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June 2016 Moms
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FTM hit with a dose of reality

purplefan1purplefan1 member
in June 2016 Moms
I thought it would be a great idea to have my 6 year old nephew visit. WTF was I thinking??? Now I am hoping this baby stays in me forever. The visit was wonderful but it has made me realize that sleep will be nonexistent soon and I really truly like my sleep. Last night he was coughing a lot while falling asleep and for some reason it had me so nervous that I couldn't fall asleep until he stopped coughing. Then he started having bad dreams. So I kept checking on him to comfort him. Around 1am he was doing pretty good but then I was laying there is bed with baby kicking my stomach thinking "shit shit shit shit shit". 6:50am rolls around and the kid is up again complaining that his poo is stuck and he needs to get it out. Um. Thanks for the news flash, good luck. Then he informs me that it is the rule that he gets up " when it is dark blue out."

Pretty sure my brother is laying unconscious right now, enjoying the sounds of silence, while I sit here wishing I was a coffee drinker. Regardless, this has made me truly nervous for how our lives are about to change.

Oh. And I played with my other niece and nephew last weekend. The niece is a three month baby and lost her mind when she was hungry and I spent 30 minutes trying to keep her calm until her mom came home. For some reason that didn't even phase me but my husband looked terrified.

Please tell me anyone else is having some oh shit moments about what is about the happen in our lives?
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Re: FTM hit with a dose of reality

  • DeePaddy24DeePaddy24 member
    I have "oh shit" moments almost daily now, lol. I'm guessing it's pretty normal...our lives are about to change in a major way. 
    I don't really have anything else to add, I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone! I'm right there with ya!

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  • edeibel89edeibel89 member
    Right there with you on this! I flip flop between feeling totally confident that I've got this under control and feeling like I'm the biggest moron in the world for actively making the decision to have a baby. 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    edeibel89 said:
    Right there with you on this! I flip flop between feeling totally confident that I've got this under control and feeling like I'm the biggest moron in the world for actively making the decision to have a baby. 
    Yes. Exactly!
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  • crdocrdo member
    Yep, H and I have had those moments, too. The baby phase doesn't freak me out so much as the toddler phase, but maybe I'm dreaming. Ha! 
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  • lm45678lm45678 member
    edited March 2016
    I'm going to sound like a complete a total bitch here- but what did you think was gonna happen?

    I see my niece and nephew (4+7) at least once a week, and I work with kids, so maybe I am taking that experience for granted.

    But yes, life is about to change- your sleep is about to decrease, crying will happen, and you'll probably talk way more about poop than you could ever imagine.

    Does it scare me sometimes? Yeah. But I knew what I was getting into and already love this little baby so much that I know it will be worth it:
    Me (31) & DH (32)
    Married 9/27/2014
    DD Born 6/23/16
    Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
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  • GinnyJ2012GinnyJ2012 member
    As a third time mom, things are different when it's your own child. Also you get them starting at birth, so you grow and learn as your child does. Sleepless nights aren't a given. While my first never slept, my second was an amazing sleeper and STTN in two6 hour stretches starting very young. My first slept 7:30-7:30 starting at 11 months. They share a room now and still sleep well. 

    You learn and adapt and find your flow/routine! There are times when you get beyond overwhelmed, but those moments pass. You've all got this!! 


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  • lm45678lm45678 member
    June2016BabyW said:
    Go ahead and bring on the bitchyness, @laurenm2123 I knew exactly what I was getting myself in to and am prepared for it. I used to be a full time nanny and I spend as much time as I can with my niece and nephews. I think the reality that hit me was that this will be the first time it will be mine and full time forever. I am thrilled but smart enough to realize that life is about to change DRASTICALLY. And I love that so many others have had the same moments. 

    Although I also agree with PP, I think it will be so different starting from scratch. One of the difficulties of being with other peoples' kids is just that. They are other people's and their homes have different rules then mine will and since I'm not around them full time there is always a huge learning curve.

    I'm so excited to have this baby but I am trying to savor the last few moments of just my husband and myself. And @hockeyfan42 I think I will have the same thoughts as well when we go to add #2. Parenthood is going tk be filled with "am I effing this up" moments!
    True- my sister is incredibly leniant and her children are little monsters. My husband and I talk about parenting all the time- what we want to do the same, and what we want to do differently.

    My sister and BIL constantly complain about how hard being a parent is. I guess to me, it being that hard is a possibility. It being easier because the kids are more well behaved is hopefully a possibility as well.

    As a FTM myself, I don't know exactly what will happen but I can only imagine that sleep deprivation will be part of it and don't want to sugar coat that part. Although maybe not if our babies are like GinnyJ2012s!
    Me (31) & DH (32)
    Married 9/27/2014
    DD Born 6/23/16
    Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
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  • colesmom33colesmom33 member
    I'm a STM and had this just the other night! My DS has a cough and I can never sleep when he's sick like this. I just wanted to cry when I thought how long it's going to be until I'll be able to sleep a solid 8 hours!!  My DH just reminds me how worth it it is.
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Hoping my dogs will get used to it as well. They are currently side eyeing my nephew and I had an irrational dream that they were going to sneak in to his room and eat him in the night (they are miniature assie shephards and super sweet but they like to herd things including rowdy 6 year olds). Truly hoping they will warm up to our baby and be little mommas to our little one instead of looking like they want to take a nip out of the kid the whole time.
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    @laurenm2123 I think having spent time with little people has definitely helped us hone in a little more on our parenting thoughts and desires!! And my brother always talks about how hard it is with his one. Ummm OK. But he behaves pretty good when he is with me so maybe if you tried limits and boundaries with him it would be easier....

    Secretly though hopefully mine will be super good kids so I will just look like I know what the hell I am doing.  ;-)
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  • HeartLikeMine3HeartLikeMine3 member
    edited March 2016
    I know how you feel I'm a STM and still have freak outs because of the flash backs of the first year with DS. He didn't sleep through the night until 1 year I was a total zombie. Now he's almost 3 and is the most amazing sleeper. I never hear a peep from him unless he's sick. Now I'm dreading doing it again but praying this baby doesn't take as long to STTN. 

    But yes you will make it through, yes it gets easier and yes it's worth it! 
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  • starkeyclanstarkeyclan member
    edeibel89 said:
    Right there with you on this! I flip flop between feeling totally confident that I've got this under control and feeling like I'm the biggest moron in the world for actively making the decision to have a baby. 
    THIS!

    I was doing well until we went to my friends house who has a 12 week old. When he started getting fussy I just handed him right back to his mom aaaand cue "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit"!! It became very real that I wasn't going to get to just hand back the baby anymore very soon! My H has stayed ridiculously excited and positive (although I think that's his way of coping with the "oh shits") so this is a great thread to read and know I'm not alone!
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  • Lyette1206Lyette1206 member
    It's been said by PP, but being a mom is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done - the intensity of parenting all day, every day, without end is not something you care prepare for, no matter what experience in childcare you have. But it is easier too - you know your child better than anyone in the world, trust your instincts, and you'll be fine. 
    I also agree that this is something I had flashes of with my first, and have again now that we're having our second. I'm not even worried about the new baby, because I have a good idea of what's coming. But my daughter is constantly going through new phases and challenges, and I'm worried about how this will change her life. 
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  • AOliveira11AOliveira11 member
    Yes!!! Had my "oh shit" moment yesterday when i visited a friend with two kids. Her house was a total mess, toys and laundry and food everywhere!! Im pretty Monica Geller-ish when it comes time for organization and cleanliness in my home. Her kids were screaming and running thru the house like bulls on speed and she was like "you'll learn to pick your battles" and im like...if i wasn't pregnant i would be popping xanax like candy right now. Thats when i realized i could quite possiby lose total control of my house and sanity once DD is born
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  • ahernandez16ahernandez16 member
    edited March 2016
    Oh totally been there. My mom has been watching my cousin's (the crazy one) son for the last few weeks full time. He's 2. I picked him up to take him home the other day and he SCREAMED the entire 15 minutes to their house. 

    I thought I was going to die. I just kept thinking "WHY CAN'T YOU BE REASONABLE?" and then I remembered toddlers are not reasonable creatures and that one day I'm going to have one that I can't send home because my home will be his home, lol. 

    But then the other 90% of the time he's actually a really awesome kid and I'm excited to have my very own. 
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  • berky84berky84 member
    My sister and her family have been staying with us for over a month now. Spending so much time with my 4 year old nephew is amazing and terrifying. I have to remind myself that I don't pop out a four year old and my baby and I will grow together. And while I'm going to be a FTM as well I really believe theirs something different when it's YOURS...
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  • fishwife799fishwife799 member
    MamaNicoleof3 said:
    Totally normal!! I will say that once you're a mom, you'll learn your own baby's sounds and what's normal/not. I find it much harder to sleep when we have other people's kids overnight vs just ours. Plus, you get to grow into your own baby and who you are as a parent. It's the beauty of starting at zero :) 
    My lb put it perfectly here. But I would be lying if I still didn't have some of these same fears. It is a totally different ball game when it's your own child and you will learn and grow with them. It will become your new normal. 


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  • VikingGirl12VikingGirl12 member
    AOliveira11 said:
    Yes!!! Had my "oh shit" moment yesterday when i visited a friend with two kids. Her house was a total mess, toys and laundry and food everywhere!! Im pretty Monica Geller-ish when it comes time for organization and cleanliness in my home. Her kids were screaming and running thru the house like bulls on speed and she was like "you'll learn to pick your battles" and im like...if i wasn't pregnant i would be popping xanax like candy right now. Thats when i realized i could quite possiby lose total control of my house and sanity once DD is born
    Maybe this is just my opinion and maybe I'll get flamed for saying this but I think this only happens if you let it. My house is exactly as clean as I want it to be and always has been (it's not perfect, but I like to say it's pretty clean and neat) I won't allow my kid to run through our house like crazy person and destroy it because I want to be able to take him to other people's houses and not have to worry about how he acts. This doesn't mean we don't have fun either! We make lots of messes and do fun things, but we clean up together. I have taught him from a young age what he can and cannot touch/do and he, for the most part, respects it. If he does make a mess, I've taught him how to clean up(no my kid is far from perfect and still very occasionally has tantrums when he has to clean up). It takes a lot of work to teach them but it's worth it. My sil is Monica gellar made over and her house is perfect all the time (2 kids, 4 and 1). But my friend on the other hand who has two kids (5 and 1), has a very messy house and keeps both her kids sectioned off all day in the living room so they can't get to anything so they basically have free roam of their area. When they come to my house or someone else's house, they don't know how to behave because they have freedom all the time and haven't learned boundaries, unlike at home and they are disrespectful and in everything all the time. I think being a teacher has helped me here. But going back to my point. Your house probably won't always be perfect. And every child is different. But if it means a lot to you, you can adjust and make it work how you want it to. Just like with anything parenting related.. Some things are very out of your control, yes. But a lot of things are what you as parents make it.
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  • nightwitchnightwitch member
    Ha!  Sounds so familiar. Lost my shit at my sister's back in January at my twin nephew's birthday party. Her oldest is 5, twins are 4 and her tiny house was filled with screeching brats. Had a panic attack and left early and spent the entire ride home asking my DH why the hell we were doing this?! I hate kids, lol.  But I keep telling myself so do lots of other people, but they like their own. And I know some real white trash idiots who manage to keep their brood of brats alive and healthy, and none of the parents seem that particularly bright or motivated. We'll be fine. Or at least that's what I tell myself so I can sleep at night lol
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  • kwife15kwife15 member
    Can I add a labor freak-out? Saw a video of the whole real thing yesterday. Just about destroyed me. Yep, almost thirty and never seen it before. 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    34 here and still haven't seen it, @kwife15 sounds like one I will skip for now.  :-)
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  • kwife15kwife15 member
    June2016BabyW said:
    34 here and still haven't seen it, @kwife15 sounds like one I will skip for now.  :-)
    Hehe, somehow I pictured this cute pink baby landing magically in my arm. We get a cute, or not so cute, gooby wiggly purplish baby. 

    Also, vagina just looks...gross. But again, I won't be filming and looking at mine hehe
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  • AmberLiz99AmberLiz99 member
    kwife15 said:
    June2016BabyW said:
    34 here and still haven't seen it, @kwife15 sounds like one I will skip for now.  :-)
    Hehe, somehow I pictured this cute pink baby landing magically in my arm. We get a cute, or not so cute, gooby wiggly purplish baby. 

    Also, vagina just looks...gross. But again, I won't be filming and looking at mine hehe
    I've always gone with the theory that I'll be on the other end and won't see it, so why make myself watch a video of it? Lol. Third baby due now, two vaginal deliveries, one in medicated, and still never watched one :)
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  • starkeyclanstarkeyclan member
    mkemommy said:
    It is a little funny to me but I haven't had a freak out yet. That said, I keep reminding myself (and H) about all the bad things to come...the sleep deprivation, the pain, the frustration, the crying, the bodily fluids spewing, etc.  H then says something adorable like "yes, but I just want to HOLD her"/"I wonder what she'll look like"/"I can't wait to see her...smile/laugh/etc" and I'll remember that this will be fun and beautiful and exciting too.  :)
    This is perfect! :) 
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  • arosemongarosemong member
    It has been hitting me that our alone time as a couple (& our dog) is slowly coming to an end. It's crazy our lives (FTMs) are about to change drastically!! Exciting & scary!
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  • mamabird24mamabird24 member
    This is #3 for me and I'm still having "oh shit" moments. What was I thinking? THREE KIDS? All girls no less, so come puberty my life will be hell hahaha hang in there, you're not alone and eventually you'll figure it out...or just get really good at pretending. :wink: 
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  • NLewis1NLewis1 member
    STM and totally had an OH SHIT slap of reality today. We just got into a groove with our 1 1/2 year old and he's SUCH a mommies boy, what are we doing to our family by having another baby?!? H is great though and said all
    the right things to bring me back down to earth. 

    I I think it's really normal to have moments like this, even after you have kids - you just have moments where you think you're a complete idiot for doing X,y,z throughout the many stages of having kids.
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  • edeibel89edeibel89 member

    I actually had a specific "oh shit" moment this weekend. I was at my in laws and my niece and nephew were there. My nephew is 3.5 and niece is 3 months. Nephew is a ball of energy and I love spending time with him, even when he's being ornery. However, my niece has me petrified. I was holding her and she was just fussy every time. She was fighting sleep but I had no idea how to calm her, my SIL took her and she calmed back down. This happened like 3 times. And yes, I know that with my own child, I will learn what calms and soothes him, but my worry is the learning curve....I was holding her for like 5 mins and felt like a helpless idiot! I can't give my own to anyone to calm, that will be my job. Ahhh!

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