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Can't handle ss

carrierebekah3carrierebekah3 member
in Blended Families
I feel guilty but i can't stand my ss. He is almost 8 and does not know how to act. His mother and her mother have him during the week and he comes to our house on weekends. I have 3 kids of my own who are 15, 12, and 8. I have never dealt with any of these issues with them. This kid never listens. He still pees the bed, he has hit my dog, he constantly lies and whines. This morning he peed on the floor in my son's room on purpose. I have tried everything i can think of.
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Re: Can't handle ss

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    Kbchavez23Kbchavez23 member
    My ss is 4 and is a terror as well. Horrible behavior issues. He was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder but his mom does nothing about it. We only have him on weekends as well so there are no therapy places open on weekends. We just try our best with rules and punishments but nothing seems to work. I have 1 kid that is mine, she is 7, and is an angel compared to him lol and my husband and I have a 6 month old. It puts a lot of stress on our marriage.
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    carrierebekah3carrierebekah3 member
    At least I'm not the only one. It's so stressful. I don't even know what to do anymore. Just the sound of his voice gives me a headache at this point. He was diagnosed with adhd and his mother has him on heavy meds but evidently they don't work..
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    blended10blended10 member
    Sounds like he's really seeking attention in all the wrong ways. Have you tried catching him doing something good? I think positive reinforcement is so powerful (even if you get an eye roll or two). Also I know for my sd time alone with her dad was key! Maybe he could use some one-on-one with dad? He can't feel good about his behavior.
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    EverythingsBetterOutsideEverythingsBetterOutside member
    I'm sure we all feel that way about stepkids sometimes, and feel guilty about it. So don't feel bad about feeling guilty or anything else you feel about the situation. That is awful. I'd really recommend therapy, family play therapy if possible. With custody and school schedules, we also can't do weekdays, but with some searching we found a therapist on Saturdays. When you start calling around and someone says they can't do weekends, ask if they know of anyone good who does. It's not an uncommon problem so someone eventually will know someone to refer you to. We do have to pay out of pocket since no one our insurance covers works weekends, but it's important. Kids' behaviors are all trying to communicate something, so it's time to learn how to listen so you can help him express himself and get his needs met in an appropriate way.
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    carrierebekah3carrierebekah3 member
    The problem is that he doesn't care about anything. It started long before his dad and I were together. He spends some time with his dad but he works 14 hr overnight shifts on weekends and im stuck with the little nightmare. I have tried positive reinforcement and it didn't work. I basically just ignore the behavior at this point because if i don't, i might snap
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    mhwoodmhwood member
    Sounds like his father needs to step up and be around more.
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    blended10blended10 member
    I think therapy is a great idea - and if your dh is gone/asleep most of the weekend - even just going by yourself during the week might be helpful. Being a stepmom is pretty thankless (I mean, so is being a bio mom but at least you get those warm & fuzzies, lol) so it's helpful to have a productive place to vent.
    If dhs work schedule is set in stone maybe you should try to have a heart-to-heart (the 3 of you) & come to some sort of an agreement. It may seem like he doesn't care but I bet he does.
    Does he really enjoy any of the other kids? Maybe see if the older kids can help?
    Sorry things are tough- my sd & I had to really work at our relationship & even now (14 yrs later) she's not my favorite person. And she lives with us full time! Her bm checked out 5 years ago bc sd is difficult to deal with (she's actually a lot like her mom, lol).
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    BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member

    I feel bad for the kid honestly. His bad behavior is a product of his upbringing. He's not a bad person. You are the stepmom and you are in his life (for better or worse) so you need to find a way to deal with this. He will pick up on your disdain for him and that could possibly make everything worse.

    I'm a step parent so I'm not just talking out of my ass but it's really, really sad to see you say such nasty things about your stepson. Perhaps this is a combination of his mom not dealing with his behavior but it sounds like your H isn't doing much to help either and then you gave up out of frustration and just ignore it all. None of this is good.

    I'd get him in to see a therapist and get the poor kid some help. You all could use some counseling.

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    mommav83mommav83 member
    Ok as a mom of a ds who has a dad who has girlfriends around him this would piss me off. First of all you knew going into this that you were going to have a step child. Second if he is peeing the bed that's a sign of something far more significant than adhd. My ds has adhd and right now the meds he was on stopped working because his hormones are changing his chemical make up so he will need them adjusted. Third, breath and remember he is still a child and each child is different. Talk to your DH about changing the days he has him so that he can actually spend time with him. Step moms please remember us bio moms are hoping that you will at least be decent and kind to our children and treat them as your own. It's not their fault the relationship didn't work or that they are in your lives. 
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    SpiderMaSpiderMa member
    Um as a bm I don't expect anyone to parent my daughter except her father and I and honestly? I could give a rats ass if her father's girlfriend hates her as long as she doesnt abuse her in anyway. Its my job to love her, not hers. With that being said, there is no indication at all this girl mistreats the child and let's face it, no one likes a bratty child. Like it or not there are so many kids pit there being spoiled rotten and acting like the world revolves around them and the adults in their life are merely there to serve them. If you're child is like this then you are 100% to blame for accomodating this mentality and behavior and you should be ashamed of yourself. Know that it's your own fault when your child can't sustain any friends because they are bossy and unpleasant to be around. Sorry, not sorry. 




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