Feeling discouraged..

Re: Feeling discouraged..

• ForeverEverAfter member

  March 2016

  I think getting it out was a good start  You're definitely not alone. What you're doing is stressful, but remind yourself why you're doing it. Is there anything you can do for you for your mental health? Hobbies, getting outside, relaxing bath or getting out with a friend for coffee?
  
  I have no experience with relactation, just BFing, but I've been struggling to keep on top of depression/isolation with this baby. I keep pushing to schedule outings and play dates for my 3yo, while making goals for myself (both daily and long term) to keep me on track. With DH I find I get frustrated with him when I'm mad at myself, so I try to do things to help him out and keep the peace, and that in turn, has made him more likely to spend time with us instead of retreating to his man cave. Things like picking up his stray items instead of nagging him, turning off lights for him instead of nagging, doing chores myself that he dislikes, and baking white bread. Not that I give him a free pass to do nothing, I just pick my battles. 

  

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• missliz53 member

  March 2016

  Is it the relactation itself that is causing the problem? I'm assuming that is why you are off birth control. How was your relationship with DH and your depression before you started trying to get your supply back?
  
  I may be the unpopular opinion here, but if getting your supply back is negatively effecting the rest of your day to day life it might not be the right choice for you. What's best for baby is also what's best for mom. It's better to have a formula fed baby and a happy stable mom = happy baby. Also wondering if you have looked into using donated breast milk. It doesn't make you any less of a mom if you don't pump or ebf. 
  
  The fact that you are feeling so isolated is concerning. Can you join a mom's club, or get baby in a play group, ect. Something fun for both of you that gives you the opportunity to make some mom friends. 

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• kanga915 member

  March 2016

  missliz53 said:

  Is it the relactation itself that is causing the problem? I'm assuming that is why you are off birth control. How was your relationship with DH and your depression before you started trying to get your supply back?
  
  I may be the unpopular opinion here, but if getting your supply back is negatively effecting the rest of your day to day life it might not be the right choice for you. What's best for baby is also what's best for mom. It's better to have a formula fed baby and a happy stable mom = happy baby. Also wondering if you have looked into using donated breast milk. It doesn't make you any less of a mom if you don't pump or ebf. 
  
  The fact that you are feeling so isolated is concerning. Can you join a mom's club, or get baby in a play group, ect. Something fun for both of you that gives you the opportunity to make some mom friends. 

  I have to agree with this. I'm a huge advocate of breastfeeding but relactation is a very huge uphill battle. I'm not at all advising you to give up just weigh the benefits vs the cost and make sure it's worth what is happening to your emotional and mental health.

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• BrittnieMariee member

  March 2016

  It seems like everyone is busy with their own crazy lives. Which I totally understand. I do need to try to be more social. It's always been super easy for me to just bottle things up and keep to myself. That's been my biggest problem with my depression. My friends and family have been so supportive, but I know they're super busy. I also don't even know how to find a mommy group or anything in my area? I live in a really small town (and I honestly don't even like most of the girls my age that have kids. We all went to school together and I was definitely not Miss Popular!). I suppose I need to see what my options are though, before I become a total recluse lol
  
  The relactation is why I'm off my BC right now. The last LC I saw suggested I stop taking it to try and simulate the same drop in progesterone that we have after delivery to get my milk to come back in. So far it hasn't worked. But because I'm not on the BC and I'm so paranoid about getting pregnant, and not fully feeling back to myself, I've been kind of standoffish with DH. We used to be very intimate and joked around a bunch. But that was before I had the baby. Since then I feel like literally everything has changed. Mostly me. I've been so scared to be myself because I don't want to risk getting pregnant. I've been trying to decide if the relactation is really worth it. I know that I need to discuss it with DH. We had a long talk before I started this journey and I told him that it was going to be difficult. I just don't want to lose my relationship with him. As much as I wanted to BF my son, he's already almost 6 months old and has been doing very well on formula. I hate it, but I know I'm not done having children and I've learned so much since having DS that I feel my future children and I will have much more success (I hope, fingers crossed). I actually have a close friend that has offered to donate her milk to me (she has a massive oversupply and has been donating to a mutual friend of ours whose daughter was having horrible reflux and digestive problems with formula but she had supply issues so was unable to BF). At this point though, I think the formula may be fine. I just need to make peace with the fact that I made it 3 months with DS and have done literally everything I can to try and make it work for him, but everything happens for a reason I guess?

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• chelseajeanene member

  March 2016

  The combination of restarting to breastfeed and stopping birth control is one hell of a hormonal roller coaster. It's no wonder you're feeling this way. When I chose to give up breastfeeding it was when my PPD started. My doctor explained how much hormones your produce while breastfeeding and she gave me the option to try PPD meds while continuing or chosing the medication I already knew worked and giving up breastfeeding. I think if I continued to try and feed, I would have battled PPD much longer then I did. If it's negatively effecting you, you need to rethink if this is really what's best for you and not just the baby. Yes breastfeeding is the best thing you can do for your baby, but an unhappy mommy won't make anything better. If formula is making your LO thrive and happy, there's nothing wrong with continuing to do so and keeping a happy household too. Don't be hard on yourself
  

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• aw8611 member

  March 2016

  I agree with the other ladies! I tried BF'ing and it made me an emotional mess. I was always lashing out at my hubby & there were days that I really resented my son. I would cry everytime I tried to feed him or pump. Once my son's pedi saw me break down at one of his appointments, he told me our baby would be just as healthy as any BF baby if we switched to formula and I felt sooo relieved. I wanted so badly to be able to BF my son but I am so much happier now that I don't have that stress. It's awesome that you're trying to relactate for your baby but just remember if it doesn't work out, you're still an awesome mommy. Make sure you are being the best mom you can be for your child, and that means taking care of yourself, too

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• BrittnieMariee member

  March 2016

  You're both right. It's been an insane journey but I think it's time to end it. I always feel depressed or angry and it's weighing so heavily on me. I know I've done everything I can for DS and that's all I can do. I'm sick of feeling like my husband is my roommate. I need to focus on him before our marriage gets totally ruined. He's been so supportive of this whole thing and I love that. The important thing is that our son is happy and healthy and now we need to do some maintenance on our relationship. 

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