Dealing w Fear of Early Miscarriage

Knottie76627123 · March 2016

Hi all -

I've been completely losing it over my anxiety over MC. It's really early, and it's out of my control - but I'm an anxious person anyhow, and was up a few hours last night freaking out about this. So, googling on these boards and such I found this one post and wanted to share! It's not perfect of course, these numbers can't possibly be the same bc of age, other conditions, etc etc, but this made me feel a little better - down to a 76% chance of MC, and getting better ever day the blastocyst sticks!

Other tips for being a less insane person totally welcome! Ugh....

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12575727/the-odds-of-not-having-an-early-miscarriage/p1

l4rk said:
Hello Ladies!

I've noticed that no matter how many times I look up miscarriages rates, I walk away feeling only slightly better (at best). I'm the kind of person who finds reassurance in statistics, but for some reason, all of the existing posts weren't doing it for me. And then I realized why: articles on miscarriage focus on the chances you're going to miscarry and all the comments share miscarriage stories--they don't focus on how many people DON'T have miscarriages and go on to have happy, healthy babies!

I adapted this week-by-week chart and modified it so that it would focus on the positive rather than the negative! Since I found the positive spin benefiting my peace of mind, I thought it might benefit some of you too.

By the way, anyone in this January 2016 club already has a better chance of NOT having a miscarriage than having one... The numbers are on your side!

Progress Probability of NOT having a miscarriage
3W, 0D 67%
3W, 1D 67.10%
3W, 2D 67.40%
3W, 3D 68%
3W, 4D 68.70%
3W, 5D 69.70%
3W, 6D 70.80%
4W, 0D 72%
4W, 1D 73.50%
4W, 2D 74.80%
4W, 3D 76.40%
4W, 4D 77.90%
4W, 5D 79.50%
4W, 6D 81.10%
5W, 0D 82.70%
5W, 1D 84.20%
5W, 2D 85.60%
5W, 3D 87%
5W, 4D 88.30%
5W, 5D 89.50%
5W, 6D 90.60%
6W, 0D 91.60%
6W, 1D 92.50%
6W, 2D 93.40%
6W, 3D 94.10%
6W, 4D 94.70%
6W, 5D 95.30%
6W, 6D 95.70%
7W, 0D 96.10%
7W, 1D 96.50%
7W, 2D 96.80%
7W, 3D 97%
7W, 4D 97.20%
7W, 5D 97.40%
7W, 6D 97.50%
8W, 0D 97.60%
8W, 1D 97.70%
8W, 2D 97.80%
8W, 3D 97.80%
8W, 4D 97.90%
8W, 5D 97.90%
8W, 6D 97.90%
9W, 0D 97.90%
9W, 1D (and on) 98%+

ShallowSeas · March 2016

I think most of us have the same fear even without a previous MC. The statistics you posted have already been posted on this board, somewhere. It was a couple weeks ago, I believe.

jdebaie · March 2016

I had the same fears when I was pregnant with my daughter. Like PP said, I think everyone feels it no matter if you have a history or not. I thought I would be much more calm about it this pregnancy but I was totally wrong, I'm still anxoius about it. All you can do is take it day by day. I look to DH to calm me down when I'm especially anxious and that really helps.

MollySm · March 2016

It's good to remember, that as common as it is, there's still a very good chance that we won't miscarry. This beginning stage is so tough. I wish we could fast forward!

horse232 · March 2016

This is great!! I've been worried about the same thing. I'm 5W5D. And I'm like you--just an anxious person in general. So automatically my mind jumps to the negatives! I've only taken two pregnancy tests. The second test's lines showed up way darker than the first test I took, which seems to be a good sign. Im trying to control my urge to go out and waste more money on tests so that I don't turn into a "compulsive tester." My first appt isn't for another 2.5 weeks!! Which seems like an eternity! Thanks for sharing.

horse232 · March 2016

This is great!! I've been worried about the same thing. I'm 5W5D. And I'm like you--just an anxious person in general. So automatically my mind jumps to the negatives! I've only taken two pregnancy tests. The second test's lines showed up way darker than the first test I took, which seems to be a good sign. Im trying to control my urge to go out and waste more money on tests so that I don't turn into a "compulsive tester." My first appt isn't for another 2.5 weeks!! Which seems like an eternity! Thanks for sharing.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

I've never seen those statistics, so that gave me a boost. Thanks for posting!

chloe97 · March 2016

TW loss mentioned*****************

I was one of the 2% that had a MMC after a strong heartbeat at 8 weeks.
I appreciate your efforts to reassure people, but believe me when I tell you from experience that there is nothing reassuring about them when you're one of the numbers.

Instead of looking for numbers to reassure me, this time I'm doing my best to enjoy every day of my pregnancy and see it as a gift. Everyday I get up and repeat the mantra "I am pregnant today." My husband and I talk to the baby and tell it how much it's loved and wanted. There is nothing else we can do at this point, so all I can do is be comforted that we gave as much love to these cells growing inside of me that we possibly could during his/her time on earth.

comealongponds · March 2016

TW loss mentioned

I'm with @chloe97 - I'm part of the 2% (or whatever the actual figure is) that saw a stron heartbeat and yet still suffered a loss. Those stats look pretty and reassuring on the outside, but when you've been on the short end of that stick, they're no longer very comforting.

i had an ultrasound this morning that showed two perfect little heartbeats. To me, that means that at this exact moment, I am pregnant with two healthy babies. Whatever comes in the future has no bearing on the present...I am currently pregnant and so thankful to be so. I talk to the twins, tell them how much I love them and can't wait to meet them, and encourage them to grow and stick right where they belong. It's hard not to worry, but try to take comfort in the fact that right now you are pregnant and so your best not to worry about the future.

ChelleCPA · March 2016

@comealongponds I hope you don't mind me posting since I'm technically not supposed to be here anymore, but I just wanted to say that I'm so happy that your doctors appointment went well this morning and that you got to hear two heartbeats! I'm really rooting for you and your twins! (Also I meant that in the least internet creepy way!

)

doraleigh35 · March 2016

I completely agree with @chloe97 and @comealongponds.

***TW***

I was also a part of the 2% at 8w4d so I don't find these statistics comforting. With having two losses I felt robbed of the excitement for future pregnancies. I've worked hard to get back into a positive mindset. I try not think about the past and recognize that this is a different little bean. I also remind myself daily that "today I am pregnant" and try to not worry about the "what ifs". There are no signs right now that this won't be a healthy pregnancy, I try to take comfort in that.

Like the other ladies have said, be thankful that you are pregnant today and try not to think about what could happen.

Edit: missed a word

ETA: This post was not intended to say that OP or anyone else should not find comfort in statistics. Nor was I implying that anyone should stop worrying. I was only speaking of my own experience and how I am dealing with the anxiety of early pregnancy. I apologize if anyone misinterpreted my intent or was offended.

comealongponds · March 2016

ChelleCPA said:

@comealongponds I hope you don't mind me posting since I'm technically not supposed to be here anymore, but I just wanted to say that I'm so happy that your doctors appointment went well this morning and that you got to hear two heartbeats! I'm really rooting for you and your twins! (Also I meant that in the least internet creepy way! )

Of course I don't mind @ChelleCPA! Thank you for your well wishes...I hope you get get your rainbow soon. *creepy Internet hugs*

RiverSong15 · March 2016

TW***

I never saw a heartbeat with my last pregnancy because I MC at 7 weeks before my first appointment. According to this chart, my risk was less than 4%. It still sucks when you draw that short straw.

Even seeing these numbers last time, I still worried, everyday, about a MC. Want to know what that worry did for me? Zip, zero, zilch, and nada. It didn't diminish the pain one iota. It did, however, cause almost 4 weeks of stress and anxiety that I would have been better off without.

Try to live in the moment and accept that you have no control over the outcome at this point. All you can do is take one day, hour, or minute at a time, and know that you are pregnant until someone tells you otherwise. Have faith and hope - there's nothing else you can do. Be as kind to yourself as you can, because it's out of your control.

ETA: both you and your baby deserve love and happiness, no matter how long or short the pregnancy. Anxiety only robs you of that. Hugs to all who are struggling with it - it's never easy.

ETA2: This post is not meant to say "stop worrying", and I apologize to all who read it that way. I personally regret how much I worried in my last pregnancy, and I was just trying to share how I'm coping this time around.

Jolenef07 · March 2016

Agree with the other ladies. I was in the 2% category when I had my loss (was not a high risk pregnancy). I was shocked because I had seen those exact statistics and thought it was safe. Trying to take things a day at a time this go round and am grateful to be pregnant.

EmmieAnn22 · March 2016

Maybe our PGAL board is a better place to post our frustration with being on the bad side of statistics? I know it sucks like nothing else to be that person who falls within the minority. I feel like the original poster and some of the following posters were looking for comfort and found them in those numbers why not let them?

MollySm · March 2016

It's probably a personal thing, but I am going to worry about this baby. I worry about my other two kids also. I have had a miscarriage, but I still find comfort in statistics, and once I see a heartbeat I will definitely feel better and better each time, as the risk goes on. I think it's normal to feel anxious at this point, and normal to reach for signs that things might be okay. I think it's great that we can have posts on the board about our stress, because of course lots of us are feeling the same way. For me it's helpful to talk about the stress, but it would bog my H down to hear it day after day. This is a place I can come to talk about it. I'm thankful people start posts about these topics.

hellopartyof5 · March 2016

Yes, someone always has to be in the unfortunate percentage of the statistics. But I don't think that should deter people from finding comfort in the statistics. Why worry women more than they already are?

LikeICantEven · March 2016

I am surprised by the responses above. Telling her to not be anxious about losing her baby? Really? Find me one woman on here that isn't worried about that. Or to suggest she isn't grateful for being pregnant every day? We're all on this board for a reason, because we're all stoked we're in this predicament. And if we aren't, we're most likely trying to be, like OP.

Of course statistics aren't foolproof but it's still a guideline, a piece of information that might aid someone in learning how these things tend to go. Sure made me feel better when I saw it and I've had a loss before.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

@HomeyDontPlayThat, I think you are misunderstanding people's previous posts. No one told her not to be anxious. I said that anxiety didn't do any good (because it doesn't), and explained ways I'm managing my own fears. No one told her she wasn't grateful to be pregnant - they suggested she focus on that - focus on something positive - to help fight the anxiety. Of course we're all worried about this - loss moms often even more than average.

ETA: I don't think there is a single loss mom on here that would ever tell someone "just stop worrying" or that they are ungrateful for being pregnant.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

RiverSong15 said:

@HomeyDontPlayThat, I think you are misunderstanding people's previous posts. No one told her not to be anxious. I said that anxiety didn't do any good (because it doesn't), and explained ways I'm managing my own fears. No one told her she wasn't grateful to be pregnant - they suggested she focus on that - focus on something positive - to help fight the anxiety. Of course we're all worried about this - loss moms often even more than average.

I just don't see the point in posting about things that are unavoidable. She posted statistics, vented about anxiety and everyone told their story about losing their baby anyway. I just don't see the point in that. As far as what people told her, I mean, let's just disagree on that.

DunkinDecaf · March 2016

Everyone copes in their own way. Statistics don't mean a thing if you're on the wrong side of them, but these numbers showing how the risk goes down every day helps me with my anxiety. Thank you for sharing, OP!

doraleigh35 · March 2016

HomeyDontPlayThat said:

I am surprised by the responses above. Telling her to not be anxious about losing her baby? Really? Find me one woman on here that isn't worried about that. Or to suggest she isn't grateful for being pregnant every day? We're all on this board for a reason, because we're all stoked we're in this predicament. And if we aren't, we're most likely trying to be, like OP.

Of course statistics aren't foolproof but it's still a guideline, a piece of information that might aid someone in learning how these things tend to go. Sure made me feel better when I saw it and I've had a loss before.

I think this is may be misinterpreting people's intents, definitely my intent. I don't think anyone was assuming that she isn't grateful for being pregnant. Those who responded about the statistics not being comforting, weren't saying others can't find comfort in them. Nor was anyone saying there wasn't validation in being nervous, of course everyone is nervous. I think some of the ladies were just describing how they were handing the situation and anxiety especially being PGAL. I have been trying to stay positive myself and focusing on the fact that today I am pregnant, which is why I was suggesting that OP do the same.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

EDK2010 said:

HomeyDontPlayThat said:

I am surprised by the responses above. Telling her to not be anxious about losing her baby? Really? Find me one woman on here that isn't worried about that. Or to suggest she isn't grateful for being pregnant every day? We're all on this board for a reason, because we're all stoked we're in this predicament. And if we aren't, we're most likely trying to be, like OP.

Of course statistics aren't foolproof but it's still a guideline, a piece of information that might aid someone in learning how these things tend to go. Sure made me feel better when I saw it and I've had a loss before.

I think this is may be misinterpreting people's intents, definitely my intent. I don't think anyone was assuming that she isn't grateful for being pregnant. Those who responded about the statistics not being comforting, weren't saying others can't find comfort in them. Nor was anyone saying there wasn't validation in being nervous, of course everyone is nervous. I think some of the ladies were just describing how they were handing the situation and anxiety especially being PGAL. I have been trying to stay positive myself and focusing on the fact that today I am pregnant, which is why I was suggesting that OP do the same.

This^^^ I think all of our posts were intended to provide examples of all the other ways we cope with our own anxiety, from the perspective of people who've been through it. Everyone needs to find their own ways to cope, whether that's through statistics or mantras, or anything else.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

EDK2010 said:

HomeyDontPlayThat said:

I am surprised by the responses above. Telling her to not be anxious about losing her baby? Really? Find me one woman on here that isn't worried about that. Or to suggest she isn't grateful for being pregnant every day? We're all on this board for a reason, because we're all stoked we're in this predicament. And if we aren't, we're most likely trying to be, like OP.

Of course statistics aren't foolproof but it's still a guideline, a piece of information that might aid someone in learning how these things tend to go. Sure made me feel better when I saw it and I've had a loss before.

I think this is may be misinterpreting people's intents, definitely my intent. I don't think anyone was assuming that she isn't grateful for being pregnant. Those who responded about the statistics not being comforting, weren't saying others can't find comfort in them. Nor was anyone saying there wasn't validation in being nervous, of course everyone is nervous. I think some of the ladies were just describing how they were handing the situation and anxiety especially being PGAL. I have been trying to stay positive myself and focusing on the fact that today I am pregnant, which is why I was suggesting that OP do the same.

If so, I apologize. I went back and reread, I can see how it can be taken both ways. I'll give the benefit of the doubt.

I saw how people responded and I got mad on OP's behalf. I think it was unnecessary. It made me think of how people celebrate V day and find comfort in that, what's wrong comparing your stage in pregnancy to this chart and finding solace in that? That's all I'm saying.

MollySm · March 2016

It did come across to me as if people were telling OP to stop worrying and being anxious and that the statistics weren't meaningful. Thank you all for clearing that up. I definitely think we are all going to get through these early weeks in different ways, and it's helpful for many of us to have a place to express those different feelings.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

MollySm said:

It did come across to me as if people were telling OP to stop worrying and being anxious and that the statistics weren't meaningful. Thank you all for clearing that up. I definitely think we are all going to get through these early weeks in different ways, and it's helpful for many of us to have a place to express those different feelings.

I just edited my original post to clarify - I would never want anyone to think I was saying "just stop worrying".

doraleigh35 · March 2016

@HomeyDontPlayThat I can see how the responses can be taken both ways and I certainly wasn't trying to make OP feel worse. Thanks for understanding that we are all coming from different experiences and opinions.

Like @Mollysm said, we are all trying to deal with these early weeks in our own way. What may make sense to some ladies might not be comforting for others.

Jolenef07 · March 2016

I just keep seeing those same stats pop up multiple times on multiple boards. I can't speak for others, I just tried to say that they gave me a false sense of reassurance my first go round. When I asked my doctor about them he had some doubts about their accuracy and suggested I focus on each day and my own individual situation. I just wish I would have know that they aren't foolproof. I guess I knew that on one level but seeing them didn't help me in retrospect because it made it all feel worse. Just my perspective. Whatever helps people get through this tough time is fine by me. I think women who have had a loss were just trying to share their experience/ perspective since the post was titled fear of miscarriage.

comealongponds · March 2016

Jolenef07 said:

I just keep seeing those same stats pop up multiple times on multiple boards. I can't speak for others, I just tried to say that they gave me a false sense of reassurance my first go round. When I asked my doctor about them he had some doubts about their accuracy and suggested I focus on each day and my own individual situation. I just wish I would have know that they aren't foolproof. I guess I knew that on one level but seeing them didn't help me in retrospect because it made it all feel worse. Just my perspective. Whatever helps people get through this tough time is fine by me. I think women who have had a loss were just trying to share their experience/ perspective since the post was titled fear of miscarriage.

^^This

EmmieAnn22 · March 2016

I just want to say if I'm the one that took this thread off topic I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to put anyone down or accuse anyone of anything.

I know the pain of being on the losing end of statistics and I just thought maybe that frustration would have a better home in our PGAL thread. Maybe I'm overly sensitive (I'm pregnant of course I'm over sensitive) but I just thought if those numbers help someone just let them live in the bliss of those numbers.

Again I'm sorry if any felt I was being rude or accusatory never my intentions.

Dealing w Fear of Early Miscarriage

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Progress	Probability of NOT having a miscarriage
3W, 0D	67%
3W, 1D	67.10%
3W, 2D	67.40%
3W, 3D	68%
3W, 4D	68.70%
3W, 5D	69.70%
3W, 6D	70.80%
4W, 0D	72%
4W, 1D	73.50%
4W, 2D	74.80%
4W, 3D	76.40%
4W, 4D	77.90%
4W, 5D	79.50%
4W, 6D	81.10%
5W, 0D	82.70%
5W, 1D	84.20%
5W, 2D	85.60%
5W, 3D	87%
5W, 4D	88.30%
5W, 5D	89.50%
5W, 6D	90.60%
6W, 0D	91.60%
6W, 1D	92.50%
6W, 2D	93.40%
6W, 3D	94.10%
6W, 4D	94.70%
6W, 5D	95.30%
6W, 6D	95.70%
7W, 0D	96.10%
7W, 1D	96.50%
7W, 2D	96.80%
7W, 3D	97%
7W, 4D	97.20%
7W, 5D	97.40%
7W, 6D	97.50%
8W, 0D	97.60%
8W, 1D	97.70%
8W, 2D	97.80%
8W, 3D	97.80%
8W, 4D	97.90%
8W, 5D	97.90%
8W, 6D	97.90%
9W, 0D	97.90%
9W, 1D (and on)	98%+