Overwhelmed

thecubiclee · March 2016

FTM and I'm just feeling really overwhelmed lately. Boyfriend works 12 hour swing shift at night so when he isn't at work he's sleeping during the day. As well as going to the gym every day leaving me home alone with LO a good 80% of the time. He feeds him once a day after me asking him for help and the rest solely falls on me. And though I know that's usually how it goes with dads and newborns, I can't help but feel envious. Envious that he gets to leave the house without having to worry about the baby and that he gets to work out when I'm the one who needs to lose the 60 pounds I gained during pregnancy. Also frustrated that even when he is home and willing to help that he has no clue what to do to soothe LO when he's upset and has to ask me what he wants or needs. And I'm pretty sure I've got a colic baby so that's not helping either. Running on four hours of sleep and just exhausted.

dobes1020 · March 2016

Have you asked him to take a shift at night with the baby? I worked swing shift until I was 36 weeks pregnant, and honestly staying up until 3 or 4 am wasn't unreasonable if I could sleep in (I went into to work at 3pm) Maybe you could ask him to take the baby between the hours of midnight and 3am if your LO wakes up since he could easily adjust his sleep schedule. I feel like both parents should share the load of less sleep

l4rk · March 2016

Keep up the great work! Being a mom is a tough job but you're already amazing just by being there for your little one.

If boyfriend isn't able to help with your needs most of the day, is there someone else who can? A relative or friend or even a postpartum doula who can come help out for a few days? If anyone has offered their help, now is the time to give them a call!

I would also give your boyfriend suggestions on what could work to help calm LO, but also let him find his own way. My SO and I have entirely different methods for soothing our baby; what works for me doesn't always work for him and vice versa.

In the meantime, just know this is all temporary. Everything will have changed before you know it. Hang in there!

thecubiclee · March 2016

dobes1020 said:

Have you asked him to take a shift at night with the baby? I worked swing shift until I was 36 weeks pregnant, and honestly staying up until 3 or 4 am wasn't unreasonable if I could sleep in (I went into to work at 3pm) Maybe you could ask him to take the baby between the hours of midnight and 3am if your LO wakes up since he could easily adjust his sleep schedule. I feel like both parents should share the load of less sleep

Unfortunately he works from 7pm to 7am. But when he does have off at least once a week he'll stay up with LO all night so I can get a full nights sleep. For that, I'm thankful.

ChrissyD1203 · March 2016

Hi, first of all, all of your feelings seem very justified and I would feel the same way. I'm not sure if you are looking for suggestions or you just need to vent (either being totally fine), but if you are looking for suggestions, what has totally saved me is my husband taking the morning shift. I can count on my baby always sleeping from 8pm-midnight so I sleep then (took some time but I got used to going to bed early eventually) and my husband watches her from 6am-9am, so even if it's a bad night and I'm up from midnight to 6am, I know I already got 4 hrs and have another 3 waiting for me (this has helped me relax). It took some time for my body to get used to this odd sleep schedule but now that it has I feel 99% back to normal -- which has allowed me to get back to exercising which also makes me feel good and less overwhelmed. Can you sleep at night when baby does and then have your partner do 7am-10am? Then you can have some energy and go for walks with baby during the day which will help with the weight loss and being outside in general feels great. As for him not being able to soothe the baby, he will learn eventually-- just like how we learned, trial and error. All of this is temporary. A few more months and LO will have improved sleep on his or her own.

danasphillips · March 2016

JFC, tell your boyfriend he can't go to the gym. That's time he could spend watching the baby while you sleep/nap/relax/eat/shower. I'd punch my husband in the dick if he assumed he could go to the gym daily. The more time he spends with LO, the better he will get at soothing her.

anightintunisia · March 2016

My husband works from 5am until sometimes 7 at night. And as tired as he is when he gets home he showers and then takes ME to the gym. Then while I'm there for an hour or two he spends time with our daughter at the mall or bookstore or whatever. And when we get home I shower and he tries to cook dinner while watching boo boo. If she gets too fussy I take a bath and he gives her to me so he can cook. It's all about compromise and sacrifice. You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel or you will go crazy.....

anightintunisia · March 2016

As far as exercise you can put your LO in the stroller and walk around the neighborhood or hold LO and do crunches and squats.

I know how you feel so I hope the advice helps.

yvessaintlauren · March 2016

First of all, sorry that it seems he has colic. That's tough. But you need to communicate with your SO and let him know what you need. My husband does half when he's home and able to. A lot of the time when he comes home at night he'll take over for me so I can get some stuff done and do a bit by myself. It's not a woman's job - the baby is his, too. It's a full-time job for you so after he comes home from work he needs to pitch in and help. I'd ask him to cut down gym time to help you out. Men can't be selfish. If you want to get out you should be able to as well and if that means him sacrificing some gym time - OH WELL! That's what happen when you have a baby, your schedule has to change to accommodate. Communicate with him and see how it goes. If he's resistant explain to him very kindly (if you can) that you have a full-time job as well and you need a break.

yvessaintlauren · March 2016

@WineBaby122 Yeah, my husband would never get away with this! Although it really tears me up when I hear of so many women having to put up with this crap.

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