Anyone else with total name discouragement/ frustration?

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

Warning, slightly hormonal rant coming up:
dh and I always have different tastes in names, especially girls names, but this time it's like he's determined to hate anything I suggests no matter what it is. I've tried everything from Anna and Emma or Daphnie, Scarlette and Rowan, and he hates anything I say. There was one name he liked that I really couldn't stand. Every time I think I found a name he would like he goes off about how I always pick "weird names" and how his first pick went to the middle name slot last time so he should get to choose this time.

Now I feel like I'm agreeing to names just because he suggests them and I don't actually hate them, but I really can't see my child being named that. Today he's started calling the baby Morgan, and while it's ok it doesn't fit in with our family or what I want her name to be like at all. I mentally need a name for her as its getting really close, and it helps me prepare, but I get sick thinking about settling for something i just feel "isn't terrible".

is anyone else going through something similar? How are you handling it? There are at least 30 names I could list that I would be ok with using, and I'm open to others, but dh won't consider anything except his 5 top picks and becomes kind of a jerk when I try to recommend any new ones.

MamaNicoleof3 · March 2016

My H is dead set on a name, and while I love it, I just can't start calling baby that in my head. In just not "there" yet. Could you table the discussion for a week or two to take a break and then revisit?

I'm sorry this is causing such stress!! Hopefully you can come to a decision you both love!

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

Thanks @MamaNicoleof3
we did table it for almost a month, and we're right back where we started

DeePaddy24 · March 2016

With this being our first, we were both pretty set on both a boy & a girl name...but I imagine when we have a second the discussion won't be as simple. It did take me awhile to feel completely comfortable calling our baby boy by his name, though. It seemed so strange to me, but I'm comfortable with it now.
I'm sorry you're so frustrated with this. Naming a child is such a huge responsibility! I agree with @MamaNicoleof3 - maybe putting a pause on the discussion will help alleviate some of the pressure/stress, & you'll be able to come to a decision that you both love.

purplefan1 · March 2016

We have been struggling with names as well. And usually we just walk away from the conversation but I know what you mean, it is starting to create a little more anxiety since the baby will be here eventually.

I like the idea of having a couple of names so when you bring baby in to the world you can think "yes! That's who she is!"

We made a list of 10 girl and 10 boy names that we were OK with and then I typed up another list of all of the possible combinations of those names with our last name. That got us to narrow it down further. I also want a saint name in there, so that made it slightly more complicated but it did help us to see and hear first, middle, and last name together, talk out any possible nicknames, and make sure that it didn't spell anything lewd.

I recommend having him sit with a baby book or the top 1000 names and having him write a list of any one of those names that he likes. Then he brings it to you and you knock off any that you don't like. Then work from that last. Sounds like he wants to feel in charge of this one so make him feel like he is, but he really isn't.

MamaNicoleof3 · March 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

Thanks @MamaNicoleof3
we did table it for almost a month, and we're right back where we started

Oh man. Well, that's not helpful! I'm sorry.

Bringmemylongswordho · March 2016

Veto his top 5 names, have him mark every name he likes on the top 1000 and go from there.

lm45678 · March 2016

I'm sorry, that totally sucks!

You both have veto power so you definitely shouldn't be naming your baby something you don't love.

I agree with @Bringmemylongswordho that if you start going through a baby book maybe you'll come up with something you both love but neither of you have thought of before.

Lyette1206 · March 2016

I keep saying this baby just isn't getting a name. I hear you, it's harder once you have older kids and want the names to go together. I love DDs name so much, I want something I like as much for new baby.
DD has decided to name the baby in mom my's belly "George" (we're team green) - so I've even said the name will just be George. No more thought required!! Even though, I'm not a fan of the name...

Mamabraun7911 · March 2016

I am in the exact same boat but H only has one name that he's agreeing to and that's Parker. I don't hate it just don't feel it fits us. So I thought maybe if we had a good strong middle name that I loved it'd be okay well now he like not a single middle name!! I give up!! I'm just not mentioning it to him for a few weeks bc I'm driving myself crazy over it!

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

Mamabraun7911 said:

I am in the exact same boat but H only has one name that he's agreeing to and that's Parker. I don't hate it just don't feel it fits us. So I thought maybe if we had a good strong middle name that I loved it'd be okay well now he like not a single middle name!! I give up!! I'm just not mentioning it to him for a few weeks bc I'm driving myself crazy over it!

I'm sorry! My dh used to be stuck on Parker too. Than Harper. Than Logan. Now Morgan. Maybe he just really wanted a boy?

angbhylt · March 2016

My husband and I go in waves talking about names. We talk for a few days what seems non stop about them, we both suggest things, if one of us gives a firm no then that's the end of that name. Then we'll go a week or so and revisit the names we do like and eliminate or add from there. We agreed that were not going to argue about names if one of us is really against it, not worth it in our opinion. I think going into labor with a few names you both agree on is sufficient and then deciding when you actually meet baby. Sometimes you'll see the baby and just know a name is/isn't for them! Good luck! The struggle is real.

lm45678 · March 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

Mamabraun7911 said:

I am in the exact same boat but H only has one name that he's agreeing to and that's Parker. I don't hate it just don't feel it fits us. So I thought maybe if we had a good strong middle name that I loved it'd be okay well now he like not a single middle name!! I give up!! I'm just not mentioning it to him for a few weeks bc I'm driving myself crazy over it!

I'm sorry! My dh used to be stuck on Parker too. Than Harper. Than Logan. Now Morgan. Maybe he just really wanted a boy?

I actually LOVE Logan on a girl. Sorry to side with DH.

Although if I remember correctly your first daughter has a feminine name so I don't think that Logan would fit well.

fishwife799 · March 2016

My husband is very similar. At one point I said we should just name our son no because I felt like that's all he ever said. Eventually he came around (after he was born) and agreed to one of my names. I know you said you put it off, but neither of my kids were named for sure until after they were born. You still have time to work it out. I know a few friends that had a process for this situation. You each picke your top 5 names. Then you each have 2 veto cards for names that you hate. Then you are narrowed down to 6. Maybe once you have those 6 then you could take a step back and think about it. The when you revisit you list is smaller and easier to deal with? I hope you guys can figure it out. Just know that there is still time

DeePaddy24 · March 2016

laurenm2123 said:

AmberLiz99 said:

Mamabraun7911 said:

I am in the exact same boat but H only has one name that he's agreeing to and that's Parker. I don't hate it just don't feel it fits us. So I thought maybe if we had a good strong middle name that I loved it'd be okay well now he like not a single middle name!! I give up!! I'm just not mentioning it to him for a few weeks bc I'm driving myself crazy over it!

I'm sorry! My dh used to be stuck on Parker too. Than Harper. Than Logan. Now Morgan. Maybe he just really wanted a boy?

I actually LOVE Logan on a girl. Sorry to side with DH.

Although if I remember correctly your first daughter has a feminine name so I don't think that Logan would fit well.

I also really love Logan for a girl!

Boonhilde · March 2016

I'm sorry. For DH and I we just keep vetoing and coming up with new names until we both agree. I wish I had a fail-proof system or could help better.

rlbrooks84 · March 2016

So DH and I have argued about baby names with both our boys and now with last baby, a girl we were trying to not do it all over again. It's hard and I think and hope we are good with our list of three names. I don't want to pick her first name till I get to meet her, so we are waiting. But I we have agreed on a middle name and so far we agree on the list of first names. It did take some work, good luck, and lots of deep breaths.

mkemommy · March 2016

Is he doing this because he really dislikes the names you are suggesting or because he's still irritated that his first pick for your first born was the middle name instead and now it is "his turn" to choose? If its the latter, he needs to grow up a bit because presumably you both came to an agreement on your first born's name.

H and I were struggling with this (we needed a name that was Scandinavian and Indian...and pronounceable in the U.S.). I kept hearing "no", "no", "no" in response to my name offerings until I made him sit down and write down his top 10. I wrote down my top 10 and we went to a nice dinner in a public place (i.e., no arguments likely) and I laid out the ground rules in advance of (a) no automatic "no" responses or faces or criticism of each other's names and (b) each name had to be savored for at least a few minutes and discussed (why the person coming up with the name liked it, what the name meant, what the other person who didn't come up with the name liked about it (ending/starting in a certain letter, having a certain tone to it, etc.) if the other person could find something positive). Again, nothing negative about each name was allowed, we both had to find something positive we liked about the name and if we really couldn't muster anything then "hmmm, ok, let's use it in a sentence/life scenario (one that isn't sarcastic obviously)" could be an appropriate response. From there we agreed on the tone of the name we wanted, the basic sound of it and pitch and we were looking for, what nicknames we thought were cute derivatives of each name, etc....once we got there we came to an agreement on an actual name shortly thereafter. Not sure if that helps but really taking a step back to understand why he chose the names he chose and why I chose the names I chose helped us find the middle/common ground.

peaceinnature · March 2016

I can relate to this. With DS, I pretty much named him because even though H didn't like any of my suggestions he also didn't have any serious suggestions of his own. So we had a moment in the hospital after DS was born and we were filling out his temporary health card where I was like "ok if you have no other suggestions, then this is his name." And H was just like "fine." Now he admits it suits DS and he couldn't imagine him being called anything else.

With this boy, we were talking about names and H suddenly had an "aha!" moment about a particular name and is now dead set on it. He's been calling the baby by this name and acting like its cut and dried. I'm not against the name, but I'm not completely in love with it. I've offered other options and H has vetoed them all. I have a feeling we're going to end up going with it because I don't have anything I'm super set on even though this name isn't my fav and isn't really what I envisioned. I'm going to wait and see if anything changes after I see DS2's face, but H might end up getting this one.

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

mkemommy said:

Is he doing this because he really dislikes the names you are suggesting or because he's still irritated that his first pick for your first born was the middle name instead and now it is "his turn" to choose? If its the latter, he needs to grow up a bit because presumably you both came to an agreement on your first born's name.

H and I were struggling with this (we needed a name that was Scandinavian and Indian...and pronounceable in the U.S.). I kept hearing "no", "no", "no" in response to my name offerings until I made him sit down and write down his top 10. I wrote down my top 10 and we went to a nice dinner in a public place (i.e., no arguments likely) and I laid out the ground rules in advance of (a) no automatic "no" responses or faces or criticism of each other's names and (b) each name had to be savored for at least a few minutes and discussed (why the person coming up with the name liked it, what the name meant, what the other person who didn't come up with the name liked about it (ending/starting in a certain letter, having a certain tone to it, etc.) if the other person could find something positive). Again, nothing negative about each name was allowed, we both had to find something positive we liked about the name and if we really couldn't muster anything then "hmmm, ok, let's use it in a sentence/life scenario (one that isn't sarcastic obviously)" could be an appropriate response. From there we agreed on the tone of the name we wanted, the basic sound of it and pitch and we were looking for, what nicknames we thought were cute derivatives of each name, etc....once we got there we came to an agreement on an actual name shortly thereafter. Not sure if that helps but really taking a step back to understand why he chose the names he chose and why I chose the names I chose helped us find the middle/common ground.

He has always liked our daughters name, and he totally helped choose our sons too, so I think hers using it as an excuse. I think because it's our last he wants to make the decision. He's not real open about it.

Im going to give it a day or two and approach it from a new angle. Maybe I'll just start calling the baby a name that I know he doesn't hate and maybe he will come around, haha (not really

)

lm45678 · March 2016

I told DH when we started trying that if it was a boy I wanted his middle name to be William, after my dad. He agreed.I said that we would come with a first name together, we both really liked Declan. After I got pregnant he decided he wanted to name the baby William instead of using it as a middle name, and suggested Clayton (my moms maiden name) as a middle name.

I thought we were 100% set- yesterday he tells me he doesn't like Clayton as a middle name because my uncle is Bill Clayton. Okay- but you came up with it!

At least we have the first name- but apparently my H is more difficult than I originally thought!

purplefan1 · March 2016

@laurenm2123 why not William Declan? I really like Declan (never heard it until my sister used it as my oldest nephews middle name and now adore it)

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

June2016BabyW said:

@laurenm2123 why not William Declan? I really like Declan (never heard it until my sister used it as my oldest nephews middle name and now adore it)

I think that's a good combo too

lm45678 · March 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

June2016BabyW said:

@laurenm2123 why not William Declan? I really like Declan (never heard it until my sister used it as my oldest nephews middle name and now adore it)

I think that's a good combo too

Yeah I actually like that a lot... Also throwing around Christopher as it's DH's middle name.

Tawny87 · March 2016

@laurenm2123

I like Declan too. That was my front runner, we wanted a scotish name because my hubby is of the Campbell clan, but he thought it was too popular
: (. Our baby will be Cameron John, after my dad. Like you, I told my hubby that the middle name would be my dads because of how much he does for us.

lm45678 · March 2016

@AmberLiz99 what are the current names you really like? Maybe we can help you find a compromise with DH.

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

laurenm2123 said:

@AmberLiz99 what are the current names you really like? Maybe we can help you find a compromise with DH.

Names that he hasn't shot down all the way are Audrey, Anna, and maybe Heather, Nadia or Emma.

He likes Morgan and Harper, but they just don't feel right with our other kids names (Henson and Elise). He also likes the Mayan name Itzel, and I told him I'd be ok with that for a middle name. Our son likes Sadie, and we like it fine, it's just I know a lot of girls under 6 named that.

Tawny87 · March 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

laurenm2123 said:

@AmberLiz99 what are the current names you really like? Maybe we can help you find a compromise with DH.

Names that he hasn't shot down all the way are Audrey, Anna, and maybe Heather, Nadia or Emma.

He likes Morgan and Harper, but they just don't feel right with our other kids names (Henson and Elise). He also likes the Mayan name Itzel, and I told him I'd be ok with that for a middle name. Our son likes Sadie, and we like it fine, it's just I know a lot of girls under 6 named that.

Nadia is very pretty and would go with Itzel, plus isn't super common. If this baby had been a girl it would have been a front runner to go along with my girls Alexandria and Victoria.

lm45678 · March 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

laurenm2123 said:

@AmberLiz99 what are the current names you really like? Maybe we can help you find a compromise with DH.

Names that he hasn't shot down all the way are Audrey, Anna, and maybe Heather, Nadia or Emma.

He likes Morgan and Harper, but they just don't feel right with our other kids names (Henson and Elise). He also likes the Mayan name Itzel, and I told him I'd be ok with that for a middle name. Our son likes Sadie, and we like it fine, it's just I know a lot of girls under 6 named that.

Love Anna, Emma and Audrey. You could also try to compromise and use Harper as a middle name?

Sounds like you are into feminine names and he like more unisex names. Suggestions for some girly names that aren't super frilly:

Hannah
Sophie
Mila
Avery
Ava
Maeve
Mairen (sp?)
Grace
Casey
Erin
Shannon
Emory
Amelia
Lauren
Adele

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

Thank you ladies for the mental support! My husband snapped out of it all of a sudden now that we're at the last trimester, and we are narrowed down to two names! This little kicker will be either Audrey Kate or Natalie (mn: Harper or Itzel)

newbabymakes4 · March 2016

We're in a similar boat, but not quite. DH has never suggested any names despite my asking him to, he just vetoed the ones he didn't like from mine and said that the names I came up with were a good place to start, he didn't feel the need to add anything (he also did this with our son's name). The name we both like has a couple options for spelling though, and we're having a major disagreement over spelling now. He thinks the spelling affects the pronunciation, and I don't agree.

lm45678 · March 2016

AmberLiz99 said:

Thank you ladies for the mental support! My husband snapped out of it all of a sudden now that we're at the last trimester, and we are narrowed down to two names! This little kicker will be either Audrey Kate or Natalie (mn: Harper or Itzel)

Love both!!!

mrsb8244 · March 2016

I love those names!! My H is super picky and I was getting frustrated because he hadn't given me any input besides saying no to every single name I mentioned. He finally gave me 3 names he likes (Andrew, Evan, and Mason). They aren't my favorites (Noah, Parker, Liam, Owen) but I like them so I'm not going to fight him. He wants the middle name to be James after his dad and I'm not thrilled about it but if we have another boy I'll insist the middle name is Michael after my dad.

AmberLiz99 · March 2016

MrsB8214 said:

I love those names!! My H is super picky and I was getting frustrated because he hadn't given me any input besides saying no to every single name I mentioned. He finally gave me 3 names he likes (Andrew, Evan, and Mason). They aren't my favorites (Noah, Parker, Liam, Owen) but I like them so I'm not going to fight him. He wants the middle name to be James after his dad and I'm not thrilled about it but if we have another boy I'll insist the middle name is Michael after my dad.

I'm glad your dh is being more helpful too

jennk0118 · March 2016

This baby was harder for us. He wanted Cadence and I wanted Bryleigh. He was so set on Cadence that I threw him for a loop when I saw Bryleigh and loved it. I didn't want my daughter to have the nickname Catie/Katie... Nothing against the names.. I just don't want my daughter being called it. Lol! It really made sense to him that he should get to name both our kids so it doesn't show favoritism that he named one and not the other.. Finally I told him that we need to figure it out on her name.. And he said that he was surprised that I didn't pull rank already. But I just really wanted to be sure that he could see himself calling her Bryleigh too!

They aren't going to be nameless forever.. There is a name you both will like. Good Luck!

MillerMama13 · March 2016

So glad you guys came to an agreement. My DH and I were in a very similar situation. He likes trendy names like your DH and I love classic names that still have a modern feel. He hated all my names. I put some names back on the table that I had removed because I thought they were too common. Not trendy, but just common. I figured I could live with common over the trendy names he liked. So I bent a little on the first name and he reluctantly agreed to the middle name that I like so it took awhile but a little compromise got us there. I love both your names but Natalie is my favorite!

mimi_8607 · March 2016

We had the same problem. With Ds it was really easy. We just knew the name once we heard it. With this little girl not so much. I like girly names. He didn't want girly. He really liked Carolina and I wanted McKinley but both were vetoed. We ended up going with Natalie. It's classic and doesn't sound made up. Also I think it's just girly enough for me but not too girly for him. I have a gender neutral name and I hate it. That's why I wanted a little more girly. So we will have a Carter and Natalie.

MrsMcCoy420 · March 2016

We finally found out we are having a girl! We had names picked out for a boy for a while. It took a while to come up with Madison (Maddie) which we both love! However when it came to middle names.. We hit a bump in the road. His mother named all her kids with two middle names, something I wasn't a big fan of. After weeks of discussing it I finally won lol. We were apart for most of the day, and when we finally got some time together, he suggested Olivia just as I was about to say it. Finally we can't together and picked our little girls name! Madison Olivia McCoy! (Maddie) lol

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