I am amazed at the idiots that are running around among us. I mean who raised these people? Pregnant people are all around us- you think that people would have come up with some standard, safe question or comment to make.
I watched a video this morning comparing the way Donald Trump speaks about women and the way President Obama does. Trump really truly believes that the only thing women have of worth is their looks. And the discussion here today just confirms my fear that he is not in the minority.
Now that I am bringing another woman into the world it has become all that much clearer. It is so fucked up the way women are treated on a daily basis to the point that we are expected to be the bigger people time and time again.
I find the responsibility of raising a strong and independent woman amongst this bullshit to be staggering. And daunting. And frankly scary.
i consider myself a pretty strong person in some regards. And in many ways, I think ive just gotten lucky. I've managed to get myself out of a date rape situation and have been harassed but not hurt a few times. I've also learned to tune out the walking commentary on my body. I can only do so much for my daughter- some of it is just going to be the luck of the draw and that is terrifying.
This rant is fueled by this discussion, the trump video and recently watching the hunting ground.
I enjoy a good Lofthouse/"cupcake" cookie... DS demands them when he sees them in the grocery store. I will say, though, that yesterday I had a bite of one after DS had scraped off the icing, and it sucked absolutely all of the moisture out of my mouth. Cup of milk to wash it down for the save, though!
@Natinat6 the responsibility also falls on those of us who will be raising boys. We need to make sure they grow up to be respectful feminists instead of sexist asshats. Respect for the woman's body and person is not her responsibility to demand, it is the other's responsibility to offer.
@Natinat6 the responsibility also falls on those of us who will be raising boys. We need to make sure they grow up to be respectful feminists instead of sexist asshats. Respect for the woman's body and person is not the her responsibility to demand, it is the other's responsibility to offer.
@natinat6 YES to you both! My very sensitive sister (who left an abusive boyfriend before having kids) has two boys. I always say she was the best of us to raise boys because she will raise them to be sensitive and kind to women.
My DH & I are having our 2nd girl. He's one of 5 boys (+1 sister but she was little when he left for college). My husband coaches a women's athletic team and I'm a no-nonsense person so I like that they'll be raised to be strong women (and surrounded by strong women!).
We're all responsible for not raising assholes! LOL
Not really juicy, and maybe more of a FFFC, but I freaking love coordinating outfits for siblings. Colors and/or styles! Love it!!! Every chance I get I coordinate my boys and will continue to do it for as long as they let me.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
My u/o, I side eye anyone who buys a bunny during Easter for their kids then dumps them off at a shelter because you're crap kids are bored with it.
So much this. Same for people who buy puppies for their kids for Christmas, but aren't willing to accept their responsibility to care for and raise the dog for the rest of its life. Puppies are wonderful and cute, but they grow fast. Make sure you are ready for a family dog when that puppy stage is over and the kids don't think the responsibilities involved are a novelty anymore.
Strangers can feel free to make rude comments to me. I'm a raving b!tch and they're going to get an earful in return. Comment at your own risk motherf*<kers! (That should be a maternity shirt.) I also hate Lofthouse cookies! Yucky plastic cookies got nothing on grandma's chocolate chip. I totally discriminate. Don't try to feed me oatmeal and tell me it's a cookie either- your oats and fruit WISH they were a cookie!
UO: I don't care if I'm supposed to leave my nipples alone. I have lightening tits and I'm expressing milk when I need to because I can't deal with it. Everyone keeps telling me not to touch, but they hurt and expressing a little milk feels like a big relief! I feel like a little kid with adults telling me not to touch my own body and I don't like it...
UO: I don't care if I'm supposed to leave my nipples alone. I have lightening tits and I'm expressing milk when I need to because I can't deal with it. Everyone keeps telling me not to touch, but they hurt and expressing a little milk feels like a big relief! I feel like a little kid with adults telling me not to touch my own body and I don't like it...
@Natinat6 You are so right about raising boys to be respectful. I get asked all the time what I am most excited for when it comes to having a boy, that I can teach him to fish or play baseball? Ummm no because girls can do those things too, I do! I am most excited about teaching him my values and morals. My H and I talk all the time about how we are going to make sure that he respects women and doesn't turn out to be a douche asshole who treats women like they are there for his enjoyment, like many men do these days. My H is incredibly respectful and I hope my little guy turns out just like him. I cannot wait to see him grow into a loving and caring child and adult. It makes me smile just thinking about it
Ok, so I just came back from lunch and the old hag that sits across from me literally goes,"well it was a nice half hour." I am not making this up, I'm the only one that has been gone in the whole row. You want to talk about the verbal self control I had and still proud of myself. I did however, go tell someone that she's making me uncomfortable. Fun fact, I also have never spoken to this woman ever.
Moment has kindof passed but I think it's ridiculous that women are expected to be polite and just accept it as "well it's going to happen" when people make completely rude and inappropriate comments about body, pregnancy, parenting, etc. The focus should definitely be on teaching people that it isn't okay to say those things. Like Thumper's momma always told him...
@LadyFleck the woman in the gym bathroom who looked at my belly with an 'I smell shit' face didn't seem excited for my pregnancy. She did look shocked and mortified when I leaned over to her and said 'Yeah, there's a baby in there, bitch'. She wasn't a snotty 'fit chick', either, she had far from the perfect body and just seemed like she wanted to give my belly a judgemental stare. Shout out to the two 'fit chicks' who had walked past me earlier, one pointed to me and said something to her friend, and they both looked and smiled. People who are happy with themselves normally don't make a habit of being shitty to others, fyi.
Not really juicy, and maybe more of a FFFC, but I freaking love coordinating outfits for siblings. Colors and/or styles! Love it!!! Every chance I get I coordinate my boys and will continue to do it for as long as they let me.
I've never been a fan of matching outfits... until I found out I was having my 2nd girl. Now I'm probably going to have both girls in the same (or coordinating) Christmas dresses/Easter dresses, etc. Hahahahaha!
Haha looks like my opinion is pretty unpopular, which I figured it would be!
I totally get that everyone has varying levels of tolerance, sensitivity, and ballsiness (is that how you spell that) when it comes to responding to comments from others. And @Lindsayleigh1989, my comment was not meant to be judgy of other women for those differences.
In fact, it comes from a place of wanting everyone to not feel so unhappy when it inevitably happens. I hate seeing other people unhappy and I wish I could wave a magic wand for everyone (here and in real life) to be able to block out the unwanted comments. So when all you ladies get stressed and angry about something that more often than not wasn't not MEANT to be hurtful, I wish it just *POOF* didn't bother you.
And I'm not commenting on whether these outsiders are right or wrong for what they are saying, or for saying anything at all. The fact is....it IS going to happen, and we only have control over what we do about it. Some like to get feisty and react (and there are days I get feisty, believe me), but in general, I don't see the point in letting it ruin my day.
As for those d-bags that do mean for it to be hurtful....they deserve all the wrath we can muster. I think a few of you have some MILs that fall into that category.
Totally disagree. Between my two pregnancies, I still had a tummy as my ab muscles separated with DD. I had a coworker RUB MY STOMACH and comment about how exciting it was that I was pregnant. That sucked, and I felt like crap. I wasn't rude to her, I didn't get feisty, but I did tell her I'm not pregnant. She felt awful and was basically crying apologizing to me. She clearly didn't mean to be rude, but she was damn rude and made me feel like shit about my body in that moment. She said she'd never assume a woman was pregnant again, so I feel like by not letting it just roll of my back I have hopefully prevented another woman being hurt.
It's never appropriate to comment on a woman's body. Have you ever walked up to a random man in the grocery store or a coworker and complimented his biceps? Walked up to a man on the beach and rubbed his abs or his beer belly? No because that's freaking weird. If a coworker told me "Oh look at your boobs! They're getting bigger!" would that be acceptable? Not at all. Why is someone allowed to touch or comment on my body just because it's growing a person? It's still MY body.
Mine is that I cannot stand the whole "every woman wants a little girl" mentality that floats around. Not every woman wants a little girl, most just want a kid. I don't need to have a little girl in a tutu, taking dance classes, sharing shopping adventures, getting our nails done, wedding dress shopping, etc.....just to love being a parent. Yes I do have a little girl, and pretty sure another little girl on the way, but I would have been perfectly happy with two boys. I have noticed not only with myself, but with other friends and family members, that it seems the level of excitement goes up when someone finds out your are having "mommy's little girl", and not a boy. My dream was not to have a little prissy version of myself, but to make a little human that had all of her parts, was happy, and enjoyed things that she loved doing..... even if that includes playing soccer instead of doing dance, hating fingernail polish, and loving puddles.....instead of being a girly-girl. My dream is not to have the perfect little tiny version of a fashionista/mini-me, it is to have a child that I have a great relationship with, and I help them follow his/her dreams...whatever that may be. So I want to throat punch people that get all excited about the fact that someone is having a girl and how great it is going to be, to be able to put her in dresses, get their hair done, blah blah blah.
@DobbysSockI suspected that a woman who worked at my favorite ice cream shop was pregnant for MONTHS before I dared a 'Sorry to ask, but are you pregnant?'. She smiled and said 'Yes, I'm due in a few weeks', which started a friendly conversation about both of our due dates/pregnancies and probably explained why I was getting cake batter ice cream with cookie dough and rainbow sprinkles at 11 a.m. I don't think I would have dared to even ask her if a)She didn't look like she was smuggling an award winning pumpkin and b)I wasn't pregnant myself.
I have, however, messed with my dude friends when they occasionally refuse an alcoholic drink. 'OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! I KNEW IT! YOU'RE PREGNANT! GUYS! ANDREW'S PREGNANT!' as I hug his wife and say 'Way to go, slugger!'
@kdm06c Little boys are all sorts of rad. When I first started nannying, I had two girls, and my boss told me she was pregnant....I jokingly said "I only watch girls....." She had a boy. Now I have had 12 nanny kids, and only three of them were girls, and nine were boys!
@PhoebeJune1984My favorite is when we tell people we are having a girl and they look at my husband and say 'I'm sorry'. He immediately launches into all the things he wants to teach her to do with cars, how she will learn to shoot his guns, teaching her to play video games, etc. He does admit that he will probably be wrapped around her little finger, but I doubt a son would have been any different.
@LadyFleck the woman in the gym bathroom who looked at my belly with an 'I smell shit' face didn't seem excited for my pregnancy. She did look shocked and mortified when I leaned over to her and said 'Yeah, there's a baby in there, bitch'. She wasn't a snotty 'fit chick', either, she had far from the perfect body and just seemed like she wanted to give my belly a judgemental stare. Shout out to the two 'fit chicks' who had walked past me earlier, one pointed to me and said something to her friend, and they both looked and smiled. People who are happy with themselves normally don't make a habit of being shitty to others, fyi.
I literally laughed out loud at your retort! I never said we can't set those people straight and I would've died to see the look on her face AFTER you made that comment!
@natinat6 (and all others who added to her thoughts) Yes Yes Yes. I saw that video as well and it made me feel so much rage. And regarding earlier posts about not letting unintentionally rude or inappropriate comments bother us, I feel like it's a very slippery slope to be telling our friends, sisters, and daughters "Oh just let [comment] roll off you. He just did that because he likes you/they were just excited for you/they didn't mean anything by it/it's a compliment/he's just being a jerk." If we don't teach our daughters that their feelings are valid and that they can tell someone No/you're being rude/you're making me uncomfortable/stop that/etc. it scares me for how they'll react when things go beyond "just" an inappropriate or rude comment if they're taught that being polite is more important.
I've always considered myself a feminist but I feel so much more... urgency? about it since having a daughter. I'm terrified of her having a negative relationship with her body or being mistreated, abused or assaulted by a romantic partner (or friend, acquaintance or stranger). But then I hear people saying "thank god we have boys and don't have to worry about [this topic]" and I think, are you freaking kidding me??? We ALL have to worry about this shit.
@DobbysSock I'm sorry that made you feel like shit. That does suck.
Also, I may or may not have sexually harassed males in my younger/bolder/single days and commented on their biceps, etc.....I am positive I was an asshat.
@Nerdchild see, I personally think that's fine. I'm willing to bet though that no part of your conversation after the initial question consisted of you saying "oh you're tiny/oh you're huge/are you sure it's not twins??"
For my own pregnancies, once I've CLEARLY popped I don't mind people I'm talking to asking if I'm pregnant or when I'm due. When people asked earlier in this pregnancy, before I would have been showing if it wasn't a second pregnancy and/or didn't already have a tummy before getting pregnant, it annoyed the hell out of me because I felt like they were taking a risk asking someone who's not yet obviously visibly pregnant. Especially with my body type - I tend to carry weight in my stomach, so I might have just gained a few pounds for all they knew.
@DobbysSockOh god no! I think when she told me her due date I said something like 'Yay! Long before the weather gets too hot!' and mentioned how miserable I expect to be near the end of June/beginning of July when it's normally in the triple digits. I think because of my e.d. history I am reluctant to comment on other peoples' bodies.
My boring UO: I HATE the Trefoils girl scout cookies. Shortbread is boring. I don't even like Lorna Doones that much. But, I dislike a lot of stuff other people love. Case in point: Beyonce, Michael Jackson, Teena Marie...
Within an hour of arriving at work yesterday I had 4 different people tell me "Oh you're looking very....pregnant" complete with drawn out pause. Cause I didn't feel unattractive and large and insecure enough already thanks.
And to jump onto the all-women-want-daughters train, when people ask if I know what I'm having and I tell them it's a boy, the inevitable next question is "oh....did you want a boy?" again with the pause. Well I wanted a baby so... half the time it's followed up with "well there's always next time" or "your husband must be really excited then" wtf people?
@Natinat6 Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP7OXDWof30 Fair warning I was crying by the end because there is an insane amount of truth to it. The bit about "the son of a kid you used to go swimming with" hit hard. When we got pregnant I'll admit I was hoping for a girl because I wanted the opportunity to raise a strong independent and capable daughter in today's messed up society. Once we found out it's a boy it became how do I raise an independent, capable and kind son who is strong enough to not let his peers turn him into a douchecanoe. I think my biggest parenting fear is my son turning out like one of the boys in the video. There's so much pressure to fit in and the joke around like the guys, and even if he doesn't believe in what he's saying, he's still perpetuating. @kdm06c What conversations do you have with your boys?
@Natinat6 Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP7OXDWof30 Fair warning I was crying by the end because there is an insane amount of truth to it. The bit about "the son of a kid you used to go swimming with" hit hard. When we got pregnant I'll admit I was hoping for a girl because I wanted the opportunity to raise a strong independent and capable daughter in today's messed up society. Once we found out it's a boy it became how do I raise an independent, capable and kind son who is strong enough to not let his peers turn him into a douchecanoe. I think my biggest parenting fear is my son turning out like one of the boys in the video. There's so much pressure to fit in and the joke around like the guys, and even if he doesn't believe in what he's saying, he's still perpetuating. @kdm06c What conversations do you have with your boys?
I can't tell you how often I have conversations with my son about knowing in his heart what is right and wrong. We teach every day about making good choices and helping our friends make good choices, too. I want to empower my son to feel like he has the ability to better himself and from there, better those around him.
At 6 he has already had to make difficult decisions about who he sits next to bc he can't make good decisions during circle time (i.e. can't stop talking or keep his hands to himself). He made his OWN choice to sit elsewhere bc it was "the right thing to do". It starts day 1.
And don't ever stop yourself or others from handing out (appropriate) consequences for their choices, good or bad. If a child is raised with a sense of personal accountability, they will know what is right and what is wrong, even if they slip up now and again.
@Natinat6 Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP7OXDWof30 Fair warning I was crying by the end because there is an insane amount of truth to it. The bit about "the son of a kid you used to go swimming with" hit hard. When we got pregnant I'll admit I was hoping for a girl because I wanted the opportunity to raise a strong independent and capable daughter in today's messed up society. Once we found out it's a boy it became how do I raise an independent, capable and kind son who is strong enough to not let his peers turn him into a douchecanoe. I think my biggest parenting fear is my son turning out like one of the boys in the video. There's so much pressure to fit in and the joke around like the guys, and even if he doesn't believe in what he's saying, he's still perpetuating. @kdm06c What conversations do you have with your boys?
I can't tell you how often I have conversations with my son about knowing in his heart what is right and wrong. We teach every day about making good choices and helping our friends make good choices, too. I want to empower my son to feel like he has the ability to better himself and from there, better those around him.
At 6 he has already had to make difficult decisions about who he sits next to bc he can't make good decisions during circle time (i.e. can't stop talking or keep his hands to himself). He made his OWN choice to sit elsewhere bc it was "the right thing to do". It starts day 1.
And don't ever stop yourself or others from handing out (appropriate) consequences for their choices, good or bad. If a child is raised with a sense of personal accountability, they will know what is right and what is wrong, even if they slip up now and again.
@jennyleigh16 explaining consent, no means no, respecting privacy and boundaries of everyone including themselves. We talk about the different types of bullying, how it's not OK, and what to do if you see it happening or if it happens to them. How it's OK to stand up to friends who aren't making good choices. We talk about empathy and how words are powerful so think before you speak. Making good choices that you can be proud of. How gender stereotypes are untrue and can be hurtful. And in general just being respectful to everyone. They are young so we try to keep it pretty basic.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
@PhoebeJune1984My favorite is when we tell people we are having a girl and they look at my husband and say 'I'm sorry'. He immediately launches into all the things he wants to teach her to do with cars, how she will learn to shoot his guns, teaching her to play video games, etc. He does admit that he will probably be wrapped around her little finger, but I doubt a son would have been any different.
I don't get people. They are so dumb. When we kind of realized we were most likely having another girl, my husband was more disappointed about the fact that our Team Green experience was ruined, than the fact that our second was another girl and we are almost 100% sure that we are done. I am waiting for the stupid "oh, gotta try again for that boy!" comments that will come with the birth of this child, and for my poor husband to have to repeat himself over and over that he isn't shooting (literally) for a boy, he just wanted another kid. He has already mentioned that he is not looking forward to having to defend himself when it comes to the fact that he isn't disappointed that he isn't having a boy. There was one mom from my former BMB that just had her third girl, and when she posted on FB about the sex of kid #3, the announcement was flooded with "Poor (husband's name)!", "Better keep trying for that boy!", and comments like that. Her husband was actually hoping that the third one would be another girl, so he just kind of sat back like "WTF? Cant they just say congratulations?"
@jennyleigh16 explaining consent, no means no, respecting privacy and boundaries of everyone including themselves. We talk about the different types of bullying, how it's not OK, and what to do if you see it happening or if it happens to them. How it's OK to stand up to friends who aren't making good choices. We talk about empathy and how words are powerful so think before you speak. Making good choices that you can be proud of. How gender stereotypes are untrue and can be hurtful. And in general just being respectful to everyone. They are young so we try to keep it pretty basic.
I saw a post somewhere (Facebook maybe?) I'm not sure if it was a true story or not but it was about a dad at the park whose son was playing with a girl his age, kind of tumbling around rough housing a bit. The dad kept checking in saying "Remember, if she's not having fun, you stop".
I thought it was such a simple lesson to start early with both boys and girls - and not just saying "if he/she says no, you stop" but to actually make it about body language and non-verbal cues as well as a verbal "no". I've started doing that with DD, if she gets a little rough with me I'll talk about how it's my body and if I don't like something she's not allowed to do it to my body. If she keeps going, I get up off the floor or put her down and move my body away a bit, while still talking to/playing with her. We model it with her, too. If she asks us to stop tickling we stop immediately, if she wines or pulls away from us we stop, and if she doesn't want to hug/kiss someone we tell her that's ok.
I actually am a little more scared at the idea of possibly having to teach these lessons to a boy than I am with DD. I don't know why but it seems a lot more complicated.
@jennyleigh16 explaining consent, no means no, respecting privacy and boundaries of everyone including themselves. We talk about the different types of bullying, how it's not OK, and what to do if you see it happening or if it happens to them. How it's OK to stand up to friends who aren't making good choices. We talk about empathy and how words are powerful so think before you speak. Making good choices that you can be proud of. How gender stereotypes are untrue and can be hurtful. And in general just being respectful to everyone. They are young so we try to keep it pretty basic.
I saw a post somewhere (Facebook maybe?) I'm not sure if it was a true story or not but it was about a dad at the park whose son was playing with a girl his age, kind of tumbling around rough housing a bit. The dad kept checking in saying "Remember, if she's not having fun, you stop".
I thought it was such a simple lesson to start early with both boys and girls - and not just saying "if he/she says no, you stop" but to actually make it about body language and non-verbal cues as well as a verbal "no". I've started doing that with DD, if she gets a little rough with me I'll talk about how it's my body and if I don't like something she's not allowed to do it to my body. If she keeps going, I get up off the floor or put her down and move my body away a bit, while still talking to/playing with her. We model it with her, too. If she asks us to stop tickling we stop immediately, if she wines or pulls away from us we stop, and if she doesn't want to hug/kiss someone we tell her that's ok.
I actually am a little more scared at the idea of possibly having to teach these lessons to a boy than I am with DD. I don't know why but it seems a lot more complicated.
Because it seems easier to teach a girl how to protect herself than it is to teach a boy what is and isn't appropriate behaviour. Easier, not right, mind you.
I like that a lot @DobbysSock! We have talked about watching body language a little bit but I really like the "Remember, if she's not having fun, you stop". Thanks for sharing! I'm totally stealing it lol.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Re: UO Thursday
I watched a video this morning comparing the way Donald Trump speaks about women and the way President Obama does. Trump really truly believes that the only thing women have of worth is their looks. And the discussion here today just confirms my fear that he is not in the minority.
Now that I am bringing another woman into the world it has become all that much clearer. It is so fucked up the way women are treated on a daily basis to the point that we are expected to be the bigger people time and time again.
I find the responsibility of raising a strong and independent woman amongst this bullshit to be staggering. And daunting. And frankly scary.
i consider myself a pretty strong person in some regards. And in many ways, I think ive just gotten lucky. I've managed to get myself out of a date rape situation and have been harassed but not hurt a few times. I've also learned to tune out the walking commentary on my body. I can only do so much for my daughter- some of it is just going to be the luck of the draw and that is terrifying.
This rant is fueled by this discussion, the trump video and recently watching the hunting ground.
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@natinat6 YES to you both! My very sensitive sister (who left an abusive boyfriend before having kids) has two boys. I always say she was the best of us to raise boys because she will raise them to be sensitive and kind to women.
My DH & I are having our 2nd girl. He's one of 5 boys (+1 sister but she was little when he left for college). My husband coaches a women's athletic team and I'm a no-nonsense person so I like that they'll be raised to be strong women (and surrounded by strong women!).
We're all responsible for not raising assholes! LOL
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UO: I don't care if I'm supposed to leave my nipples alone. I have lightening tits and I'm expressing milk when I need to because I can't deal with it. Everyone keeps telling me not to touch, but they hurt and expressing a little milk feels like a big relief! I feel like a little kid with adults telling me not to touch my own body and I don't like it...
Whaaaaaat? F them!
The focus should definitely be on teaching people that it isn't okay to say those things. Like Thumper's momma always told him...
Shout out to the two 'fit chicks' who had walked past me earlier, one pointed to me and said something to her friend, and they both looked and smiled. People who are happy with themselves normally don't make a habit of being shitty to others, fyi.
@nerdchild
I've never been a fan of matching outfits... until I found out I was having my 2nd girl. Now I'm probably going to have both girls in the same (or coordinating) Christmas dresses/Easter dresses, etc. Hahahahaha!
It's never appropriate to comment on a woman's body. Have you ever walked up to a random man in the grocery store or a coworker and complimented his biceps? Walked up to a man on the beach and rubbed his abs or his beer belly? No because that's freaking weird. If a coworker told me "Oh look at your boobs! They're getting bigger!" would that be acceptable? Not at all. Why is someone allowed to touch or comment on my body just because it's growing a person? It's still MY body.
I have, however, messed with my dude friends when they occasionally refuse an alcoholic drink. 'OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! I KNEW IT! YOU'RE PREGNANT! GUYS! ANDREW'S PREGNANT!' as I hug his wife and say 'Way to go, slugger!'
I literally laughed out loud at your retort! I never said we can't set those people straight and I would've died to see the look on her face AFTER you made that comment!
I've always considered myself a feminist but I feel so much more... urgency? about it since having a daughter. I'm terrified of her having a negative relationship with her body or being mistreated, abused or assaulted by a romantic partner (or friend, acquaintance or stranger). But then I hear people saying "thank god we have boys and don't have to worry about [this topic]" and I think, are you freaking kidding me??? We ALL have to worry about this shit.
@DobbysSock I'm sorry that made you feel like shit. That does suck.
Also, I may or may not have sexually harassed males in my younger/bolder/single days and commented on their biceps, etc.....I am positive I was an asshat.
For my own pregnancies, once I've CLEARLY popped I don't mind people I'm talking to asking if I'm pregnant or when I'm due. When people asked earlier in this pregnancy, before I would have been showing if it wasn't a second pregnancy and/or didn't already have a tummy before getting pregnant, it annoyed the hell out of me because I felt like they were taking a risk asking someone who's not yet obviously visibly pregnant. Especially with my body type - I tend to carry weight in my stomach, so I might have just gained a few pounds for all they knew.
And to jump onto the all-women-want-daughters train, when people ask if I know what I'm having and I tell them it's a boy, the inevitable next question is "oh....did you want a boy?" again with the pause. Well I wanted a baby so... half the time it's followed up with "well there's always next time" or "your husband must be really excited then" wtf people?
Fair warning I was crying by the end because there is an insane amount of truth to it. The bit about "the son of a kid you used to go swimming with" hit hard. When we got pregnant I'll admit I was hoping for a girl because I wanted the opportunity to raise a strong independent and capable daughter in today's messed up society. Once we found out it's a boy it became how do I raise an independent, capable and kind son who is strong enough to not let his peers turn him into a douchecanoe. I think my biggest parenting fear is my son turning out like one of the boys in the video. There's so much pressure to fit in and the joke around like the guys, and even if he doesn't believe in what he's saying, he's still perpetuating. @kdm06c What conversations do you have with your boys?
I can't tell you how often I have conversations with my son about knowing in his heart what is right and wrong. We teach every day about making good choices and helping our friends make good choices, too. I want to empower my son to feel like he has the ability to better himself and from there, better those around him.
At 6 he has already had to make difficult decisions about who he sits next to bc he can't make good decisions during circle time (i.e. can't stop talking or keep his hands to himself). He made his OWN choice to sit elsewhere bc it was "the right thing to do". It starts day 1.
And don't ever stop yourself or others from handing out (appropriate) consequences for their choices, good or bad. If a child is raised with a sense of personal accountability, they will know what is right and what is wrong, even if they slip up now and again.
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I thought it was such a simple lesson to start early with both boys and girls - and not just saying "if he/she says no, you stop" but to actually make it about body language and non-verbal cues as well as a verbal "no". I've started doing that with DD, if she gets a little rough with me I'll talk about how it's my body and if I don't like something she's not allowed to do it to my body. If she keeps going, I get up off the floor or put her down and move my body away a bit, while still talking to/playing with her. We model it with her, too. If she asks us to stop tickling we stop immediately, if she wines or pulls away from us we stop, and if she doesn't want to hug/kiss someone we tell her that's ok.
I actually am a little more scared at the idea of possibly having to teach these lessons to a boy than I am with DD. I don't know why but it seems a lot more complicated.
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