Thoughts on bump photos

Lauren4508 · March 2016

good afternoon everyone! This is the first time I have posted on the board so if I am doing anything wrong please let me know. I was in the October 2016 board until February 24 when we went for our first appt. and couldn't find a heartbeat. I should have been 9 weeks but the baby only measured at 6w2d. I had to have a d&c almost 2 weeks ago and I am still emotionally recovering. My husband has been my rock. This was my 1st pregnancy and 1st mc. We took bump photos weekly. And now I feel a bit silly about it since the last 3 weeks we were taking photos there was no growth. We will be ttc in the next few months after everything is cleared with my ob. Any ways my question here is how does everyone feel about doing bump photos on their 2nd try? I know it sounds silly but I just don't want to jinx it or feel silly later. We are keeping our prayers and faith and hope high in the months to come. Nice to meet everyone!

catiecatp · March 2016

I never started taking bump photos - I think the week of my MC was the first week we were thinking of starting. When I get pregnant again I'll be taking bump photos.

I think that you shouldn't feel silly for taking photos when you didn't know there was no growth. It is a part of your story, your experience. If I had bump photos of my first pregnancy I don't think I could look at them right now, but I hope I would be able to in the future.

lilyaster · March 2016

I was in several photos taken at my cousin's wedding, when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I miscarried less than two weeks later. When I saw my aunt at Christmas she gave me several of the pictures. It was hard seeing that bump/blump again but those are the only pictures I have of me with that pregnancy, and there is something special about that. For me it is another reminder that that baby was real even without us being able to meet it and hold it. I don't really do bump pics, but I think you may appreciate them later even with a loss.

Tennis11785 · March 2016

I took photos for my first pregnancy. I took week 5, week 6, week 7, and then week 8 life got in the way and I forgot. Then I figured I'd just start at 10 weeks. Then I found out during week 10 that I had a missed miscarriage and that the baby passed during week 7, the last week I ended up taking photos (the irony there isn't lost on me).
But to answer your question. I absolutely will take them again if I get pregnant. Absolutely.

valleric · March 2016

I took pics at 5-8 weeks, before my mc. Couldn't look at them for a long time. Looking back, I was so happy and blissfully unaware of what fate had in store.

Lauren4508 · March 2016

Thank you all for your replies! They have helped to bring more hope to me. Good luck to all of you out there!

ThePax89 · March 2016

I've thought about this too. I took bump photos because I loved my growing bump. I even took a picture with my daughter and my bump next to my Christmas tree, which is especially sad.

I will take bump pictures with my next baby. Pregnancy is a miracle. I will never regret enjoying it.

BaylieGirl · March 2016

I was taking them too. I haven't deleted them from my phone yet. Thinking maybe I should do that today. I'd hate to still not be pregnant in a year and see them come up in Time Hop. I still feel really sad about my miscarriage and hate to look back at them and think that was the last time in months I was truly happy. I'm really hoping to get pregnant before my would be due date in July. I don't know if I will take them this time around. I feel like maybe if I don't get really excited about the next pregnancy it will stick. I know that's stupid negative thinking bc We shouldn't have to enjoy our second pregnancys any less because the first one doesn't work out. It's so great to read everyone's encouragement on this board.

dubcompanion · March 2016

I recently listened to a podcast on miscarriage. A nugget that stuck with me was something to the effect of, "The pregnancy following my loss, I was ambivalent about becoming attached to the new baby. When I lost that one, the pain was just as profound as the first, despite having tried to remain unattached."

This anecdote led me to decide that when I am pregnant again, that I am going to talk to my baby every single day - even before they have ears. I don't care if it'll seem silly to some that I am talking to a baby the size of an apple seed, as if I'm expecting it to respond to my voice and touch like a 28-week-old in utero would. God forbid if I lose another baby, let it never be said that I didn't give everything I have - down to my broken heart - to love them as best as I could, as I did for my first.

In short, it is absolutely, perfectly, okay to take bump photos again when you are once again blessed. All life, regardless of how brief, deserves to be celebrated and commemorated. Cheers to you for keeping the faith and remaining optimistic! Here's hoping for a brighter future for you and your husband!

MooFish2364 · March 2016

I've been wondering about this too. I took bump pictures right away, even knowing that I wouldn't show for weeks and weeks. I was just so excited to be pregnant. I also took photos with the positive pregnancy test on New Years Eve. I'm glad that they are on my husband's work camera so I haven't had to stumble across them.

I still think I would do it again. It's hard because you don't want to get your hopes up in case something happens but I think I will no matter what. I'm just going to enjoy my next pregnancy no matter how long it is.

Spartanrd4 · March 2016

I still have bump photos on my phone, I haven't deleted them yet- I did throw away the positive pregnancy test. I think I would do it again, I hope the next time I am pregnant I will be just as excited as the first even though I know I will still worry a lot.

penelope4612 · March 2016

I did this and will do it again. If my next pregnancy is successful, I will want to have them. I actually bought a baby journal that has spaces in it for the pictures that I never got to use (we found out at around 5.5 weeks that I was losing the baby, and 6.5 weeks that it was ectopic, so I hadn't written in it at all).

BornReady · March 2016

Sorry for your loss... I have not done bump photos with my first pregnancy or with this miscarriage. One of my greatest regrets about my pregnancy with DS was that I only really had 1 photo of my bump. He came early, so I never got to bid the bump farewell and I was honestly so anxious the whole pregnancy that something would go wrong that I was too neurotic to embrace the bump and photograph it. I never started with this pregnancy, but I hope that if I am lucky enough to be pregnant again I will get to take bump photos throughout my pregnancy. I want to embrace being pregnant this next time and control my anxiety to enjoy the miracle.

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

I am glad this was started. I have had the same reservations and it's good to know I'm not alone. I took photos the first few weeks but missed the last 2 before we found out from working late every night. My hubs bought me a pregnancy scrapbook called "tummy talk" for Valentine's Day that I never wrote in. Trying to decide if I should use it next time around.

catiecatp · March 2016

DH bought me a blank journal to write memories in - things like sayings, and events that we never want to forget. I have a horrible memory so it was his way of comforting that part of my anxiety about being a parent - but he bought it the week before I had the MC and I opened it on Christmas day while having the MC (wow emotional all of a sudden). I put a sticker of the pixar short Lava Love on the front. And I had started a journal - I'll continue in the same journal for the next pregnancy.

I didn't talk to my baby while pregnant but I certainly talked in my thoughts all the time - I'm sure sometimes I talked out loud actually.

HLD3194 · March 2016

I took pictures up to 9 weeks (found out week 10 about MMC). I put them in a folder within a folder on my computer clearly labeled "do not look at". When I'm ready to I will but probably not for a LONG time. I plan on taking the weekly pics again in the future. It will be bittersweet but I am glad I have some photos.

DinosaurJumper · March 2016

It's interesting to see all of the little things lost along with the loss, and all of these things that we share and desperately wish for. I never took bump photos, but planned on it when I got further along. But there were the ultrasound photos I got. I held on to them, and kept them tucked away with all of the other items I had acquired during my short pregnancy. I wanted to hold on to all of it, I wanted to get pregnant again and use them and be able to look at the old ultrasound with a healthy baby in my arms. Little by little, I have gotten rid of every piece of that pregnancy manifesto. The pictures were the first to go after I reached the original due date with no BFP. Personally, I would have deleted any bump photos, but I think I am still spiteful and not necessarily wanting to be reminded in that way. You gals are far tougher than I.

zrain · March 2016

dubcompanion said:

I recently listened to a podcast on miscarriage. A nugget that stuck with me was something to the effect of, "The pregnancy following my loss, I was ambivalent about becoming attached to the new baby. When I lost that one, the pain was just as profound as the first, despite having tried to remain unattached."

This anecdote led me to decide that when I am pregnant again, that I am going to talk to my baby every single day - even before they have ears. I don't care if it'll seem silly to some that I am talking to a baby the size of an apple seed, as if I'm expecting it to respond to my voice and touch like a 28-week-old in utero would. God forbid if I lose another baby, let it never be said that I didn't give everything I have - down to my broken heart - to love them as best as I could, as I did for my first.

In short, it is absolutely, perfectly, okay to take bump photos again when you are once again blessed. All life, regardless of how brief, deserves to be celebrated and commemorated. Cheers to you for keeping the faith and remaining optimistic! Here's hoping for a brighter future for you and your husband!

This is how I plan on heading into a future pregnancy. With the baby I lost, I was so scared I'd lose it (for absolutely no reason) that I didn't quite let myself enjoy my pregnancy and fully love my baby like I wish I had. I did take bump photos weeks 4-7. I deleted all but the first ones because the sheer joy on my face was so obvious in the first photos I took (before my fear crept in). When I get pregnant again I want to give it everything I have. I know I'll be scared, but I want to tell everyone, take photos, talk and sing to my baby, and generally enjoy every bit of it as if it will last, because as @dubcompanion said, even if I do lose another baby, loving and celebrating it less won't make the hurt any less.

shae86 · March 2016

@zrain Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said, and I love the piece that @dubcompanion shared.

This had been my first pregnancy and my first real try after years of feeling ambivalent about ever having children. When I got pregnant, I was excited at times, but not all the time. I felt nervous and part of me was scared that I still wasn't ready. I didn't take any bump photos, and I never referred to my baby as a baby. I called it "it" or "the embryo". Sounds so heartless now. I was trying my best not to get my hopes up in case of a miscarriage.

My best efforts didn't work, and I was still left devastated. And guilty that I never formed a connection with the little life inside me. If there is any silver lining to this awful situation, it's the fact that I have no doubts about whether I want a baby. I do. I want it more than anything. And while I'll still be nervous the next time around, my worries will be about the health and well being of my child, rather than about myself and how my life is going to change. I can't wait for a second chance at this, and will definitely be doing bump photos.

leilaquinn · March 2016

shae86 said:

@zrain Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said, and I love the piece that @dubcompanion shared.

This had been my first pregnancy and my first real try after years of feeling ambivalent about ever having children. When I got pregnant, I was excited at times, but not all the time. I felt nervous and part of me was scared that I still wasn't ready. I didn't take any bump photos, and I never referred to my baby as a baby. I called it "it" or "the embryo". Sounds so heartless now. I was trying my best not to get my hopes up in case of a miscarriage.

My best efforts didn't work, and I was still left devastated. And guilty that I never formed a connection with the little life inside me. If there is any silver lining to this awful situation, it's the fact that I have no doubts about whether I want a baby. I do. I want it more than anything. And while I'll still be nervous the next time around, my worries will be about the health and well being of my child, rather than about myself and how my life is going to change. I can't wait for a second chance at this, and will definitely be doing bump photos.

I was also still worrying about really being 100% ready, and those doubts are completely gone now. I was unbearably excited and worried about it ending for the short time I was pregnant, and i don't think i will be able to be any other way about it if we get there again. Fwiw, I carry weight in my gut anyway, and am not planning on taking pictures for a while because I look 5 months pregnant after a meal.

NamelessAria · March 2016

I'm sorry for your loss.

I did take weekly bump pictures before my MC. I had planned on continuing to take weekly bump pictures till baby was born but... that didn't exactly work out the way I planned. I deleted all the photos off my phone because they were just too painful for me to see. And, let's be honest, at 6 weeks I hadn't gotten far enough to have a bump. I didn't even really have a blump yet. So I guess it didn't really make sense to me to save the photos.

I do plan on taking weekly bump pictures again if I ever get another BFP. DH and I didn't really have photos taken at our wedding and such. We had a couple someone took of us after the ceremony (by "a couple" I mean maybe 10) and they're not professional or anything. Sometimes when I see people's gorgeous professional wedding photos I wish DH and I had spent a little extra to at least have some nice photos of our wedding. We eloped and at the time I didn't think I would ever care about not having wedding pictures. I guess from that I learned that maybe it's worth it to take the sentimental pictures that seem a bit silly at the time. You may want them later but later it will be too late to take them. So I plan to do all the weekly bump pictures and whatever else comes to mind as something I may want later.

I'm also going to completely agree with everyone saying that if I ever get pregnant again I plan to do my best to enjoy ever minute with my baby. I'm sure PGAL isn't easy and I'm sure it comes with a lot of fear and worry. I can't just say "I won't worry!" because I know I will. But I can say that I'll do my best to not let my loss attach to another baby any less. I don't regret a single moment I spent being excited or happy about my pregnancy before the loss. I do regret some of the worrying I did because it didn't prevent a loss. It only made me enjoy the precious little time I had with my baby less. I don't think I was any less sad about the loss because I'd tried to "prepare myself just in case." I don't believe loss is something for which you're ever prepared. And no amount of "preparation" will make it any less painful. So next time, if there is a next time, I want to try to let myself just be happy. I want to allow myself to be excited and make plans. I probably won't actually buy baby things till closer to when I'll actually need them but I'd at least like to let myself daydream. I'd like to be able to have those excited moments where I'm planning how I'm going to decorate the nursery. Or those moments where I'm daydreaming about the cute, tiny little outfits baby will wear in however many months. I don't want to limit myself this time and think "I shouldn't start thinking about the nursery yet. There is plenty of time and I don't even know if this will be my take-home baby."

MWoodside · March 2016

Yes, I have taken bump photos during all 4 of my pregnancies (2 successful and 2 losses). I don't get super serious about th until after 14 wks (my latest loss), but I have several from earlier weeks for all my pregnancies.

Along the the same lines as other replies, what I've kearned along my loss journey is that even if my baby is only living within me for several weeks or months I want to try my best to savor and enjoy that time and send that baby positive energy and love.

With my first rainbow baby I really tried to be unattached for a long time and looking back that makes me really sad that I tried to keep my love for her at arms length for most of my pregnancy. I'll never make that mistake again.

mylittleversailles · March 2016

I didn't take any photos. I let my self consciousness get the best of me, but I'm mostly here to say you're all such wonderful, lovely people and I'm so sorry we're all in this horrible club together. I find so much strength in all of you.

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