Intro - Plus Advice? A LOT worried

jojomama25 · March 2016

Hi Ladies,
Just wanted to give a little intrl over here. I was posting semi-regularly for awhile in TTGP, but it wound up stressing me out more than anything, so I went away for a bit.

A little about me - DH & I are both 30, married for almost 6 years. We've been actively TTC for only 7 months, and NTNP for 3 before that. I'm hoping this is OK to post. I contacted my CNM after the end of my last cycle, I know it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant, but just wanted to chat to make sure there was nothing I was missing or anything else I could be doing to help. I offered to make an appointment to come in and chat with her if it would help. After a couple days of no response, she just immediately referred me out to an RE and told me to make an appointment. I'm so scared now, obviously she thinks something is wrong with me to refer me out? There was no explanation to the referral, and I've never shown signs of having problems in the past - regular cycles, healthy, no abnormal exams or blood work in the past. I do chart my cycles (by hand, I don't use FF), so I do have a pretty good idea of what's going on, plus started using OPKs the last couple cycles.

Is it normal to just be referred out like this? DH has been less than supportive and just keeps trying to tell me how he's sure our not getting pregnant is just out fault and we don't need help. But I can't help but be upset/worried/scared about the dismissal & recommendation. I've been a bit depressed about not being pregnant yet anyway and really haven't been able to pull myself together much since the referral and phone message from the RE's office to follow up on the referral.

What can I expect at my first RE appointment?

Thanks ladies! I hope to contribute best I can while I'm here.

calfherder · March 2016

I'm sorry you're having trouble! At the RE expect to start with some testing: Semen Analysis, CD3 Bloodwork, maybe an ultrasound of your uterus and ovaries (most likely trans-vaginal so be prepared for that). Bring your charts along if you've been temping, sometimes they want to see that. Good luck best wishes.

BrightenMySky · March 2016

So, big hugs, first of all. I would not read into your CNM giving you a referral as her commenting on your fertility--you are much better off going through testing and options with a specialist, and I think that medical providers who know their limits/specialties (and fertility testing may not be an interest or area of expertise for your CNM) and refer out are doing their patients the best possible service.

I would also encourage you and your DH not to think of fertility issues as someone's "fault." It might turn out that you have a diagnosable issue, maybe he does, or maybe there will be no explanation (or maybe you'll get pregnant before you even make it to your first RE appointment).

I really like my RE. I got a referral from my PCP after a year of trying. At our first appointment, he looked over our genetic testing results (we had done counsyl testing when we first started TTC) and identified a possible source of MFI. So we did the SA first, when that came back (not great, but not impossible to conceive on our own), I did an HSG test, which is an x-ray with contrast dye to see if your tubes are clear. My HSG was normal, so my RE suggested trying medicated IUIs when we wanted to do interventions. Some REs may do testing at the first appt, but ours was more of a get to know you, talk about options, etc.--and then we made follow ups to do the testing after we decided ourselves what we wanted to do. Good luck!

jojomama25 · March 2016

Thank you both for the advice & the kind words.

That does help a little - especially having an idea of what to expect - I'll probably research some of the tests you both mentioned to have a better idea of what they'll do/what to expect if that's what they decide to do.

wifeinraleigh28 · March 2016

Sorry you're dealing with this! I know it is never easy to see a specialist and to think there might be something wrong. But if there IS something wrong, the RE will be able to figure it out and get you on an appropriate treatment plan to help resolve the issue! Which is a good thing! I'm going to second what @BrightenMySky said: fertility issues is never anyone's fault. My DH often feels guilty that he's the one with the infertility diagnosis but I certainly don't see it that way. This stuff is completely out of our control. If having a baby is something that you both really want, it's a good idea to go through with all the testing even if it's just to make sure everything is okay! Best of luck to you!

jojomama25 · March 2016

Thank you to you too @wifeinraleigh2. After digesting this a couple days, it will be better to know of there is a problem. I think I'm more worried now of them finding something that's been ignored for a long time that could have been corrected a long time ago, or could have been easier to correct a long time ago since I've never had irregular cycles, abnormal exams or blood work. I think deep down I am happy to have this referral now if there is a problem, and not having to wait a year.

DH seems to have relaxed a bit on the "its our fault" bit, which helps too. I've just been trying to focus on taking care of myself.

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