Going to a bachelorette party this weekend...

shae86 · March 2016

Hi ladies,

I just went through a natural miscarriage this past weekend. The baby stopped growing at 6.5 weeks, and my body finally passed it during what should have been my 11th week.

My good friend is having a low key bachelorette party in Palm Springs this weekend. She knows what I'm going through, and completely understands if I can't make it.

I've flip flopped a lot on whether to go. Just a few nights ago I was curled up in a ball in excruciating pain as I passed tissue and blood clots. Now I'm barely spotting, as if it's the end of a regular period. My doctor's appointment isn't until Monday, so I won't know until then whether everything is clear. I have no idea whether I already passed the sac, everything looked like clots at the time.

I think it would be good for me to get away for the weekend, but I'm so scared of experiencing severe cramping/bleeding while I'm there. I really, really hope this miscarriage is complete. Does it sound risky to go away this soon? I've read about women who think it's over, and then pass the sac days later. If you've gone through a natural miscarriage, did you experience anything days after it seemed to be over?

Thanks in advance.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

Can the dr squeeze you in tomorrow, maybe?

shae86 · March 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29 I called and asked on Monday, but they didn't have any earlier openings. I even asked if I could just see a nurse, but they said these types of exams have to be done by the doctor.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

I don't have any advice. I'm waiting to miscarry naturally, myself at the moment. I'm paging @AL_TwinCities. She miscarried naturally and might have an answer.

I do hope it works out that you get to go. It's 30 degrees here and snowing. Palm Springs sounds wonderful!

((Hugs))

AL_TwinCities · March 2016

Thanks for the tag @iceandsnowflakes29 - I didn't see this post earlier. @shae86 this is my experience.

**TW graphic description of miscarriage**

I found out that I had lost my LO at 9+4. Baby had died at 8 weeks. I passed the sac at 12+1 after almost a full week of labor (contractions, bleeding, so much pain). All of my clots that week were stretchy and soft. They looked kind of like liver. My bleeding all week was like a heavy period, going through a pad every 3-4 hours. The day I finally passed the sac, I started out feeling fine (and the day before I had barely any cramping or bleeding), but that morning I started gushing blood, going through a pad every hour at first, and then a pad every 1/2 hour. I passed the largest clot so far (about the size of an apple or orange), and then passed the sac.

I knew it was the sac, because it was much denser and harder than the rest of my clots. There was also a portion of it (when I pushed away the red clots around it) that was lighter colored, almost glassy and reflective. That must have been the sac membrane itself. It was smaller than I was expecting, but I have read that when it takes so many weeks to miscarry a baby who died much earlier, the baby and sac start to shrink in size. It was kind of oblong in shape (I think the placenta was also attached, it was very red but much denser than the rest of my clots) and was about the length of my hand from the bottom of my hand to the top of a finger.

If you aren't sure if you've passed the sac - if your clots have been soft and squishy and nothing that was harder and dense - I might either go but be prepared for what could happen, or I'd stay home. Honestly, it was really helpful for me to have people around. My sister was with me during the days when my husband was working, and he was with me on the weekend and at night. But I'm not sure if going to a girls weekend and potentially miscarrying while you are there would be a good thing - I think if I were in your place I wouldn't go if you aren't sure if you've passed the sac. Limbo sucks so much. I'm so sorry you aren't sure yet if this is over. Every day I would think "is this it? Is today the day?". When I passed the sac I knew. I stopped cramping and bleeding and almost immediately felt like myself. But I had two days within the week that I was actively miscarrying when I barely bled and cramped. It just started and stopped for me.

I'm so sorry this probably has made things even more confusing for you! Go with your gut - if you want to go, go! Just be aware that there could be more to come if you aren't sure if you've passed the sac. Also, could you maybe call your doctor to talk through what you've experienced and see if they think you are done? So many hugs to you!

zrain · March 2016

Im so sorry for your loss. The waiting and not knowing completely what's going on feels so unfair after having to learn that your baby has died.

I'm currently 22 days out from my natural miscarriage. My baby stopped growing at 6w1d and I miscarried at what would have been 9 weeks. I stopped bleeding after 4 days and haven't had any since then. I did see the sac and it was only a couple inches long, fairly squishy in the middle and more firm on the sides. Since our babies stopped growing around the same time it's possible yours was small too and just looked like a big clot.

I can see where going on this trip would be a good distraction, to give your mind a little break from the emotional pain of your loss. However, like PP said, you'd have to be prepared in case your body wasn't completely finished. All I did for a week or so after my miscarriage was be depressed on the couch, and I think it would have done me good to get out of the house and get some distraction.

amberruka · March 2016

It probably would be a nice distraction (we went to the OR coast for the weekend after mine)--like @AL_TwinCities said, go with your gut. If your gut says you should go, remember you are in Palm Springs and not some remote area. There would be an ER/UC you could go to on the (God forbid) offchance you would need one. Hope that doesn't sound morbid. :-) Good luck!!

shae86 · March 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29 @AL_TwinCities @zrain @amberruka thank you all so much for your honest, thoughtful responses. I'm so sorry that you've experienced this.

At the last minute yesterday, I decided to go. I drove myself so that I can leave anytime. It's about 1.5 hrs from where I live. While my bleeding has been nothing more than a couple of drops the past few days, it seems to have picked up again, but it's brown now instead of bright red.

Luckily, they rented a house with a pool, so we're staying here all weekend, and I have my own bedroom so I can seek refuge in here if I need to. I did notice that one of the other ladies was acting a little more subdued and not drinking like normal. I pulled our friend aside and asked if she was pregnant. Turns out, she is, but only two people out of the 8 of us here know. I'm happy for her, but it makes it kind of hard, watching her pretend to drink and knowing that she's going through the same stage I was just at a few weeks ago. I should be pregnant too.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

@shae86 oh no!!!

Honestly, if it were me, I would keep her in your thoughts. As much as other people having smooth pregnancies sting, I hope no one ever has to go through what the ladies on this board have walked through.

However, I'm not trying to downplay the hurt it is probably causing you. I get it. Believe me, I've been there. I would take care of yourself, try to enjoy your time, and leave if you need to.

On the upside, now you know she's pregnant and can avoid her in the future to protect your mental health.

((So many hugs))

AL_TwinCities · March 2016

@shae86 I hope you have a great time! Keep us posted on how the weekend goes, and how your appointment goes on Monday. I hope everything is over for you.

shae86 · March 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29 @AL_TwinCities oh how I wish I could hug you both. Thank you so much for your encouragement and support.

I made it through the weekend, and it really wasn't bad. Luckily, they rented a house and we spent most of the time lounging by the pool, napping, and eating. God bless my friend for having something so low key.

Physically, I was fine. No cramping or heavy bleeding. And at my doctor's appointment yesterday, the ultrasound confirmed that everything had passed. I'm just waiting for the final bloodwork results now to confirm that my HCG levels dropped to zero. I'm so incredibly relieved to be emerging through the other side of this experience.

And I'm truly so happy for the other girl there who's newly pregnant. I don't ever want anyone to experience what I've gone through. It's definitely a trigger though, to see someone in the same stage of pregnancy that I just went through. Wish it didn't have to be so hard. Before this, I wasn't very emotional about things. Now I feel like my heart has been cracked open and I'm vulnerable to everything. Crazy how miscarriage can really change you.

MooFish2364 · March 2016

@shae86 I'm so sorry that of all things you had to spend the weekend with a newly pregnant women! That's awful. You're totally right...this experience has changed my life forever. If I'm ever able to have a health baby, I feel that I will be 100x more greatful and that I will never complain about pregnant symptoms because I will just be so greatful to be pregnant again! Hang in there!

AL_TwinCities · March 2016

@shae86 I'm glad that the weekend worked out and you were able to confirm that everything has passed! Hugs to you. You've made it through the first big step - finishing the miscarriage. Now it's a long journey ahead of healing, but we are all here for you!

shae86 · March 2016

@MooFish2364 that's the only silver lining of this experience. I know that the next time around, I'll be so incredibly grateful to be pregnant. Not that I wasn't before, but I think I'll have a deeper understanding of how sacred and special pregnancy is. Best wishes to you, hopefully we'll both be in much better places very soon!

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