How to encourage a healthy lifestyle

mrsschmity · March 2016

I'm looking for some gentle support or suggestions from my June ladies.

H is an amazing guy. He provides for our family, is one of the hardest working men I know, takes care of me in countless ways, etc. However, he has a few unhealthy habits (who doesn't), and I'm wondering if anyone has tips or advice on how to encourage him to get healthier without being a nag. I finally got him to start taking a daily multi vitamin, but I get concerned about his health sometimes. We're still fairly young, and obviously I'd like him to be on this planet with me for a very long time. I'm not perfect and there are things that I try to improve on too. I guess I just want us to set a good example for our kids.

At one point I realized I was being a nag about some of it (smoking being one), and that he's the only person that can make positive lifestyle changes. He has to WANT to do it. So I've stopped bringing it up and try to just lead by example. Obviously he's aware that he can't smoke around baby after he/she gets here and I know he wants to try and quit before then if he can.

Anyone been through something similar? Is there something you said or did that caused it to just "click" for him, or do I just leave it be? Has the birth of a new baby had a positive impact on lifestyle choices for your spouse?

MamaNicoleof3 · March 2016

Totally been there! My H has always been overweight (he grew up eating absolute crap all the time), but has battled it since he was in college. You already know not to nag- I'd say you'll be VERY surprised at the change that happens in him once your baby is born. That was a huge motivator for my H. Seeing this tiny little human that's part of you changes you in so many ways, and I'd bet that once he lays eyes on his daughter or son, things may well just fall into place, as far as his desire to take better care of himself

mkemommy · March 2016

@mrsschmity

Ack! This is hard and to me it depends largely on your H's personality. My H is contrary so honestly the less I stress him out about things (i.e., if I tell him not to do X, he generally will get defensive) and just lead silently by example, the better it works for us.

My ONE caveat to that is smoking though. My Dad died after a pack-a-day habit at age 60 (literally a month and a half before he was supposed to walk me down the aisle) and H knows how I feel about smoking. He doesn't smoke anymore thankfully (unless we are on vacation and then it is limited to one or two) but I told him that was a deal breaker....especially with kids (I have terrible asthma and many times I was being driven to the hospital by a smoking father in the car).

Have you talked to your H honestly about your concerns? I found that talking to my H about life, our personal goals, our couple goals, our retirement goals, life insurance, our wills, what I envision for the future for our child (especially as it pertains to H...him being there to walk her down the aisle, being there at her graduation, when she has her first child, etc) really got the point home to him to be as healthy as he can be. He NEVER cries and he nearly cried when I mentioned a will for me and what I wanted my medical decisions to be if something went wrong in labor. It was a healthy reminder though that life is fragile and we both need to do the best we can to be healthy for each other/know what the other wants.

For non-deal breakers, I just make sure to stock the house with healthy food options (and one or two indulgences), I let him know it is ok to indulge on occasion (and he does the same for me) but encourage him to take walks with me, I make his supper/snacks and make sure it is packed up so he doesn't eat unhealthy in a rush and despite our budget talks I prioritize his health (and gym membership, etc.) over money. Not sure if those suggestions help.

mrsschmity · March 2016

@MamaNicoleof3 Thank you! I'm hoping that is the case. I've talked to H about it several times, and realize how hard some of these habits are to quit (i.e. Smoking). I'm really hoping something in his brain just clicks once he becomes a dad. It's difficult for me as his wife to not want to just beat it into his head, but I know that doesn't do any good either.

@mkemommy I have talked to him honestly about it several times, but not to the extent of creating a will and things like that. I didn't even think about that, and I probably should. We've discussed our personal goals, shared goals, where we see ourselves/family down the road, etc. I have made mention that I want us to be healthy and set good examples for our kids and he always says "We will babe". I don't think he really truly understands how some of his habits affect his health though. It's like he thinks he's invincible.

I don't want to make him feel bad about himself either, and that's why I'm trying not to be a nag about it. It's a hard position to be in!

crdo · March 2016

Health-related issues with my H haven't been quite so extreme. One thing that's changed with him over the last few years is his diet. He used to be a heavy meat and potatoes guy, who didn't really like "green stuff". Now, he'll often say he's craving a big salad for dinner, and recognizes how much better he feels on a nutritious, balanced diet.

To initiate the change, leading by example, discussing when appropriate how much better and energetic a balanced diet made me feel, and presenting the medical data justifying those conclusions shifted his thoughts on the matter. H is very logical, and evidence-based conclusions win in our house, for both of us. So, that's what worked in our case.

Also, I flat out have told H he's not allowed to even consider dying until we're at least 85.

Especially with the smoking, I hope you're able to help your H find the motivation to quit before baby.

colesmom33 · March 2016

This is so hard. My husband chews! (yuck!) He's quit a few times but with the stress of this pregnancy, he started chewing again. I also try not to nag but I get so bugged by it. Especially, since I, too, am under stress and can't do anything about it! I actually yelled at him a few weeks ago and told him it's time to get a coping skill (ouch! stupid hormones!) I have given him a little bit of a break because I know he's stressed out right now. In the past, I've just sat him down and had an honest conversation about how his tobacco use affects our family and asked when is a reasonable time for him to try quitting and how can I help to make this easier. He tried chantex (the medication), which was helpful.

Has your DH expressed any interest in quitting? I work in addiction, so I know how rough it can be and tobacco is really one of the most addictive things out there! Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to quit, there's not a whole lot you can do until he's ready. Maybe give him until your baby is born. For my husband, seeing my DS made him want to be around for him and set a good example for him. (I mean, until we got pregnant with 3!) Good luck with this!!

angbhylt · March 2016

I am in the same situation with my husband right now. He is generally a healthy eater but does not work out. He has started gaining a bit of weight after going from a physical job for several years to a desk job. I grew up with a Dad that struggled with being overweight (still does) and it scares me that our kids will have to experience the same thing.

When I talk to him about it I try to emphasize how it's not about the weight, but the overall health factor. Better sleep, more energy, healthy organs, etc.

I try to explain that getting this under control now will be easier instead of waiting until after baby arrives. I also come up with ways that we can be active, cook, etc. together so it's encouraging him to make healthier choices but not feeling so alone in it.

Good luck, lifestyle changes are certainly not an easy thing to address without hurt feelings. I will be thinking of you and saying prayers your husband can reach these decisions on his own! I think it's more effective if they come to it on their own then if it feels forced by someone else.

mkemommy · March 2016

@mrsschmity - I think talking honestly with H about my mortality really helped him realize that I know I'm not invincible. In his mind, he thinks he is going to die first anyway (he is older by about 6 years and the men in his family do not live very long lives). I try to shake him of that and, really, talking about my mortality has done that. He recently wanted to start up P90x actually...he goes from one extreme to the other...but one other thing that has helped is just pointing out that children learn by example but that example needs to be firmly rooted. He wants our daughter to be healthy and not overweight, he wants her to not be glued to electronics, etc. I told him we are the only ones to blame if she doesn't develop those healthy habits and developing a habit takes at least 60 days so we should be starting NOW. As a result, his computer time has decreased and his focus on fitness/health is up.

@crdo - My H is very logical too. Using science to back things up goes a long way in this household.

mrsschmity · March 2016

Thanks @crdo! I've seen slow, positive changes in him in other ways over the years, but I think he's still at the age where he doesn't think the negative habits will have any affect on him - and that logic doesn't make any sense. The smoking habit is the one I'm most concerned about obviously, and I'm really trying to be as supportive as I can to help him quit.

@jaceyannie I know the root of most of these habits is likely stress for my H too! He's got a stressful job, and a lot of changes coming up with adding a baby to the family. Stress is bound to happen. I want to tell H the same thing - to find another coping strategy. My H has literally tried everything under the sun to try and quit smoking in the past, and none of it has worked. The only time he was ever able to quit for more than a few months was when he first joined the military to prepare for boot camp.

Thank you @angbhylt. I wish there was a way to help him come to these realizations on his own, but the "want" has to come from himself. Wishing you luck with your husband as well!

fishwife799 · March 2016

This is a great question and one I have yet to find an answer to and we are on baby #3. My H smokes a lot and it really bothers me. But one thing I know is that he will never make that change unless it's his decision. He did try to quit after our daughter was born and lasted about 3 weeks. He has a very addictive personality so I just hope that one day it hits him and he realizes what he is doing to himself and his family. I hope you have better luck with this than I have had.
As healthier eating I just make sure I'm cooking meals that are healthy for us and keep good foods in the house rather than some of the other things he likes to eat. Fortunately for us he does very physically hard work so even if he is eating a little unhealthy or indulging in desserts he is burning those calories away.
I hope you can find a solution for your situation. I know how frustrating it is to see them make bad choices, but also how frustrating it is to feel as though you are always nagging.

mrsschmity · March 2016

I think a big part of the problem is that he grew up with a lot of these habits in his own family. Not only that, he works in the construction industry where it seems like 90% of the people smoke. We also spend a lot of time with family and most people in his family smoke. So he's around it constantly, which makes it that much harder.

edeibel89 · March 2016

I feel for you on this. I've struggled with my weight my entire life, I had an eating disorder for a very long time. My weight has been a roller coaster the last few years; I lost weight after I moved out and went to college, then had some health issues for awhile and had to be on steroids so I ballooned up, lost it after going off the meds, and then when I started dating my H, started gaining the comfort weight. H was actually the one that helped me get to a better place. I'm eating 3 squares a day for the first time in my life, but I've gained weight even before this pregnancy so I'm going to be pushing doubly hard to lose it all once he's born. H was always thin as a child, but once he moved out, adopted bad eating habits and has gained a substantial amount. He has had literally no cartilage in his knees since being a baseball catcher all thru his school years and his knees bother him quite a bit. Because he's only 28, no doctor will operate on them and their best advice is always to lose weight. I've told him so many times that we have to lead healthy active lives so we can be there for this little baby. Like you said @mrsschmity, he agrees and says we will, but is incredibly resistant to actually making any lifestyle changes. I feel guilty for nagging because here I am this overweight, pregnant blob, but it's very important to me that this little boy not grow up with weight issues like I did. He's definitely already got genetics against him on my side, so it's imperative he leads a healthy, active lifestyle and like PP said, he's not going to unless he sees it in his parents. Clearly I have no advice, just wanted to say I sympathize and am looking for options here too.

alysemci · March 2016

Yesss, ok so I'm ridiculously healthy and crunchy and my husband is the exact opposite. He looks great but was not healthy at all. I've nagged him for years and it made him want to do the opposite of what I suggested. I continued doing my healthy things and he started slowly picking up my habits but by bit. We've been together 8 years and it's comical how much I've changed him without trying. He is a polar opposite of where he started. A lot of it also has to do with when he got back in the gym. He's always been a gym guy but since getting serious about it and back into the swing of it he's slowly knocking out the rest of his habits and is now healthier than me! He eats better, has better portion control, drinks over a gallon of water a day and works out 5 days a week and so on. If I try and even suggest anything I swear he gets defensive and does the opposite but when he figures it out on his own, he loves it and sticks with it. I use all green cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, candles, etc and he doesn't care so that's a step you can do without him caring. Also, I will wash and leave fresh fruit out in a bowl and I find he'll eat a ton of it but if I ask him if he wants something like grapes he acts like I asked him to give me his right arm. Also I cook dinner most of the time so I make small changes there and cook very healthy and now he likes it and prefers it to junk because he feels better and looks better and doesn't get heart burn and feel like crap. Also I do the grocery shopping and I just don't buy junk. I only buy healthy options with the occasional snack (hello Ice cream, Oreos, etc) but our cabinets aren't filled with stuff like that

stxaggie · March 2016

With me expecting it has prompted my DH to get additional life and disability insurance. He is a veterinarian and owns his own practice, so if he can't work, he doesn't make money. While I also work, I make significantly less and cant support our lifestyle on my income alone. What this did is prompt him to begin working out and eating healthier in preparation of the physical required by the insurance company. Better health means lower rates and that was motivation enough. Initially I did nag him about working out and his eating habits and all that did was cause conflict. While you would hope a child would be a motivating factor alone, its ultimately up to the individual to make a change. My hubby is $ consciousness so the insurance premium was the motivator in his case.

jmohio · March 2016

I have been on both sides of this. I am trying to get my H to eat healthier since he grew up on nothing but canned beans that are cooked all day in bacon grease and canned carrots that have been stewed in brown sugar. I keep saying when the baby gets the age were they say "I want to be like dad so I am not eating that even dad thinks it's gross" he needs to learn to eat better. So I try to get him to try at least one of my veggies every meal (I eat lots of them now).

On the other side my H wanted me to quit smoking a few years back. The thing about smoking is when someone brings it up to you it makes you think about it and then you want one. I went on chantix about 1.5 year ago and quit. I made a deal with my husband that he wasn't allowed to talk to me about it, no pressure, no I am proud, nothing until I had quit for over a month. I was around a lot of smokers back then and if I couldn't kick the craving when they were smoking I would smoke the Vue (electronic cigarette). It worked I quit smoking that when I got pregnant. When trying to get through to him I would bring up that holding the baby after smoking can increase the risk of SIDS. You can also bring up that you want him to be around for the baby and if he is taking a smoke break when the baby laughs for the first time, or walks for the first time or even says Dada for the first time he is going to miss it.

mrsschmity · March 2016

Thanks for the perspective from the other side regarding the smoking @jmohio. That is helpful. I've never been a smoker so I don't know the extent of how hard it is to quit an addiction like that. I think I will give that approach a try - maybe it will help to talk to him about the SIDS risk and missing out on baby's "firsts".

Mr0616 · March 2016

I don't have much input to give you @mrsschmity that hasn't be said before. Wishing you the best and hoping it just clicks for him once baby is here.

I am also slightly freaking out we don't have a will.

H now eats my vitamins daily. Yeap, the prenatal gummys.

MsBeachNJ · March 2016

It's nice to see this discussion started... I too struggle with how to get my DH to live a healthier lifestyle. He has gained a lot of weight since we've been together and it is unhealthy. I don't want to nag him or make him feel bad about his body but it is a constant source of stress to me that I am going to lose him to a heart attack or diabetes or something similar because he isn't taking care of himself. I thought once we were pregnant he would make an effort but he hasn't. He says that he wants to lose weight but does not follow through with the steps to do so. His family is overweight and raised him with terrible eating habits but he used to play basketball/go to the gym more so he was in better shape. I have tried the lead by example method... it works in small doses but he refuses to acknowledge that eating a bagel every morning isn't healthy, fried foods shouldn't be an everyday occurrence, cheese shouldn't be consumed with every meal etc. It is hard because he does our food shopping & cooks dinner as I work later than he does. For the most part dinner is a balanced meal of a protein, vegetable, and a starch (though I've tried swapping mashed potatoes for sweet potatoes or quinoa which isn't met with anything but, "OK you have that I'll also make mashed potatoes") but his breakfast, lunch, and snack choices aren't good. He claims he doesn't like most of the healthy options I try to introduce. I also work for a fitness club and we have free membership... I try to get him to come with me but its a struggle and he puts in minimum effort when here (25 minutes on the elliptical and that's all he'll do). I know he's self conscious about it because he cracks jokes about him being fat which make me very sad to hear.

I guess I'm hoping once our little one arrives that he will physically SEE a reason to make changes for the better... but am interested to hear any solutions any of you have come up with!

SoEnamored · March 2016

Sometimes the unhealthy lifestyle choices are cause for a check-in on the emotional well-being. When we're tired, stressed, unhappy we can tend to gravitate toward things that are quick fixes as uppers but aren't good for us long term. Bad news is that these unhealthy things create a cycle of needing more unhealthy things as quick fixes because you just never really feel better. Good news is that when you make a healthy change, it encourages other healthy changes and can be a cycle too. So, if you're working out, you generally WANT to eat better. If you're working out and eating better, you tend to sleep better and have more energy...yu need the quick fixes less. My husband and I were just talking about this. Parenting is for us is lovely but also hard and tiring, we're in survival mode and sometimes just a cookie, cig, beer is just what's needed in the moment. But those things just make you more fat, tired, make it harder to work out, etc.... My husband switched gears and started working out harder 2 months ago and it's changed so many other habits. Anyway, check-in on the emotional stuff and start to explore together how bad habits perpetuate bad feelings. From there, implement a positive lifestyle change, then add others in. Babies can be motivators for husbands to do better but, because they're hard on your body, they can also cause them to gravitate toward unhealthy fixes. It's good that you guys are thinking about this now.

mrsschmity · March 2016

I really appreciate all the feedback and advice.

@MsBeachNJ I hope your husband is able to catch on to a healthier lifestyle also. It's so hard being on the other side and not being able to do much other than lead by example.

@SoEnamored I agree with everything you said. I am fairly certain most of these habits H turns to are because of stress. He has a very stressful job that he dislikes, and I also feel like he carries a lot of emotional burden from his side of the family that he doesn't let onto. He tries to keep a very positive outlook on life, which is great, but I do think that he uses smoking and these other unhealthy habits to cope with some of that stress. We've talked about it so much in the past that he's a little sensitive to it now, which I don't blame him for. I think finding a gentle way to communicate this to him and help him realize that stress may play a big role, and how to help him find other ways to cope with stress might help. It's the "taking action" part that he has a hard time with.

SoEnamored · March 2016

@SoEnamored I agree with everything you said. I am fairly certain most of these habits H turns to are because of stress. He has a very stressful job that he dislikes, and I also feel like he carries a lot of emotional burden from his side of the family that he doesn't let onto. He tries to keep a very positive outlook on life, which is great, but I do think that he uses smoking and these other unhealthy habits to cope with some of that stress. We've talked about it so much in the past that he's a little sensitive to it now, which I don't blame him for. I think finding a gentle way to communicate this to him and help him realize that stress may play a big role, and how to help him find other ways to cope with stress might help. It's the "taking action" part that he has a hard time with.

As for the action, then, maybe talk with him about the cycle of bad habits and how the cycle is not helping him feel better. And, how he has to want to feel better to make changes.

jmohio · March 2016

@mrsschmity quitting smoking is the hardest thing I have done. I smoked for about 12 years and I still struggle. The electronic cig saved my butt from going back quiet a few times. Chantix is one of the best things out there... it actually works!!! It's not just an addiction to the nicotine but it is also breaking a habit. It is in my head after I eat I smoke, so now I had to find another outlet. We go for a walk and in the car I used to chew on a straw because I smoked as soon as I sat in the car. You have to be easy on him if he chooses to quit... he might have a shorter temper, it causes an anxiety feeling when you know you can't smoke. I also smoked on an electronic hookah no nicotine and felt like smoking an actual cigarette.

mrsschmity · March 2016

SoEnamored said:

@SoEnamored I agree with everything you said. I am fairly certain most of these habits H turns to are because of stress. He has a very stressful job that he dislikes, and I also feel like he carries a lot of emotional burden from his side of the family that he doesn't let onto. He tries to keep a very positive outlook on life, which is great, but I do think that he uses smoking and these other unhealthy habits to cope with some of that stress. We've talked about it so much in the past that he's a little sensitive to it now, which I don't blame him for. I think finding a gentle way to communicate this to him and help him realize that stress may play a big role, and how to help him find other ways to cope with stress might help. It's the "taking action" part that he has a hard time with.

As for the action, then, maybe talk with him about the cycle of bad habits and how the cycle is not helping him feel better. And, how he has to want to feel better to make changes.

Any suggestions for how to start the conversation without sounding preachy or like I'm trying to be his therapist/mom?

jmohio · March 2016

You can also tell him from a former smoker it was the best decision I ever made. Only he will understand these next things but tell him I can enjoy an entire movie, I don't miss out on some thing because I am outside, you would be surprised how much you smell to others, I could ride to lunch with work people which helped some of the office crap because I now knew what was going on. My boss noticed my "production increased" which it didn't but because I was at my desk more he felt I was working harder and I got a promotion haha.

mrsschmity · March 2016

jmohio said:

@mrsschmity quitting smoking is the hardest thing I have done. I smoked for about 12 years and I still struggle. The electronic cig saved my butt from going back quiet a few times. Chantix is one of the best things out there... it actually works!!! It's not just an addiction to the nicotine but it is also breaking a habit. It is in my head after I eat I smoke, so now I had to find another outlet. We go for a walk and in the car I used to chew on a straw because I smoked as soon as I sat in the car. You have to be easy on him if he chooses to quit... he might have a shorter temper, it causes an anxiety feeling when you know you can't smoke. I also smoked on an electronic hookah no nicotine and felt like smoking an actual cigarette.

I can imagine it is difficult - kudos to you for sticking with it! H has literally tried everything he can think of to try and quit. The patch, chantix, an ecig, chewing gum, hard candy, etc. Nothing seems to stick. Ultimately I think it's because he's not really ready to and it's one way he relieves stress. Some people say it's an oral fixation, where they have to have something in their mouth and that's why the gum or hard candy works? A while ago he told me it's the act of inhaling that he likes - my assumption is that deep inhalation of the cigarette is stress relieving because it's like taking a deep breathe.

SoEnamored · March 2016

mrsschmity said:

SoEnamored said:

@SoEnamored I agree with everything you said. I am fairly certain most of these habits H turns to are because of stress. He has a very stressful job that he dislikes, and I also feel like he carries a lot of emotional burden from his side of the family that he doesn't let onto. He tries to keep a very positive outlook on life, which is great, but I do think that he uses smoking and these other unhealthy habits to cope with some of that stress. We've talked about it so much in the past that he's a little sensitive to it now, which I don't blame him for. I think finding a gentle way to communicate this to him and help him realize that stress may play a big role, and how to help him find other ways to cope with stress might help. It's the "taking action" part that he has a hard time with.

As for the action, then, maybe talk with him about the cycle of bad habits and how the cycle is not helping him feel better. And, how he has to want to feel better to make changes.

Any suggestions for how to start the conversation without sounding preachy or like I'm trying to be his therapist/mom

Maybe a soft lead in to start discussion rather than preaching:

I came across an article today that talked about how unhealthy habits perpetuate themselves, I thought that was true and interesting...
Want to do P90X with me sometime
I can't wait until we can go for walks with a baby. I want to get in shape...

jmohio · March 2016

That's exactly what I told my husband. It is time to step away from the stress and basically take multiple deep breaths. I still find myself walking outside not to smoke but just to get away for a minute. It is a good excuse to get out of uncomfortable or stressful situations. I think one of my saving graces is that I am the one pregnant. It isn't worth the risk to the developing baby for me to smoke. And FYI what ever he does now might not stick in the first few weeks of the baby being born, the crying, screaming staying up all night has caused many of my friends to start back. Just telling you because I know it disappoints significant others when people start back.

hollywoodave531 · March 2016

So my H had to get to the bottom to start upward unfortunately. He realized he either had to have bariatric surgery to lose the weight he had gained from indulging over the years and as a result had to start seeing a nutritionist. She then had him start counting calories using my fitness pal and here were are 9 months later and he's lost 60-70 lbs just by eating normally but watching calorie intake. He says there is no way he would ever consider surgery now. My suggestions would be start small and implement things like healthier snacks and meals. If you haven't already heard of Hungry girl; go to her website. She has a lot of fun meal substitutes to make meals less calories. Another idea is maybe you guys do some things together once the baby is here to help you and him. I think we are going to plan nightly walks so mine will get away from work and put down his damn phone for once. I even think maybe alternate going to the gym while the other watches the baby (he doesn't currently work out). I would agree looking at a will and discussing how you want to live a long and happy life together might make an impact. Plus, the pregnancy hormones might make it even more impactful! I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice on the smoking since I don't have first hand experience, but it has to be so hard to quit!

alysemci · March 2016

hollywoodave531 said:

So my H had to get to the bottom to start upward unfortunately. He realized he either had to have bariatric surgery to lose the weight he had gained from indulging over the years and as a result had to start seeing a nutritionist. She then had him start counting calories using my fitness pal and here were are 9 months later and he's lost 60-70 lbs just by eating normally but watching calorie intake. He says there is no way he would ever consider surgery now. My suggestions would be start small and implement things like healthier snacks and meals. If you haven't already heard of Hungry girl; go to her website. She has a lot of fun meal substitutes to make meals less calories. Another idea is maybe you guys do some things together once the baby is here to help you and him. I think we are going to plan nightly walks so mine will get away from work and put down his damn phone for once. I even think maybe alternate going to the gym while the other watches the baby (he doesn't currently work out). I would agree looking at a will and discussing how you want to live a long and happy life together might make an impact. Plus, the pregnancy hormones might make it even more impactful! I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice on the smoking since I don't have first hand experience, but it has to be so hard to quit!

That's awesome! Good for him you must be so proud of his progress

hollywoodave531 · March 2016

Oh one thing I forgot to mention is the obvious, positive reinforcement for doing better. My husband probably feels like the focus is all on the baby and me right now so I try to tell him as much as I can about how proud of him I am. Also, he has had to buy new clothes now so I drop everything and focus on helping him shop for himself so he feels like he's getting some attention.

hollywoodave531 · March 2016

Thanks @alysemciver although it's hard because I want to eat bad but I'm trying to help him stick to his healthy meals!

HBamama2B · March 2016

@mrsschmity so sorry you're struggling with this. My DH was very healthy, but after we moved to NYC and work got hectic it dwindled and now he almost never excersizes. I feel terrible Bc I'm bad about excersize and think he swung my way instead of me swinging his. I don't know how to bring it up, but I'm scared about what it will mean for him long term.

My suggestion for you is same as some pp, life insurance will require a physical and the premium will be much higher Bc he's a smoker, so that lets him have the conversation with a doctor or agent, not you and brings mortality into play. I'm considering doing this with DH as well. I will say that quitting is no joke. My brother has a very addictive personality, and for him trying to quit was literally a nightmare. Every time the withdrawal would make him incredibly moody, fatigued, unable to sleep, and even have night terrors. Maybe if he mentions wanting to quit after the baby is born you can you're excited and ready to support the effort, but with the symptoms he'll go through, sooner might be better? Idk, bust I wish you both the best of luck and hope for a good outcome!!

ETA: side note: my last work place charged smokers higher med premiums than non-smokers. It was a self-identification basis, but I loved that t called out the higher costs of insuring smokers v non-smokers regardless of age.

kwife15 · March 2016

One that hasn't been mentioned yet for smoking: have you tried acupuncture? Some people have very good results with it.

mrsschmity · March 2016

Thanks for all the additional advice and support ladies. I'm trying to find the right time to talk to him about it again. I'm half tempted to write it all down and give it to him in a letter since my words tend to come across better that way.

@kwife15 He has not tried acupuncture yet...i hadnt even thought of that. That might be something to look into also, thank you!

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