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December 2015 Moms
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Paying parents & in-laws for child care?

preggoandglowingpreggoandglowing member
in December 2015 Moms
For those of you having your parents or in laws watch your LO's, do you pay them? If so, what percentage of going rates for outside providers?

I still have a few weeks before returning to work but need to figure this out now. Here is my situation: My mom is disabled and can't work so I already help her out financially. I would love for her to watch DD and she of course has said she will not charge me or accept any more money than what I already give her. 

Now there's MIL (sigh!), since I was pregnant she keeps saying she will watch DD because she has watched all her grandkids (she's always been a SAHM and still watches two grandkids who are in grade school). She even said FIL is retiring this year so he can help her out. I do know that she expects money although she will deny it.  I know this because before I got pregnant she would complain to me about how much BIL pays her. 

Since both my mom and MIL want to watch her, I thought the fair thing to do was to let them each take two days (I work from home one day). However I also feel like why should I pay MIL when my mom will do it for free plus my mom can come to my house and MIL can't? Especially because my mom won't be able to watch DD too long since she can't lift anything heavy then I will have to rely on MIL so I should save money now while I can ? But I know MIL will be sooo hurt. This sucks!  Anyway, just wanted to get a sense for your arrangements with parents or in laws. 
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Re: Paying parents & in-laws for child care?

  • abteambabteamb member
    My grandmother comes to my house to watch DD. We pay her $50/week. She says she would watch DD for free, but we feel we should pay her atleast so she can have some spending money. 

    I would pay MIL and mom atleast something small. If they get offended and/or won't take it, tell them to atleast save it for your DD or for emergencies.

    good luck!
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  • oregonmommy-2oregonmommy-2 member
    I don't feel you should have to pay your MIL to watch her grand baby.. That's crazy! Her payment is spending time with the baby.. 
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  • taysuntaysun member
    My mother babysits often and we do not pay her. We do however provide everything DD needs. 
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  • MomofEv+1MomofEv+1 member
    My aunt who is like my second mother is watching DD until she is 6 months old. She watched our first until 9 months. She absolutely refused payment so to show our gratitude, we bring her and her husband out for a nice dinner every month. It's fun and shows appreciation.

    However I like to keep in mind that I can only be so demanding of someone I'm not paying. I won't compromise in terms of safety but I do allow for opinions and always act extremely thankful. 
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  • Court11152325Court11152325 member
    We plan on paying my mom to watch DD once she and my dad move out of our house. For now they live rent free, so that's kind of her payment. We figured something like $20 a day, but we don't need her to watch DD every day. She's only needed 2-4 days a week. 

    I know some said you shouldn't have to pay, but it is a job. We all love DD, but watching her is work and some compensation is fair.

    I think you should sit down with your MIL and discuss it. Then no one will quietly resent anyone and you'll have it figured out. You could only have her watch LO one week a month, then she's not left out and you still save money.
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  • colsen4colsen4 member
    My aunt takes 2 days and his mom takes 2 days. He stays home one day. Anymore then two days I would pay. 
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  • NellieHarringtonCarterNellieHarringtonCarter member
    I think that your solution of 2 days a week each is a good one, but you might also consider just explaining to your MIL that your mom won't be able to watch your DD for very long because of her restrictions on lifting, so that you feel she should get as much time now as she can, and then have your MIL watch her when she's older. 

    As far as paying or not paying grandparents to babysit, you have to remember that there is a difference between occasional babysitting and regular child care. My mother was the regular caregiver for my nephew while my sister worked, which meant that her schedule was locked down M-F from 7am until 6pm every week for 5 years. My sister paid her $50 a week. In the same right, if my mom comes to visit, and then watches the kids while DH and I go out, I don't pay her; she's visiting anyway. But if I have to go out of town for a week and she watches my kids while I'm gone (we live 3 hours away, so even when my DH gets home from work, she's staying at my house), then I pay her.  
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