NBR- best friends wedding

Re: NBR- best friends wedding

• Bluejay3030 member

  March 2016

  That's a tough spot to be in, but I think you're right to be hesitating under the circumstances.  I agree that leaving behind your LO at 4-6weeks old would be a very difficult thing to do and in all likelihood not something you'll be up for when the time comes. 
  
  I'm due May 3, and I'm MOH in my sister's wedding in mid-June.  The main difference is she's only about a 3.5 hour car ride away.  If it involves a plane trip and an extra cost, it would have been a much harder decision to make.  I've definitely had to set expectations with her about how I'll be limited in helping her at times, which I felt HORRIBLE doing, but she was gracious about it and understood.  Assuming your friend is a reasonable person, I think she will probably understand and support you with whatever you decide... And if she doesn't, then I probably wouldn't feel quite as bad about it .
  
  As far as traveling with the baby, only you can really decide if you're comfortable with both the extra expenses and the other risks, but it sounds like you believe that not going is what's best for you and your family, and I think you should trust your instincts on that, even though it's going to be hard to let your friend down.
  

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• gorgeousariel member

  March 2016

  I know it is a tough decision to make but you must do what is best for you and your family. As someone who was the bride in a similar situation, please don't wait until 3 weeks before the wedding to tell her- like my bridesmaid did. 

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• wamam027 member

  March 2016

  I had this dilemma early on, and it definitely was not easy. I'm due May 20 and my best friend was supposed to get married June 25, and I had already committed to being a bridesmaid before finding out I was pregnant. When I told her I was pregnant, she seemed more concerned about the likelihood of me being able to make it than I did, until I really
  thought about it. I live in VA and the wedding was going to be in my hometown in CA, my husband is deploying and I have no family out here, so I would bring the baby. I realized it just wasn't going to happen and I called her up and told her that. She thankfully was SUPER understanding and told me I could be a "skype bridesmaid" and had no problem whatsoever with my decision (after all, that's what best friends are for, right?). She and her fiancé wound up having to put the wedding off due to family drama, so I'll be able to be in it now whenever they reschedule since baby will be old enough, but I say be honest and let her know it's just not realistic but you really wish you could be there. Good luck! 
  

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• Spylon member

  March 2016

  I got married on August 1st this past summer, and one of my bridesmaids/best friends was due to have her baby about a month before. She went through the same dilemma, and she was also very worried about telling me. My reaction? She needed to do what was best for her and her baby, and I would have understood if she hadn't come. She did end up coming, with the baby, but I never pressured her.

  I feel like a good friend would completely understand, even if she is disappointed. You really have to put you and your family first right now.

  Good luck!

  
  
  
  

  Me: 30 DH: 32
  BFP #1: 9/12/2015
  DD: 6/1/2016
  BFP #2: 1/16/2018 MC 2/2/2018

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• jumpy57 member

  March 2016

  Since it sounds like you have already decided to stay home you need to let your friend know ASAP. I don't think you need to list out all the details for her, she will likely understand just by telling her you can't make it work. I think you will feel better once you tell her. 
  
  Maybe you could mail a small gift with a personal note for her to open the night before her wedding (after rehearsal?) so she knows you are thinking about her 

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• swflJD member

  March 2016

  I completely understand your situation. My best friend is getting married next weekend in Las Vegas, and I live in Florida. Between the 6+ hour plane ride, tons of walking, and airfare, lodging, activities, food, etc. that that would run at least $4k-5k, I ultimately decided that with a baby due in a few weeks it was probably best not to go. Not to mention, who wants to go to Vegas and not be able to at least have a drink!? My friend was very understanding, and her venue will be broadcasting the ceremony online, but the closer it gets the worse I feel about not going. We've been friends since jr. high and were college roommates. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and I never thought I'd have to miss her big day.
  
  It doesn't sound like it is going to be very feasible for you to be there, and if she cares about you she will understand. If her venue doesn't broadcast the ceremony (I'm guessing that's just a Vegas thing! lol), see if one of the guests could set up a laptop in an inconspicuous area and Skype you in for it.  Just try not to beat yourself up over not going. Parenthood changes our priorities whether we like it or not.   

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• sillyfox member

  March 2016

  Personally, I wouldn't have been able to leave my LO that soon. I would say if you are planning on going, take your LO. Use lots of hand sanitizer (especially at the airport), and have DH take care of LO while you are getting ready and hanging out with the bride the day of.
  
  Are you planning on BF? Because your supply will be still regulating, so it might be easier for that too if you have LO with you.
  
  I have a very close friend getting married June 4 and my RCS is scheduled for 5/25, so like a week and a half later. I'm not sure how to RSVP, but if I go, I'm definitely taking LO.
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  BFP 1: 9/15/2013 | DD 5/23/2014
  BFP 2: 9/15/2015 | EDD 5/26/2016

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• Jbabylove2016 member

  March 2016

  I think you have a lot of good advice here from all of the other ladies. The only thing that I would add is that if you are not going to be able to make it work, it's best to be honest and tell her now so that she can plan around it if she needs to. It's a little more than 3 months until the wedding, so that still gives her a good chunk of time to do what she needs to do, and I think she would be understanding as long as you give her enough notice. A

  

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• js8812 member

  March 2016

  Good advice!  If it were a reasonable drive, it would be a completely different story.  You have a valid reason not to attend.  If that's your choice, then let her know ASAP, even though it might not be fun.
  
  One of my best friends got married January in the Dominican Republic and I opted out of being in the wedding and attending.  This was all before the Zika situation, so I'm really thankful I did.  Since I wasn't attending her wedding and buying a bridesmaid dress/hair/shoes/etc, I bought her an extra nice wedding gift.  Not that it's about the money or anything, but the cost of the gift was still probably less money than we would have spent going to a wedding in our home state considering a hotel room, gas, drinks, etc.  I thought it was just something nice since we couldn't be there.
  
  Side note: I want to go to Vegas with @swfljd!  $4-5k?!  You know how to have a good time!  Vegas is usually a cheaper vacation destination for us (one of the few places we can fly to inexpensively).
  

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• allisonmunson94 member

  March 2016

  Thank you so much everyone! I did tell her today and she seemed understanding but I can't help but feel guilty still. I just feel like a jerk because she flew up to New England for our wedding this past June with her fiancé, but she is also from here originally so had lots of family up here to visit while she was up. I've never even been off the east coast, and definitely wouldn't have the same advantages flying to Missouri. 

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