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Planning Birth Month - Yes or No?

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Re: Planning Birth Month - Yes or No?

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  • *lurker...ticker/siggy warning*

    First of all @Everycol0r that is the most terrifying/disturbing gif I have ever seen. I can't unsee it.

    Second, I'm with all these lovely ladies...IDGAF about due date/month. DH was born a month early because his mom had to be induced for preeclampsia. I decided to join the world two weeks early. On my dad's 29th birthday. Babies do things on their own schedule, as do our bodies and the sooner you realize that and give up on micromanaging, the happier you're likely to be.

    *lurker out*
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  • atcwag said:
    I'll bite on this one OP -
    I have an interesting work situation. I work 60 hrs/week on average for 1/2 the year and then 30 on average the rest. There is talk about bumping our summer hours down to 16. We haven't hit the time in this TTC cycle where we need to make a decision yet, but there would have to be a discussion between DH and myself if we hit a window where I would give birth, say, in June. It would really, really suck to use my entire maternity leave over the summer when I work much, much less (potentially only 2 days starting this year). With that said, I would never TTA based on having a "holiday baby", same month as "X" person's birthday, etc. 
    If your maternity leave is FMLA, you can use that whenever you want. Just so you know. You can go back to work and then take the 12 weeks off later. 
    Yep, I know, but there's no way I wouldn't take 12 weeks with an infant. No way. I breastfeed and I think 12 weeks is the bare minimum to solidify that relationship/ensure a good supply. I also 100% agree with the "4th trimester" and the benefits for both mom and baby of uninterrupted time. 12 weeks is pitiful. 
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  • edited March 2016
     In fact, a pregnancy for me this month would have birth falling around thanksgiving and next month would mean Christmas, getting me out of holidays with my in laws...
    Yes this!  Totally sitting here thinking that if we get pregnant this month or in the next few I totally won't have to travel up north for any holidays next year.  I really don't like spending Christmas at my I laws (we alternate years for now) 


    edited for autocorrect mishaps 

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  • l9il9i member
    ***TW: Loss mentioned***
    I was pregnant and suffered a MC in January for what would have been an August baby.  I just remember when we told my mom about the baby and loss she was sad because a summer baby would've been so nice (obviously she was upset in general too).  Everyone in my immediate family and DH's family has fall/winter birthdays.  But seriously, at that time I couldn't gaf about when it was due.  If we would conceive this cycle it would put us right around early December.  Both my mom and MIL have the same birthday in early December.  Should it be that same day as well, IDGAF.  That would actually be kinda cool in my opinion.
    Me: 26 & DH: 25
    Married: August 2014
    TTC since November 2015
    BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
    BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
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  • That is all.
     Me: 27 | DH: 28
    TTC since January 2016

    BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
    BFP - 6/11/16



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  • atcwag said:
    atcwag said:
    I'll bite on this one OP -
    I have an interesting work situation. I work 60 hrs/week on average for 1/2 the year and then 30 on average the rest. There is talk about bumping our summer hours down to 16. We haven't hit the time in this TTC cycle where we need to make a decision yet, but there would have to be a discussion between DH and myself if we hit a window where I would give birth, say, in June. It would really, really suck to use my entire maternity leave over the summer when I work much, much less (potentially only 2 days starting this year). With that said, I would never TTA based on having a "holiday baby", same month as "X" person's birthday, etc. 
    If your maternity leave is FMLA, you can use that whenever you want. Just so you know. You can go back to work and then take the 12 weeks off later. 
    Yep, I know, but there's no way I wouldn't take 12 weeks with an infant. No way. I breastfeed and I think 12 weeks is the bare minimum to solidify that relationship/ensure a good supply. I also 100% agree with the "4th trimester" and the benefits for both mom and baby of uninterrupted time. 12 weeks is pitiful. 
    Alrighty then 
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  • Sorry for your loss, OP. In theory, I get some people trying to plan a general time frame because of work/school/travel etc. But, theres comes a point, at different times for different people, that you just don't care anymore and you just want to have a H&H ANY 9 months. 

    **TW-child mentioned** my son's birthday is in March. I never thought I would say this but I'm actually a little offended that people would consider that a potentially bad thing. that's not on you, OP, but on many people I guess.
    **TW over :) **
     
    Its kind of like when an old co-worker told me that her daughter, who was about 2 at the time, was leaning toward being left handed and how disappointed she was about it... I'm a lefty, am I flawed or something? My MIL actually forced DH and our DNe (who she is basically raising) to be right-handed when they were naturally lefties. Its wrong and it ticks me off.

    My point is, no, most people are not going to be planning their projected/hoped-for birth month. As most people do not see being born during a certain time of year to be a flaw. 

    I recommend lurking more and asking questions like this over on the trimester boards. It will be much better received there. 
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  • Will fully admit that I thought about it (I'm a December baby and have always complained). But, DH asked if we were going to TTA this month and I said "hell no." I'm happy for a healthy and happy baby no matter what the month. August babies get to have summer birthdays, but anecdotally, I've heard from relatives and friends that they sometimes have a harder time in school at the beginning because they are younger whereas winter babies have more time to mature before school but are more susceptible to RSV and other cold weather issues in Northern climates. Not trying to stir the pot here, but pointing out that really there are pros and cons to every birth month.
    Me: 34
    Husband: 34
    Married: June 2014
  • Early December baby here and no complaints about it being in the same month as Christmas.  Actually, I wasn't even supposed to be born in December, my original DD was Valentines Day but apparently I was impatient and decided to show up a few days shy of 30 weeks.  

    Babies...bodies....mother nature...can't be controlled.
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  • I agree with PP's but for the sake of answering the question in an objective way, i'll say that DH is really weirded out about the possibility of a Christmas baby because hes convinced it would hate us for making it share a birthday with a holiday. Of course thats irrational and i'll take a baby any time of the year but DH is wortied about stuff like that. Me, ive always been irrationally freaked out about having an August baby because my very abusive ex was a Leo and my irrational self was convinced it has something to do with it. However, my very swe brother is a Leo and is an absolute doll. So yes DH and I both had bizzare reservations about certain months for no good reason but we desperately want a baby regardless of the birth month.
    Met DH - 9/2003
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  • Oh yeah I forgot to mention that if I were to get pregnant this month (which, let's be honest that isn't happening because we totally failed timing BD this month) I'd be due within a week of Thanksgiving, our wedding anniversary and DH's birthday. So that's a lot going on and I'd still love to add a baby birthday to that list.
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  • My question is, have you thought about the month, and skipped trying a month because of an undesirable birth date?
    DH and I had a conversation about this a couple months ago because he was set to deploy next summer through winter. We wondered if we should TTA and time things so that EDD would be after he would get back from deployment. The conversation didn't last long, as we're having TTTC, and decided that it would suck if he wouldn't be able to be there for the birth and newborn phase, but at least we would have a healthy child to love.
    *Goes back to lurking*
     
    TTC + medicated cycles
    3/2015: Start TTC
    8/2015: PCOS Dx
    4/2016: BFP, Loss (4+5)
    2/2017: BFP




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  • Another lurker here.  I have a lot of experience with winter/holiday birthdays. 

    *TW: loss and children mentioned*

    My first pregnancy I was due a couple weeks before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately that ended with an early MC.  I ended up pregnant again with a due date of January 11,  but DS showed up unexpectedly 3 days before Christmas. I left the hospital Christmas Eve morning.   A couple years later I ended up pregnant again, due on Thanksgiving. My DD was 5 days late, but her birthday was on Thanksgiving when she turned 2.  
    I am a December baby myself, with a birthday a week before Christmas and my older brother is  Christmas day baby. I never minded it at all and it's really not that big a deal with my kids. You just make sure to keep birthdays and Christmas separate. Even for my brother, we would do Christmas in the morning and his birthday celebration, with presents in birthday paper and birthday cake, in the afternoon. You make it work. 
     With two kids now with birthdays at the holidays it would be nice to time our 3rd child to a different time of year. It's expensive to have so many gifts to buy at once, and it is extra stuff to do at a busy time of year.

    That said we decided to start TTC this month because we are ready and really,  why wait?  I'm only getting older and I know too well that it simply is not in my control. If I end up pregnant this cycle or next I will be thrilled, even though that means 3 kids with holiday birthdays.

    In the end, all I really want is a baby. Can you imagine yourself with a baby in your arms, upset that they were born at the wrong time?  No, because it's ridiculous. And it's ridiculous really to worry about it when TTC  
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  • I'm going against the grain. 

    ***TW Warning: DD anPPD***



    My daughter was born in November. 11/12/13. Cool birthday, right? Well, her birth was extremely traumatic. She came out not breathing. I had a placental abruption and almost bled out. Turned out my newborn baby was born with a critical heart defect. She needed emergency care and needed an emergency balloon catheterization to open up her aortic valve that was completely shut when she was born. She spent her first 12 days in the hospital. I quickly developed PPD. I cried all day, everyday. I was stuck at home with a baby, whose future was (still is) so uncertain. It was too cold to ever take her anywhere and my PPD was so bad I didn't feel like going anywhere but outside. It was the worst winter of my life. 


    *** End of TW ***



  • sarah0985sarah0985 member
    edited March 2016
    I'm going against the grain. 

    ***TW Warning: DD anPPD***



    My daughter was born in November. 11/12/13. Cool birthday, right? Well, her birth was extremely traumatic. She came out not breathing. I had a placental abruption and almost bled out. Turned out my newborn baby was born with a critical heart defect. She needed emergency care and needed an emergency balloon catheterization to open up her aortic valve that was completely shut when she was born. She spent her first 12 days in the hospital. I quickly developed PPD. I cried all day, everyday. I was stuck at home with a baby, whose future was (still is) so uncertain. It was too cold to ever take her anywhere and my PPD was so bad I didn't feel like going anywhere but outside. It was the worst winter of my life. 


    *** End of TW ***



    I'm also wondering what exactly this has to do with tta for birth months. 
    Eta. I'm very sorry it was so tough and you had such a rough go of it. I hope your daughter is okay. 
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  • OP. As you can see this isn't a well received topic and for a variety of reasons. I do think though that it's a natural thought when first venturing into the thoughts of ttc. 
    When we first started, we considered when to go off the pill based on a few topics. With living overseas, my maternity leave not being "movable" (it's 45 days from date of birth period), and wanting my mom here as well as being able to travel home while on maternity leave if I could, we planned our ttc month perfectly. Assuming of course it would happen right away. Based on that, I'd have had my perfectly timed baby a month ago. We are still ttc. 
    We then considered tta based on a trip to South Africa in August. We decided against tta and continued ttc. We're still ttc and still going to South Africa. Don't base your ttc on specific months. 
    At this point, I don't care if I have my final trimester in the 120 degrees of summer with zero maternity leave (because it'd be summer holiday anyway) and no one in my family could come. (I'd be sad about my mom not coming) but I'd just be happy to get pregnant. 
    Nothing wrong with preferring a certain time of year, but don't base everything around that
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  • @HeartMama2013 First, I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through.  Second, I'm a little confused about your post.  Are you considering TTA to avoid another November/Devember baby because of your last experience?

    I'm sorry! Yes. We are TTA having another November/December baby because of my experience. 
  • sarah0985 said:
    I'm going against the grain. 

    ***TW Warning: DD anPPD***



    My daughter was born in November. 11/12/13. Cool birthday, right? Well, her birth was extremely traumatic. She came out not breathing. I had a placental abruption and almost bled out. Turned out my newborn baby was born with a critical heart defect. She needed emergency care and needed an emergency balloon catheterization to open up her aortic valve that was completely shut when she was born. She spent her first 12 days in the hospital. I quickly developed PPD. I cried all day, everyday. I was stuck at home with a baby, whose future was (still is) so uncertain. It was too cold to ever take her anywhere and my PPD was so bad I didn't feel like going anywhere but outside. It was the worst winter of my life. 


    *** End of TW ***



    I'm also wondering what exactly this has to do with tta for birth months. 
    Eta. I'm very sorry it was so tough and you had such a rough go of it. I hope your daughter is okay. 

    Because of my last experience, we are TTA having another winter baby. We live in Mn and not being able to go for walks when I was crawling out of my skin indoors made my PPD SO much worse. The first time I was able to bring her outside for more than just going to the store or the mall or someone's house, I cried from relief. I literally felt like I had been set free. 

    Thank you.  :) Overall, she is doing well. Her heart is still in poor shape. Her cardiologist has been dropping the "T" word (transplant) at her last few appts. It does not function well. 
    sarah0985BecauseLove
  • This is a crazy post, clearly from a person who hasn't been trying for long.  I am surprised that OP would still feel this way after a loss, but I don't know her life I guess.

    I got pregnant at a pretty bad time with #1...my due date was 10 days after my sister's out of state wedding date, which was scheduled before I started TTC.  I gave no fucks.  And my pregnant ass still made it to the wedding.

    Even if you get a "desirable" due date, it kind of means nothing...babies can come several weeks early or even two weeks late.  Let go of your need to plan anything before having kids.  I laugh at my prior self in that regard almost daily now.  DD thinks schedules are hilarious and has never dealt with having a schedule of any kind.  Other than the fact that she was born the day before she was due, you can't plan a damn thing with her.  And I still wouldn't change a thing.
    Me: 37 DH: 37
    Married 5-31-14
    DD1 born 6-21-15
    DD2 born 6-11-17
    DS born 9-5-18

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  • bmo88bmo88 member
    We are trying to avoid having a baby until after September 2017 because of my work schedule and me finishing my masters degree. After that, we are very flexible with when we have a baby. I don't really care about other things because life will always happen and some thing will come up.


    PugsandKisses


  • I haven't been at this long, but it took me just a hot minute to realize that would be stupid. 
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