Non baby friends

michellabanana · March 2016

So I vowed I wouldn't be one of those friends that are like "baby, baby, baby". I hardly ever bring up being pregnant around my friends or everything that goes with it. My shower is even on the same day as another friends bridal shower and I told my friends not to worry about it.

Well it's frustrating, because I only have like 11 weeks left, so I was trying to get everything done before I'm too far along, so I've been pretty busy. (Nursery, doctors appt, baby classes...etc)

Well it's annoying some of my friends (especially my bf). It's like I listen to all your problems, say nothing about what's going on with me, and am still getting slack! It's just a busy time!

I understand they are not in the same stage in life as me, but you think they would understand I have a life changing event about to happen!

Maybe I should talk about it more, so they can understand... But I figure they would just tune out lol.

lalala2004 · March 2016

So.... They're getting annoyed that you're busy? Forget having a baby, that's just adulthood! I can hardly ever manage to get together with friends...

michellabanana · March 2016

lalala2004 said:

So.... They're getting annoyed that you're busy? Forget having a baby, that's just adulthood! I can hardly ever manage to get together with friends...

Sadly, I was probably the same way before I got pregnant... Not realizing how it takes over your life lol

camillaandcarson · March 2016

When we had a baby a large majority of our friends didn't have kids. Now almost all are pregnant or have babies/young toddlers or both. It has been such a change. A great one really because everyone can hang out together, which makes getting together easier.

Pascal86 · March 2016

I'm about to turn 30, and I have exactly one friend who has a baby. So I don't feel bad about baby overloading my friends, I feel like we all had a lot longer than normal to go without dealing with any friends having babies, by the time we're all 30, they can put up with it. That being said, I don't have a lot to say about the situation to my non-baby friends. We mostly joke about hypothetical stupid baby names, and save my real baby talk for my mom and my prenatal workout groups.

kp90 · March 2016

My cousin is pretty much my best friend and has been since we were kids. We are very close even though I moved away we would still talk every day and visit when we can. When she found out I was pregnant its like this jealous switch triggered and I hardly heard from her. One day I finally just asked what her problem was and she said that since I'm going to be a mom I am going to change like all her other friends had after kids. So my response was "So you're going to stop being my friend just because I'm having a child?!" and it really upset me. We talked it out and are ok now but sometimes things still feel odd to me or maybe she doesn't like hearing all about my pregnancy so I try to limit that topic unless she brings it up. Unfortunately its a huge change and some friendships can't handle it... which is very sad to me.

jumpy57 · March 2016

@michellabanana you sound like an awesome person that does her best to be a good friend and want people to be happy, and your friends are acting like assholes.

I am also the first friend to have a baby, but everyone is 25-30 and taking it pretty well. I also try to limit baby talk and will respond to any questions or share if anything fun happens.

Maybe involving your friends a little more might help? Ask for an opinion on an outfit or something simple every now and then. My sister is throwing a bff coed baby shower. Probably 10 people, and mostly a normal gathering of food/yard games/drinking with a couple baby related activities, silly gifts, and cake. Maybe something like that might clue in your friends without overwhelming them?

vinerie · March 2016

I have a lot of non-baby friends. Like ANTI-baby friends. It wasn't their fave convo before I got pregnant and it isn't now. It is important to remember that baby stuff is pretty much only interesting to people who are having babies.

I think it's kind of a good thing, though. I am in love with this little guy, but I want to be well-rounded even after I become a mom. I know this isn't everyone's style, but it can be a good thing to have some friends that force you to talk about stuff beyond baby. The other day DH and I went out to dinner and made a rule: No talking about baby! It was hard, but we ended up having a great night and a great conversation. I think non-baby friends can provide that, too.

emsned · March 2016

I'm sorry your friends are being so rude. Having a baby is a huge life event and just as important as your friend who's getting married. It is something to celebrate and there is a lot of baby-talk that can be fun.
My best friend (who is also my cousin and was my maid of honor at my wedding) had a miscarriage a few years ago and the situation with her boyfriend at the time was really messed up, so that time in her life is a tough topic. She's the only person I censor myself around when it comes to baby stuff. I tell all my other friends everything because they are supportive when I need to vent and celebrate with me when I'm excited.

AdorkablePixie · March 2016

@kp90 That is such a shame. I am sorry she is acting that way. Yes, you are going to change you're going to have a kid. That doesn't mean you're going to change in a bad way or that you will no longer care about your friendship.

I was a little worried how my cousin (who is also a best friend) when I told her I was pregnant because she is 3-4 years younger than me and just not at that stage in her life. But she was SO excited I couldn't believe it.. which makes me happy because we are going to ask her to be the godmother/guardian.

AdorkablePixie · March 2016

I have a group of friends who have kids and a group of friends who don't have kids. Most of the ones without kids are a year or two younger than me. I don't usually talk baby stuff with them unless they ask about it. My relationship with them hasn't really changed, yet. I hope it doesn't once the baby is here. Like @vinerie, I want to be balanced. I'll have a baby, but I don't have to lose all my other friends.

laurenmdrn16 · March 2016

vinerie said:

I have a lot of non-baby friends. Like ANTI-baby friends. It wasn't their fave convo before I got pregnant and it isn't now. It is important to remember that baby stuff is pretty much only interesting to people who are having babies.

I think it's kind of a good thing, though. I am in love with this little guy, but I want to be well-rounded even after I become a mom. I know this isn't everyone's style, but it can be a good thing to have some friends that force you to talk about stuff beyond baby. The other day DH and I went out to dinner and made a rule: No talking about baby! It was hard, but we ended up having a great night and a great conversation. I think non-baby friends can provide that, too.

I completely agree with @vinerie. I have a large group of friends who are super anti-kids. They are mostly my friends from college who are pretty militant feminists who are not shy about expressing their disappointment that I am "giving into societal pressure to pair off and procreate". I just brush it off, but have noticed that the bigger I get and the closer to delivery, there is a slight split in the group. A few are holding firm and will ironically act like children and actually put their fingers in their ears if I even say the word "baby". But there have been a couple who will secretly gush with me about all the cute baby stuff and are super interested in my changing body. One has even marveled at how strong and goddess-like a pregnant body is. In fact, the woman we chose to be Luna's godmother is from this group. She used to be so anti-baby and still is child-free by choice, but when my son was born, she melted into a puddle of goo and is so excited I am having another one "for her". I even found out that she has been working very closely with my sisters to plan my baby shower. It is shocking to me to think what she was like 10 years ago to now, but people change I guess.

Anyways, I still like hanging out with my child-free friends because they force me to talk about other topics than baby poops and feeding schedules. I still love my mommy friends and do usually hang out with them more often, but it is nice to have a night out with my other friends.

kbrands7 · March 2016

We have some non-baby friends-- and siblings-- who we hangout with, but it was an adjustment for them to understand that we couldn't stay out really late anymore, or that I just wasn't interested in going out drinking while I was breastfeeding/generally wanted to be home for bedtime if we weren't able to take DS along. Or that, if DS couldn't come along, we needed notice to see if my parents could watch him rather than being able to just drop everything and go out. Some adjusted; others didn't.

kp90 · March 2016

AdorkablePixie said:

@kp90 That is such a shame. I am sorry she is acting that way. Yes, you are going to change you're going to have a kid. That doesn't mean you're going to change in a bad way or that you will no longer care about your friendship.
I was a little worried how my cousin (who is also a best friend) when I told her I was pregnant because she is 3-4 years younger than me and just not at that stage in her life. But she was SO excited I couldn't believe it.. which makes me happy because we are going to ask her to be the godmother/guardian.

Lucky for you! I had also planned on asking my cousin to be the godmother but since all that happened I have changed my mind

@adorkablepixie

okcountrygirl · March 2016

My husband and I felt like we were in a strange position for our first three years of marriage. All of a sudden our single friends stopped asking us to hangout so we tried to make some more married friends then they started having kids so only hung out with other couples that had kids and we're stuck in the middle like... Ok so what now? Lol. Since being pregnant we've gotten closer to the married with kids group and farther away from the others... I guess it's just easier to relate to people in the same boat as you.

NinnyJean · March 2016

We're the first in our familie and in our friend group to have a baby, so I'm kind of nervous how it will change things. Most of them are planning on having kids in the future so they're excited and like hearing baby related things, but it'll be different once she's here and planning get togethers becomes a lot more challenging

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