Planning Birth Month - Yes or No?

paintedtulips · March 2016

Back story: my husband have been NTNP for two months, then we tried, got pregnant, and had a miscarriage.

Our midwife cleared us to try again. But, I am unsure, since if we got pregnant this month, he/she would be a December baby, right around Christmas.

My question is, have you thought about the month, and skipped trying a month because of an undesirable birth date? Is a December, January, February, March birthday really so bad? I was really hoping for an April -> November birth date, but now I don't want to wait that long. I am not sure if I should be patient, or if I am overthinking this. Thoughts?

izza2 · March 2016

Nope nope nope. I'd be happy with any baby on any month and any day. The only reason I'm avoiding right now is due to how a newborn would work with my school schedule.

This will not likely be well received, considering so many women try for months to get pregnant with no success/IF, or sadly suffer from losses. They'd be happy with any baby at any time, as long as it's healthy.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · March 2016

paintedtulips said:

Back story: my husband have been NTNP for two months, then we tried, got pregnant, and had a miscarriage.

Our midwife cleared us to try again. But, I am unsure, since if we got pregnant this month, he/she would be a December baby, right around Christmas.

My question is, have you thought about the month, and skipped trying a month because of an undesirable birth date? Is a December, January, February, March birthday really so bad? I was really hoping for an April -> November birth date, but now I don't want to wait that long. I am not sure if I should be patient, or if I am overthinking this. Thoughts?

Just a warning, this post may not go over well here. A lot of the women on this board have been TTC for months, maybe even years and would take a baby any month they could have one. Generally I'd agree with that sentiment--I'd take a healthy baby whenever I could get one.

I just think you're overthinking it and if you start down that path, there will always be a reason to skip a month. Some people don't like summer birthdays, some might not want to be super pregnant summer and avoid an early fall date. I would caution against doing that. It's also really hard to time conception with an ideal birth month since conceiving isn't always easy. A healthy couple only has a 20 percent chance of conceiving in a given month. Something else to consider.

But, for what it's worth, my son's birthday is in January and there isn't any problem with that. So no, it's not really so bad. Just go for it!

OP, I am sorry for your loss. Another reason I would say, don't try to plan conception/birth.

QueenSunscreen · March 2016

Over thinking. This sort of topic isn't generally well-received here.

For most people in a first-world society, there's little need to plan around certain seasons. I'll be happy with a healthy pregnancy whenever it comes, birthday be damned. In fact, a pregnancy for me this month would have birth falling around thanksgiving and next month would mean Christmas, getting me out of holidays with my in laws...

sldp123 · March 2016

picklesplease · March 2016

I'm going to echo PP. That's a big negative. After the rocky last couple of days I've had, I'd take a baby anytime. I am willing to make the timing work because I so desperately want a baby.

This post might no go over well here. GL.

***TW: MC Mentioned (Not mine)***

Also, you might want to include a trigger warning in regards to your miscarriage.

Lulucooks · March 2016

Hahaha hahaha

No

CoonMom · March 2016

Like PP have said this won't go over well but I'll share my story.

I started TTC January 2015. In March 2015 I knew it would be a December due date and it wasn't my preferred month but I didn't care. I would/will be so happy no matter when I have a baby. I actually thought "This will be my birth month because it's not my ideal choice" but it didn't work. I have an early January birthday. I personally hate that my birthday is so close to Christmas but I live. I won't avoid because it's not ideal month.

*TW loss mentioned*

When I finally got pregnant after 10 months of trying I was due in August. That wasn't ideal because DH is extremely busy at work that month. However, it didn't matter. We'd make it work.

*end TW*

My point: Do what you want to do. Just remember your plan might not go as planned.

ChaoticWolf · March 2016

Nope.

Image: https://45.media.tumblr.com/d346e4d9f3697bda059a1e02f0a8ff00/tumblr_nn6al5srL41s7gnr1o1_400.gif

momstahp · March 2016

Read this question like

Image: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ODEAkXybGvk/UxdCqHArdaI/AAAAAAAAuZg/cgCCSXIchsE/s1600/MY+EYES.gif

*Sigh* just give me a baby, IDGAF what day they are born. You are way overthinking this.

LittleMissTimeLord · March 2016

paintedtulips said:

Back story: my husband have been NTNP for two months, then we tried, got pregnant, and had a miscarriage.

Our midwife cleared us to try again. But, I am unsure, since if we got pregnant this month, he/she would be a December baby, right around Christmas.

My question is, have you thought about the month, and skipped trying a month because of an undesirable birth date? Is a December, January, February, March birthday really so bad? I was really hoping for an April -> November birth date, but now I don't want to wait that long. I am not sure if I should be patient, or if I am overthinking this. Thoughts?

Oh I SURE have. In fact, I recently found a note on my phone from pre-TTC wherein I listed all the conception month and birth month pairs. I even had asterisks next to the best months to conceive so we could have our baby in months that were better for us. Months with minimal anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc.

And now, a year later, on month six of TTC, I want to punch Past Me in her stupid face.

Past Me is a stupid moron that thinks it's super easy to get pregnant. Current Me would like to tell Past Me that in the long run, none of that shit matters in the slightest. I would be happy to have a baby during our busiest family months. A baby with a Christmas birthday. A baby born on February 29th. I would just be happy to have a baby. The day the baby is not even remotely important.

So no, don't be patient. Go have some unprotected sex. Right now.

Because there's a very real possibility that TTC in general will test your patience and there's zero guarantee you'll get pregnant when you want to. As the saying goes "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

God lawled so hard at my phone note.

I wanted to get pregnant in November or December because it would've been perfect for Asshat Past Me's Life Calendar. And now? Now I just want to get pregnant. Period.

Neikoda · March 2016

**TW Mentioned**

Yeah I remember having that sentiment when we first started trying. Now two losses, a guaranteed high risk pregnancy if it happens and lots of medication later, I would be happy with any healthy child that I could carry to term seeing as even if I do get KU, a have a 20% chance of loss through the entire pregnancy.

Megzb510 · March 2016

@LittleMissTimeLord - omg love your post. I hate Past Me too. I totes thought I would be KU immediately and I wanted another August baby like DS.
Now 8 months later, on CD 48 of cycle 5, I just wanna be KTFU. Bring on the thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, valentines baby, IDGAF.

aammyy33 · March 2016

LoveIsOwlYouNeed said:
I just think you're overthinking it and if you start down that path, there will always be a reason to skip a month. Some people don't like summer birthdays, some might not want to be super pregnant summer and avoid an early fall date. I would caution against doing that. It's also really hard to time conception with an ideal birth month since conceiving isn't always easy. A healthy couple only has a 20 percent chance of conceiving in a given month. Something else to consider.

^^^^^^^^THIS! Before TTC I could play the Pro/Con game with any due date and of course did picture some months as being more "ideal" than others. But as PP have said it's not as easy as "have sex, count 38 weeks, have baby." It doesn't take very long to get in the mind frame of wanting a healthy baby: period due date: irrelevant.

For the record, I'm a February baby and I think I turned out pretty well and DH is a December baby and I find him delightful (for the most part). Also have never heard either of our parents complain about how undesirable and inconvenient our birthdays were, just gotta roll with it.

Image: https://i.giphy.com/tIHcjfGZA8WA.gif

Edit: some words and GIF location

Lecool · March 2016

What @LittleMissTimeLord said. This topic is brought up every once in a while, and is never received well, because all of us here just want a baby. Regardless of what it's birthday would be.

LadyMillil · March 2016

After 13 failed cycles and an IF diagnosis IDGAF what the due date is if it means I'm finally pregnant.

princesslockness · March 2016

I did and do still think about trying to plan the babies birthday/month. But here is the thing babies come when they are ready, or they need to come because health reasons.

****TW previous pregnancies and pregnancy issues********

In my BMB for L we had a lady have to have an emergency C section at 24w1d because she had severe eclampsia. Her little girl is still struggling at almost 1 yr later.
Another lady was due Aug. 21st, she didn't have her little boy until Sept. 2nd after 3 failed inductions.
I was due Aug. 7th. I developed eclampsia, had an undiagnosed IUGR and L was delivered via Emergency C section, after he turned breech in my induction, on Aug. 4th.

Even if you were to miraculously get KTFU exactly when you wanted, there are so many things that affect LO's birthday that its not even worth trying to time their birth.

BostonBaby1 · March 2016

virginiaham · March 2016

Does a December EDD mean I'd be pregnant?

Then I'll take one!

cabu14 · March 2016

I considered it for a second. The hubz has a Bday close to Christmas.. and he really isn't bothered by it. I am bothered more by it than him.. I make sure NO one uses christmas wrapping paper, make sure its never celebrated along with, etc.. so I absolutely know for sure I would always make my baby feel special no matter when their birthday is.. and it was silly to even consider. easy peasey decision. I would hate my self if I missed the opportunity.

MamaMunn · March 2016

Give me all the Christmas babies! That would be the best Christmas present ever in my book.

I just want a healthy baby anytime of the year OP. I would never consider preventing for a few months just because it might not be an ideal birthday. To me that seems a little selfish.

gardeniagirlknits · March 2016

Lulucooks said:

Hahaha hahaha

No

So Much of this.

My best friends Bday is a few days before Christmas. She's fine. A perfectly healthy, wildly successful In fact, young woman.

Also...
"you get what you get and you don't throw a fit". I used to teach pre school and I find that many adults should probably re do preschool. So many good life lessons...

gardeniagirlknits · March 2016

LittleMissTimeLord said:

paintedtulips said:

Back story: my husband have been NTNP for two months, then we tried, got pregnant, and had a miscarriage.

Our midwife cleared us to try again. But, I am unsure, since if we got pregnant this month, he/she would be a December baby, right around Christmas.

My question is, have you thought about the month, and skipped trying a month because of an undesirable birth date? Is a December, January, February, March birthday really so bad? I was really hoping for an April -> November birth date, but now I don't want to wait that long. I am not sure if I should be patient, or if I am overthinking this. Thoughts?

Oh I SURE have. In fact, I recently found a note on my phone from pre-TTC wherein I listed all the conception month and birth month pairs. I even had asterisks next to the best months to conceive so we could have our baby in months that were better for us. Months with minimal anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc.

And now, a year later, on month six of TTC, I want to punch Past Me in her stupid face.

Past Me is a stupid moron that thinks it's super easy to get pregnant. Current Me would like to tell Past Me that in the long run, none of that shit matters in the slightest. I would be happy to have a baby during our busiest family months. A baby with a Christmas birthday. A baby born on February 29th. I would just be happy to have a baby. The day the baby is not even remotely important.

So no, don't be patient. Go have some unprotected sex. Right now.

Because there's a very real possibility that TTC in general will test your patience and there's zero guarantee you'll get pregnant when you want to. As the saying goes "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

God lawled so hard at my phone note.

I wanted to get pregnant in November or December because it would've been perfect for Asshat Past Me's Life Calendar. And now? Now I just want to get pregnant. Period.

***QBF***
Bahahhahahhaha wait... Are you and I the same people?! I had this same thing in my phone once upon a time. It has been replaced with REs in my area and adoption agency info.

rkstro2 · March 2016

Lol to all of this. CD1 for me today...if we get lucky enough this cycle (our 10th cycle) it will be a Christmas baby!!!! Bring it on!!!

houseofsetters · March 2016

I'll join in the chorus of IDGAF when it happens, as long as it happens!! As we start IF testing, and my hopes of getting a BFP are at an all-time low, I just want to be a mom. Any day of the week, any month of the year.

MamaCoffin · March 2016

Loss mentioned...

I'm supposed to be having a baby in June. Except now I'm not even pregnant. I'm 4 months post d&c and 2 cycles into this trying thing. I just want a baby growing back in my uterus. I dgaf when its due.

ETA: I get that it's a legitimate question for someone who is completely naive to the ttc world.... But you didn't study your audience. You might as well have walked into a room of starving children and said "hmm.... Should I eat this slice of chocolate cake now, or later".

MonaLisaRalphio · March 2016

Kay6519 · March 2016

*loss mentioned*

Who cares when it's born. Even if you "plan" the birth month, babies are born premature all the time! My cousin was pregnant with twins last year. She was due in August as "planned" for her month preference. Guess what? She went into labor early and gave birth in May. Unfortunately one twin didn't survive such a premature birth.

Pregnancy doesn't happen in accordance with the plans of mankind. We can hope to plan the month we will have a baby or plan how many and how far apart. But in reality it is just wishful thinking.

itsmehere1212 · March 2016

***TW Loss Mentioned***

I want a baby. We are coming up on a year since starting ttc. We should have had a baby in February, but didn't. We never thought to try for a specific month, because you never know. We held off starting ttc for five months because I was in a wedding. I'm still mad we waited. Our baby can arrive on any day he or she wants. Even Christmas. I don't think Jesus will mind sharing the day, so I won't either.
I just want a baby.

penelope4612 · March 2016

*TW loss mentioned*

I'm a planner. I wanted a baby in late spring/early summer. What a nice time to be on maternity leave! And it would be great timing with my job. We started TTC in the fall and figure that even if it took a few months we'd still get a summer baby. We got pregnant right away. A May baby. Perfect.

Except the pregnancy ended up being ectopic and I had to get methotrexate and then wait 3 months to TTC. Goodbye summer baby. And then, right as we were getting ready to TTC again, we found out that I had a high TSH and I needed to be put on thyroid meds. Goodbye, fall baby. These days, I will happily take that Dec/Jan/Feb baby if I get one. But I also know that I'm at higher risk for another ectopic now, and I could easily end up pushed back 3 more months if I get pregnant and have another ectopic pregnancy.

And FWIW, there was no way we would have ever thought we'd have an ectopic. I have none of the risk factors.

So, priorities change. But with that said, the world won't be over if you wait a month to start TTC again. I avoided TTC last month because we were going on vacation and between the risk of Zika and the risk of being pregnant with an ectopic on an island, it wasn't right for me. You do you.

Mlight28 · March 2016

It really hurts my heart to see a sad face emoji about a December baby. I would be absolutely ecstatic about a December baby, or any baby.

Everycol0r · March 2016

atcwag · March 2016

I'll bite on this one OP -
I have an interesting work situation. I work 60 hrs/week on average for 1/2 the year and then 30 on average the rest. There is talk about bumping our summer hours down to 16. We haven't hit the time in this TTC cycle where we need to make a decision yet, but there would have to be a discussion between DH and myself if we hit a window where I would give birth, say, in June. It would really, really suck to use my entire maternity leave over the summer when I work much, much less (potentially only 2 days starting this year). With that said, I would never TTA based on having a "holiday baby", same month as "X" person's birthday, etc.

Everycol0r · March 2016

atcwag said:

I'll bite on this one OP -
I have an interesting work situation. I work 60 hrs/week on average for 1/2 the year and then 30 on average the rest. There is talk about bumping our summer hours down to 16. We haven't hit the time in this TTC cycle where we need to make a decision yet, but there would have to be a discussion between DH and myself if we hit a window where I would give birth, say, in June. It would really, really suck to use my entire maternity leave over the summer when I work much, much less (potentially only 2 days starting this year). With that said, I would never TTA based on having a "holiday baby", same month as "X" person's birthday, etc.

If your maternity leave is FMLA, you can use that whenever you want. Just so you know. You can go back to work and then take the 12 weeks off later.

DiFazette · March 2016

TW*** PG with DS

Oh em gee... So much. When my son and I were on the verge of death and were being carted to the OR and i remembered it was TAX DAY... I was like F this noise. We decided to keep him in and risk lives so he could be the specialist snowflake in all the land.

No, we didn't. Because you are not in control. You aren't in control of when you get KTFU or none of us would be here to read this, and your certainly not in control of when your child is born.

Good luck to you, but I wouldn't wait for this reason. But, if you get what we're all trying to say here and it resonates, feel free to stick around, lurk and participate in our daily threads. You'll be happy you did

Everycol0r · March 2016

DiFazette said:

TW*** PG with DS

Oh em gee... So much. When my son and I were on the verge of death and were being carted to the OR and i remembered it was TAX DAY... I was like F this noise. We decided to keep him in and risk lives so he could be the specialist snowflake in all the land.

No, we didn't. Because you are not in control. You aren't in control of when you get KTFU or none of us would be here to read this, and your certainly not in control of when your child is born.

Good luck to you, but I wouldn't wait for this reason. But, if you get what we're all trying to say here and it resonates, feel free to stick around, lurk and participate in our daily threads. You'll be happy you did

whiska · March 2016

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

I think it's okay to acknowledge or muse over perfect expected due dates. It's so fun when you're early in the process to create this "4th trimester" fantasy life. In my case it was a bad idea to fixate on that fantasy however, because now it's March and when we started all this I had starry eyes about getting pregnant right away and welcoming a March baby.

Anyway, even after starting the whole infertility workup today DH and I were still talking about how much Christmas birthdays suck... but think about it this way-- it's December 26th and you have a healthy newborn in your arms. *Is this something you want?* I certainly do, as well as basically every woman here. You said "I don't want to wait that long", so my advice is: don't. Good luck!

LittleMissTimeLord · March 2016

And FWIW, I'm a summer baby and I'm still pretty messed up.

NurseMarie9 · March 2016

I was a December baby. I don't think my birthdate is undesirable at all. My December birthday is fine and just as good as any other person's birthday in any other month. If I get KU this cycle, I'll have a December baby and I'd take it! Me, my baby and Jesus would have to share a birthday month...awesome! I am only on my 3rd cycle, but...any baby, any month, I'll take one.

FloridaStanley · March 2016

Um. I was supposed to have a March baby, but he was born January 6.
Even if you plan on waiting to ttc, you can't plan it all.

MelissaM090 · March 2016

I'm doing the exact opposite. I'm totally justifying why every month would be a GREAT month for a newborn. Right now I'm all 'December! Festive! Cozy! Tiny little Christmas sleepers!'

So, no.

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