"It gets better"... — The Bump
September 2015 Moms

"It gets better"...

this is what everyone told me during the first six weeks, then when she was 3 months old, then 4 months, 5 months... Several moms said "just wait till she is 6 months old, it totally changes for the better!" Well, it's worse than ever. Her sleep is awful, she's chronically fussy and impossible to please, and she's draining me badly. I've made it this far because each day I tell myself it WILL get better, but when!?!? I thought now that she's 6 months she would sleep a LITTLE better but nope! We gave up the Merlin Suit and had ONE magic night of her doing good then now it's worse than ever. I never sleep and it has affected everything: my health, my sanity, my marriage, my job, my friendships, everything. Sorry for the bad vent, I know I signed on for this by becoming a mother, but I'm worn so thin right now and just desperate for when "it gets better" - whenever that really is... 

Re: "It gets better"...

  • I totally understand.  Our son was very tough when he was younger, lots of crying, terrible sleep, reflux...we had many sleepless nights and days of no napping.  EVERYONE would tell us things will get better, give it time, one more week, etc.  It used to drive my husband and me NUTS.  What we have come to realize is that some things do get better, but then there's something new to deal with.  Juuuuust when we think we have him figured out, know his needs, sleeping better, get a consistent schedule going, something else pops up!  It's like we trade in one thing for another.  

    Our current battle is he's deciding he no longer wants to take his late afternoon nap.  Yesterday he took it, so I was hopeful we were back on track again, but I think he only slept because he was tired from his shots.  Today he fought, and fought and fought.  I finally gave up, took him on a car ride and he STILL refused to sleep.  Not a good afternoon, we pushed bedtime forward a bit, but he was still awake for FIVE hours.  No bueno.

    Hang in there mama, I'm sure you're doing an amazing job...but from our experience it seems there will always be some sort of challenge, if not one thing, then another.  
  • Oh my- I hear the desperation in your post and I just wanted to send you some strength. I agree that as we figure one thing out, a new thing crops up. I had just felt like we had a good thing going with sleep and then she pops two teeth. We went back to like 2 month sleep. She even wakes for long stretches at night again. Then when we get this sorted, her next teeth will come through. I really, really try to take things one day at a time, otherwise I will go crazy wondering what's next. So maybe that's the trick- just take things one day at a time and stop waiting for next week, or month. Then someday down the road, you will realize that it has gotten better for you. I hope that day comes sooner rather than later!! 
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  • I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. I know I always heard the first 3 months were the hardest. I was counting down until 3 months hit. When it did, it got anything buy easier. 3 months was a nightmare around here. Didn't sleep for more than an hour stretch for an entire month, fussy all day, etc. I was almost angry at everyone who had told me the first 3 months were the hardest because they gave me these false expectations about what was hard and when things would ease up, only to have things get harder than I could have imagined at that point. So I have felt the same way you do! I know how discouraged and alone you can feel. We still don't get much sleep around here and I spiral back into those feelings some nights when I'm up for the 3rd time before midnight and feel like I'm somehow failing because we're almost 6 months and still don't sleep and it seems like every other baby does. But you aren't alone! It feels that way I know. But not all babies follow the same time line and some don't get "easier" until they are a bit older. She'll get there! It's hard when you had these expectations of when it would happen and then it doesn't. I think we need to let those go and just roll with what our babies are doing. That's what I'm trying to do (but haven't quite mastered it yet). The lack of sleep does not help these feelings of frustration. 

    Anyways, tl;dr: I know how you are feeling. I'm sorry you're feeling this way because it really sucks. Know that you aren't alone and I'm thinking about you and praying you feel better soon.
  • We're going through a similar phase' but I know he's teething and he's trying to learn how to roll from belly to back now that he can roll back to belly. So night time is fun here. 
    im not gonna say it gets better, it just becomes different. Every age/stage has their own positives and difficulties. 
  • I'm so sorry your getting worn thin. It's ok to vent. Yes you decided to become a mother but you could not possibly comprehend or expect the 100000 ways children can be whole growing. I've felt completely out of my depth and I have hated that my mother or friends never expressed how hard this could be. I'm lucky I have a easy baby and I've still become overwhelmed. I've told people if he was "harder" I don't know what I would have done I give you much respect. 
  • It's so hard! My first was a tricky baby. It didn't really "get better" in the way people described. I had to change my definition of what it meant to "get better." DD1 is 3 and still wakes up in the night at least twice a week. Instead of waiting for it to get better, maybe think that "This too, shall pass..." or my motto, "I'll sleep when I'm dead." Good luck!

  • im not gonna say it gets better, it just becomes different. Every age/stage has their own positives and difficulties. 
    Yes I agree! There will always be challenges with every age but there will be wonderful things as well.
    OP not what you want to hear I'm sure. But I hope things take a positive spin for you and we are sending you mama strength!
  • momofsweetpsmomofsweetps
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    edited March 2016
    It doesn't get better, with parenting there will be moments where you say "Ahhh I finally got this." Then tantrums start and preteens and teen years hits and screaming nightmares, potty training,  bed wetting accidents, puking and breathing treatments in the middle of the night, etc. New phases, with huge jumps but also have the bumps and trips.

    Being a parent is the hardest, most amazing job in the entire world. It doesn't get easier, you just become more experienced and learn how to deal with situations better. Seriously with my first, she never slept. Ever. It was so hard. I liked sleep. Still do, but I function a lot better now on little sleep than I did with my first. 

    It is a roller coaster ride for sure, filled with screams, laughs, and everything in between! Hang in there Momma, you were chosen to be your sweet one's Momma and you will persevere! ❤️
  • You guys seriously don't know how much support your comments are giving me - they are keeping me going right now.
  • Sending you tons of good vibes from here! As a FTM I think sometimes all we have is each other!
  • The best thing I could've done as a FTM is go back to work.  DD1 cried for 6 straight months unless she was being held and rocked while standing.  She didn't sleep through the night til she was 18 months!  I went back to work at 9 weeks PP and it helped me to appreciate her more and stay sane.  Kids are hard.  Hugs!
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  • Not sleeping is literally the worst situation ever. I know because that was me for the first 5 months. I would snap at my DH. Randomly cry at anything. My LO just didn't sleep his first 5 months of life for longer than 45 min-1.5 hour straight. I openly told people I probably wouldn't have had a LO if I knew this is what it would be like! Ugh. He's sleeping now, something all night(10+ hours), then nights like tonight he slept 5 hours straight before waking. Any sleep is better than no sleep. I was gaining weight for the first time in my life thanks to never sleeping and stress. I'm still not home free but I stop EVERYTHING and go nap or sleep the second LO is out. I didn't have friends or family, or even a DH to help(work schedule crazy). A noise maker helped us a lot, too. I tried everything but CIO. Coffee is the elixir of life right now. Hang in there. I live for thinking when he's a toddler he will sleep. Fingers cross and you are not alone!!!!!
  • Sleep with her. It might be what she needs. To feel close. She just might get the rest she needs and so will you. Rules don't apply when your rapidly reaching the end of your rope. Parenting is just figuring out how to survive from one fiasco to the next. Sometimes things are super easy and some things aren't. 
    I bedshare mainly because I don't have a nursery yet to put her in and can't sleep train with a sleeping toddler in the next room or a husband who has to get up at 4am. So to keep the peace I just bring her in bed with us and she just passes out. I'll cross breaking that habit in a few weeks and it's going to suck. But for now. Just do what will give everyone some peace. 
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  • I'm so sorry. Im not even going to say "hang in there" or anything else positive Bc I sense you just need to feel your anger/hurt/frustration, etc. and that is all okay to do! This shit is HARD. My daughter was very challenging until 4.5 months. Not colic, but more fit the description of high needs as she was very high strung and sensitive.

    One thing that worked for us...letting her cry in our arms. I wrote a post celebrating the idea I found from a book called The Aware Baby. It might be work a look into. Basically, the theory is your baby might be a) stressed or b) just more emotional and need to cry. The author theorizes that we overly pacify our babies BC we fear that their crying is always "bad"/"unhealthy". It may sound whack but it worked for us...or the timing was coincidental bc she chilled out shortly after we had a couple weeks of just letting her cry in our arms 
  • I was feeling exactly the same until we learned his "colic" was from allergic proctocolitis. My guy is now on Elecare formula (for 2 weeks) and has become a whole new baby. We thought he was better on soy but nope- this new formula stopped all the horrible fussiness. 
    I had read your post about allergy testing and we went and saw an allergist. He tested negative for everything- including a milk allergy. The dr believed he had the colitis and sent us to a pediatric GI that confirmed.
    since he got off the soy and on this new formula we have been so happy. 
    I just wanted to say Thank You! If you hadn't taken the time to write about the dog saliva allergy- I wouldn't have known to go to an allergist. My dr started saying our son might be autistic! She totally missed his colitis and my son would still be in horrible pain and suffering. 
    Thank you! 
    Im sorry I don't have advise or any answers but want you to know I appreciate your help. 
    Thank you
  • @troopersmom - OMG that makes me so happy!!!!! Thank goodness you checked! This just made my day!!
  • My friend had a really hard baby girl, and now she's 8 months old and she's finally getting fun. My friend was definitely to the point where she didn't know if she wanted another kid because the first one was so difficult. I know 6 months is a hard growth spurt, and combined with teething it can be a very hard time. My LO is 6 months and this is the first time he's really been hard to live with. He's not sleeping well and is fussy much of the time he's awake. You can do it! Remember, this phase doesn't last forever. 
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