feeling better

HLD3194 · March 2016

I just bought myself a couple new outfits. I couldn't be happier about it. It's called retail therapy for a reason right? 2 weeks past MMC and still learning how to cope but it seems like I am finding new meaning in little things lately. I don't know about you ladies but I really have stopped the drama since this happened. I have no urge to "gossip" or get involved in petty things. This experience has opened my eyes to a whole new way of living and I intend to spend it being happy and fulfilling all my dreams and wishes. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend

rkroupa · March 2016

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, @crazypt2285! I had my miscarriage around the same time you did and I found the first week and a half really hard. I was crying every day. But I haven't cried since Tuesday, so I'm taking it as a good sign! I believe that the stress at my work contributed to the miscarriage - so I'm committing to not letting work stress get to me. I am sticking to a certain amount of hours and if it doesn't get done - then it is what it is. I'm trying to learn something from this experience - as hard as it's been. Here's to doing what makes you happy!

BrightenMySky · March 2016

I have found I am...more blunt? So maybe in a way that's cutting down on drama. I am also a little more compassionate, although I think IF treatments generally have made me that way. And even more defensive of my loved ones. Today I yelled (and cursed) at a driver who almost hit my dog in a crosswalk.

@crazypt2285 I hear you on the retail therapy. I got my hair cut and blown out a few weeks after my loss, and it felt amazing. I actually just colored my hair tonight (first time ever). It's not super intense, but I am excited for a change, and maybe I'll go back for more soon if I want. I might wander in Target tomorrow if DH has plans with a friend.

@rkroupa I am glad you are cutting yourself some slack at work. Not that it sounds like you're slacking at all, but just that you are taking care of yourself and not letting it get to you. And I hope you don't blame yourself at all. FWIW, I was really stressed at work while I was pregnant--there was one week where I had several deadlines that all became due on the same day because of a blizzard, and it was late nights, trying not to fall down on the ice, and trying to juggle multiple people that needed stuff from me--and my miscarriage was due to a chromosomal abnormality that my baby had.

rkroupa · March 2016

@BrightenMySky thanks for the kind words. I think its always hard to not blame yourself - but I'm trying not to. I had a blighted ovum so the embryo never even formed. I think I took it so hard because I felt completely betrayed by my body. I had all of the symptoms and there wasn't even an embryo. I know there is nothing I could have done, but part of me is like if I wasn't so stressed, maybe the embryo would have formed and it would have stuck. I will never know - I try not to dwell on it too much. I'm just taking it as a sign that work isn't everything and the stress isn't worth it...my health isn't worth it! I have to come first --and hopefully that means my baby will come first soon enough

On another note - I got my hair done 2 days ago - I was holding out on dyeing it cause I thought it was bad in the first trimester....and it made me feel so much better!! Hope you ladies are doing okay!

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

@BrightenMySky I am in the same boat on the "blunt" issue. I have found I don't have much of a filter lately. I don't know if I just don't care or I dot see the point in sugar coating life after being brought to the worst side of it. Oh well. I make no apologies for it

i totally jumped on the change wagon and cut off 6 inches of my very long hair and lightened it even more the week of our loss. It felt nice to have someone pampering me and take care of myself for a few hours. Whatever gets us through.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

My roots are horrible, a hair appointment in the next few weeks sounds amazing. I'm also going back to yoga.

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29 be ready to cry in yoga. I broke out in my class last week. All the release during mediation time triggered something. Very therapeutic

AL_TwinCities · March 2016

@SnobunnieMel I also cried a lot during yoga classes the first few weeks after my loss. It was a very nice release. I hope you have a nice first session back @iceandsnowflakes29

BrightenMySky · March 2016

@rkroupa I feel really similarly about work. I left one day at 3 for a dentist appointment, and it was amazing. I did a little work from home afterwards, but also walked my dog (and it was a beautiful day) and prepared dinner. I was telling DH maybe I should go part time for a while, and he said just to leave at a reasonable person time (so not 7 pm) on days when I don't have lots of pressing work, I'm a diligent worker, but everything will still be there in the morning. It felt kind of surreal to go from working so much, then having this loss and being away, and then being back and trying to convince myself that it was all still important.

And @crazypt2285 thank you for starting this thread. It's hard to tell people that I feel better or good, because I don't want them to think that I've moved on, forgotten my baby, or am not still hurting--it's so much more complex. So it's really nice to be able to talk about it with you all.

Spartanrd4 · March 2016

I went out to dinner last night with DH and had sushi...which I love but of course have not had it in a long time. I felt a little sad while eating it but in the end really enjoyed our night out....maybe the wine helped

I'm going to the salon too on Tuesday, my hair dresser knew I was TTC and I was pregnant last time I saw her but didnt say anything so hopefully she doesn't ask for an update, I don't know what I would say!

Next Sunday I have to go to a baby shower...its for a close friend of mine and I want to still be there for her but the day will probably be difficult. We have a lot of mutual friends...some don't know I was pregnant and I just don't want to start drama on why I'm not there etc. We are planning to go to dinner on Wednesday and I will tell her my feelings and if I need to leave early from the shower or whatever I hope she'll understand.

Hope everyone has a great day...it's 62 in March in michigan so ready to enjoy the sunshine. I planted tulips in the fall and some are already peeking out...a sign of new beginnings?

housewifehobbyist · March 2016

The beautiful weather really does help. I know what you mean @Spartanrd4.

I've spent a lot of my time helping out with a benefit for my cousin that we're throwing tonight. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in January and we're raising money to help her with expenses so she can focus on fighting this as long as she can. I don't want to sit around comparing problems, but it feels good to get out of my own head for a bit and use my energy doing something positive and productive for someone else rather than wallowing in my depression.

rkroupa · March 2016

@Spartanrd4 good luck with the baby shower! Your friend should understand. I think it's amazing that you are putting in the effort to go to the baby shower, I hate to admit it, but I am not sure I would be able to do that. I had to cancel on a birthday party for one of ,my (not so close) friend's 1 year old daughter. There would be a lot of preggo girls there and I knew that I would just break down. I also have 2 baby showers in April that I haven't RSVP'd to yet. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was so excited to go to them and be pregnant and now I just feel like I would be a mess and I don't want to take any attention away from them or make it weird. I'll probably decline the invite. I never thought I'd have to think about this stuff - it's crazy how fast things can change. But it could always be worse, I try to keep that in mind and give myself some perspective!

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

rkroupa said:

@Spartanrd4 good luck with the baby shower! Your friend should understand. I think it's amazing that you are putting in the effort to go to the baby shower, I hate to admit it, but I am not sure I would be able to do that. I had to cancel on a birthday party for one of ,my (not so close) friend's 1 year old daughter. There would be a lot of preggo girls there and I knew that I would just break down. I also have 2 baby showers in April that I haven't RSVP'd to yet. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was so excited to go to them and be pregnant and now I just feel like I would be a mess and I don't want to take any attention away from them or make it weird. I'll probably decline the invite. I never thought I'd have to think about this stuff - it's crazy how fast things can change. But it could always be worse, I try to keep that in mind and give myself some perspective!

It is perfectly okay to send your regrets and a neutral (not triggering) gift like a gift card ((hugs)).

Or order online and ship to their house.

HLD3194 · March 2016

I just wanted to say after reading this thread, I know I don't "know" you ladies but I love you all! You've all been so amazing and I feel really grateful I found this outlet. The reasoning behind why we're all here really sucks (to say the least), but I am so truly deeply grateful I have an outlet to express myself to women who really understand what each other is going through. It's hard not having a personal friend to talk to about this who truly gets it, but being here and reading other stories and contributing to others issues has really helped me heal. THANK YOU ALL

rkroupa · March 2016

@crazypt2285 I couldn't have said it better myself!! I'm in the same boat, I don't know anyone close to me who has had a Miscarriage. I would have been LOST without this community and forum.

HLD3194 · March 2016

@rkroupa What a coincidence we both got married on the same day and had mc's at the same time? I hope we'll see each other on the PGAL boards soon

rkroupa · March 2016

@crazypt2285 that's so funny! Small world! I'm here if you ever want to talk to vent - just send me a message

Spartanrd4 · March 2016

@crazypt2285 I totally agree- I feel like this is a really good outlet for me, I don't know what I would do without this board. I really don't have anyone to talk to- My friends and family are willing to listen but they don't truly know how I feel. I do have one friend who has had a miscarriage, I have reached out to her and we are going to meet in a couple weeks for brunch. Thank you every one for being there!!

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