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July 2016 Moms
babycakesday
member
People stating they're the godparents???
babycakesday
member
We hadn't really talked about who we would have as godparents. I know I a specific set of values and morals that I have always believed in. I want the godparents we choose to model these as well. Last week, his sister just stated that she was the god mother of our child and her mother agreed. Has anyone ever had this happened? How did you deal with it? How do I approach it without causing problems?
Re: People stating they're the godparents???
We are not religious, but our daughter does have guardians. My SIL kept bringing it up, and acting like she was the one that was going to be taking DD if we passed, but she is the last person I would ever leave DD with. Husband and I made the decision together, and then talked to the people that we were thinking of (to make sure that they were okay with taking DD), and then put it into paperwork (one couple being listed as the main, the other couple being backup....as we never know where they couple will be financially, relationship wise, etc....when/if we actually passed).
Just ignore them, or state that you haven't decide who the godparents or guardians are. Say it 100 times if you have to. Eventually, they will get it through their head. Just because you are aunt/family, doesn't automatically mean that you are godparent or guardian. And really, since it is his sister, and his mom, he needs to be the one to put his foot down with it.
I might be taking the easy way out but that is what is working for me at the moment.
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But seriously - tell them that it hasn't been decided yet! Good luck - that is a situation full of awkward.
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**CATHOLICISM QUESTION**
I am Baptist, which means baptism doesn't occur until the child is older and chooses to be baptized. My husband's family is Catholic and have asked that the baby be baptized Catholic ("just in case"). I don't really care if she is since to me, it doesn't mean anything for a child that young, but it puts me in an awkward position of having to choose HIS family for godparents, as that is the Catholic way. My husband identifies as Christian but not Catholic, and he doesn't want to cause any friction.
I did this once already for my first child (my ex was also from a Catholic family) and I've always felt weird about my ex-SIL and my ex's BF being the godparents. Are there Catholic churches that don't require godparents to be Catholic? If my sister and her husband were baptized Catholic as babies, even if they aren't practicing Catholics, can they still qualify?
Either way, it is unlikely that any of these people would be guardians if my mother is still healthy and able to take them on.
Personally, my daughter was dedicated in the church I attend (which is just a small ceremony saying we will raise our child in the church and to have Christian values; think marriage ceremony with vows you make there). My husband doesn't attend with me, but holds very similar beliefs. His mom threw a fit, but since DD is OUR daughter, he told her that she has no say in how she is raised. If it is something that makes you uncomfortable and isn't important to your husband, then I would suggest the two of you have an honest conversation about it. If you decide not to, his family needs to hush and respect that decision as YOU are the parents, not the inlaws.
ETA: godparents and guardians are not the same.
@LadyFleck My dad is a deacon and I had the same question so I asked him. One needs to be baptized Catholic. The other needs to be at least baptized in some Christian based faith. And they don't have to be practicing. There is no way for anyone to check if they are anyway.
Also, Godparents are not the same as a guardian.
To answer the other question, contact your church to verify. You don't have to be catholic to have kids baptized as catholic. My mother wasnt catholic and we're all catholic. Second, we're our best friend's baby godparents and I'm confirmed catholic while my husband is only baptized. Our church said he would be considered a witness but I'd be considered the godparent. Our friends were okay because we all understood that we both would help guide her child through religion even though the church has specific rules.
Oh, I'm aware that godparent and guardian are two completely different concepts. I just had a question about the religious aspect of the godparent thing. I already know that if I croak, my ex won't even raise my son religiously....I just have to make peace with that and hope he comes to the light later in life like I did.
I have a bit more control over my daughter's religious upbringing considering her father isn't a total asshole (haha!). I would love my sister and her husband to be the godparents as I believe they absolutely would take responsibility for overseeing her religious upbringing, but I wanted to combine both family's traditions/faiths and honor my husband's Catholic belief but ensure my sister could be named "official" godparent.
Like I said, logistically, my mother would become guardian if something ever happened to me/my husband as she is young and my sister already has four of her own children to raise.
I think PP's already answered your questions, but I just wanted to add that I was a "stand in godparent" for my nephew. The person my sister chose to be his godmother was not baptized, so the church wouldn't allow her to be the person standing with him during the ceremony. Honestly, it was kind of weird, but whatever. I was baptized, but am not practicing now, so fit the requirements. I think in my sisters case she wanted the godparent and guardian to be the same person (even though in reality they're not and have different roles) so required a stand in for the religious ceremony.
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
If you want to avoid hurt feelings or drama, you could tell them that you've decided to choose non-family members. You could just tell her that she already gets to have a special relationship with the baby as it's Aunt, and that the title of Godparent will go to a non-relative who you want to honour as part of your family (assuming this is true).
When my son was baptized, the priest just asked if both of the godparents were confirmed. No documentation was necessary/no hoops to jump through.
It is hard to find some one that fits all that. DH's brother does, he is not married (because he is gay.... minor detail). My brother and sister are married outside of the church. My mom was too, but since my dad died, she is no longer 'married' and meet the requirements.
In many Churches, there are some 'sponsors' that are willing to be God parents for those that are in need.
my parents are a no.
our siblings absolutely not.
His mom has too many health issues and his dad remarried a crazy person otherwise his dad would be it.
My best friend wouldn't have a clue what to do with three boys.
this bothers me! A lot
That being said, at any time, you can change it. You can have someone that you think is the best fit for now, and when you child is a little older, feel that there is someone else that is a better fit....just change your paperwork. When I was pregnant with DD, MH's cousins were the best fit. Now that she has been around for 4.5 years, we both feel that MH's friend and his wife is a better fit. They treat DD like their own, their teens love DD, they come to all of her birthdays, dance recitals, DD is comfortable with them and loves spending as much time as possible with them (they currently live an hour away). They also parent like us, would provide a stable home for DD, and would jump right in to coach her sports and everything else. When they found out we were expecting #2, they said "Well, we better move closer so all of our kids can grow up together!" (even though their youngest is already 12 years old), and he got a job up here last month, and they will be moving before the baby is born. They have become our village, no matter what we need or whatever is going on, they are there for us....and we are there for them. So we will be changing them to first pick of guardians, MH's cousin as second pick, his other cousin as third pick.
ETA: When it comes to MH's friend and his wife, MH has been friends with both of them since elementary school, and I have been friends with them for 10 years now. So it isn't like they are friends that we have had for a couple of years, MH has been friends with them for over 30 years.
There is an aunt of my Hs who did foster a pair of brothers at one point and she loves kids but we aren't close to her and she has a job and grandkids of her own. I just don't know. 3 kids seems like a lot for anyone.