Anyone else feel totally alone in this??

runner76 · March 2016

Like my h says ,it is all i talk and think about.. I don't know one miscarriage down and almost two years of trying and approaching 40 it is hard to not think about it.. He literally never talks about it.. nothing. even when i am sad over it. He is focused now on buying a drone.. Now keep in mind we are seriously struggling not only with his child support but many bills and the recent addition of fertility health coverage since ours had none.. We are spending a lot as many of you are well aware of.. I went and got approved for a credit card to pay for the PGD testing.. what is on his mind?? He wants to pay off his one cc so we can use it so he can get apple points for the drone. I just don't get how his mind works. then today he goes to do work at a side job at someones house.. he just felt the need to tell me how he felt bad he woke the lady's baby up.. how the baby was about seven months old. How he kept waking her when he walked up the stairs.. Now, he knows very well how upset i get even hearing about babies.. I just can't understand why he doesn't think or understand what i am going through.. anyone else feel completely totally on their own??

em01092 · March 2016

@runner76
I am so sorry you're going through this. Have you talked to your DH about how all this is making you feel? I know men are often not as into talking about feelings but if something is really bothering you he should listen and care. My hubs definitely doesn't ever seem to affected by all the infertility stuff like I do. I mean, he wants kids but he wouldn't be opposed to not having them either. He supported me when I wanted to try, agreed when I suggested we take a break, and was on board when we started actively trying again. He had a little performance anxiety once in the past but that was the only physical thing I noticed. Has that been an issue for you guys? In general, my DH is really chill and monotone about mostly everything. Kind of a typical dude lol. Is your hubby like that? He may not even realize he is doing it. Also, has he been super adamant about having kids or more lax about it (like mine)? Regardless of all of that, you always have us here on the boards.

dragonfaerie · March 2016

@runner76 I am sorry that you don't feel supported by your DH. From an outsider's POV, it may be him talking about buying this drone thing could be him trying to deal with his feelings about the process. Sort of a stress shopping response. I'm sure that he's not trying to be insensitive, but everyone deals with their emotions in a different way, and he may not know how to handle what is going on his head. Hugs for you, and I hope you two can have a sit down and work this out.

CooCoo4U · March 2016

@Runner76 I totally understand and sympathize with your feelings. I just think men are more visual beings, and can be very matter of fact bc of that. I don't think they'll ever truly understand the stress and emotional strain from this process. Sending hugs ur way! !

tvh1982 · March 2016

Hi @runner76, nothing is worse to feel alone when you are with two.
As I don't know your husband it is hard to say anything...
I do have a bf who's wife is struggling to get pregnant, they only found our beginning of this year after she heard about my struggles.
When I hear him talk about it I sometimes feel sorry for his wife as things he says would hurt and piss me off if he was my husband.
When I then try to explain why he shouldn't say that to his wife, or explain why she said/did what she said/did he often had no idea.
And since he is not the one who's infertile he doesn't seem to worry as much...

I hope you'll be able to tell your DH how you feel and hope he'll be able to understand.
He might just be coping the way he does, by trying to 'controle' the drone.

But should you ever feel alone, please contact us girls. We are here to listen xoxo

mwendell24 · March 2016

I agree with PPs that talking to him and letting him know how it makes you feel is the best approach. DH and I are polar opposites in terms of personality, particularly extroversion/introversion, so it's been hard for me wanting to talk about it all the time and let my feelings out whereas he prefers not to think about it and distract himself with other things like NASCAR and march madness and talk like "whatever happens happens". I let him know how it made me feel and he has been more receptive to talking about it, which not only has helped me, but has made us stronger together. I've also made an effort to talk to some people other than him about it (friends, mom) so that I can get my feelings out and think through things out loud without having our marriage only be about IF.

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Anyone else feel totally alone in this??

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