I don't like my Snoogle. In fact, I only use occasionally it to prop myself up when reading or something. It's not comfortable to sleep with. Maybe I'll go back to it in the final 2 months of pregnancy..otherwise waste of 60 bucks!
I agree. My pug, however, thinks we're crazy for not appreciating the power of the snoogle.
It looks like you have a baby harp seal in there!! Too cute!
My UO (which I really hope isn't an UO on this board) is that I hate all the heteronormative husband-bashing that comes along with pregnancy!
"Men react to babies like this..." "They don't feel like fathers til baby's born..." "Men are clueless about babies..." "Men haven't wanted kids as long as the ladies have..."
It makes me so darn mad.
The worst culprit is the nurse who runs our prenatal class--last night she actually said that the men in the room wouldn't understand their partners after they'd given birth and wouldn't understand post-partum depression or the baby blues because they haven't been looking forward to having a baby their whole lives like all the wimmin have, because they hadn't been playing with dollies and "playing house" since they were little, and so they didn't realize the expectations and hopes that the moms in the room were having that might be different from the reality and thus contribute to PPD.
Say what? Ugh. So many assumptions, so little time! If these are the low expectations we have of men, then no wonder we're still fighting for equal pay.
My UO is boobs. To be more specific, uncovered breastfeeding boobs.
I breastfeed, I totally agree it is a woman's prerogative to feed her baby however she wants, in any state of undress. But boobs in public make me uncomfortable. I don't like seeing myself breastfeed let alone a stranger.
I love you for posting this. I actually showed this to DH when I found it awhile back and he was floored people actually acted like that. I have a feeling if anyone ever says anything to me and he's around he will probably get a little ragey. It's actually a 'touchy' subject for him bc he just found out not too long ago he wasn't breastfed bc his own dad (father of the year... ) would get upset bc he 'didn't like it' and was got jealous about it.
TBO I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid I'll be alone somewhere and have to breastfeed and someone will come up to me like these people and make a scene. And then what do you do...it's not like you can just walk away. I feel like I want to have a canned response ready.
This happened to me. It was horrible. I had had so many problems with my latch and BFing in general, but brought pumped milk in bottles for a trip to the mall. Of course, I forgot nipples for the bottles! Here I was, in the mall right before Christmas with a screaming starving baby halfway through gift shopping. Someone even commented "Feed that baby!" while bustling past me as I frantically dug for a nipple. Have I mentioned I love Bostonians? So friendly (sarcastic guffaw).
I found an out of the way bench and got my son all ready, found a big stroller blanket to cover us and tried to get out my boob as stealthily as possible. I was a fumbling bumbling mess and some guy said "Ew, I can totally see your nip." I was horrified so I fled to the nearest bathroom. I tried to adjust while straddling the toilet. Of course it was super busy and within minutes a woman was banging loudly on the stall door. I was so frazzled and my poor son was so hungry and I felt like such a failure. I shuffled out of the stall and the woman saw me and heaved a huge sigh, rolled her eyes and said "Are you kidding? Just give the kid a freaking bottle!" I stood awkwardly by the sink, partially exposed and tears streaming down my face.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see an older woman smiling kindly at me who said "I wouldn't eat in here, would you?" and led me gently out to a couch smack dab in the middle of the mall. She had me sit down, unfolded her scarf and held it over me while I manipulated my breast and got my son to latch. She coached me through and explained that she was a retired nurse who had worked in maternity her whole career. Finally, MH had arrived because I had texted him frantically to come and save me. I tried to get the woman's name or number to thank her and sent MH to get her a coffee or something, but she refused and just headed off.
I have no idea what exactly I will say this time, but I learned there is no shame in feeding your child. I will just be calm and serene and hopefully will be able to pass on the kindness of that guardian angel to another struggling mama someday.
I don't like my Snoogle. In fact, I only use occasionally it to prop myself up when reading or something. It's not comfortable to sleep with. Maybe I'll go back to it in the final 2 months of pregnancy..otherwise waste of 60 bucks!
I agree. My pug, however, thinks we're crazy for not appreciating the power of the snoogle.
OMG.. The cuteness. Maybe I'll 'donate' my snoogle to my dog...if she doesn't like sleeping on it, she'll enjoy ripping it up.
@laurenmdrn16 OMG, your story almost just made me cry. That is ridiculous. I simply cannot understand in any way why people feel the need to say something to breastfeeding mothers. There is no excuse, end of story. If people don't like it, don't look at. There is no need to be offended, because nothing offensive is happening. If they are worried about their children seeing it and being scandalized, all they need to do is have a simple conversation with their children about how babies are fed. This story is especially meaningful because you always hear about people saying "Just do it in the bathroom." Clearly that didn't work for you either! So glad the retired nurse found you, what an angel!
My UO is boobs. To be more specific, uncovered breastfeeding boobs.
I breastfeed, I totally agree it is a woman's prerogative to feed her baby however she wants, in any state of undress. But boobs in public make me uncomfortable. I don't like seeing myself breastfeed let alone a stranger.
I love you for posting this. I actually showed this to DH when I found it awhile back and he was floored people actually acted like that. I have a feeling if anyone ever says anything to me and he's around he will probably get a little ragey. It's actually a 'touchy' subject for him bc he just found out not too long ago he wasn't breastfed bc his own dad (father of the year... ) would get upset bc he 'didn't like it' and was got jealous about it.
TBO I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid I'll be alone somewhere and have to breastfeed and someone will come up to me like these people and make a scene. And then what do you do...it's not like you can just walk away. I feel like I want to have a canned response ready.
I don't know if it will alleviate your fears but I never had a problem with my first. If anyone was bothered I never knew. Now this was in a fairly liberal hippy college town, where I no longer live, so I'm a bit more nervous this time. But I've already decided I will be a raging you know what if anyone says boo to me. I like to use a light muslin Swaddle to cover but not always, just depends. And if they say anything while I'm covered I'm soooooooo taking it off, because that is my legal right. There are too many other things to deal with rather than having to worry about other people's issues with a normal, appropriate activity.
I love you for posting this. I actually showed this to DH when I found it awhile back and he was floored people actually acted like that. I have a feeling if anyone ever says anything to me and he's around he will probably get a little ragey. It's actually a 'touchy' subject for him bc he just found out not too long ago he wasn't breastfed bc his own dad (father of the year... ) would get upset bc he 'didn't like it' and was got jealous about it.
Wooow! Father of the year, clearly! I can't even imagine a grown man being jealous of HIS BABY! I think DH would be upset if I didn't at least try to breastfeed our son.
"Men react to babies like this..." "They don't feel like fathers til baby's born..." "Men are clueless about babies..." "Men haven't wanted kids as long as the ladies have..."
YES
I was -- and still am -- the partner in this relationship who didn't really want kids. My husband did. He talked me into it. He is already way more attached to this tiny alien parasite than I am.
Me, I would have been totally happy with dogs forever. Still would be, to be honest.
My UO (which I really hope isn't an UO on this board) is that I hate all the heteronormative husband-bashing that comes along with pregnancy!
"Men react to babies like this..." "They don't feel like fathers til baby's born..." "Men are clueless about babies..." "Men haven't wanted kids as long as the ladies have..."
It makes me so darn mad.
The worst culprit is the nurse who runs our prenatal class--last night she actually said that the men in the room wouldn't understand their partners after they'd given birth and wouldn't understand post-partum depression or the baby blues because they haven't been looking forward to having a baby their whole lives like all the wimmin have, because they hadn't been playing with dollies and "playing house" since they were little, and so they didn't realize the expectations and hopes that the moms in the room were having that might be different from the reality and thus contribute to PPD.
Say what? Ugh. So many assumptions, so little time! If these are the low expectations we have of men, then no wonder we're still fighting for equal pay.
Yes! Or all those little "dad proof!" labels on things like swaddle blankets. Or when people ask a father if he's "babysitting" his kids? - drives me nuts.
My UO (get ready to flame away) is IDGAF about global warming. I'm aware of how ignorant I am to it but I am just not passionate about it. But i have to say, i did enjoy reading all these posts. I recycle tho!
I suck at cooking and I think it's because all the men in my family have always been the cooks and I never learned. I did however marry a very patient man who teaches me sometimes and I at least enjoy hanging out with him in the kitchen while he cooks. And then I clean up afterwards.
I would beat some a$$ if someone told me BF my child was disgusting. Don't look. And I'm fairly prudish too. God love that woman for helping out!
My personal UO is that I'm not into music. I listen to whatever's on the radio but it doesn't speak to me like it does other people. I envy that.
Sorry for the book...its rare I can actually post on here with the app so sometimes I get carried away lol
Looks like it's not an UO much here but I also hate the BFing shaming that goes on. I am fairly certain this is another thing that I won't have to go through. I see a lot of ladies here in NZ openly Breastfeeding with no negative flack from people. I was actually at the mall recently and I sat down on a bench for a moment and a lady sat next to me, started to BF with no cover and started a conversation. I didn't think much of it at first then I thought to myself " I'm surprised no one has made a face or comment" i was talking to my Gp about it and she said that she has heard and thinks that it's mostly a USA thing. It's funny how double standard it is. Your ass and boobs hang out but it's ok cause that's your outfit, but feed your baby?!?!? How dare you!!!! It's such a natural thing. Get over it and mind your own business people!
My plan if a guy ever says something about how breastfeeding is disgusting is to ask if he's ever peed in public (which most men have)- also a natural bodily function that involves whipping out something that's usually covered up. Can't really judge me if he's done it, too.
Looks like it's not an UO much here but I also hate the BFing shaming that goes on. I am fairly certain this is another thing that I won't have to go through. I see a lot of ladies here in NZ openly Breastfeeding with no negative flack from people. I was actually at the mall recently and I sat down on a bench for a moment and a lady sat next to me, started to BF with no cover and started a conversation. I didn't think much of it at first then I thought to myself " I'm surprised no one has made a face or comment" i was talking to my Gp about it and she said that she has heard and thinks that it's mostly a USA thing. It's funny how double standard it is. Your ass and boobs hang out but it's ok cause that's your outfit, but feed your baby?!?!? How dare you!!!! It's such a natural thing. Get over it and mind your own business people!
exactly this! I do know we (in NZ) have the occasional person who gets shamed, but the shamer gets slamed pretty fast here. On the weekend I went to a local event, was like a big gala day in the local domain. A couple of women were sitting down in the middle of the field BFing, and I thought it was awsome! With my first child I actually had comments to the opposite - as in "your fine to BF here don't hesitate" - as soon as they saw I had an infant. I love NZ lol
Angel baby June 2013, DD born 22 April 2014, BFP 10 Sept 2015 - Due 22 May 2016
"Men react to babies like this..." "They don't feel like fathers til baby's born..." "Men are clueless about babies..." "Men haven't wanted kids as long as the ladies have..."
YES
I was -- and still am -- the partner in this relationship who didn't really want kids. My husband did. He talked me into it. He is already way more attached to this tiny alien parasite than I am.
Me, I would have been totally happy with dogs forever. Still would be, to be honest.
This. I wasn't ready for kids when I discovered I was pregnant. I know that "nobody's ever ready" (I swear to God I will throat punch the next person who says that), but I never wanted them to begin with. Not knocking people who do, but I was never one of those people who dreamed about being a mom someday or anything like that...it just didn't seem like the right path for me. Our plan was to remain child free, and just be an awesome aunt/uncle to my nieces and nephews. And then DH and I spent a weekend with some relatives, two of whom had recently had babies, and it was right after that when he said he'd changed his mind and started saying that he wanted kids after all. I told him that I'd think about it, but I wasn't on the bandwagon yet and that I really liked our life the way it is anyway.
Then the birth control failed (I was on the Nuvaring, so it's not like he messed with it or anything), and about a month after that weekend with the relatives, I realized that I couldn't deny the symptoms any more and finally bought a pregnancy test. I tried to be happy about it, but I was more upset than anything else. I was miserable and sick with HG and I had to quit my dream job and DH was just so goddamn happy about it all. I never blamed LO for any of it, but for those first four-five months, I really, really resented DH.
Things slowly got a little better as the morning sickness became less intense and I was able to see more than just a confusing blob on the ultrasound, and then found out the sex and we settled on a name, and as I began to feel her move more and more, I've actually begun to feel a bond with my daughter. I've accepted that this is the way my life is going, and I've thrown myself fully into "mom" mode - I've researched and read tons of books and obsessed over nursery stuff and birth plans and breastfeeding and all that jazz. I've even reached a point where I think we will try for a second someday, because I grew up with a sibling and I'd like my daughter to have that same experience.
There's no point in stressing myself over it anymore, so I've let go of most of the negative feelings I initially had over it all. But that being said, I'd be lying if I said I didn't still feel a bit of resentment every now and then.
Everyone at work is obsessed with "Hello" by Adele and I hate that song. As far as I can tell, it's about how she broke someone's heart and years later is harassing someone who obviously doesn't want to talk to her in order to "apologize".
Sorry, but when someone breaks my heart they are dead to me and I don't want anything to do with them ever again. And calling someone 1000 times is stalking! The whole song just creeps me out. Leave the poor guy alone.
It's about her talking to her old self that was going through a hard breakup (her album 21) and a dark period in her life. So essentially she's singing to her old self now that she's in a better place.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
My UO is that it rubs me the wrong way when I get mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. [DH's first and last name]. First of all, my last name is a hyphenated combination of my maiden name and DH's last name. Second, it's like, "Hello! I have my own first name, too!" I don't go around calling myself Mrs. DH! I know it's traditionally appropriate to address formal correspondence that way, but it really irks me. I think it would still bother me just as much, even if I had taken DH's last name.
I take more offense when someone gets my first name wrong. As a Lauren I've been called Laura, Laurie etc. Before the holidays we had DH's department over for drinks and one of them wrote us a lovely thank you note, except he called me Laura. Although at preschool I don't always remember the parents names so I'll call them "so and so's mom" which I guess might be equally annoying to someone.
Kinda the same... but I hate when people misspell my name. My name is Melissa. Easy spelling. My boss, who I have worked for 5 years now, has spelled it every way under the sun. Learn how to spell it already!! She once somehow spelled it with dollar signs. It was something like Melli$a. Not sure how she did that, but I felt like a rock star!
I get called Daniel even though it is spelled Danielle. They call me Daniel even when I'm standing in front of them and they see I'm a girl.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
My UO is I am still not used to and dislike American-style iced tea drinks. The two places I'm from (Europe, Canada) have a sweeter iced tea with various flavous like peach or passion fruit that taste saturated with flavour. And here in the US, I always forget that iced tea is literally just iced tea. And then I order it and taste it and am like "Damn, I forgot. Why? Why, America!?"
It's probably because you don't live in the south! (Excluding FL because we all know, FL is not part of the south, just a bunch of old people)
We love sweet iced tea! Berries, peaches, etc! Bring them on
I grow different kinds of mint in the summer time and put it in my sweet tea. It's AMAZING. I do agree that it's a Southern thing.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
My UO: Every once in a while I see this going around FB, basically an image with text on it that says something about "Depression and anxiety aren't a sign of weakness, they're a sign of being strong for too long (etc.)".
Well, as a person with depression and anxiety, that just makes me want to punch people. I realize that it is meant to be supportive, but to me it just comes off as extremely condescending. ALSO, eff that "strong for too long" noise. Bad things happen, and I think it's pretty normal to go through a bout of depression or anxiety when they do, or longer than just a bout. Or you can be like me and have a chemical imbalance - I'm on medication, I do talk therapy when I need to / can afford to, but there are still bad days, and they have nothing to do with exhausting my strength.
That being said, I know that some people may find these messages supportive, but dear sweet zombie jesus I hate them so much.
2nd UO: I hate it when people are looked down on for having low earning jobs, like fast food workers, and waitstaff, and whatever else. It enrages me. If you don't think it's hard work being on your feet all day and dealing with people being dickwads to you about things that you have no control over, then I suggest trying it and seeing how you feel. That's not to say everyone gets a free pass, because obviously sometimes the workers are dickwads themselves.
(This may have been brought on from seeing one of those lists of things people write on receipts, where one had "get a real job" written in the tip line... well jackass, if they got a real job, you wouldn't be able to have a nice night out with people serving you food because they would all have "real" jobs. I will hit you with a brick.)
My UO is boobs. To be more specific, uncovered breastfeeding boobs.
I breastfeed, I totally agree it is a woman's prerogative to feed her baby however she wants, in any state of undress. But boobs in public make me uncomfortable. I don't like seeing myself breastfeed let alone a stranger.
I'm a prude.
I'm with you. I BF DD1 and plan to BF DD2. I always went to the car or went to a secluded area where I knew no one else was in public (at home it was a boobie free for all). 2 weeks ago DH and I were at a consignment sale and the women behind us and the women in front of us just whipped their boob completely out and stuck their toddler on it. That's fine but there was no covering whatsoever. DH was very supportive of my BFing and he was really uncomfortable with all the boobs out around him. haha
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
My UO is boobs. To be more specific, uncovered breastfeeding boobs.
I breastfeed, I totally agree it is a woman's prerogative to feed her baby however she wants, in any state of undress. But boobs in public make me uncomfortable. I don't like seeing myself breastfeed let alone a stranger.
I will say to the video that first, the people who said anything to the BFing mom sounded like actors. Second, she was covered for the most part while BFing whereas my above comment was more towards women who have their shirt completely pulled down with full boob out without any discreetness.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
My UO is boobs. To be more specific, uncovered breastfeeding boobs.
I breastfeed, I totally agree it is a woman's prerogative to feed her baby however she wants, in any state of undress. But boobs in public make me uncomfortable. I don't like seeing myself breastfeed let alone a stranger.
I love you for posting this. I actually showed this to DH when I found it awhile back and he was floored people actually acted like that. I have a feeling if anyone ever says anything to me and he's around he will probably get a little ragey. It's actually a 'touchy' subject for him bc he just found out not too long ago he wasn't breastfed bc his own dad (father of the year... ) would get upset bc he 'didn't like it' and was got jealous about it.
TBO I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid I'll be alone somewhere and have to breastfeed and someone will come up to me like these people and make a scene. And then what do you do...it's not like you can just walk away. I feel like I want to have a canned response ready.
F%&$ off. You can cuss until they're closer to toddlerhood
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Since we are talking breastfeeding, is there any other moms out there that know they are formula feeding? I formula fed my daughter and plan to do the same with my second.
My UO (which I really hope isn't an UO on this board) is that I hate all the heteronormative husband-bashing that comes along with pregnancy!
"Men react to babies like this..." "They don't feel like fathers til baby's born..." "Men are clueless about babies..." "Men haven't wanted kids as long as the ladies have..."
It makes me so darn mad.
The worst culprit is the nurse who runs our prenatal class--last night she actually said that the men in the room wouldn't understand their partners after they'd given birth and wouldn't understand post-partum depression or the baby blues because they haven't been looking forward to having a baby their whole lives like all the wimmin have, because they hadn't been playing with dollies and "playing house" since they were little, and so they didn't realize the expectations and hopes that the moms in the room were having that might be different from the reality and thus contribute to PPD.
Say what? Ugh. So many assumptions, so little time! If these are the low expectations we have of men, then no wonder we're still fighting for equal pay.
All of those things were true for my DH with DD1. Not so much now with DD2 though. Anytime I've said it on here as advice is bc I've experienced it firsthand. That, and most of the other moms I am friends with experienced this as well. I say these things on here (The Bump) so FTM's understand it is a real possibility their SO's won't understand and can be clueless, etc.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
My UO is boobs. To be more specific, uncovered breastfeeding boobs.
I breastfeed, I totally agree it is a woman's prerogative to feed her baby however she wants, in any state of undress. But boobs in public make me uncomfortable. I don't like seeing myself breastfeed let alone a stranger.
I love you for posting this. I actually showed this to DH when I found it awhile back and he was floored people actually acted like that. I have a feeling if anyone ever says anything to me and he's around he will probably get a little ragey. It's actually a 'touchy' subject for him bc he just found out not too long ago he wasn't breastfed bc his own dad (father of the year... ) would get upset bc he 'didn't like it' and was got jealous about it.
TBO I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid I'll be alone somewhere and have to breastfeed and someone will come up to me like these people and make a scene. And then what do you do...it's not like you can just walk away. I feel like I want to have a canned response ready.
F%&$ off. You can cuss until they're closer to toddlerhood
What she said! I'm already planning my responses in my head. I've decided that when some a$$wipe wants to say something about me about breastfeeding in public that mama bear will come out and cut them down to size verbally.
Since we are talking breastfeeding, is there any other moms out there that know they are formula feeding? I formula fed my daughter and plan to do the same with my second.
I'm trying to stay positive but I just had a breast reduction and lift a month before I got pg (yeah I know I'm a dumbass). So I may very well not be able to BF this one. I am planning for both but hoping for BFing. Either way, I don't look down on formula feeding. I look down on not feeding your child period.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Since we are talking breastfeeding, is there any other moms out there that know they are formula feeding? I formula fed my daughter and plan to do the same with my second.
I don't know I'm going to formula feed, but if I'm being honest, I think there's a pretty good chance I will end up there.
I'm going to give breastfeeding a fair shot, but my threshold for how much pain and inconvenience I'm willing to tolerate in service of that particular crusade is really low. If it doesn't go smoothly, I'm gonna peace out pretty early on. I am not up for battling bloody nipples or mastitis or whatever else. All that stuff gets a great big "PASS" from me.
2nd UO: I hate it when people are looked down on for having low earning jobs, like fast food workers, and waitstaff, and whatever else. It enrages me. If you don't think it's hard work being on your feet all day and dealing with people being dickwads to you about things that you have no control over, then I suggest trying it and seeing how you feel. That's not to say everyone gets a free pass, because obviously sometimes the workers are dickwads themselves.
So much this! I was a bagger at a grocery store in high school and then a cashier into my first year of college. One time when I was bagging, a lady called me a spoiled brat because I didn't help her put her groceries on the turn table. Are you F'ING kidding me! I am 16 years old, making minimum wage, working as a bagger to have enough money to pay for my own phone and car insurance and whatever else I needed while traveling to and from running start, and you are going to call ME the spoiled brat! I was livid! Some people are just miserable assholes and need to be put in their place one day.
TTC#1 January 2013, BFP 7/4/13 MC 8/7/13 D&C 8/22/13
BFP 5/20/14 CP 5/26/14
BFP 12/6/14 DD Born an Angel on 7/17/15 at 35 weeks
TBO I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid I'll be alone somewhere and have to breastfeed and someone will come up to me like these people and make a scene. And then what do you do...it's not like you can just walk away. I feel like I want to have a canned response ready.
F%&$ off. You can cuss until they're closer to toddlerhood
What she said! I'm already planning my responses in my head. I've decided that when some a$$wipe wants to say something about me about breastfeeding in public that mama bear will come out and cut them down to size verbally.
Haha. Honestly, the response in my head NOW is definitely along these lines. I guess I'm more afraid that I'll freeze up when I'm actually vulnerable in the situation. Which is not my usual MO - in general I'm a take-no-shit kind of girl, but there have been a few times during my pregnancy when I've been in situations where I should have just told someone where to do and I just kinda froze instead. I just added those instances to the "weird things that pregnancy is doing to me" list and moved on, but I hope it doesn't last PP.
Since we are talking breastfeeding, is there any other moms out there that know they are formula feeding? I formula fed my daughter and plan to do the same with my second.
I may. I had a really difficulty time of it with my first and ended up exclusively pumping for 6 months! I am going to be a lot easier on myself this time, I will what I can for as long as I can, but I'm not going to be anywhere near as hard on myself as I was the first time around.
Since we are talking breastfeeding, is there any other moms out there that know they are formula feeding? I formula fed my daughter and plan to do the same with my second.
I plan to go directly to formula feeding this time. It was so hard for me last time and was further complicated by the fact that DD had severe reflux and a milk protein allergy. It took a while to figure all of that out and we struggled constantly. I feel like I missed so many of her newborn moments because I was struggling to BF or off crying because I felt inadequate. You wouldn't believe some of the comments that I received.
I don't want to feel like that this time so I intend to skip it all together. I have had people in my family and friends circle judge away on this and it is hurtful - BF is NOT for everyone. It just isn't. I'm still an awesome mom and I won't feel guilty for doing what I feel is best for my family.
Since we are talking breastfeeding, is there any other moms out there that know they are formula feeding? I formula fed my daughter and plan to do the same with my second.
I don't know I'm going to formula feed, but if I'm being honest, I think there's a pretty good chance I will end up there.
I'm going to give breastfeeding a fair shot, but my threshold for how much pain and inconvenience I'm willing to tolerate in service of that particular crusade is really low. If it doesn't go smoothly, I'm gonna peace out pretty early on. I am not up for battling bloody nipples or mastitis or whatever else. All that stuff gets a great big "PASS" from me.
this is exactly me too. I'm open to trying it but given all my fears and ambivalence about it I think if baby doesn't take to BF pretty easily I'm not going to spend much time troubleshooting. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it.
I think you all have such a healthy view of BFing. I was sooo hard on myself last time and it definitely didn't help my feelings of inadequacy and PPD. For mostly financial reasons, I am really hoping I can BF and will give it a shot, but won't torture myself like I did last time. I remember being all hooked up to the pump and wishing I was holding my baby instead. That's when I realized that it just wasn't worth it. We had a few successful nursing sessions and it was great when we got a latch and my milk came down, but it was so much work and stress for both of us most of the time that I really had to balance out the pros and cons. I stopped pumping all together at around 4 months and even though it was a bear to add on the cost of formula (and meant I needed to start working again), it made me a much better mama because I wasn't stressed and frustrated all the time. Stay strong because, just like every decision, there are going to be people who judge and try to sway you and tell you what is right for you and your baby. Take it with a grain of salt and know in the end that YOU are the mama and if something doesn't feel right or isn't working, even if it is "recommend" or the "right thing", it is your choice and there is no shame in anything you choose to do for yourself and your family. Be kind to yourself, just like we should be to each other!
"Men react to babies like this..." "They don't feel like fathers til baby's born..." "Men are clueless about babies..." "Men haven't wanted kids as long as the ladies have..."
YES
I was -- and still am -- the partner in this relationship who didn't really want kids. My husband did. He talked me into it. He is already way more attached to this tiny alien parasite than I am.
Me, I would have been totally happy with dogs forever. Still would be, to be honest.
This. I wasn't ready for kids when I discovered I was pregnant. I know that "nobody's ever ready" (I swear to God I will throat punch the next person who says that), but I never wanted them to begin with. Not knocking people who do, but I was never one of those people who dreamed about being a mom someday or anything like that...it just didn't seem like the right path for me. Our plan was to remain child free, and just be an awesome aunt/uncle to my nieces and nephews. And then DH and I spent a weekend with some relatives, two of whom had recently had babies, and it was right after that when he said he'd changed his mind and started saying that he wanted kids after all. I told him that I'd think about it, but I wasn't on the bandwagon yet and that I really liked our life the way it is anyway.
Then the birth control failed (I was on the Nuvaring, so it's not like he messed with it or anything), and about a month after that weekend with the relatives, I realized that I couldn't deny the symptoms any more and finally bought a pregnancy test. I tried to be happy about it, but I was more upset than anything else. I was miserable and sick with HG and I had to quit my dream job and DH was just so goddamn happy about it all. I never blamed LO for any of it, but for those first four-five months, I really, really resented DH.
Things slowly got a little better as the morning sickness became less intense and I was able to see more than just a confusing blob on the ultrasound, and then found out the sex and we settled on a name, and as I began to feel her move more and more, I've actually begun to feel a bond with my daughter. I've accepted that this is the way my life is going, and I've thrown myself fully into "mom" mode - I've researched and read tons of books and obsessed over nursery stuff and birth plans and breastfeeding and all that jazz. I've even reached a point where I think we will try for a second someday, because I grew up with a sibling and I'd like my daughter to have that same experience.
There's no point in stressing myself over it anymore, so I've let go of most of the negative feelings I initially had over it all. But that being said, I'd be lying if I said I didn't still feel a bit of resentment every now and then.
I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who feels/has felt this way. I was fortunate that I had parents who supported my interests and never tried to force me to fit the stereotypical "feminine" mold. Growing up, I was never the girl who played house, with dolls, fantasied about being a mom one day, etc. I get that motherhood is the dream of a lot of women, but it was never what I wanted for my life. For me, having children always seemed like a barrier to achieving my career aspirations and the life I envisioned for myself.
When MH and I started dating, I told him that I had no interest in ever having children. He loves children, coached youth wrestling for years, and has always wanted to be a dad. When he proposed, I told him that I might not ever change my mind and that unless he was sure he could be happy without kids, he didn't need to marry me. We have now been married for nearly 9 years, and while he never pushed the issue, he would occasionally make comments about how much fun it would be when he would see our friends doing activities with their kids.
About a year ago, I decided that - since I was finally content with the status of my career, our financial stability, etc. - I wasn't completely opposed to the idea of having children one day. I knew how much it meant to MH and what an awesome dad he would be. We finally decided to stop taking precautions, and if it happened, it happened. It ended up happening much more quickly than we had anticipated, and I had a really hard time accepting it. After we found out, I became depressed and resented MH, but I felt even worse for feeling that way since I had multiple friends dealing with infertility issues who would have given anything to be in my position. MH was absolutely thrilled, but he tried (not well, I might add) to hide his excitement because he knew I wasn't dealing with the news well. That ended up causing some problems between us, but we eventually talked through it. Since then, he's been really understanding about my negative feelings without letting them damper his excitement.
Fortunately, I've had no morning sickness, and any discomfort I've had (until this last trimester) has been very minimal. But, I still hate everything about being pregnant - I hate the idea of sharing my body with this little being, I hate the weight gain, I hate the swelling and aches, I hate the intrusive personal questions and unsolicited advice, I hate that no one wants to talk to me about anything other than my pregnancy, I hate that our lifestyle is going to change, I hate that I am no longer going to be the center of MH's life (and vice versa), I hate dealing with society's expectations of me, I hate feeling the movements inside of me but also hate that I freak out when I don't feel them for a while, I hate that I worry about "someone" I've never even met, I hate the extra expenses, and I hate that I'm terrified of being a bad parent. While I can't say that I "love" my child yet or that I feel any type of real bond yet, I also know I'd be devastated if anything bad were to happen to him. I think I've finally accepted the fact that I'm going to be a parent, and I'm slowly getting over the negative feelings I initially had about it. I'm hopeful that we'll be able to fit this baby into our existing lives without letting parenthood completely overtake our lives. If we can, I think I can be happy.
@swflJD - I empathize with your last paragraph, and I'm someone who really DID want to be pregnant. I really look forward to kids and I do feel bonded to my baby. But I hate so much of the process like you said..the weight gain (not even so much the aesthetic, although it does bother me), but the fact that it restricts my ability to use my body the way I'm accustomed to using it. I hate the constant ache, the intrusive questions and the fact that people I've had minimal conversations with in the past are somehow outraged that I won't tell them my son's name. I don't like the feeling of him moving (but yes let's be clear, I want to feel him moving to know that he's ok in there). You kinda can't even tell people that you don't like the feeling of him moving...because everyone else loooooved it. I feel like a total outsider for not enjoying the feeling. The rest of the stuff...I can't say "hate" but I can definitely say I worry about it all. I worry about the expenses, and sometimes resent what I will have to give up. I worry about how my relationship will change. I worry about how I will look in my son's eyes and wonder if I'm "good enough" to be his role model. I worry about how to raise him so that he's not a TW. I also worry about NOT feeling that magical moment of "here is the greatest thing I have ever done" the second I lay eyes on him. What if that doesn't happen?
I guess I'm not really sure what my point is here. Maybe it's just that some of these thoughts make me feel isolated, so it's good for me to read that someone else has the same feelings. And again, we're on opposite sides of the spectrum bc I actively wanted a baby for a long time...so, I don't know. I'm happy, but I also miss being the me that I was and I know that chapter is closed.
Seriously, I almost deleted this entire thing because no one wants to hear this stuff.
@swflJD I was very similar to you both growing up and with my attitude toward kids. I didn't want to get married or have kids for the longest time. I slowly came around to both, but even after I got pregnant all of my thoughts/fears were the same as yours.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that, for what it's worth, I took to motherhood much better than I ever anticipated. As much as I hate admitting it, it did take me a while after she was born (like, several months) to feel that attachment to my DD that most people feel right away. But now I can't imagine life without her and I love my little family more than anything else on earth. I hope for the same for you!
@swflJD I was very similar to you both growing up and with my attitude toward kids. I didn't want to get married or have kids for the longest time. I slowly came around to both, but even after I got pregnant all of my thoughts/fears were the same as yours.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that, for what it's worth, I took to motherhood much better than I ever anticipated. As much as I hate admitting it, it did take me a while after she was born (like, several months) to feel that attachment to my DD that most people feel right away. But now I can't imagine life without her and I love my little family more than anything else on earth. I hope for the same for you!
This makes me so sad that our society has allowed and pretty much expects women to feel ashamed or not adequate when they feel this way. Just like babies, mom's are not a stock package. We are all different and shouldn't have expectations on us that are unreasonable and frankly come from ignorance. FTM's hold your head up high and do your best. That is all your child (and should be society) can ask of you.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I also worry about NOT feeling that magical moment of "here is the greatest thing I have ever done" the second I lay eyes on him. What if that doesn't happen?
Honestly I hope I don't have that feeling. I don't want it. I don't want to limit "the greatest thing I've ever done" to being some other person who will, in all likelihood, be pretty much statistically average. And I don't want the kid to grow up feeling that pressure -- because, given who I am, that would be pressure.
I want the tiny alien parasite to grow up and make his own greatest things. And I will continue to do the same, and we will both exist as independent entities, and that is the only way I'm getting through any of this sanely.
I was somebody other than "mom" before this all started and I was really good at that and I got a lot of satisfaction from it, and I refuse to give it up. Of course I'll do my best to be an involved and supportive parent, but hell if I'm gonna let that be the only thing I'll be.
Ever since I got pregnant, I cannot stand the smell or taste of pizza. My poor partner manages a pizza shop. He stinks like Chuck E Cheese when he gets home from work.
I don't like my Snoogle. In fact, I only use occasionally it to prop myself up when reading or something. It's not comfortable to sleep with. Maybe I'll go back to it in the final 2 months of pregnancy..otherwise waste of 60 bucks!
How tall are you? I'm 6 feet tall and I think the snuggle needs another 4 inches for it to work with me. So, yeah, count me in the $60 loss club. Actually, I think mine cost more than that.
Re: UO Thursday 3/10/16
"Men react to babies like this..." "They don't feel like fathers til baby's born..." "Men are clueless about babies..." "Men haven't wanted kids as long as the ladies have..."
It makes me so darn mad.
The worst culprit is the nurse who runs our prenatal class--last night she actually said that the men in the room wouldn't understand their partners after they'd given birth and wouldn't understand post-partum depression or the baby blues because they haven't been looking forward to having a baby their whole lives like all the wimmin have, because they hadn't been playing with dollies and "playing house" since they were little, and so they didn't realize the expectations and hopes that the moms in the room were having that might be different from the reality and thus contribute to PPD.
Say what? Ugh. So many assumptions, so little time! If these are the low expectations we have of men, then no wonder we're still fighting for equal pay.
I found an out of the way bench and got my son all ready, found a big stroller blanket to cover us and tried to get out my boob as stealthily as possible. I was a fumbling bumbling mess and some guy said "Ew, I can totally see your nip." I was horrified so I fled to the nearest bathroom. I tried to adjust while straddling the toilet. Of course it was super busy and within minutes a woman was banging loudly on the stall door. I was so frazzled and my poor son was so hungry and I felt like such a failure. I shuffled out of the stall and the woman saw me and heaved a huge sigh, rolled her eyes and said "Are you kidding? Just give the kid a freaking bottle!" I stood awkwardly by the sink, partially exposed and tears streaming down my face.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see an older woman smiling kindly at me who said "I wouldn't eat in here, would you?" and led me gently out to a couch smack dab in the middle of the mall. She had me sit down, unfolded her scarf and held it over me while I manipulated my breast and got my son to latch. She coached me through and explained that she was a retired nurse who had worked in maternity her whole career. Finally, MH had arrived because I had texted him frantically to come and save me. I tried to get the woman's name or number to thank her and sent MH to get her a coffee or something, but she refused and just headed off.
I have no idea what exactly I will say this time, but I learned there is no shame in feeding your child. I will just be calm and serene and hopefully will be able to pass on the kindness of that guardian angel to another struggling mama someday.
I was -- and still am -- the partner in this relationship who didn't really want kids. My husband did. He talked me into it. He is already way more attached to this tiny alien parasite than I am.
Me, I would have been totally happy with dogs forever. Still would be, to be honest.
I suck at cooking and I think it's because all the men in my family have always been the cooks and I never learned. I did however marry a very patient man who teaches me sometimes and I at least enjoy hanging out with him in the kitchen while he cooks. And then I clean up afterwards.
I would beat some a$$ if someone told me BF my child was disgusting. Don't look. And I'm fairly prudish too. God love that woman for helping out!
My personal UO is that I'm not into music. I listen to whatever's on the radio but it doesn't speak to me like it does other people. I envy that.
Sorry for the book...its rare I can actually post on here with the app so sometimes I get carried away lol
This. I wasn't ready for kids when I discovered I was pregnant. I know that "nobody's ever ready" (I swear to God I will throat punch the next person who says that), but I never wanted them to begin with. Not knocking people who do, but I was never one of those people who dreamed about being a mom someday or anything like that...it just didn't seem like the right path for me. Our plan was to remain child free, and just be an awesome aunt/uncle to my nieces and nephews. And then DH and I spent a weekend with some relatives, two of whom had recently had babies, and it was right after that when he said he'd changed his mind and started saying that he wanted kids after all. I told him that I'd think about it, but I wasn't on the bandwagon yet and that I really liked our life the way it is anyway.
Then the birth control failed (I was on the Nuvaring, so it's not like he messed with it or anything), and about a month after that weekend with the relatives, I realized that I couldn't deny the symptoms any more and finally bought a pregnancy test. I tried to be happy about it, but I was more upset than anything else. I was miserable and sick with HG and I had to quit my dream job and DH was just so goddamn happy about it all. I never blamed LO for any of it, but for those first four-five months, I really, really resented DH.
Things slowly got a little better as the morning sickness became less intense and I was able to see more than just a confusing blob on the ultrasound, and then found out the sex and we settled on a name, and as I began to feel her move more and more, I've actually begun to feel a bond with my daughter. I've accepted that this is the way my life is going, and I've thrown myself fully into "mom" mode - I've researched and read tons of books and obsessed over nursery stuff and birth plans and breastfeeding and all that jazz. I've even reached a point where I think we will try for a second someday, because I grew up with a sibling and I'd like my daughter to have that same experience.
There's no point in stressing myself over it anymore, so I've let go of most of the negative feelings I initially had over it all. But that being said, I'd be lying if I said I didn't still feel a bit of resentment every now and then.
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Well, as a person with depression and anxiety, that just makes me want to punch people. I realize that it is meant to be supportive, but to me it just comes off as extremely condescending. ALSO, eff that "strong for too long" noise. Bad things happen, and I think it's pretty normal to go through a bout of depression or anxiety when they do, or longer than just a bout. Or you can be like me and have a chemical imbalance - I'm on medication, I do talk therapy when I need to / can afford to, but there are still bad days, and they have nothing to do with exhausting my strength.
That being said, I know that some people may find these messages supportive, but dear sweet zombie jesus I hate them so much.
2nd UO: I hate it when people are looked down on for having low earning jobs, like fast food workers, and waitstaff, and whatever else. It enrages me. If you don't think it's hard work being on your feet all day and dealing with people being dickwads to you about things that you have no control over, then I suggest trying it and seeing how you feel. That's not to say everyone gets a free pass, because obviously sometimes the workers are dickwads themselves.
(This may have been brought on from seeing one of those lists of things people write on receipts, where one had "get a real job" written in the tip line... well jackass, if they got a real job, you wouldn't be able to have a nice night out with people serving you food because they would all have "real" jobs. I will hit you with a brick.)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I'm already planning my responses in my head. I've decided that when some a$$wipe wants to say something about me about breastfeeding in public that mama bear will come out and cut them down to size verbally.
First Pregnancy
Second Pregnancy
- BFP: 09/11/2015
- EDD: 05/25/2016
Baby Born04/15/2016
PGAL
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I'm going to give breastfeeding a fair shot, but my threshold for how much pain and inconvenience I'm willing to tolerate in service of that particular crusade is really low. If it doesn't go smoothly, I'm gonna peace out pretty early on. I am not up for battling bloody nipples or mastitis or whatever else. All that stuff gets a great big "PASS" from me.
I don't want to feel like that this time so I intend to skip it all together. I have had people in my family and friends circle judge away on this and it is hurtful - BF is NOT for everyone. It just isn't. I'm still an awesome mom and I won't feel guilty for doing what I feel is best for my family.
When MH and I started dating, I told him that I had no interest in ever having children. He loves children, coached youth wrestling for years, and has always wanted to be a dad. When he proposed, I told him that I might not ever change my mind and that unless he was sure he could be happy without kids, he didn't need to marry me. We have now been married for nearly 9 years, and while he never pushed the issue, he would occasionally make comments about how much fun it would be when he would see our friends doing activities with their kids.
About a year ago, I decided that - since I was finally content with the status of my career, our financial stability, etc. - I wasn't completely opposed to the idea of having children one day. I knew how much it meant to MH and what an awesome dad he would be. We finally decided to stop taking precautions, and if it happened, it happened. It ended up happening much more quickly than we had anticipated, and I had a really hard time accepting it. After we found out, I became depressed and resented MH, but I felt even worse for feeling that way since I had multiple friends dealing with infertility issues who would have given anything to be in my position. MH was absolutely thrilled, but he tried (not well, I might add) to hide his excitement because he knew I wasn't dealing with the news well. That ended up causing some problems between us, but we eventually talked through it. Since then, he's been really understanding about my negative feelings without letting them damper his excitement.
Fortunately, I've had no morning sickness, and any discomfort I've had (until this last trimester) has been very minimal. But, I still hate everything about being pregnant - I hate the idea of sharing my body with this little being, I hate the weight gain, I hate the swelling and aches, I hate the intrusive personal questions and unsolicited advice, I hate that no one wants to talk to me about anything other than my pregnancy, I hate that our lifestyle is going to change, I hate that I am no longer going to be the center of MH's life (and vice versa), I hate dealing with society's expectations of me, I hate feeling the movements inside of me but also hate that I freak out when I don't feel them for a while, I hate that I worry about "someone" I've never even met, I hate the extra expenses, and I hate that I'm terrified of being a bad parent. While I can't say that I "love" my child yet or that I feel any type of real bond yet, I also know I'd be devastated if anything bad were to happen to him. I think I've finally accepted the fact that I'm going to be a parent, and I'm slowly getting over the negative feelings I initially had about it. I'm hopeful that we'll be able to fit this baby into our existing lives without letting parenthood completely overtake our lives. If we can, I think I can be happy.
I guess I'm not really sure what my point is here. Maybe it's just that some of these thoughts make me feel isolated, so it's good for me to read that someone else has the same feelings. And again, we're on opposite sides of the spectrum bc I actively wanted a baby for a long time...so, I don't know. I'm happy, but I also miss being the me that I was and I know that chapter is closed.
Seriously, I almost deleted this entire thing because no one wants to hear this stuff.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that, for what it's worth, I took to motherhood much better than I ever anticipated. As much as I hate admitting it, it did take me a while after she was born (like, several months) to feel that attachment to my DD that most people feel right away. But now I can't imagine life without her and I love my little family more than anything else on earth. I hope for the same for you!
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I want the tiny alien parasite to grow up and make his own greatest things. And I will continue to do the same, and we will both exist as independent entities, and that is the only way I'm getting through any of this sanely.
I was somebody other than "mom" before this all started and I was really good at that and I got a lot of satisfaction from it, and I refuse to give it up. Of course I'll do my best to be an involved and supportive parent, but hell if I'm gonna let that be the only thing I'll be.