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June 2016 Moms
TheHauntedHauswife
member
Baby Shower, I don't know how to feel. (Rant) :(
TheHauntedHauswife
member
This is certainly not a post i ever expected to be writing. But because of the sensitive nature of it i feel like going to real life friends might have me coming off as ungrateful and thats not how i mean it at all. I just feel odd and I just need some support from my fellow bumpers cause I just cant shake it and wonder if maybe anyone else has had similar experiences. Sorry in advance for how painfully long this is going to be and please know that i am still very grateful all this was done for me and the people who were involved have all been gracious thanked many many times.
Yesterday was my baby shower, and i have never been more uncomfortable in my life. The shower planning stuff was rough, you may have seen me comment here about various issues. RSVPs being a nightmare to get in, MIL and my mom's power/control struggle with my 3 girlfriend hosts, them causing necessarily large issues over things like napkins, and of course lots more that would require a lot more to explain an entire dynamic. So yesterday the day came and i literally wanted to crawl out of my skin.
It started with me getting a frantic call that the venue set up a totally different seating chart than the one they gave me, and the woman who gave me the seating chart was apparently the one claiming that no, this is the one she gave me. Which was very clearly false and ive got the email to prove this. Being nearby my husband ran over there and tried to solve the issue but things definitely got jumbled up a little bit and it caused quite a bit of necessary stress among the 5 hosts and it literally ended up just not being solved because there essentially wasnt a way to solve it.
So i finally show up and there was a parking spot saved for me and my one host was standing it in, in addition to there being a orange traffic cone placed there. I feel like i end up writing this in everything i write here, but i have SPD on top of being chronically ill with Fibromyalgia. Giving me that first parking spot and saving it for me was an amazing kindness that was appreciated beyond belief. So i pulled up in my brand new car which i literally got Saturday and beeped at my host as she didnt see me. She waved, moved the cone and let me in. Apparently there had been someone in front of me trying to take said special spot who lapped around the parking lot to then stop and yell at us. She wanted to know why i was frantically beeping at her (I wasnt.), and why i stole her parking spot (I didnt...) and then wanted to have a 15 minute conversation about the venue and kept calling back as us everytime we tried to walk away. She finally gave up and let me go to my own baby shower. But it just put a bad taste in my mouth because how rude and unforgiving she was about it and then in turn expected me to be late to my own shower so i could be her personal information booth when I kept telling her i didnt know the answers to her 100 questions.
Me and my host walk in and absolutely no one notices me arrive despite that I start waving at people no one is acknowledging me. (Which we later figured may have been due to my change from blonde to purple hair?? And maybe the 30lbs of weight gain?? Not sure.) I just start talking to my one friend and shes like oh I didnt even realize you were you. After ive been there for about 10 minutes then finally one or two tables clapped and waved and everyone else continued to pretend i wasnt even there. But it was awkward and uncoordinated and the moment had clearly kind of passed.
I hobbled over to my spot and sat down, cause again I have SPD and Fibro, I cant really stand or walk or anything for more than a few short minutes. Literally no one got up and came over to me. No one. I said Hi to the table i was at (girlfriends 1) and then moved myself to the following table (girlfriends 2) at which point apparently people on the other side of the room started submitting complaints that i was not walking around saying Hi to every single person. Which is fair because not everyone gets chronic illness and not everyone knows what SPD is or that i even have it. So fair enough but then we realized we obviously needed to awkwardly address said elephant in the room that i wasn't mingling as they wanted. Though it really does beg the question of why do people expect the pregnant woman to be up and about especially when nothing is stopping they them from coming over to her.
Before we can do this, My MIL gets up and starts making some speech which was supposed to be a toast but completely confused everyone. She went into details that I would never have publically shared. She talked about how the baby was conceived via IUI (not necessarily public knowledge...) but had no idea what she was saying and basically just said that my husband/her son didnt get me pregnant and that we had to try twice (we only tried once), that we conceived in October (we conceived in early September) and then went on a tangent about how my SIL got pregnant at the same time and tried to keep it a secret from me (not exactly true either, as i was the first person she told). Either which way everything she said was completely unclear, and confusing and no one besides me and maybe 5 other people there knew all the facts to even decipher what she was trying to say incorrectly and again the subject matter IMO was personal and inappropriate. It also was extremely unclear that it was some kind of a toast, therefore my mother had to get up and be like, uhh so that was the toast, can everyone cheers their glasses please.
By this point i am nearly in complete panic attack mode, I brought a pillow to sit on, which i am now hugging onto for deer life sitting with my closest best friends for the most part staring into space because I feel so insanely awkward and uncomfortable. They tried to get me some food and i couldn't even manage to eat because i was just on sensory overload. Its brought up to me now a second time that people are complaining im not walking around. Again, still nobody has come over to me. So we strategize on how to handle this and decide that since my MIL made and idiot out of herself and made a mini speech, my mom would just do a little Thank You thing as we started gifts and add a little note that I wished i could thank each person individually but couldn't due to a pelvic situation.
So we did gifts, and everyone was rushing me. Rushing me SO bad. I could hear people around me going "come on, come on, keep it moving, keep it moving". I literally could barely acknowledge the person whose gift i was opening, though I atleast put my foot down on that and made a very strong point to read the card and then wave at the person or get their attention if they weren't giving it, opening their gift and saving thank you directly to them. So i hope I atleast redeemed myself a little by personally thanking each person in that manner. But i ended up with 3 paper cuts and didnt even see half my gifts because i was rushed so insanely badly. We needed to be done with gifts by 4:30 yet we finished at 3:45 because everyone was being such an insane nutcase about going faster. As if I wasnt overwhelmed enough.
We also had the issue of children. There were 16 kids we COULD have invited and we ended up needing to make the choice to invite none. While we could have prioritized it down to maybe 6 or 8 kids, at the time we made this call, we were at max capacity in the room and even 6 to 8 was more than I wanted to be there, or what was really going to work out. So we had to make the difficult choice to say no to all. 2 of DHs cousins asked to bring their daughters and were explicitly told no they were not going to be allowed for the fact that I too have some female girls cousins on my side as well, and there was no way to invite them without having to also invite them for fairness. So needless to say, of course one of those cousins STILL brought her daughter. Despite that both my MIL and DH separately told her No and she was fully aware that we said no. Which then upset my Cousin who has 2 daughters who both had literally asked to come along and she had to say no to them because she understood the situation. So of course i felt absolutely terrible that DHs family completely undermined our decision, while my family had to then be hurt by it. DHs Aunt who is the Grandmother of the girl who wasnt supposed to be there, literally said nothing to me the entire day besides snarkily saying ''You cant get upset about things cause your upsetting the baby''. Which i have no idea what that was actually in reference to. But im assuming someone said something to her daughter in law about how she wasnt supposed to bring the girl. I honestly dont know, (and i also dont care, because shes a huge racist and a bigot, and was the only person who purchased items in pink that i registered for in the color grey, as some stupid attempt to remind me that she doesnt approve of our alternative style.) Either way, I make a pretty strong point of not letting people know theyve upset me, so it didnt come from me. I would also like to add just for arguments sake, they didnt even bring a gift at all.
On top of all of this, the venue then all the sudden claimed that they would not allow us to use their plates or forks for cake and that ''they told us that'' which i have now went back through all my emails and it clearly only states that we need to cut and physically serve our own cake, mentions providing a knife and server, but nothing is mentioned one way or the other about plates. But of course then we have a whole upheaval about said plate issue. Which honestly i think is the venues fault. They will only communicate via email and only answer the email every, maybe 10 days. DH ended up hanging out with 3 friends in the actual restaurant and caught a glimpse of my mom storming out to go to plates, and ended up catching her in time so he could go and handle it.
Finally at the end maybe 10 of 45 people came up to me and hugged me good bye and I apologized again for my condition and thanked them again for coming. A ton of people left early, didnt give gifts, didnt acknowledge me at all, and about 6 people who RSVPd yes, didnt show up or even contact us to say why (yes we had to pay for their empty plates.). One of my moms friends would not stop bitching about nonsense as everyone cleaned up. I was standing next to my car as DH and a friend were loading it with stuff and she was damn near blowing cigarette smoke in my face. I kept moving away from her and she kept coming closer to talk to me.
I finally towards the end (about 10 people left) I was like okay guys i can leave right?? and invited the last few friends to come over if they wanted to. I drove myself home and ran upstairs and immediately hugged my dog, put on pajamas and got my makeup off. I had one absolute saint of a friend who spent 3 hours sorting through all my gifts with me which was amazingly helpful.
I dont know, I just dont know. I felt like a puppet in someone elses show. I didnt feel like this was for me. I felt like it was for everyone elses personal agendas. I felt like no one was there to actually celebrate me and baby. Not that i am complaining because i dont like being touched but absolutely no one came up to try and touch my belly, no one asked me anything about the baby, no one asked me how i was feeling or doing, what her name might be, who i think shell look like, anything like that. No one talked about this little human growing inside me at all. It was nearly like her and I weren't even there. I feel so guilty that i feel this bad but i do. I mean yes the gifts are wonderful, but that isnt the sole purpose of a baby shower and even those i barely got to enjoy opening. I dont mean to sound like a brat, but was i really wrong to expect people to actually be there to celebrate me and baby? It has left me with the worst taste in my mouth and i have absolutely no idea how to handle it or what i feel or what to even do with that. I couldnt even sleep last night and I just want to crawl back in my hole for a bit and go back and to hanging out with my dog on the couch in the safety of my own home.
If you read all this thanks so much for listening to my ramblings. I know there isnt much i can do about this now and its just kind of over and done with and I need to move on. But i kind of feel like i need to mourn my baby shower that never happened.
Yesterday was my baby shower, and i have never been more uncomfortable in my life. The shower planning stuff was rough, you may have seen me comment here about various issues. RSVPs being a nightmare to get in, MIL and my mom's power/control struggle with my 3 girlfriend hosts, them causing necessarily large issues over things like napkins, and of course lots more that would require a lot more to explain an entire dynamic. So yesterday the day came and i literally wanted to crawl out of my skin.
It started with me getting a frantic call that the venue set up a totally different seating chart than the one they gave me, and the woman who gave me the seating chart was apparently the one claiming that no, this is the one she gave me. Which was very clearly false and ive got the email to prove this. Being nearby my husband ran over there and tried to solve the issue but things definitely got jumbled up a little bit and it caused quite a bit of necessary stress among the 5 hosts and it literally ended up just not being solved because there essentially wasnt a way to solve it.
So i finally show up and there was a parking spot saved for me and my one host was standing it in, in addition to there being a orange traffic cone placed there. I feel like i end up writing this in everything i write here, but i have SPD on top of being chronically ill with Fibromyalgia. Giving me that first parking spot and saving it for me was an amazing kindness that was appreciated beyond belief. So i pulled up in my brand new car which i literally got Saturday and beeped at my host as she didnt see me. She waved, moved the cone and let me in. Apparently there had been someone in front of me trying to take said special spot who lapped around the parking lot to then stop and yell at us. She wanted to know why i was frantically beeping at her (I wasnt.), and why i stole her parking spot (I didnt...) and then wanted to have a 15 minute conversation about the venue and kept calling back as us everytime we tried to walk away. She finally gave up and let me go to my own baby shower. But it just put a bad taste in my mouth because how rude and unforgiving she was about it and then in turn expected me to be late to my own shower so i could be her personal information booth when I kept telling her i didnt know the answers to her 100 questions.
Me and my host walk in and absolutely no one notices me arrive despite that I start waving at people no one is acknowledging me. (Which we later figured may have been due to my change from blonde to purple hair?? And maybe the 30lbs of weight gain?? Not sure.) I just start talking to my one friend and shes like oh I didnt even realize you were you. After ive been there for about 10 minutes then finally one or two tables clapped and waved and everyone else continued to pretend i wasnt even there. But it was awkward and uncoordinated and the moment had clearly kind of passed.
I hobbled over to my spot and sat down, cause again I have SPD and Fibro, I cant really stand or walk or anything for more than a few short minutes. Literally no one got up and came over to me. No one. I said Hi to the table i was at (girlfriends 1) and then moved myself to the following table (girlfriends 2) at which point apparently people on the other side of the room started submitting complaints that i was not walking around saying Hi to every single person. Which is fair because not everyone gets chronic illness and not everyone knows what SPD is or that i even have it. So fair enough but then we realized we obviously needed to awkwardly address said elephant in the room that i wasn't mingling as they wanted. Though it really does beg the question of why do people expect the pregnant woman to be up and about especially when nothing is stopping they them from coming over to her.
Before we can do this, My MIL gets up and starts making some speech which was supposed to be a toast but completely confused everyone. She went into details that I would never have publically shared. She talked about how the baby was conceived via IUI (not necessarily public knowledge...) but had no idea what she was saying and basically just said that my husband/her son didnt get me pregnant and that we had to try twice (we only tried once), that we conceived in October (we conceived in early September) and then went on a tangent about how my SIL got pregnant at the same time and tried to keep it a secret from me (not exactly true either, as i was the first person she told). Either which way everything she said was completely unclear, and confusing and no one besides me and maybe 5 other people there knew all the facts to even decipher what she was trying to say incorrectly and again the subject matter IMO was personal and inappropriate. It also was extremely unclear that it was some kind of a toast, therefore my mother had to get up and be like, uhh so that was the toast, can everyone cheers their glasses please.
By this point i am nearly in complete panic attack mode, I brought a pillow to sit on, which i am now hugging onto for deer life sitting with my closest best friends for the most part staring into space because I feel so insanely awkward and uncomfortable. They tried to get me some food and i couldn't even manage to eat because i was just on sensory overload. Its brought up to me now a second time that people are complaining im not walking around. Again, still nobody has come over to me. So we strategize on how to handle this and decide that since my MIL made and idiot out of herself and made a mini speech, my mom would just do a little Thank You thing as we started gifts and add a little note that I wished i could thank each person individually but couldn't due to a pelvic situation.
So we did gifts, and everyone was rushing me. Rushing me SO bad. I could hear people around me going "come on, come on, keep it moving, keep it moving". I literally could barely acknowledge the person whose gift i was opening, though I atleast put my foot down on that and made a very strong point to read the card and then wave at the person or get their attention if they weren't giving it, opening their gift and saving thank you directly to them. So i hope I atleast redeemed myself a little by personally thanking each person in that manner. But i ended up with 3 paper cuts and didnt even see half my gifts because i was rushed so insanely badly. We needed to be done with gifts by 4:30 yet we finished at 3:45 because everyone was being such an insane nutcase about going faster. As if I wasnt overwhelmed enough.
We also had the issue of children. There were 16 kids we COULD have invited and we ended up needing to make the choice to invite none. While we could have prioritized it down to maybe 6 or 8 kids, at the time we made this call, we were at max capacity in the room and even 6 to 8 was more than I wanted to be there, or what was really going to work out. So we had to make the difficult choice to say no to all. 2 of DHs cousins asked to bring their daughters and were explicitly told no they were not going to be allowed for the fact that I too have some female girls cousins on my side as well, and there was no way to invite them without having to also invite them for fairness. So needless to say, of course one of those cousins STILL brought her daughter. Despite that both my MIL and DH separately told her No and she was fully aware that we said no. Which then upset my Cousin who has 2 daughters who both had literally asked to come along and she had to say no to them because she understood the situation. So of course i felt absolutely terrible that DHs family completely undermined our decision, while my family had to then be hurt by it. DHs Aunt who is the Grandmother of the girl who wasnt supposed to be there, literally said nothing to me the entire day besides snarkily saying ''You cant get upset about things cause your upsetting the baby''. Which i have no idea what that was actually in reference to. But im assuming someone said something to her daughter in law about how she wasnt supposed to bring the girl. I honestly dont know, (and i also dont care, because shes a huge racist and a bigot, and was the only person who purchased items in pink that i registered for in the color grey, as some stupid attempt to remind me that she doesnt approve of our alternative style.) Either way, I make a pretty strong point of not letting people know theyve upset me, so it didnt come from me. I would also like to add just for arguments sake, they didnt even bring a gift at all.
On top of all of this, the venue then all the sudden claimed that they would not allow us to use their plates or forks for cake and that ''they told us that'' which i have now went back through all my emails and it clearly only states that we need to cut and physically serve our own cake, mentions providing a knife and server, but nothing is mentioned one way or the other about plates. But of course then we have a whole upheaval about said plate issue. Which honestly i think is the venues fault. They will only communicate via email and only answer the email every, maybe 10 days. DH ended up hanging out with 3 friends in the actual restaurant and caught a glimpse of my mom storming out to go to plates, and ended up catching her in time so he could go and handle it.
Finally at the end maybe 10 of 45 people came up to me and hugged me good bye and I apologized again for my condition and thanked them again for coming. A ton of people left early, didnt give gifts, didnt acknowledge me at all, and about 6 people who RSVPd yes, didnt show up or even contact us to say why (yes we had to pay for their empty plates.). One of my moms friends would not stop bitching about nonsense as everyone cleaned up. I was standing next to my car as DH and a friend were loading it with stuff and she was damn near blowing cigarette smoke in my face. I kept moving away from her and she kept coming closer to talk to me.
I finally towards the end (about 10 people left) I was like okay guys i can leave right?? and invited the last few friends to come over if they wanted to. I drove myself home and ran upstairs and immediately hugged my dog, put on pajamas and got my makeup off. I had one absolute saint of a friend who spent 3 hours sorting through all my gifts with me which was amazingly helpful.
I dont know, I just dont know. I felt like a puppet in someone elses show. I didnt feel like this was for me. I felt like it was for everyone elses personal agendas. I felt like no one was there to actually celebrate me and baby. Not that i am complaining because i dont like being touched but absolutely no one came up to try and touch my belly, no one asked me anything about the baby, no one asked me how i was feeling or doing, what her name might be, who i think shell look like, anything like that. No one talked about this little human growing inside me at all. It was nearly like her and I weren't even there. I feel so guilty that i feel this bad but i do. I mean yes the gifts are wonderful, but that isnt the sole purpose of a baby shower and even those i barely got to enjoy opening. I dont mean to sound like a brat, but was i really wrong to expect people to actually be there to celebrate me and baby? It has left me with the worst taste in my mouth and i have absolutely no idea how to handle it or what i feel or what to even do with that. I couldnt even sleep last night and I just want to crawl back in my hole for a bit and go back and to hanging out with my dog on the couch in the safety of my own home.
If you read all this thanks so much for listening to my ramblings. I know there isnt much i can do about this now and its just kind of over and done with and I need to move on. But i kind of feel like i need to mourn my baby shower that never happened.
Re: Baby Shower, I don't know how to feel. (Rant) :(
lets at least try to look on the bright side just for the sake of cheering you up - did you get any great gifts that you were hoping for?
Sounds like a typical shower lol. (I'm just teasing, showers can be so awkward and terrible sometimes, I think we all go through one). My bridal shower was awkward, luckily I had my little nieces there to be fun and distracting.
I think it's just social awkwardness. I've been to showers where I don't really know what to do. I don't want to bother the mom to be, because I just figure everyone else is overwhelming her. I don't ask her basic questions, because I figure everyone else is asking her the same thing. There is always this weird tension and nobody knows how to be normal.
As for the venue, they just totally stink. They can't provide plates?! And for the lady giving you problems for taking a spot, well she's just a beeotch. Once she saw you were pg, she should have kept on going.
As for your mother in law, I'm surprised she didn't mention what positions you tried while trying to get pregnant. Geez, talk about telling your whole life story. I know it's hard to now, but just try to laugh that one off later. When my mom in law says awkward things, I just treat her like my real mom and tease her about it. She probably knows is came out terrible too.
If it makes you feel better to hear bad shower stories, my dad's cousin pulled up my cousin's shirt in the middle of the shower and started feeling her up. In front of everyone! (Side note to self: wear long dress to own shower lol)
My shower is April 9th, so when it comes around, I'll be sure to tell the horror stories .
One thing I learned from showers, is kids take the tension out of everything! They might make some people mad, cause they run around and act crazy...but then it's fun to see others get mad over stuff the kids do. Kids love the games and LOVE helping open presents.
Don't fret! We all go through it. It's more like a real shower than you think!
I think you are right, definitely probably the ''con'' of the things we talked about in the RSVP thread and how these big showers work here. I asked for just 2 people to be involved, which turned into 5 hosts plus DH and a huge power struggle. I think too many people got involved, but i also think the venue just didnt have their shit together and everyone else was just in a bad mood.
I also think it was part how i react of course as with all things, we can choose to see what we want but its hard to be very optimistic when in a lot of pain. So i do struggle with seeing the bright side, though im aware of that flaw in myself and do try my best to keep the most important aspects in sight. So I just cant help but feeling like i would have rathered had all the love and none of the gifts, cause it feels pretty wrong to me to try and be like... oh but the bright side is i got all these material possessions! There were a few key players whose help and love were evident and
My breakfast is literally a pile of leftover cake.
I do think there is always something going on and nothing is ever perfect, I just felt like this one was particularly awkward! I totally know what you mean about everyone just kind of not knowing their place, what to say, etc. It was definitely just a clusterfuck of stuff.
I literally almost said something about sex positions because what she was saying was so awkward. She was trying to basically say that we didnt have sex and he never touched me. Cause she then said it about my SIL to that her other son ''never touched her either'' which i mean really made no sense. So i dont know if it was some weird trying to hide the sexual side of baby creation or what i was. But in retrospect I wish i would have yelled out something like ''Oh dont worry we had sex when we got home!!'' (we did.) just to make it even more awkward.
The moms literally tried to pay extra to just use their plates and they said no. Despite that during the other course there was literally an excessive of plates. They were on the tables and then a stack next to the buffet.
Had we been able to make the call on the kids later on in the planning, we may have ended up having them. But there was also a concern with my degree of pain that it might be a little too difficult to corral them when having them try and pull a gift away from me or ''help''' may have actually hurt me. I literaly walked into a rolling chair, that rolled when i walked into it, and had to make an emergency physical therapy appoint just so i could walk again. The SPD is pretty damn bad
Hoping you fair better than i did!!! I wanted a slightly early shower cause i really think i will be going early and again, not to bring it up for the 700th time, but i wanted the time to get things sorted and figured out without running the risk of having the SPD stuff kind of take up too much non-functioning time.
Oh its so hard because we ADORE the owner. Hes the sweetest guy and he comes over to our table and chats with us every time we go there. But his wife who does the parties is terrible! I want to write a bad review so bad, but that man is so sweet i cant do it to him! To be fair he didnt realize that it was OUR event because it was booked it with her and she doesnt know us, and when he did he actually see it was ours he took a few things off the bill.
Especially the fact that her details were completely wrong. She was even saying like stupid shit like ''my son said he was actually in another room"'.... thats not even close to true he was right there holding my hand. Like why did we need to go into weird shit like that?? It was completely false and made DH look like he didnt care about what was going on and i was like getting pregnant alone in a room. IUI is hard enough emotionally, please lets made a huge inaccurate picture of it for all off our family and friends.
Definitely off to return duplicates and rude purposeful pink purchases today so i can buy some new cute things, but we did do very well on the gifts, but its hard to not feel like the true meaning was very lost.
I know for my bridal shower, my mom thought it would be a good idea to play a game where they asked me questions about my fiance and every time I got an answer wrong, I had to put a marshmallow ( one of those bigger ones ) in my mouth. Well, as you imagined, I got some answers wrong or maybe they just asked too many questions but I I started to gag and threw up the marshmallows in front of all my guests. I mean I guess it was ok but really, why did they think a game that embarassed me in front of everyone would be a good idea ?
My first baby shower was wonderful. No complaints there.
Then I had my second baby. My sister and my best friend asked what I thought about having a shower or sprinkle for him, since my first was a girl. I said I really wasn't comfortable with another shower as I didn't think it would be appropriate, but I did like the idea of a VERY small, VERY intimate gathering where we just ate and talked. I'm talking very small, like literally just my best friend, my sisters, my mom, a few very close family friends and maybe my grandmother. Ten people, tops. I also said that I didn't even want to call it a shower and would prefer if gifts weren't exchanged. My friend agreed and I thought that was the end of it. Well......that is not what ended up happening. My husband and I go to my sisters house for what I thought was a small, intimate get together and then I start seeing people that I don't even know show up, with gifts and food. I remember my eyes started to well up with tears and I was thinking " Oh God, this isn't what I wanted at all. Not at all. Don't cry, don't cry. Don't be a rude ass. This is a wonderful gift. Don't cry." So I plastered a smile on my face and tried to focus on the cute baseball decorations, the cute baseball cake my friend made and all the yummy food and that these people ( some I didn't even know or barely knew) took time out of their day to come and celebrate with me. But like you, I too felt like a puppet and that this wasn't for me but for my mom. The only other awkward thing was that my sister asked the guests to bring a freezer meal instead of gifts ( which some still did). Again, a wonderful and kind gesture, but 3/4 quarters of the guests brought us trays of mostaccioli. I sent out thank you cards saying how delicious it all looked and couldn't wait to eat it, but I ended up throwing away most of it as my husband doesn't like mostaccioli and I can only eat so much of it myself. Again, no one knew and I felt terrible doing it, but we didn't have any room in our freezer for the food we were going to eat and by that time I had started to hate mostaccioli.
Go eat the rest of that cake and thank the baby shower gods that you won't have to re-live the day.
I am so sorry this happened but I'm glad that you came here to share your experience and get it off your chest.
kwife15 DH doesnt get why it upset me. But he also wasnt there to hear the disaster that it was.
mrsschmity Finished round one of cake and totally having more later. Returned gifts which was decently statisfying besides learning of Babys R Us's absolutely insane return policy.
crdo Thank you! There were definitely a few people who were wonderful, and i gave many thanks to. So i am trying to remember that those are the ones that actually matter.
Palisson Thanks! I was so stressed about it, and everyone was like oh come on its gonna be fine! It was so much worse than my pessimistic self could have even awfulized!
But yeah, a shower is not the appropriate place to be discussing that. It's like she doesn't want to think about her son having sex.
Triplets due 6/29/16 also from an IUI!
lac1252 I really really thought about the gift thing and considered if it even made sense to open them especially cause i know my MIL is nuts about gifts and as expected she filled up the whole room with boxes because she is extremely excessive. I could have used to opened her stuff at home so I could have not had to stress, not that i really needed to cause we still finished 45 min early! But shes a nutcase and im sure she wouldnt have been happy about that decision.
I love the jack and jill BBQ idea! Definitely on the radar for a good deterant if anyone tries next baby. will just say we are doing that and maybe will sans gifts.
Anyway, as others have said, it's over. It's a shame that it went the way it did. You weren't at fault. I hope you start feeling better soon.
Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.
DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!
Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!
I hope you at least got things from your registry. Just remember those 20 or do friends who talked to you and hung out after are who you want to keep near and can depend on.
It's over now, so that's one less thing you have to stress about at least
So bare with me. I'm ONLY saying this in hopes of being helpful. I'm going to start with a story. The year is 1999. My younger brother is in high school as is his girlfriend. He buys her a super nice gift for her birthday, her mom does the same. She opens the gifts, and complains because no one got her a card. My brother comes from a family that absolutely never gives cards to one another, but this is what she expected and this is what she's upset about.
1. She focused on the negative.
2. And most importantly, she had assumptions on what SHOULD have happened.
You see the same thing at millions of weddings. The wedding is great but the bride's upset because of some unmet expectation.
I'm not saying you don't have PLENTY of legitimate reasons to be upset about your shower, but I do feel that releasing your expectations would help you sleep at night.
Oh! And you said that you don't show when you're upset. WHY NOT!?! You're allowed to have feelings and if no one knows they're annoying you then no one will stop. It's perfectly acceptable to tell people rushing you to knock it off! "Stop rushing me!" No one could bare ill will at that.
Maybe if you don't want to write a bad review you should talk to the owner. Tell him the issue with the plates, that is utterly ridiculous.
Ignore the stupid the woman in the parking lot.
Hey, on the bright side, your bridal shower and baby shower are both over, and you never have to do it again!
peregrinefalconx Thanks! I definitely had barely any interaction with almost everyone there. A lot of people left before i opened gifts with no hi or bye. So those people had zero interactions with me. A few people didnt give gifts therefore again weren't acknowledged because it was the only time i was able to sort of call out to each individual person. A majority of the people who took the time out to say goodbye to me were ones that were at either table i had sat at which were both tables filled with my girlfriends, I think literally every single one of them say hi and bye. Im sure the convenience of me being right there helped but it always amazes me when all of us 20-somethings have more manners than the rest of the room of 35-40+ crowd. You would think the people whove gone through these things even more would have better etiquette.
sdnybrk Thanks! 2 days later i'm still feeling odd about it. Cant wait to have all my kindhearted girlfriends over to meet the baby, with a nice big exclusion on everyone else.
As far as feeling hidings goes. Its a few reasons. It goes into a lot of stuff and its not something across the board, my husband knows every single thing i feel and so do my closest girlfriends. I really dont enjoy letting someone know they have hurt my feelings as a general concept though especially when i can see why they did what they did or i understand them as a person enough to see why their careless or thoughless act wasnt realized by them. Obviously in this case it was not something i could totally understand therefore may have been more of a case to opt to say something. I am a very very sensitive person, Fibromyalgia kind of sets your body on overdrive and it also IMO effects a lot more than physical pain and sort of has all my sensories of overdrive. However the fact that i was on sensory overload with all the crappy energies floating around, I couldnt really take the risk of people being more upset than I was already literally being told that they were. Its not that i think people are right for being upset at me, so i dont stand up for myself. Its more about self preservation. Also again when i am that far down the rabbit hole on sensory overload, it would be very hard for me to give into any of those feelings in the moment. I essentially just store them away and then they all hit me later on, (hense this post) but its essentially what needed to be done for me to not run out of there after 5 minutes.
@SweetMamaJune Yeahhh ive been looking at this stack for 2 days now. I wanted to get all the thank yous sent out by now but i am afraid i will be putting a lot of unnecessary bad juju into them and also way too many apologies into them if i dont give it a few more days. Maybe i will knock out some of the safe ones today lol