Need your opinions

ultratomato · March 2016

so I'm in a wedding April 16 this year. My friend knows all about this journey. Well I start ivf treatment next month. Now I'm nervous that it will be when her wedding day comes. Do I tell her now or wait to see what the date is of the retrieval and everything? Am I being selfish? I'm so worried she will be mad at me. DH said I need to tell her now and that I committed to her a year ago. I told him I didn't know where we would be with this process a year ago though. Help me!!!

Tulips29 · March 2016

I understand your concern. But I think you have to be honest with your friend so she doesn't feel blind sighted when the time comes and you give her a few days notice. I would just tell her hey this may be happening around the time of your wedding. I will do my best to be there, but I may have the retrieval the same day. I don't know how it works with IVF since I'm in my first cycle now, but when I did IUIs and I traveled a lot for work, my doctor told me they can manipulate the schedule by a day or two. I would ask your doc or nurse for an approximate schedule so you at least have an idea where you'll be around April 16. If it's a close friend, I hope she understands. You have to do what's right for you and this is important.

Starlight811 · March 2016

Put yourself in her shoes. I would let her know now out of respect and explain timelines. Unless you are willing to plan ivf another month. I also have a wedding coming up and I commited to that so I won't be doing IVF that month. Thats your personal decision and I hope your friend understands but at least telling her now will give her option to replace u or accept you may not be there. And GL on your IVf journey!

Drove2u · March 2016

Funny. I also have a wedding that day but I'm not in the party. I agree with everyone else. Just warn her that this may happen but you hope you will be there. I wouldn't skip the month. Your life changes are important too. I'm also not sure if I will make the wedding yet but this friend doesn't know what I'm going through. Rather than saying anything now I figured I would wait until I know for sure. Even if I do have the egg retrieval that day I think I will still go. At least for a little bit.

tvh1982 · March 2016

Hi!
I was in the same position last September. (Only with IUI)
My best friend, the groom, knew about me trying and was ok with me letting know at the last minute.
I did check with the bride, as grooms tend to stress less, but she understood too.
In the end I decided not to do another IUI and went over to IVF.
But I was glad I told both bride and groom and that they were happy to put me in their wedding even if I might not end up joining.
So tell her, that you really want to be there, but if it collapses with the ET, then you won't be there.
Do also tell your clinic about this day, as they might be able to postpone a day or two...they can do a lot with the hormones and medication!

ultratomato · March 2016

Thanks ladies I think I will schedule a lunch or dinner with her soon to discuss this. And I totally forgot to tell the dr cause I was consumed with appointments and medications and insurance on my mind

AandDM2014 · March 2016

@Drove2u Is this your first ER? It kinda sounds like it. I was the same way: I had been invited to a Halloween work lunch on the day of my ER and I thought, yeah, maybe I'll go after the procedure. Uh, yeah, no. That isn't a thing. If you're put under, you're going to be doing nothing the rest of the day. Maybe you'll be conscious enough to pick what you want to watch on tv, but you certainly won't want to go to a wedding!

sarahloveshubby · March 2016

I agree with everyone else, you should definitely speak with her, I'm sure she will understand. But if you leave it until last minute, that will really upset her and jeopardize your friendship.
Gl

vssbrm · March 2016

I agree tell her now! But - my ER was supposed to be a week earlier if we went with my natural cycle running, but my RE was going to be on vacation at that time, they extended my prior cycle by a week so that we did not have to delay a whole month. Are you on BCP now? I would call your nurse and see if doing an extra few days/ week if BCP is possible. That's what I would do, I would not want to miss my best friends wedding.

wifeinraleigh28 · March 2016

I agree with what everyone else said here, but I also just want to add: your IVF schedule comes first. This is a huge deal (!!!) and the timing has to be right. So definitely tell your friend and let her know that as long as your ER isn't the day before or the day of her wedding (I hear you're in a LOT of pain the day after ER), you will be there. *hugs*

ultratomato · March 2016

@vssbrm I'm on birth control just started last night will call my ivf nurse Monday morning to see what she says

vssbrm · March 2016

@ultratomato hopefully they can do it! I agree with the previous poster, if you are not able to extend your cycle, if the ER is right before the wedding be prepared to feel very uncomfortable. I over stimmed a bit - could not put button up pants on for about 5 days and could not walk straight for almost as many.

ultratomato · March 2016

I told her didn't want to do it over the phone but I just didn't want to wait a day longer. She seems to be ok and not mad and understands so we shall see how this cycle pans out and if I can extend it

tvh1982 · March 2016

Glad you've got that of your chest!
Our friends are often more understanding than we think even if they don't know what we really go through.

But remember to tell the clinic..here they don't do ER or ET on a Sunday, so they give us extra injections to stop ovulating to skip a day in case to avoid that Sunday.
So check if there is something for them to do so you can join in at the wedding .
But like @vssbrm said preferably not after ER, as you'll feel rough.

Drove2u · March 2016

lol yes this will be my first ER. I hear it is quite painful after and you're put under. I've been put under before for knee surgery etc and although I rested after I felt OK to do things. In fact I was ready to party. Haha I mean I could totally change after the actual ER and end up skipping the wedding but I've had to suck up a lot worse in my life unfortunately. I'll keep you guys posted. :-)

ultratomato · March 2016

So the nurse said they can delay it a week just take another week of BCP. I have to discuss this with the DH but I say what's one week so I think we should do it

vssbrm · March 2016

@ultratomato in the scheme of things, what's another week!? I'm glad it sounds like it is going to work out!

wifeinraleigh28 · March 2016

@ultratomato That is great! If 1 week delay allows you to be there for your friend on her wedding day, go for it!!

KLake42 · March 2016

I was going to suggest (before I saw your update) that you talk to your doctor or nurse about scheduling. They can do a lot to accommodate these sorts of things.

Personally, my next IVF got bumped a month out because I want to go on vacation in late April. I don't mind the delay in TTC, because I've learned that I *need* a break sometimes. I'm glad you'll be able to be there for your friend!

Want a personalized experience?

Need your opinions

Re: Need your opinions

Choose Another Board

Search Boards