Another sleeping topic--can't get newborn to settle alone

ladyomnipotent · January 2016

Hi there. I see there are a lot of topics about cosleeping and just sleeping in general. I feel like my situation is different enough for a new topic. I'm a first time mom and my baby is only 6 days old. I agree with other aspects of attachment parenting, but I don't feel comfortable bed-sharing, so I bought an Arm's Reach cosleeper bassinet. The problem is that he won't sleep in it, or in a swing, or anywhere that isn't attached to a human. In the hospital, he did have periods where he quietly slept in the hospital crib. But since coming home, he just won't settle unless he feels a person holding him. I know he's so young, but my husband and I desperately want to be able to put him down for a while and not have him stuck to us 24/7. I end up (uncomfortably) falling asleep in my reclining chair for a couple of hours at a time with him laying on top of me. I know this isn't the safest way for him to sleep, but what can I do? I don't want to let him scream and cry it out.

Last night, I swaddled him, waited for him to conk out, then slid him into the cosleeper with one hand still touching him. He woke up after a few minutes and started freaking out. Advice? Do I just need to wait for him to be ready?

wintersong · January 2016

Maybe you placed him down before he was really conked? My husband would have to rock for ages at this stage. I would nurse my son to sleep and after about fifteen minutes of letting him get deeper in sleep I would lie him down.

Idea: try heating up the surface of the sleeper with a heating pad first. (obviously move the pad before laying baby down, lol)

kdoak2015 · January 2016

First congrats on being a new mom. The first few weeks are the hardest.
I slept(if that's what you call it) when my DD on my chest for the first 6 weeks I've only just got her to lie beside me in bed. Do what you have to do to get some sleep.
I agree with PP baby likely wasn't in a deep sleep yet.
Try getting the bassinet warm before putting him in it, a hot water bottle or heating pad, place it in and take it out when your ready to put him down.

ladyomnipotent · January 2016

Thanks, I'll try the heating pad idea. It seems like no matter how conked he is, he'll wake up. Last night, I had him snuggled next to me while laying in bed. He was out like a light. I then carefully slipped away so he was still on the bed but not touching me. He got all riled up and it took a long time to settle again. I didn't even successfully get him to sleep on me in bed--I had to give him to my husband, who put him in a sling and slept with him downstairs.

I'm just worried about the sleeping arrangements because people say it's not safe to sleep like we are and my husband is worried about SIDS (his cousins lost their baby to SIDS a couple of years ago, though that baby was in a crib alone doing everything right.)

dufferoo · January 2016

My daughter was like that. I never found a way to lay her diwn, so I just ended up letting her sleep with me for the first 2 years. And yeah that meant me sticking to her same sleep schedule. It was an adjustment, I'll give you that! With my son, he actually slept better on his own at night, but he would only nap laying on my chest, so that's what we did for the first six months to a year. Hopefully some other people's suggestions will help you, but if all else fails... co-sleeping is always an option

kdoak2015 · January 2016

If you BF try laying down, this has been working for me but yes you cant slip away. Her bedtime is my bedtime.

wintersong · January 2016

I agree with your husband, its really not safe. TBH when my sub was a newborn I just wore him as he slept until I went to bed, then bring him to bed with me. Now I really go to bed when he does. I take sleep when the baby sleeps very seriously.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

The first 2 months you really just have to do whatever you can to survive. Make sure your LO is safe and then do whatever he needs...even if that means sleeping on you. My first child slept on me for the first 4 weeks or so and it sucked but I had no other choice. He needed that comfort and he needed me.

Are you swaddling tight enough? Sometimes a swaddle will just piss a baby off if it's not done right. Also, babies usually hate being flat like in a bassinet or co-sleeper so maybe try a Rock 'n' Play. That was a LIFESAVER for my second child. I kept it right beside my bed.

Good luck and please, please don't let your 6 day old just cry.

ladyomnipotent · January 2016

Don't worry; I won't let him cry it out! I have had some success the past 2 nights getting him to safely co-sleep with me in my bed. I'm hoping I can continue to do this until I can scoot him into the bassinet. We'll see. Thanks for the tips and encouragement.

SLGILL1978 · January 2016

You should do some research on bed sharing. It can be and has been done safely for years. Bed sharing actually decreases the chances of SIDS when the correct way. It would be way more safer than you to put him in your bed than to sleep sitting up in a recliner. It's not for everyone but I did want to clear up some misconceptions.

Your baby is six days old (now a few days older). It's normal. He is still getting used to being on the outside of Mommy's tummy. The first few weeks, you will be attached at the hip. You can always wear him in a sling or carrier if you would like your hands free.

Right now, you do have some unrealistic views on sleeping. He will sleep longer and/or learn to self soothe when he's developmentally ready.

wintersong · January 2016

SLGILL1978 said:
You should do some research on bed sharing. It can be and has been done safely for years. Bed sharing actually decreases the chances of SIDS when the correct way. It would be way more safer than you to put him in your bed than to sleep sitting up in a recliner. It's not for everyone but I did want to clear up some misconceptions.

Your baby is six days old (now a few days older). It's normal. He is still getting used to being on the outside of Mommy's tummy. The first few weeks, you will be attached at the hip. You can always wear him in a sling or carrier if you would like your hands free.

Right now, you do have some unrealistic views on sleeping. He will sleep longer and/or learn to self soothe when he's developmentally ready.

I'm not sure the op is being unrealistic. The main given I got from get posts was wanting to be safe. The sleep deprivation after six days when a baby won't stay asleep not touching a person is pretty real and raw, especially when bodies are still healing from childbirth. She knows armchair recliners are not safe to sleep in, hence asking for help. Holding a baby 24/7 is actually a but unrealistic, imo. You have to sleep!! And shower!!

I do agree that bed sharing can be safe, if that's what the op wants to do. I just want to reinforce that its important to research how to do it safely. No comforter drawn up, no pillows by babies face, baby on outside by mom, etc.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

longliveregina said:

You should do some research on bed sharing. It can be and has been done safely for years. Bed sharing actually decreases the chances of SIDS when the correct way. It would be way more safer than you to put him in your bed than to sleep sitting up in a recliner. It's not for everyone but I did want to clear up some misconceptions.

Your baby is six days old (now a few days older). It's normal. He is still getting used to being on the outside of Mommy's tummy. The first few weeks, you will be attached at the hip. You can always wear him in a sling or carrier if you would like your hands free.

Right now, you do have some unrealistic views on sleeping. He will sleep longer and/or learn to self soothe when he's developmentally ready.
I'm not sure the op is being unrealistic. The main given I got from get posts was wanting to be safe. The sleep deprivation after six days when a baby won't stay asleep not touching a person is pretty real and raw, especially when bodies are still healing from childbirth. She knows armchair recliners are not safe to sleep in, hence asking for help. Holding a baby 24/7 is actually a but unrealistic, imo. You have to sleep!! And shower!! I do agree that bed sharing can be safe, if that's what the op wants to do. I just want to reinforce that its important to research how to do it safely. No comforter drawn up, no pillows by babies face, baby on outside by mom, etc.

Agreed.

Lolo427 · January 2016

Eh it's a few days ago but I figured I could throw into the conversation as it takes a while for things to calm at first. It's a brutal adjustment but it sounds like you're doing a great job trying new things and splitting time with DH. So to throw out some other ideas, my daughter could be tricked if I left something that smelled like me next to her. When I put her down in her bassinet I would prop my pillow or shirt next to it- it seemed to work. My husband has this trick where he would hold DD so feet were on pointed towards him and rock by gently bouncing her and her head, when he placed her down he would continue to gently bounce her and slowly slip away so it was less rugged of a transition from movement to none. Hope things are going well, and Congratulations!

atcwag · January 2016

Rock n Play....miracle worker.

SLGILL1978 · January 2016

longliveregina said:

You should do some research on bed sharing. It can be and has been done safely for years. Bed sharing actually decreases the chances of SIDS when the correct way. It would be way more safer than you to put him in your bed than to sleep sitting up in a recliner. It's not for everyone but I did want to clear up some misconceptions.

Your baby is six days old (now a few days older). It's normal. He is still getting used to being on the outside of Mommy's tummy. The first few weeks, you will be attached at the hip. You can always wear him in a sling or carrier if you would like your hands free.

Right now, you do have some unrealistic views on sleeping. He will sleep longer and/or learn to self soothe when he's developmentally ready.
I'm not sure the op is being unrealistic. The main given I got from get posts was wanting to be safe. The sleep deprivation after six days when a baby won't stay asleep not touching a person is pretty real and raw, especially when bodies are still healing from childbirth. She knows armchair recliners are not safe to sleep in, hence asking for help. Holding a baby 24/7 is actually a but unrealistic, imo. You have to sleep!! And shower!! I do agree that bed sharing can be safe, if that's what the op wants to do. I just want to reinforce that its important to research how to do it safely. No comforter drawn up, no pillows by babies face, baby on outside by mom, etc.

It is a bit unrealistic regarding the baby sleeping. I never said anything about bed sharing or co sleeping being unrealistic. It's very normal for babies to want to be held or close to Mommy and Daddy. The first two weeks are the toughest and also, for the first few months there can and will be days you will be attached at the hip for 24/7 with that baby. Forget about a shower, doing laundry, etc every single day especially the first 6-8 weeks. She needs to give the baby time, follow his lead/cues and fed on demand. They don't just magically sleep as soon as you get home from the hospital, at six weeks, 7 months etc. Again, sleeping is developmental, baby's sleeping will significantly be a lot better at two months versus six days, when OP posted. She needs to sleep when the baby is sleeping and there are more ways to co sleep than just bed sharing.

wintersong · January 2016

SLGILL1978 said:

longliveregina said:

SLGILL1978 said:
You should do some research on bed sharing. It can be and has been done safely for years. Bed sharing actually decreases the chances of SIDS when the correct way. It would be way more safer than you to put him in your bed than to sleep sitting up in a recliner. It's not for everyone but I did want to clear up some misconceptions.

Your baby is six days old (now a few days older). It's normal. He is still getting used to being on the outside of Mommy's tummy. The first few weeks, you will be attached at the hip. You can always wear him in a sling or carrier if you would like your hands free.

Right now, you do have some unrealistic views on sleeping. He will sleep longer and/or learn to self soothe when he's developmentally ready.
I'm not sure the op is being unrealistic. The main given I got from get posts was wanting to be safe. The sleep deprivation after six days when a baby won't stay asleep not touching a person is pretty real and raw, especially when bodies are still healing from childbirth. She knows armchair recliners are not safe to sleep in, hence asking for help. Holding a baby 24/7 is actually a but unrealistic, imo. You have to sleep!! And shower!!

I do agree that bed sharing can be safe, if that's what the op wants to do. I just want to reinforce that its important to research how to do it safely. No comforter drawn up, no pillows by babies face, baby on outside by mom, etc.

It is a bit unrealistic regarding the baby sleeping. I never said anything about bed sharing or co sleeping being unrealistic. It's very normal for babies to want to be held or close to Mommy and Daddy. The first two weeks are the toughest and also, for the first few months there can and will be days you will be attached at the hip for 24/7 with that baby. Forget about a shower, doing laundry, etc every single day especially the first 6-8 weeks. She needs to give the baby time, follow his lead/cues and fed on demand. They don't just magically sleep as soon as you get home from the hospital, at six weeks, 7 months etc. Again, sleeping is developmental, baby's sleeping will significantly be a lot better at two months versus six days, when OP posted. She needs to sleep when the baby is sleeping and there are more ways to co sleep than just bed sharing.

I can agree 100% with your last sentence. I still try to sleep when my 11 month old sleeps, lol.

kelseyofanne · February 2016

Why not try putting his crib sheets or swaddles in bed with you and if he is wrapped in your smell it might change things. I think the change in temperature makes a difference too.

Either way it's just hard at one week! You can do it!

4N6s · March 2016

I think we found that our baby slept better alone once she was warm enough. I put her in long pajamas, a swaddleme and then a knit baby blanket on her legs.
It works for us and she's slept I her bassinet since day 1.

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