Baby Shower with your second child

toribear28 · March 2016

For all you moms out there, pending your second child.... are you planning on having a baby shower? I have mixed thoughts. My little boy turned 5 in December so it has been quite a long time now and I did lose a lot of my baby stuff to a flood in the basement. Plus the father to be is a new father, with nothing and no idea of what is to come. But I am still hesitant to have a baby shower despite all those reasons. I heard you were perfectly expected to even though it was your second child. It was only with the 3rd, that it would be known as the "baby sprinkle".
What are anyone's thoughts?

hey_clever_girl · March 2016

@toribear28 My daughter is 6, so I am with you in terms of baby gear. We have nothing, we donated all our old stuff because we didn't think we were going to have another one ... Then we changed our mind. Ha! My best friend is throwing me a gender reveal shower. I have a registry, but it's mostly diapers. We have a couple big-ticket items (car seats) but I'm not expecting folks to go all-out like they did with my daughter. So I am not planning a shower, but someone is planning one for me.

MrsCourtney555 · March 2016

I would say no. Since it's your second child you know what to expect and what you need. Since it's a first for dad maybe he could have a get together with his guy friends and instead of BYOB they could bring a box of diapers or something. I personally find a second shower slightly tack but that's just my opinion.

TheTamedShrew · March 2016

I think if someone offers to throw you a shower it's totally fine. I have also heard that it is more appropriate if you are having a different sex this time around. I am having my second, but it's another girl, and I still have most of my baby stuff, so I won't be having a shower. I feel like since your child is so much older and you lost your baby stuff that it would be fine to have a shower, but I wouldn't throw one for myself.

Maybe you could also have a diaper party for your SO and his friends? Like a BBQ/cookout where his friends bring a six pack and a pack of diapers/wipes. I think men sometimes have those instead of attending the shower, since they are more clueless, and you could really stock up on diapers/wipes. I don't think there are etiquette rules associated with those either.

izzetoot · March 2016

We aren't having a shower for this baby bc they are so close in age and both boys. We will have a sip & see or sprinkle after baby is born. I second the shower for SO. My brother did that and all the guys went bar hopping and each brought a box of diapers. They were set for the first year! If you're worried about the huge load of cash you're about to drop of all the big ticket items, have you looked into your local FB to see if there are any resale clubs? It's a great way to get slightly used things like crib, pack n play, swing, glider, changing table, etc

AnnaS930 · March 2016

You know your group of relatives/friends, I don't think that it's easy to weigh in without knowing how your group is. When we announced baby #2 I had a flood of girlfriends tell me how they can't wait for the Baby Shower.. my son is 15 months old now, we have ALL of the baby stuff and more. We will have some sort of a summer BBQ and depending on the sex (if a girl, we won't say anything) but if another boy we will have my sister (who will throw the shower/sprinkle) find cute wording to request diapers, etc. My group loves to celebrate every baby, I'd happily attend a shower for someone's 3rd, 4th, 5th, millionth baby and never think people are being gift-grabby.

Especially given the age difference, I'd expect a shower for #2 if I was your friend!

kcl219 · March 2016

I am not planning on having a shower for my 2nd. I have never been to a shower for a 2nd baby only firsts among people I know. If friends or family decide to throw us a "sprinkle" then that is up to them. BUT since it is his first child I would say that you really shouldn't feel bad about celebrating the baby... You could always make it more laid back and have it include males plus females. Just do what you're comfortable with, and people love parties and babies so it's a happy time all around

.

VeraMali · March 2016

My stepmother will probably throw me a small shower this time around. We recently moved back home so I have a lot of family who were never able to travel to my first daughters shower that are excited to be able to this time. I think its really up to your family and friends. If they want to throw you another shower, let them! Celebrate all the babies in my opinion!

camichael84 · March 2016

I'm not bothered by 2nd showers/sprinkles so long as the person isn't throwing it for themselves. I see an offer to throw a shower as a gift, and if it's what you want then it's perfectly fine to accept the offer. Especially given the age difference in your children.

My SIL has told me more than once she hopes I have a boy this time so she can throw me a sprinkle. I decided that I'd rather she didn't throw one. I'm waiting to find out the sex before I say anything to her, since this may be moot, but I just had a baby shower less than two years ago and asking my family/friends to another one feels weird to me. I'm the first one in my family/circle of friends to be having a second child, so there isn't a norm of how it's done for us to refer to. I wouldn't be as reluctant if I knew people were expecting me to have one.

eboyd83 · March 2016

I agree there is a traditional etiquette to baby showers and that kind of thing. I think it is "tacky" as people say to have a second. That being said, I think the rules change if it has been a long time since the first. I mean why would you still have any baby gear years later. Especially if this is a surprise baby. But a lot of people know they will have another and save their stuff or like me are having them only like two years apart or less. There is no reason to have another one then.
Regardless of etiquette though, if someone wants to throw one. ehh why not.

eboyd83 · March 2016

camichael84 said:

I'm not bothered by 2nd showers/sprinkles so long as the person isn't throwing it for themselves. I see an offer to throw a shower as a gift, and if it's what you want then it's perfectly fine to accept the offer. Especially given the age difference in your children.

My SIL has told me more than once she hopes I have a boy this time so she can throw me a sprinkle. I decided that I'd rather she didn't throw one. I'm waiting to find out the sex before I say anything to her, since this may be moot, but I just had a baby shower less than two years ago and asking my family/friends to another one feels weird to me. I'm the first one in my family/circle of friends to be having a second child, so there isn't a norm of how it's done for us to refer to. I wouldn't be as reluctant if I knew people were expecting me to have one.

Oh my gosh. I agree, if someone or a group of people want to throw one that is one thing but It kind of drives me nutz when people throw their own "give me stuff" parties. I always feel like thats what it is really about when they throw themselves a party.

ElcaB · March 2016

TBH, I think showers for second, third, and beyond babies are totally tacky. If someone offers to host a shower for your second or beyond, I would politely decline.

I understand it sucks if you got rid of/lost baby items, or if your babies are many years apart, but that's no reason to break etiquette. It seems very gift-grabby and entitled to me, regardless of the reason for wanting another shower.

hey_clever_girl · March 2016

I think self-thrown showers are definitely tacky for subsequent babies. But I throw myself birthday parties so maybe I'm not one to talk... I organize my own parties because I got tired of waiting for others to do it for me so I decided to just take charge and do what I knew I would enjoy, ha!

mommytimesfour · March 2016

AnnaS930 said:

You know your group of relatives/friends, I don't think that it's easy to weigh in without knowing how your group is. When we announced baby #2 I had a flood of girlfriends tell me how they can't wait for the Baby Shower.. my son is 15 months old now, we have ALL of the baby stuff and more. We will have some sort of a summer BBQ and depending on the sex (if a girl, we won't say anything) but if another boy we will have my sister (who will throw the shower/sprinkle) find cute wording to request diapers, etc. My group loves to celebrate every baby, I'd happily attend a shower for someone's 3rd, 4th, 5th, millionth baby and never think people are being gift-grabby.

Especially given the age difference, I'd expect a shower for #2 if I was your friend!

This. Showers for subsequent babies are almost always done in my area/social circle. I've never side eyed it. If someone is willing to throw you one, go for it! If someone you invite is offended or thinks it's tacky, they probably just won't come.

ssimon621 · March 2016

In your situation I think it is okay if someone offers to throw a shower for you or your SO that is fine. If you throw your own shower whether it's your first, second or tenth baby it is tacky.

My friends are trying to throw a little something for me and I am totally opposed to it. My kids will be 4.5 years apart and at this point we don't know if it's another girl or not.

I figure that the people who matter most and want to gift me something for this baby will do it whether I have a shower or not.

vampirina · March 2016

I think self-thrown showers are always tacky (for babies and weddings alike!). It's a party with the sole purpose of providing the person of honor with gifts and it's a little, erm, rude and childish, in my opinion, to throw a party that says "I demand you bring me presents!" In my circles, birthday parties for adults don't generally include presents, but just good times to be had by all. So my general rule is, you get a shower if someone freely offers to throw you one. Showers/sprinkles for second, third, etc babies don't bother me at all, especially since, again in my opinion, each baby and pregnancy deserves to be celebrated in its own right, and if friends or family members want to celebrate you and this baby, then I say it's a-okay! I fully plan on throwing a shower for a friend's second baby, though it will likely turn into a brunch with gifts that are like a single outfit, or a few pacifiers and a rattle rather than the large items she received for her first baby (like strollers, cribs, a rocker, higher chairs, etc).

madmyluv · March 2016

I think you are going to get a lot of different POV on this topic. My family is begging to throw me a shower and I declined. This is my 3rd baby and my second is 2 years old. Even though I gave away everything from my second baby thinking we were done I still feel weird about having a third shower. However I have this gut feeling that my family will throw a surprise baby shower for me and that I have no control over

nativetexan512 · March 2016

In my group, we've had quite a few sprinkles for second time moms, but normally only if it's a different gender. Never for a 3+ time mom. The sprinkles are normally very small and low key (not hosted by the mom), less than 10 people, and all close friends.

All this aside, I completely agree with the person who said this depends on your friend group.

PSUBecky23 · March 2016

If someone wants to throw me one, I can't really prevent that but I don't expect one. My daughter turns three on Wednesday (eek) and we still have everything. The only thing we'd need is more boy clothes if baby is a boy (we're team green and luckily a lot of our newborn clothes are neutral), a bedding set and an exersaucer when baby reaches that age. Otherwise, we hoarded everything. Also debating buying newborn cloth diapers. Have tons of one size cloth diapers but they usually don't fit until a few months in.

KimmySchmidt · March 2016

Self-thrown showers are ALWAYS tacky. I think a full blown shower is definitely too much for a 2nd+ baby. Some people like "sprinkles" for subsequent babies, and that's not in my taste, but I may be in the minority on that one. I've only ever known one person to have one, but I feel the etiquette tide slowly changing on that.

If someone asked to throw me a shower, I would personally politely decline. A lot of people will give gifts for a second baby after his/her arrival anyway. (I always send several boxes of baby wipes because it's one think they're sure to need.) In the mean time I've already scored a free swing and another pack n play through mom swap facebook groups.

618mom22boys · March 2016

I have never thrown my own shower nor asked anyone to. With that being said I did have showers, big or small, with all 3 of mine. And my SIL says she is throwing one for me for this one.

beachmama14 · March 2016

I love the idea of a cookout type get together for dad. My hubs is military and a lot of the guys he works with have had those and they are a lot of fun. Just like a "lets celebrate you are having a baby and here are some diapers!" I never felt put out by buying a $10 pack of diapers and celebrating with the family. I think that's an easy/non tacky way to celebrate a first time dad. As far as a full out second shower, I'm on team no. We live on the other side of the world from all our family/friends. We will be seeing them once before baby is born and probably doing an official get together, but not a shower. No invitations in the mail, no registry. Just like a "hey let's all get together an eat some food and celebrate seeing everyone again". I'm sure there will be a lot of baby conversations there, but in no means a shower.

jtrue2 · March 2016

I was just asking my sister how she felt on this topic. My mom wants to host a shower for me because I am having a boy. I do have two girls oldest being 7 and youngest 3. I only had a shower for my oldest and did feel like it would be inappropriate to have a shower for my youngest being they were both girls born in the same season. I was wondering if having a sprinkle for this pregnancy would be weird considering it's my third. But my mother is set that it is okay because it is a boy. I see lots of mixed opinions on this, hm.

noelani42 · March 2016

My mom has insisted on hosting me a shower...I finally gave in, but it will be just close friends and family, no formal invite (just evites probably), and no registry info included with invite...the focus will be on celebrating the baby, not "showering" me with gifts...oh yah, I'm asking her not to call it a shower in the invite...

sabriel1 · March 2016

I'm a pearl clutcher over here so would never have one for a second baby (regardless of sex). A shower is to welcome you into motherhood - you are a mother already so have already been welcomed. If you want to celebrate the baby, have a party when baby is here, like a sip and see. To each their own of course.

In your particular case though I see it is your husband's first. This is one of the only instances where I see a second shower as not tacky. In that case I would only have one if someone from his side decided to host one and I would not invite anyone who would have been invited to previous baby showers for you aside from your mother and maybe sisters.

Prof=Mom · March 2016

Can you just have a bbq? That way everyone who wants to can attend, those who want to bring stuff can (maybe do gift cards or an amazon registry for things to get shipped to you since you are replacing things and it keeps things simple), and the new dad can get real world advice from other dads. Just a thought and cheeseburgers make everyone happy!

jhems776 · March 2016

I say eh have one and let people do what they want to. I've been to full out second showers that I was at the first kid's too and I just buy a smaller gift than the first time. These have all been cousins who I was closer with though, if it was a co-worker I wasn't friends outside of work I wouldn't even go. I think it just depends on the group, people get shower fatigue, but if there haven't been any showers in a while I bet no one would bat an eye.

Edit to add: I have never heard of a sip and see so I had to look it up, I love the idea and will be doing it.

erinmarie86 · March 2016

So i didn't read all of the responses...but my husbands cousin is now pregnant with her 3rd baby and this is what she has done:

full on shower for baby #1
Sprinkle for baby #2 (it was the same sex as baby #1)
Shower for baby #3 (this time it's a girl)

Regardless of if this baby is the same sex as my LO i'd really like to have a shower/sprinkle/party whatever you want to call it just to celebrate this baby as well. I don't need a lot of things because my kids will be very close in age, but i guess i just want an excuse to see friends and family and celebrate!

LeahKnits · March 2016

I've never had a shower. My aunt was going to do one for me with my first but life got really busy for her and she kept putting it off until the baby was born. That sucked, because my sister would have done it. It would not have been well received among my family to have a baby shower for my second or third babies.

I am going to sort of have a shower for this baby(my 4th), but only because we're going to be in Massachusetts where my husband's family lives. DH's cousin and I are planning it together, mainly because we want to have a day to spend with the family. It'll be very small, less than 20 people. We're not calling it a shower, it's a gender reveal party. Pretty much all that we're doing that involves the baby is the cupcakes with pink or blue inside of them. Other than that, it's just a barbecue. There won't be formal invitations, probably just call people and tell them to come. We also don't want gifts, as we'd have to haul everything back to Montana with us.

LeahKnits · March 2016

I forgot to add, that I just went to an online baby sprinkle for a friend who is having her 9th baby. Nobody seemed to think it was strange. So yeah, it really does depend on your group of friends.

SaraJuul · March 2016

If someone is offering to throw you a shower, have the shower. The age gap between your kids is enough where I wouldn't think twice if I were invited. If you find out baby is the opposite gender then there is even another pointer telling you to have the shower.

I didn't with my second because I had a second boy and they were only 3 years apart. Plus they are both August birthdays so all the clothes are even the right sizes for the right seasons. This time I don't think I will either just because we still have everything. If we have a girl we'll need to get some clothes that don't say "Daddy's MVP" or "Chicks Dig Me". Other than that we still have all our big ticket items.

CRich15 · March 2016

It's been almost 5 years since our last baby and we have nothing. We weren't planning on having another and then we changed our mind. We move around a lot with the military and over time and numerous moves all the baby/maternity items went away. We bought most of our baby items for the first two and plan to do the same again. This will be #3 for us and our friends are dead set on throwing us a shower. I'm not going to object, I feel like it's their gift to us and I'm very happy that they love me enough to throw us one. But for the love do not throw your own anything... Gender reveal, baby shower, anything!! You're screaming for attention!

mom2adoodle · March 2016

The friends who have had number 2 or 3 the same sex of the prior baby had a sprinkle thrown by family/friends. They did register but it wasn't a full blown registry. More like odds and ends they needed again. I didn't think anything of it and was excited to attend

chickendancefever · March 2016

I agree with others who said it is tacky to have a shower after your first child. However, since it is the dad's first child, it would be acceptable for his side to throw it and for them only to be invited. For your side, even if it's offered as a gift, it's still rude to your guests to expect another shower gift.
I also don't understand the expectation of replacing things that you've donated or thrown away. I wouldn't expect my bridesmaids to throw me another shower to replace the items that have broken since my wedding. Even if it's another gender, it's the parents' responsibility to register or buy things that are gender neutral if they plan to have more kids.

Shiva14 · March 2016

I love this board for having such a good discussion here. This is usually a topic that ends up in FLAMES. I also don't expect anyone to throw me a second shower and hope no one does if I'm being honest, but I would gladly attend someone's second, third etc. This group is great!

eagregg · March 2016

Our new little one will be 5 years younger than DD but at this point I don't really feel comfortable with a second shower. It's never really been customary in my family (or DH's from what I can tell). I have noticed my new group of friends (new as in met them after DD was born) like to have brunches to celebrate new little ones, but I've already kind of hinted to my bestie that a brunch to just get the girls together will be fine, but gifts are not needed. Honestly, we really don't need much and we're in a better place financially than we were five years ago. I have put together a registry on Amazon, but it's more for DH and I to keep tabs on things we like or think we may need.

Cameron1113 · March 2016

In my opinion I think it's totally fine to have a shower for baby number 2+. I guess I look at baby showers as way to celebrate a very special event in a loved ones life, and to celebrate the baby of course, so it makes sense to me that you would have one for each baby. (Besides I love shopping for babies and I'm usually able to find something awesome from Marshels for around $30)

Truth be told, I personally hate being the center of a celebration. I mentally pushed through my wedding, showers, 1st baby shower, and all that as I know those are things to celebrate and experience. With this pregnancy, I'd honestly prefer not to have a shower but I kinda feel bad not celebrating #2 the way we did #1. I've already heard #2s get less of everything then #1 and I'd rather at least attempt to maintain a sense of the same excitement and celebration as the first.

That being said, I've never heard of throwing your own; however I live around a lot of family. I think I can remember a friend or two who doesn't have family nearby throwing their own. I obviously didn't think much of it.

mamadomino · March 2016

I'm torn on this in my situation. Our son is 18 months old, and we are having identical twins this time. We need a lot of crap! My mil wants to throw me a full blown shower, which I do not want. She also wanted to throw me a shower last time and then backed out last minute which I was hurt by, so I feel like she's trying to make for it. I feel like a BBQ of some sort requesting no gifts might be ok.

MegaP · March 2016

I honestly think that the age gap makes a second shower okay.

linzandjer11 · March 2016

I feel like if people want to throw you a shower you should let them! Giving gifts brings joy to the givers too. Even if it's just little things or diapers. Personally, I would feel more offended if someone declined my offer to throw a shower or sprinkle for them than if I was invited to a full blown shower for baby #4.

diagonalley · March 2016

I'm not a fan of subsequent showers. One of my college gf was thrown a "sprinkle" but it was totally a full blown shower, with a registry included. I find that super tacky and don't want or expect anything like it, even if I have a girl this time around (she had a boy first and then a girl)

@PSUBecky23 - have you ever been to JuJuMonkey? They sell cloth diapers and also do a newborn cloth rental. I ended up using newborn cloth with my son since he came 6 weeks early and was obviously much smaller than I anticipated and loved Blueberry Newborn Simplex. I am in the process of doubling my newborn stash for 2.0

(I only had 12 because I wasn't sure if I'd like cloth or not and still do it so I plan on doing it with the next one!)

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