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Breastfeeding
MrsBrame101113
member
Avoiding Breastfeeding Discussion
MrsBrame101113
member
I am still scared about breastfeeding (planning on taking a class) and have a lot of skin sensitivities and don't feel comfortable with the idea of even breastfeeding in another room while someone is over. I am a bit shy and really hate even using the restroom in public. So the topic of breastfeeding makes me very uncomfortable. At this point, I am intending on trying breastfeeding and if it's not for me, then I will formula feed or pump. My mom keeps bringing up the topic of breastfeeding, and while most people would feel comfortable with discussing that topic with their mom, I personally don't. She discloses a lot of information to my step-dad and I frankly don't want him to even think about the idea of my breasts, even in a completely natural circumstance as breastfeeding. I have tried to tell my mom in various ways that I will decide what is best for me and I don't feel comfortable discussing the topic of breastfeeding and she gets defensive and tries to argue the benefits of it. I understand the benefits and I don't need her input; because. I just don't feel it's anyone else's business if I breastfeed. Has anyone else had this issue? Am I completely off base to feel uncomfortable or exposed for someone to know I am/will be breastfeeding? How can I stop the conversations all together without starting an even bigger discussion? What can I do in the future if I do breastfeed and my mom or stepdad are over (they don't have a filter or respect my privacy/personal space)?
Re: Avoiding Breastfeeding Discussion
Once you have the hang of it and it doesn't feel so hard you do develop more confidence in front of others.
For your mom, I would suggest not engaging at all if you truely don't want to talk about it. I would just say "I will decide what's best for me and the baby when the time comes" and leave it at that. If you say you're going to try, she may try to guilt you later that you didn't try for long enough, etc. Good luck with whatever you decide!
ETA I use a cover in public and it took 3 months before I had to courage to nurse in public, prior to that I'd bring a bottle of pumped milk. Do what you're comfortable with, ease into it, it's about you and your baby and no one else's convenience or feelings.
I agree with pp that all privacy goes out the window with childbirth, but also wanted to say that learning to breastfeed means a of breast exposure. learning to latch well can mean latching and re-latching baby multiple times so they get it right. It can also be easier to have your breast fully exposed so that you can see what you're doing and help baby onto the breast.
I tell you that so that if you find you want to breastfeed but find the exposure difficult, then know that it gets easier and easier as baby learns and grows. Once you have things up and going and are both skilled at latching, then you can latch in moments and keep things all very private even without a cover. So it is worth pushing through the early difficulties if it becomes important to you.
Best wishes.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I swore before DD was born that I would never openly nurse in front of anyone but DH, my best friend, my mom, or my sister. By about 6 hours after she was born, my in-laws had seen my boobs, and by the time we got home, if I needed to nurse and we had people around, I would say "ok I'm taking a boob out now, if you don't want to see it, turn away." I think my brother-in-law is still scarred from the experience. As is my father. I give no fucks. I have breastfeed in public now several times, without a cover (though if I find it necessary, I will throw a swaddle blanket over my shoulder - but really that's so that DD won't get distracted more than anything else). Once you have a baby, you do all sorts of things you think you never would!
I initially was planning to exclusively pump because I just didn't want to breastfeed...but then I wound up really liking it. You never know OP! But I would advise reading up on breastfeeding and exclusively pumping, and seeking out an LC before you give birth. More information is always good to have!
tarheelgirl8 - I think you have a really good point. I didn't think about the conversations yet to come of "not trying for long enough". I've tried in similar words to tell my mom that I will do what I feel is best, but, I don't think I've put it that clearly. I always feel put on the spot when she asks and I'm not good at thinking/speaking on my toes. And yea, the word "breast" does add to the embarrassment, I'll definitely be using other terms!
klirwin82 - I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I do plan on pumping to at least have some spare milk on hand for those times when we are in public - at least until I get used to using a cover. And possibly pumping before we have guests over so I can just bottle feed during that time. I'm worried it might spark a conversation about breastfeeding if they think I'm using formula in the bottle though. But, we will see.
KateLouise - You are absolutely right! My mom would follow me and I guarantee you they would make comments about it. My stepdad already has made snide remarks like "she wouldn't breastfeed, would you?" - which already started a very very uncomfortable conversation a few months back. Thanks for the feed back. It's crazy how much goes into this natural process, I'm hoping it doesn't take me too long to get used to it, but, I doubt I'll ever feel comfortable enough to not have a cover. But that is great advice in case I do, at least at home.
delujm0 - Haha! I wish I was as fearless as you. I definitely respect that. Who knows, maybe I will be. I know pre-pregnancy I had an issue being out in public with even a thin bra that showed my nips poking out; but now, I really don't care. They are big and sore and my padded bras don't fit as comfortably!
And that's cool if you choose to use a cover, whatever works best for you. I just remember in the early days/weeks thinking, "I will never be able to leave the house" because baby was on my boobs all day, and being on my boobs meant everything hanging out. But now that I'm on baby 3 I know that nothing lasts forever and that those early difficulties really do pass.
Your Mum/step Dad sound annoying. I hope you can find a good resolution with them.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
BFing is totally no one else's business!
When I started out I would go into another room, away from people, but by the end I was nursing wherever. I wouldn't feel comfortable without a cover though, but it's kind of like getting your period; for years it's totally embarrassing but after a few years you don't care who sees you buying tampons.
When DS was 5 months old instead of nursing comfortably during church my MIL told me to nurse elsewhere so I went in search of a chair somewhere in the rest of the building and couldn't find one, lugging a hungry and crying DS, diaper bag, etc all over the giant church! Next time I nurse I'm not letting anyone dictate where I do it!
One word of caution: if you go into BFing knowing "if it's not for you you'll quit" USUALLY means you'll quit within two weeks. So know that the first two weeks are the absolute hardest. If you get through them you'll have an easier time with it. If you can make it 3 months then you're in the clear! Take some advice that kept me going, never quit on a bad day.
Good luck!
And FWIW, I don't think you should be embarrassed about the word "breast." I doubt you are embarrassed by the word "elbow" or "nose." It's simply a scientifically a accurate anatomical word. Any adult should be able to hear or say the word "breast" without having someone make them feel awkward or inappropriate. And if they do make you feel that way, it's on them, not you.