and encouraging each other. It truly is an amazing thing you are all doing and I have nothing but respect for you all! xoxo

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