DH Venting

blueberrymomma · March 2016

First let me say I love DH and he is a wonderful husband and father. He does a great job with DD(2.5)
Ok so now my vent. With DS it doesn't seem like he's bonding or wants to bond with him. He's 7.5 weeks old and DH does not get up and help me at night. I am EBFing but it would be nice if he changed a diaper or rocked him back to sleep. When I do ask him he does it unwilling/complains how he has work and I just end up doing it anyways. I want to just scream "I'm the one home with 2 kids all day and I'm the one getting up 2-3 times a night"
Also I've let him have a a lot of time to go do guys stuff, sometimes a whole weekend. I asked last night if we could figure out when I can go to yoga 3 times a week and he flipped "3 days!? That means 3 nights with the kids that I can't do my stuff" Instead of losing it I just stopped talking but it really hurt me because he knows yoga really helps me with my anxiety and destressing and I just feel like he doesn't realize how selfish he's being.
Finally my mom keeps offering to take DD for a few days since baby boy has been nursing around the clock and DH is so against it and I'm like it would be a nice break and bonding for me and DS. And good for DD cause she'll get more attention and play with cousins. (Ps I basically told DH my parents were taking her home yesterday because she really wanted to go and I'm exhausted)
Thanks for letting me vent

Achae · March 2016

That sounds really frustrating. Is there a reason he is being so controlling? It's very ridiculous for him to whine about three nights he can't do "his stuff." He's a parent, not a teenager and you guys are a team, you're not his mother to boot. You should also be allowed to take your baby to the grandparents. If he's not helping with baby anyway why do you listen? Lol. I'd just do it and pump while baby is gone.

sarame500 · March 2016

I agree that if your husband is not willing to help, you have every right to take DD to her grandparents (you have that right even if he does help)! You also have every right to look after yourself and spend quality time with DS. Is there a way you can possibly have the grandparents watch both kids maybe one night a week when you go to yoga? Yoga is a wonderful thing! It got me through my pregnancy and I've started going back again, so I understand its importance. Anyway, is there a possibility that your DH doesn't want you to take your kids to their grandparents because he doesn't want them to know that he's not doing his part? Whatever the case, you and DH need to have serious conversation about expectations. Good luck!

robinj716 · March 2016

My SO was up until 3am playing his dumb video games and now today all he's doing is whining how tired he is. So annoyed today. I get up and do all the nighttime feedings and he does help during the day, but that's if he isn't working. If he's working then I'm doing it all, day and night. It's exhausting. I want to smash his xbox.

blueberrymomma · March 2016

So DH realized his mistake all on his own. So I'm going to yoga tonight!:) However I still plan on having a little chat with him about letting me have some "me time"
@robinj716 I'm lucky DH hates video games. He just always has to be working whether at the farm, in our yard, or for his grandpa. He hates to sit still which is his greatest strength and weakness at the same time

g0lightly8706 · March 2016

@baya5 so glad he's coming around! I was just about to type out how that's so not cool, we mamas need a break too! definitely chatting it out too is going to help though. I had to have a real sit down kind of talk with my DH who was being a jerk to me during those early morning hours because he was so tired. i get why he was being like that but hey, we're all tired. anyways we talked it out calmly and he has been a lot better since. it's sad but sometimes they need a reminder we're human too and can't do it all by ourselves. i hope his attitude about it all gets better!

blueberrymomma · March 2016

Thanks @g0lightly8706
@sarame500 I think his problem with going to the grandparents house is its my parents. DD has always had a strong connection with my mom. I hate to say it but she definitely favors her over my mil. And both sets of grandparents see the kids pretty equally

jordans_wife · March 2016

I hear you! My husband was exactly like this with our 2nd baby and now 3rd. I felt l felt like he wasn't interested in the baby at all. He was excellent with our tgen 2 yr old son. When I went back to work and he had to take care of both kids at night til I came home from work it got 100% better. Now our son thinks the sun shines out his ass! They are very close. So now we have a 5 week old son but basically my husband does most everything with our 6 and 3 yr old sons and I do everything with baby. I'm not worried about it bc I know it will get better as baby gets older. I kinda don't think men know what to do with them when they're so little. Plus they are a ton of work when they're this little and I think men try to avoid that too;) As far as the yoga thing goes he's being selfish but frankly if you ask me, I think that's a man thing too.

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