My MIL. My H told her a name we were leaning towards for the baby, though we haven't told many other people and yesterday she posted a photo on her fb of a hat she knitted for the baby with the caption " (Name we were leaning towards)'s first hat" We haven't even decided on a name, and even if we had, it's not her news to share. She also posted that we're expecting a boy before we had a chance to call all our family. Which is why I asked MH not to share the name with her in the first place. He admitted that he felt a bit robbed too and understood why I was upset, but doesn't want to say anything to his mom because she flies off the handle and plays the victim at everything, and she's currently super excited about the baby. Needless to say we had a conversation about not telling her anything else. Ever.
@jennyleigh16 I know it seems easier to let it go but really, you and your husband need to set boundaries with her NOW. It will only get worse from this point on. I promise.
@ButterMyBiscuit That's what I keep telling my husband. This is the same woman who threw a hissy fit and yelled at me that we were ruining her life the day before our wedding because it wasn't all about her. I told him I can get over this post, though I no longer want to use the name we were toying with, but I won't be able to forgive her if she posts his full name and birth info online before us. She has managed to spoil every major milestone in our lives in the last few years and I won't allow her to ruin this for us. He keeps saying the baby is the only thing she has right now, but the baby is ours, not hers, and she needs to realize it's not all about her. I just don't know how to set boundaries if he refuses to say anything because he's afraid of her wrath.
@jennyleigh16 No offense to your husband but tell him that if he can't stand up to his own Mommy, you guys will have major issues. She seems like she's a habitual boundary-crosser. I would have a serious discussion with him that this shit only gets worse and that he needs to put his foot down or deal with YOUR wrath.
@ButterMyBiscuit I wholeheartedly agree. It's a case of having a DH problem, not a MIL problem.
@PugsandKisses Nope. Just a very manipulative MIL and a DH who doesn't seem to realize he's being manipulated.
My SIL (DH's brother's wife) notices it too and we have long conversations about how frustrated we are because the brothers don't see it. I've said it before, but this is the woman who turns her phone off on her birthday so we can't reach her and then bitches the next day that no one called her on her birthday. She's a piece of work. She's coming to visit in April and I've stayed out of it so far but I'm about at my limit with her shit and will not hesitate to say something. I don't mind being the bad guy if it means nipping this in the bud now.
Damn, because I have a good Bible verse that helps in situations like this. I had to use it on my DH (he is a mommas boy. .. but his mom kept pushing him back to me)
Damn, because I have a good Bible verse that helps in situations like this. I had to use it on my DH (he is a mommas boy. .. but his mom kept pushing him back to me)
Damn, because I have a good Bible verse that helps in situations like this. I had to use it on my DH (he is a mommas boy. .. but his mom kept pushing him back to me)
Damn, because I have a good Bible verse that helps in situations like this. I had to use it on my DH (he is a mommas boy. .. but his mom kept pushing him back to me)
I was thinking the same thing!
Alright, now I'm curious about this one.
Ephesians 5:31 (RHE) For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother: and shall cleave to his wife. And they shall be two in one flesh
Also Genesis 2:23-24 and the man exclaimed, "Here is someone like me! She is part of my body, my own flesh and bones. She came from me, a man. So I will name her Woman!" That's why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.
@jennyleigh16 Your MIL sounds like my mother. I would say nip it in the butt, and nip it in the butt fast...even if that means going to couples counseling over it. My husband didn't get why I was always refusing to keep my mom in the loop about things, because he wanted to include her and do the right thing, and everything else. It took her ruining most of our wedding (making it about her and causing drama), ruining most of my first pregnancy, and ignoring our requests when it came to L&D. She also told people details we weren't ready to share yet, had a bad attitude and acted like I was the one that was a b*tch when I told her about my feelings when it came to what had happened, etc. It took 8 years out of our 10 year relationship, before my husband finally realized that I was right and let me make the decisions on what to say to her, and when. If you don't put your foot down now, you will end up suffering for as long as I did, and it will mean that key exciting parts of your life/milestones, will have a dark cloud (your MIL) over them.
I am just picturing your husband getting excited about the baby, telling his mom all of the stats and everything, and her spreading the word before you guys are ready. Or him getting excited, telling her that you guys were admitted, and her showing up and turning the whole thing into another "all about her" moment while you are in the thick of labor. My insurance signed a contract with the hospital that is literally like 3 minutes from my parents house. Instead of going there, I chose to go with a different hospital 30-40min away, that my insurance has a contract with....just so I can avoid my mom and her drama. I will have a RCS, and we are going to tell her that it is two days later than it actually is, and then go in, have the baby, and then "The OB said they had an opening so I got to come in at the last minute, it all happened so fast that we didn't get a chance to call anyone!" After baby is born, we will have our bonding time and the only people we will tell is whoever has DD, because we want her to be the first one to come in and meet her sibling. After she had gotten her time, and when we are ready for visitors, THEN we will inform family and close friends that the baby has arrived, name, stats, etc. That means nobody can show up and ruin our bonding time (like last time), and nobody can share information until we are at the point where we don't care if it gets shared.
@jennyleigh16 Does this sound familiar at all? https://www.narcissisticmother.com/narcissistic-mother-in-law If so, I feel you. My MIL also threw a hissy fit that I didn't pay her enough attention at our wedding. She called my husband and yelled at him for two hours about it the next day, while we were on our mini-honeymoon. She also decided she was going to name this baby. I agree with @ButterMyBiscuit. Set boundaries now or it will get much, much worse.
@randypluskate A lot of that sounds familiar and I've actuallt wondered over the years if she does have narcissistic personality disorder. A lot of those examples turn up, including stuff like telling a story skewed to make her sound like the victim, when I've already heard the real story from my SIL. Everything that happens in her life is woe-is-me. And I had to laugh because the article references the movie Monster-In-Law and I saw it last year and kept thinking "this is my MIL" the whole time I was watching. Maybe I'll do some more research into the disorder and how to deal with it.
@jennyleigh16 Monster-in-Law was way too familiar! Honestly, the best thing my husband and I have done for our marriage is couples counseling. Our therapist is awesome and gave us a million tools to help us navigate our relationship with MIL. Now we are a team when dealing with her and things are so, so much better.
Re: Twatwaffle Tuesday
@PugsandKisses Nope. Just a very manipulative MIL and a DH who doesn't seem to realize he's being manipulated.
My SIL (DH's brother's wife) notices it too and we have long conversations about how frustrated we are because the brothers don't see it. I've said it before, but this is the woman who turns her phone off on her birthday so we can't reach her and then bitches the next day that no one called her on her birthday. She's a piece of work. She's coming to visit in April and I've stayed out of it so far but I'm about at my limit with her shit and will not hesitate to say something. I don't mind being the bad guy if it means nipping this in the bud now.
I am just picturing your husband getting excited about the baby, telling his mom all of the stats and everything, and her spreading the word before you guys are ready. Or him getting excited, telling her that you guys were admitted, and her showing up and turning the whole thing into another "all about her" moment while you are in the thick of labor. My insurance signed a contract with the hospital that is literally like 3 minutes from my parents house. Instead of going there, I chose to go with a different hospital 30-40min away, that my insurance has a contract with....just so I can avoid my mom and her drama. I will have a RCS, and we are going to tell her that it is two days later than it actually is, and then go in, have the baby, and then "The OB said they had an opening so I got to come in at the last minute, it all happened so fast that we didn't get a chance to call anyone!" After baby is born, we will have our bonding time and the only people we will tell is whoever has DD, because we want her to be the first one to come in and meet her sibling. After she had gotten her time, and when we are ready for visitors, THEN we will inform family and close friends that the baby has arrived, name, stats, etc. That means nobody can show up and ruin our bonding time (like last time), and nobody can share information until we are at the point where we don't care if it gets shared.
ETA: I can't spell.