I refuse to sleep "train" my daughter!

Re: I refuse to sleep "train" my daughter!

• xJKxOR member

  March 2016

  I'm confused. If you have a routine that results in your daughter bring well rested with 10-12hrs of sleep why are you wondering about sleep training? I wouldn't think you need it. 

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• jbettles member

  March 2016

  I think you're good. I never did sleep training with my 5 year old, and she has no issues with bedtime, sleeping through the night, or staying in her own bed. If your baby is sleeping all night, I definitely wouldn't make changes. 

  

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• ElleMF728 member

  March 2016

  I figure that whatever works for you, works for you.  There isn't a need to sleep train your daughter if you are comfortable with the situation.  If you are looking for perspective I have a few thoughts on why I chose to work on certain sleep issues.  However, those are based on my personal preferences and my ideal bedtime isn't going to look like yours so take it for what its worth.  
  
  From dealing with my first I've discovered that bedtime can become more challenging as LO gets older.  It is much more difficult to rock/bounce/cuddle a 10 month old than it is to do the same with a 4 month old. My oldest saw our bed as a fun place to play with mommy and daddy.  When he started standing and becoming more mobile he absolutely would not lay down with us.  Walking and pulling up frequently come with sleep regressions that would seem to be a bit more difficult to deal with if LO is not contained to a crib.  Perhaps a co-sleeping Mom could touch on this because we were able to switch DS over before he pulled up.  I'm really curious to know how that was addressed. 
  
  I also really like having 2 or 3 hours to myself to de-stress at the end of the day. As a SAHM I am with my kids 24/7.  I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old.  I get touched out, I just want some time where no one is climbing on me, sitting on me, etc.  I like know on difficult days that if I can just make it until 8:30 I can sit down and watch the Walking Dead for an hour, take a shower by myself and have a glass of wine.  I need that time to continue to be a good mom and stay patient.  
  
  On the other side, I was a nanny for 7 years and I chose not to baby sit date nights for co-sleeping families.  It was a personal preference but I had the certifications and experience that I was able to be a little picky.  It always seemed to end in an overtired crabby toddler who eventually fell asleep on the couch around 11 pm watching a movie and then being scared to flush the toilet in case I woke them.  Maybe this isn't the norm but it was my experience with babysitting. I think it would be different with family who may feel comfortable sleeping in your bed with LO. 
  
  As I said these things may not be important to you but they were part of my reasoning for sleep training.  I also want to point out that DS goes to sleep easily in his bed at bedtime and naps, we have never done CIO.

  

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• vibarra27 member

  March 2016

  Im with @xJKxOR what exactly do you mean? If you have a routine & get it her to sleep for a long period whats the problem? Ive never been a fan of co-sleeping due to being selfish & loving my sleep & my space with my husband. But everyone does things their own way. So what exactly do you mean?
  

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• Kayciejoe56 member

  March 2016

  I'm a ftm... but I completely know how you feel.   My little guy is 6 months old and it seems like all anyone wants to talk about is his sleep routine!   We have co slept since 6 months old,  I love that I get enough sleep to feel rested at work,  but my ultimate goal is to transition. 
  
  Just wanted to offer some encouragement to do what works for you!   A month ago my little guy wanted nothing to do with the crib.   I pretty much decided he wasn't a great sleeper and stuck to cosleeping for my sanity.   Over the last month I have just started introducing the crib.   He can now go down "drowsy bUT awake" (a month ago I would have laughed at the thought of this) and is sleeping 2-4 hours straight in his crib. When he wakes,  I just bring him in bed with me.   Never any cry it out,  just kept trying.  
  
  Do whatever works for you,  and if you have a goal to transition to crib,  it's ok to do it in baby steps.   Also,  there are several nights,  I'm just tired, and we skip the crib all together. Doesn't seem to be causing any problems.  It doesn't have to be so strict or stressful on either of you. 

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• jlawson23 member

  March 2016

  Thank ladies! Yes my routine works, but I'm very stressed by those around me stating that I need to train her to sleep by herself. So I was trying to see if there were moms of multiples who didn't sleep train and regretted it later on? 

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• ForeverEverAfter member

  March 2016

  You don't need to sleep train. I never did formal sleep training with DD1. We coslept til 8mo, then used a floorbed in her room. Switched to a twin on a frame at 1.5yo. Over time, we transitioned things, from nursing to sleep, to sitting on the bed while she fell asleep, to checking in on her every few minutes while she fell asleep, to now-just reading a story, giving her a kiss and leaving the room. Time goes so fast, I don't want to miss any snuggles from this LO. I refer to No Cry Sleep Solution for any issues/questions, but mostly I follow her cues and we get a great night's sleep (2 quick feedings over 12h, and I BF, so I don't get out of bed).

  

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• jlawson23 member

  March 2016

  Thank you @ForeverEverAfterthat seems more doable. Feeling overwhelmed as a FTM with what seem like a ton of guidelines. 

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• cbolton19 member

  March 2016

  @jlawson23 I'm a ftm too and we co-sleep. I am just doing what feels right for us. I have asked my sister for advice. She co-slept with both of hers for a year and then put them in their beds. I dont think she has any regrets about not sleep training. 

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• vibarra27 member

  March 2016

  I think why people tell you is because it can be hard to transition later. My husbands aunty has co-slept with her son since birth, he will be 2 in July & her & her husband havent slept in the same bed since he was born. Now shes having difficulty getting him to sleep on his own.
  
  Do your thing if u feel that co-sleeping is what works for u then do it, dont listen to other people.
  
  With DD she never slept in the bed with us but she did sleep in the same room. When we bought our house with her own room it took a few months to get her to sleep in her own room. It's hard, not impossible but hard to do the transition later.
  
  People tell me to let my twins feed when they want because i have them on a feeding schedule. My ass would never sleep & i would never get amything done if they ate whenever. Because obviously they would be hungry@ different times. I'm happy & they're happy, they sleep 9-10 hours straight with out a feed. It works for us. & i always say, my kids, i do it my way because no-one takes care of my kids but me. Dont stress about it.

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• KYmama9286 member

  March 2016

  So I have 4 kids and we've done a sort of sleep training with all 4 and here is my advice and perspective- do what works for you and don't worry about what other people think. If you're comfortable with what you're currently doing, then do it. One thing to consider as PP said was to think about the routine as they get older. While it might not be as difficult with a younger infant, it could get trickier as they get older and need more of a routine or need to have much earlier bedtimes.
  
  We put a lot of importance on having alone time and date nights together without our kids. If our kids were super dependent on us to do a very specific routine to fall asleep at night, that could be very problematic for a babysitter. Kids need sleep and it's so important to realize that some crying can be a result of being overtired not because they need something or because they're upset. As moms we can use our mother's intuition to decipher their cries. We can tell if they're crying because they're hungry, upset, need a diaper change, or just plain tired. I often think about when I'm driving in the car and my baby starts crying do I immediately pullover and tend to her? No, that's just unrealistic. Oftentimes she will cry for 5 minutes and then fall asleep before we get to our destination. In my opinion, sleep training is not very different than that. 
  
  Overall, there's not one cut-and-dried solution for each child. Sleep training works wonderfully with three of our four, but my second daughter was very difficult. We did everything the exact same as we'd done with our other kids and she just did not want to sleep. Still to this day as a four-year-old I think she just needs less sleep. Just follow your gut, do what's comfortable and you'll figure it out.

  

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• KYmama9286 member

  March 2016

  I will also add that this is solely a personal experience but we did sleep train and our kids have a very short quick bedtime routine and go to sleep very easily even when we're not home. My sister has Co slept with all five of her children and she has a much longer bed time routine, it takes her and her husband about one to two hours each night to get all of her kids to bed. She doesn't seem to mind it, so it works for her family. I will say having babysat her kids it has been very tricky to try and get her younger children to go to sleep because I obviously can't nurse them like she does (she currently nurses her 2.5 year old and her 4 month old. She nursed all of her older kids until they self weaned at about 3.) I've also talked in depth with her about the weaning process and she said it was very difficult for them. She literally had to leave the house at that time every single night for over a week because her children would not fall asleep without nursing if she was in the house.
  
  And one last thing to consider with co-sleeping, is how this will affect your sex life with your husband. If the baby is always in the bed will that make it more difficult for you to have intimacy with your spouse? It may not and you may be comfortable being intimate and other areas of the house but that can also get tricky as you have more children and there are more curious kiddos around and it's harder to find privacy. Just some food for thought! 

  

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• KYmama9286 member

  March 2016

  Also remember, sleep training does not solely mean cry it out. There are so many different methods and so many different ways to do sleep training that maybe you can research and see if you could find one that feels more comfortable for your belief system and how you want to do things.
  
  Some of the more popular ones are Ferber method, No Cry sleep solution, the Sleep lady Shuffle and I know there are others but those are the ones my friends have had the most success with. Hth!

  

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• oceanlove13 member

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  I have a few thoughts.  I didn't sleep train my first right away because we were totally against any crying at night.  If he woke up at night we would rock him, nurse him, co sleep whatever it took for everyone to get sleep.  This worked for awhile..  Around the time he was a year, he was mobile, harder to rock, our arms would become sore at times from carrying him around because some nights he would resist sleep. He no longer wanted to lay still and sleep in our bed.  He needed boundaries.  Our sleep started deteriorating and he started crying in our arms when he was being rocked. Some nights crying for hours.  The struggle went on for a few months until he was 14 months and I was about to break.  I was 6 months pregnant..  I wasn't sleeping.  I was so frustrated and crying myself.   So we sleep trained, CIO. (Even though we were totally against this and my husband still was when I did it, he was on vacation so I did it by myself)  I put him in his crib awake one night and that was it.  He cried for 10 minutes and then slept through the night.  It actually was not a big deal.  He would cry longer previously when we were trying to rock him or get him to sleep in our bed.   Each night he cried less and no crying after 4 nights.   He's a great sleeper now.  Never cries at night or naps.  I have my evening freedom and get my needed sleep. It was the best thing I had done and I wondered why I hadn't done it sooner.  So fast forward to now... I co slept with my infant until he was three months.  He was sleeping great, but started nursing a lot in his sleep for comfort (5 times some nights) and was disrupting me at night. I transitioned him to his crib slowly over a month.  I didn't let him cry at all.  If he woke I would wait to respond at least 10-20 mins.  He would fuss a little and often go back to sleep.  Most of the time he was "actively sleeping" and didn't need me. If he started crying I would go get him, nurse him and put him back in the crib.  He started sleeping through the night at 4 months. Sometimes he wakes once to eat now.  I learned that sleep is important for everyone and the best sleep we get is when everyone is in their own bed, especially with multiples close in age.  I also learned it is important for a child to learn to sleep on their own and put themselves to sleep.  It helps if someone else needs to put the baby to sleep ( we didn't go out past 7 pm for 14 months with our first because he wouldn't sleep without is). It also makes for a smoother bedtime routine now with a 5 month old and 22 month old. 

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• tlc11934 member

  March 2016

  I did not sleep train any of my kids and they are different.  DD1 co-slept with us til she was 4 years old.  She's 7 now and requires a long routine of reading with her or laying with het until she is asleep.  She won't stay in her room alone or even go upstairs alone.  She shares a room with DD2 and is still scared.  DD2 is almost 5 years old.  She stays up later than DD1 and puts herself To bed.  She's not afraid and she is very independent.  Same parents, same house, same room.  DD3 seems to be more independent so far.  So the point is, sometimes no matter what you do things turn out different than you'd like.  And since your setup sounds great for you now, just go with it!

  

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• ElleMF728 member

  March 2016

  OP something you may find helpful would be to check out some threads on the attachment parenting board.  There are a lot of co-sleeping Mamas there and it may be beneficial for you to see what kind of sleep issues they are (or aren't) dealing with right now with their older babies and toddlers.  You can also ask if any of them regret not sleep training or what type of things they love vs. dislike about co-sleeping now that their children are older. 

  

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• booksandcleverness81 member

  March 2016

  Good suggestion @ElleMF728, I may do that too. We are transitioning to a crib and thinking about sleep training since he has to spend at least half the night co-sleeping to stay asleep right now and often won't go to sleep drowsy but wants to be nursed. We have a thing coming up that will keep hubs and I out during his bedtime for a week and my folks are visiting to sit for us, so I want him to be able to go to bed awake for them. I totally get what the OP is saying though. LO has always gone to sleep v. easily any time of night with the boob, so it's tempting to just stick with it- but I do want him to be able to sleep for babysitters and to have some time for DH and I, so we will hopefully have him sleeping better by himself soon. Not necessary for everyone but I think it's right for us!

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• irenejean member

  March 2016

  It is funny how people ask "When are you going to sleep train?". I get asked this by a couple people a lot, I'm not sure why? 
  
  Our LO goes to bed around 7:00, we read, put him in his Merlin sleepsuit, give him a binky and his lovey, turn on the sound machine, turn on the night-night music on his Scout toy, and leave the room. He puts himself to sleep within 15 minutes, and he usually only needs us to go back in if he's spit out his pacifier. Lately he wakes up at 4:00 and we just need to put his pacifier back in or change his diaper. I tell people this, and they still ask us when we're going to sleep train, but it really seems like he doesn't need it. Even when he wakes up, he doesn't really cry, I can hear him moving around his crib on the monitor.
  
  When LO outgrows his Merlin suit, we might have to do some sort of sleep training, and I'm not opposed to that. I'm not sure I can do CIO for a long time, but some sleep training books I've been reading suggest checking in after 10-15 minutes, that seems better to me. We'll just see how LO does. If all he needs is his pacifier as he is falling asleep and when he wakes up at 4:00, we might skip the sleep training and hope that he outgrows the pacifier and the 4:00am wake-up. If LO was not a good self-soother, we would consider sleep training, but we're doing great without it so far.

  
  
  
  
  

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