3 1/2 Year Sibling Gap

TrulyBlessed22 · March 2016

Good Morning -

I'm hoping that at least 1 of you has siblings that are around 3 1/2 - 4 years apart? DH and I wanted to have our children closer in age but life happens and so here we are. DD will be 3 this coming May, making her and her little sibling (I loved writing that, makes it seem more real lol) exactly 3 1/2 years apart. I know it's not a big gap and after a few years it seems like even less of a gap but I'm just curious about a few things as I don't have a point of comparison since the sibling I'm closest in age to is 10 years older than me and DH's closest sibling is 7 years older than him.

So, my questions are: Do you feel they can relate to one another? Do they play together? Did the older child "help" with the baby? Did they understand that they were a Big sis/Bro? Basically any insight you could provide would be great! Thanks in advance!

kms456 · March 2016

We are in the same boat as you. DD will be 3 in May. We have a few friends with 4 year age gap and they love it. They said the older child really knows what is going on and are huge helpers. They share better and generally want to help you take care of the child.

16isourluckynumber · March 2016

I have 2 kids with a 2 years 7 mos age gap and am now pregnant with a LO that will be exactly 3.5 years younger than my 2nd. My older two ignored each other for a year and then slowly started interacting. Now at 5 and 2.75, they play together really nicely. The older one can be bossy but they are really a good match and it's getting better and better. As for the 3.5 year gap, I am actually excited for a little more time. Having a 2.5 year old and a newborn is HARD because you can't trust the 2.5 year old to be out of your sight. A 3.5 year old can play independently for a little while, follow instructions (like in parking lots), watch a TV show if you need some time to yourself, and do more things for themselves like wipe their own behind. It might take a little bit longer for them to really play together but I am sure it will come eventually too.

TrulyBlessed22 · March 2016

Thank you @KKamm917 and @16isourluckynumber reading these makes me feel better. While it wasn't what I originally had hoped for I'm really excited about having a slightly older child as I think she will be able to help with certain things and it is nice that she's potty trained so I'll only have 1 in diapers.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

My kids are 3 years and 10 months apart and they are absolute best friends. My oldest has autism so he wasn't as independent at 4 as most other kids would be (still in diapers, limited language, tantrums, etc.) so it was a bit like having a toddler and a baby at the same time but they have grown to be incredibly close. They are each protective of the other and they play together constantly. I was worried about how it would go but it worked out surprisingly well.

TrulyBlessed22 · March 2016

Soooo happy to read that @kilgravemademedoit Thank you for sharing!

jdebaie · March 2016

My sister is 4 years younger than I am and we are very close! I really think the age gap starts to decrease as you get older. I hardly realize there is a gap anymore.

My DD will be 3 years old when we have this new baby as well and I'm glad it worked out that way!

MrsAuby · March 2016

Aw this makes me so happy! My daughter will be 3 in June so she will be just shy of 3.5 when #2 comes along. She's already pretty independent (and SASSY) so I can see her trying to boss the new one around! She also loves to help so I think she will like being able to help the baby too!

TrulyBlessed22 · March 2016

@Jdebaie glad to read that!

@MrsAuby funny you say that because I was thinking the same thing...DD is sooo Sassy and I totally see her bossing the younger one around. If it's a boy I can already picture him playing tea party reluctantly LOL

MrsBigTime · March 2016

I read an article highlighting the benefits of a four year age gap (my dd will be 3 years 11 months) and I was pleasantly surprised by how lovey the gap sounds. My daughter is also so independent and such a great little friend, that I think/hope this new baby becomes something that we get to do together and that she will find great joy in being a part of their life and in her new role as big sister. I didn't expect such a large gap, but I am thankful for it now because I have had so much time to more one-on-one to her and I have cherished that!

Here's the article:

https://www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html?m=1

ceerenee · March 2016

Our daughter and baby will be a little over 4 years apart, as we wanted. I've been wondering this too.

GraceUponGrace09 · March 2016

I have the exact senario. DS will be 3 in May so he will be exactly 3 1/2 years older. I can be a little worried about the age gap too. I appreciated reading the above comments. We would have liked them to be closer in age but I'm hoping they can still be close.

TrulyBlessed22 · March 2016

@kkamm917 and @graceupongrace09 any chance either of you were in the May13 BMB? I know sooo many people exited at once and now there hasn't been a post in ages so I don't remember many names but was curious since I was pretty active in it before everyone left. It was after DD was born though because I was originally part of the June13 BMB since that's when she was due, she wanted to be a May Flower though

@MrsAuby any chance you were in the June13 BMB? I feel like I remember your name but I could be wrong since it was so long ago, plus I stopped posting there shortly after DD was born since she ended up being a May baby.

Nrem10 · March 2016

We are in the same boat as well. Our DD was born July 2013 so will be 3 years 4 months older then this little one. We always said we wanted kids closer together.. but everything happens for a reason. This age gap will be a blessing. My sister and I are 3 years 5 months apart. So it will be similar.

AandDM2014 · March 2016

Well I don't have any kids yet to compare, but I do have an older brother who is 3 years 7 months older than I am. We got along great as kids, he loved me very much when I was first born. By the time he hit middle school though, yeah, not so much. And once he started high school he was a complete a$$hole and we didn't get along at all for years and years. I think it is different depending on what genders you have, and what their personalities are.

kms456 · March 2016

TrulyBlessed22 said:

@kkamm917 and @graceupongrace09 any chance either of you were in the May13 BMB? I know sooo many people exited at once and now there hasn't been a post in ages so I don't remember many names but was curious since I was pretty active in it before everyone left. It was after DD was born though because I was originally part of the June13 BMB since that's when she was due, she wanted to be a May Flower though

not me. I was on a board somewhere but can't for the life of me remember which one.

cdbishop · March 2016

My daughter will turn 3 in November, so these two will be pretty much 3 years apart. We were trying/hoping for a 2 year age gap as well. I think it will take some adjustment for my DD attention wise, but from friends who have the same age gap, I think it will be great!

GraceUponGrace09 · March 2016

@TrulyBlessed22 Yes! I was on the May 13 BMB! However I was under a different SN.

I've met a few moms from the May 13 BMB here on Nov 16. So I guess we'll all have children 3 1/2 years apart. My sister and I are a month shy of 3 years and are super close bit somehow I can't keep from feeling like it's big for my kids.

Hopefully we don't have the major drama like there was on May 13! I know there are always things but that was crazy!

TrulyBlessed22 · March 2016

@GraceUponGrace09 did you have any other children in between or is this your 1st since May13? Who else us on here from May13? Totally agree on the drama...it was a bit much and now the board is completely dead which is unfortunate.

GraceUponGrace09 · March 2016

@TrulyBlessed22 We don't have any children between May 13 and this one.

we do have two older children (adopted) tho. This makes #4. I cannot believe I just wrote that!!

sourpatchmama · March 2016

We will have an exact 5 year gap... My DD was a very difficult baby (diagnosed with sensory integration d/o at 2, had loads of EI services) who has turned into a wonderful toddler/big kid. I would have preferred a 4 year gap, but we had a M/C last year, so here we are at 5 years! I'm a little nervous, but I think eventually it won't be a big deal. I'm a bit scared to go back to a newborn, but maybe we'll get a non-screaming infant this time! I have a sister 8 years older and a sister 7 years younger and we are very close. Anyone else with a 4+ gap?

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

sourpatchmama said:

We will have an exact 5 year gap... My DD was a very difficult baby (diagnosed with sensory integration d/o at 2, had loads of EI services) who has turned into a wonderful toddler/big kid. I would have preferred a 4 year gap, but we had a M/C last year, so here we are at 5 years! I'm a little nervous, but I think eventually it won't be a big deal. I'm a bit scared to go back to a newborn, but maybe we'll get a non-screaming infant this time! I have a sister 8 years older and a sister 7 years younger and we are very close. Anyone else with a 4+ gap?

Yup. My daughter will turn six on October 28 (I was due Nov 12 with her) so there will be nearly exactly six years between #2 and #3. My son will be only two months away from turning ten which is a bit of a scary thought. Big gaps, but life happened. It took us two years to conceive our daughter and two years again this time around. My oldest has been asking for another sibling for years. He's baby crazy.

Oakleypoozles · March 2016

I know that a lot of people feel that way about having small age gaps but I gotta say I don't really get it. My brother and I had a perfect 2 year age gap (which I think most people shoot for) and we absolutely hated each other growing up. We were each others own worst enemies. It wasn't until quite a while after we moved out that we began growing the friendship that we have today.

On the other hand I've known tons of people who have large gaps between the siblings and they are the best of friends. The older child takes protecting and loving the younger sibling really seriously. I think that's a really beautiful thing and a very helpful thing.

My son just turned 4 so he will be nearly 5 when this baby is born. He's already excited to help with the baby. I believe that he truly will be a big help. I think it will be a load off of me to have the whole family working together and I think that the baby will have a best friend and protector for life. Just as my older child will have a best friend and little brother sister for life who will adore them and idolize them.

My TL:DR point though is I don't think it is something you should worry about. It will be great

TrulyBlessed22 · March 2016

Thank you @oakleypoozles that was comforting to read, thanks for sharing.

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