Babies on the Brain

Massive student debt - resigned to living with it?

Happy Tuesday!

So DH and I have outrageous amounts of student loan debt due to both of us coming from little, attending undergraduate and law school. Combined we have close to $300,000 (yes you read that right). Just writing that number I can barely breathe. Our payments each month are about equal with our mortgage (which is quite high here in NJ). I work in the public interest sector and after 9 more years, any student loan debt I have will be forgiven (yay!). However, at that point, DH's will increase because I no longer will have any payments to make. We have no hope of being able to pay off these loans for many, many, many years. 

So my question is thus - has anyone else resigned themselves to the fact that they will be paying student loans for the rest of their lives? If so, how is this factoring into waiting TTC and/or your babyfund/budget? I get so depressed over how much student loan debt we have, but am trying to be glass half-full. 

BabyFruit Ticker

[spoiler]

Me: 28  Him: 30

Married: 11/15/14

TTC: 02/2016

IF DX: MFI (low count & morphology) & mild PCOS

June 2016 BFP - MC @8w2d

August 2016 BFP - MC @6w1d

June 2017 - 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP 7/6/17!!

Beta #1 = 422 (14dpo), Beta #2 = 810, prog - 12.3 (16dpo), Beta #3 = 5023, prog - 18.9 (20dpo)

[/spoiler]


Re: Massive student debt - resigned to living with it?

  • OhPandabear63OhPandabear63 member
    edited February 2016
    I'm interested in hearing some more replies on this subject because I'm in a similar situation too, and it is indeed really frustrating. Theres no way my fiancé and I will be able to pay off our student loan debit (especially mine, which is much higher than his) anytime in the near future either. Just over the past couple of months I've been trying to just come to terms with that. Ideally I would love to wait until our debit is paid off to TTC, and sometimes I become so depressed when I hear about other people getting their finances in order and paying off debit before starting a family. Which is what we are trying to do as well, however for us, the getting debit paid off part just isn't realistic. 

    So we have decided to go ahead with TTC within the next year (right now we are actually NTNP), and just work our loan payments into our budget. Within the past year and a half we have already brought our cost of living down significantly by changing our lifestyle and keeping our spending in check. We continue to keep an eye out for areas within our budget where there can be improvement, and this goes into planning for a baby as well.

    So for us, we're basically just changing the things that we can change and are doing all that we can do at the moment, in order to deal with our debit while still moving forward with our family plans. It's very frustrating at times, but I guess there is some comfort in knowing that we aren't the only ones out there in this boat. There are many people out there with debit, who are still starting families and making it work. I just try to keep that in mind and keep moving forward to make the best decisions that we can make right now, within our situation.
  • Yes having a baby can be expensive, but it's also doable even with debt. Are there any areas you can cut costs? Are you living in the most affordable area for what you make? Could you find a place with a smaller mortgage? Childcare is the really big expense you need to think about. Will your potential future LO be in daycare? We waited to have baby #2 until we knew we could afford childcare. Sometimes childcare can be MORE than a mortgage payment!

    There are things to think through but you don't necessarily have to put off starting a family because of student loan debt.


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  • Im not the original poster, but these replies have definitely given me a couple of ideas that I haven't looked into yet (Like the loan refinancing and payoff programs)!

    I just want to add that when you look into cutting costs, don't forget about the little things that may not seem like they are making that much of a financial impact. For example we started using almost all reuseable products in our home. we replaced paper towels, napkins, and sponges with reuseable coth versions. We don't buy cling wrap or aluminum foil, instead we use glass tupperwear and silicone lids to cover pots and pans. I make all of our home cleaning supplies, the only cleaning supplies that we still buy, as is, are laundry detergent and dishwasher detergent. We cut down on personal care products (no extra hair sprays or gels, just the basics) and some stuff I started making myself (like deodorant, lip balm etc). We cook at home 90% of the time and only go out to eat about once a month. We're living a lot more naturally and frugal than a lot of people are comfortable with, and I know these things aren't for everyone. However they are fairly simple little changes that can save you more money than you'd probably expect in the long run.
  • OP, you mentioned that you have payments similar in size to your mortgage, but you didn't say specifically whether or not you guys are in a financial bind right now.

    If your savings and cash flow situations are solid even with the debt payments, I wouldn't worry about it. Personally I think the question has more to do with whether you guys can comfortably (or at least feasibly) afford a child while that revolving debt stands. 
  • Oh boy. Yes. My husband and i graduated in 2011. Im a nurse he is an engineer. So we have great careers. We both went to private schools. We have our whole lives so it just was something we felt we "had" to do. Anyway we came out with alot of debt. Not near as much as you though. We really struggled our first year. We lived way way below our means. We seriously tried applying for low income housing because the rent was cheap. We made too much to be accepted. We were so frustrated. I felt like the middle class really got the shaft. The rich don't have this issue and the poor are elligible for things like grants for colleges. Yes i MAKE more than low income but what i bring home is probably the same as low income due to massive student debt. You cannot live like that. I ended up getting a second job as a waitress on my days off. I actually really enjoyed it. My grandma passed away and left me with an inheritance that paid off my school loans. I knew she would be happy that i used it that way. My husband got a different job that paid ALOT more. Basically what we were making combined before. I quit my waitress job. We had to move for his job. We HAD to do this even though we didn't want to. We did it because the job paid more. My new job would pay more. It was a blessing in disguise. We love where we work and where we live. We stil have his loans but we are at a place where we can make it happen and still live comfortably. Basically what im getting at is nothing will change with your situation unless you make it change. You may need to make a career switch,move,take a second job etc. But we have almost all been there. It sucks but it is life. So even though I'm in a great place now yes i do know what it's like. Have you thought of moving to cheaper area? Even if it is across country (thats what we did)there are much cheaper parts of country with alot to offer. Doesn't have to be forever. 
  • To add...like someone else said before we cut everything we could.at the time we got rid of our smart phones and backnto regular. Cut out cable and stuck with netflix (7.99/month). Bought things in bulk. The necessities (soap,napkins,paper towls etc) bought at dollar General. Any extra money went to debt such as tax refunds,any winnings. Christmas and our wedding we only asked for money. Kept our honeymoon very cheap. Promised each other when we can afford it we will honeymoon later just the two of us. 
  • I'm sorry to hear your situation! I am in a similar situation :/ Although mine is $180,000, most of that is actually through private student loans and not federal, so they don't qualify for loan forgiveness. Our payments each month are extraordinary, but we recognize that we'll be paying them off the full term of the loans, which the federal are 25 years. Of COURSE we would love these paid off sooner, and we live modestly so help, but we don't let it keep us from living. We are TTC, but we are including student loans in the budget. We are looking for a home right now and are keeping into consideration mortgage payments, loan, bills, and child care while thinking how much we can afford.
    Me: 30 |  DH: 33
    Married: 8/11/2007

    DD: Born 2/3/17
    BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
  • @bmo88 offers great advice.  We are already TTC and are currently working to pay off our student loans.  By living WAY below our means and putting more than 50% of our take home pay toward student loans and retirement savings we will have been able to pay off over $85,000 in less than three years.  You can absolutely do it - it just takes dedication and a commitment to modifying your lifestyle to make it happen.
  • Thank you to everyone who has responded! There are really some great ideas in here. It is nice to hear from others that have successfully navigated their way through this. It is gives me some hope!

    At this point, I have overhauled our budget and have cut a good bit of our spending, but am factoring in our student loan payments as a constant monthly expense, while also putting some money into our various savings accounts (but not as much as I would like). I wish I made more, but I am very happy with my job and I get excellent family benefits/maternity leave/pension, etc. so no change there. DH should be getting a raise soon, and we are hoping for a good one! Due to our law licenses, we need to stay in NJ. The biggest thing is childcare. We can afford birth costs, health insurance, have an emergency fund, but childcare is just so outrageous around here. 

    @bmo88 - love that you called it your "side hustle". I have debated doing this as well. Getting a part-time gig that would be money saved. Do you do this in addition to a full-time job? How do you have the energy? lol.

    @OhPandabear63 - replacing
     paper towels, napkins, and sponges with reuseable coth versions is a great idea! 

    BabyFruit Ticker

    [spoiler]

    Me: 28  Him: 30

    Married: 11/15/14

    TTC: 02/2016

    IF DX: MFI (low count & morphology) & mild PCOS

    June 2016 BFP - MC @8w2d

    August 2016 BFP - MC @6w1d

    June 2017 - 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP 7/6/17!!

    Beta #1 = 422 (14dpo), Beta #2 = 810, prog - 12.3 (16dpo), Beta #3 = 5023, prog - 18.9 (20dpo)

    [/spoiler]


  • Heatho620 : Sounds like you already have some good things in place in terms of a budget, e-fund and OOP max savings. 

    In terms of my side hustles, my work flow has ebbed and flowed with time. Last year, I had more time and made more money. But I actually took over my organization as the Executive Director about 6 months ago. So my free time has gone down considerably, but my income increased by about 25%. I still work as the personal assistant the local consultant though, I just don't do tutoring anymore. I started my own blog and at this point, make very little money, but I am trying to increase that. 
  • bmo88 said:
    Heatho620 : Sounds like you already have some good things in place in terms of a budget, e-fund and OOP max savings. 

    In terms of my side hustles, my work flow has ebbed and flowed with time. Last year, I had more time and made more money. But I actually took over my organization as the Executive Director about 6 months ago. So my free time has gone down considerably, but my income increased by about 25%. I still work as the personal assistant the local consultant though, I just don't do tutoring anymore. I started my own blog and at this point, make very little money, but I am trying to increase that. 
    Thank you! And I just started following your blog! :smile: 

    BabyFruit Ticker

    [spoiler]

    Me: 28  Him: 30

    Married: 11/15/14

    TTC: 02/2016

    IF DX: MFI (low count & morphology) & mild PCOS

    June 2016 BFP - MC @8w2d

    August 2016 BFP - MC @6w1d

    June 2017 - 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP 7/6/17!!

    Beta #1 = 422 (14dpo), Beta #2 = 810, prog - 12.3 (16dpo), Beta #3 = 5023, prog - 18.9 (20dpo)

    [/spoiler]


  • DH is an aero engineer, I'm a librarian. Due to a period in his undergrad where he flip-flopped for a while, our combined loan debt is around $230k. We're paying over the minimum, but have resigned ourselves to paying it off over time. BUT once an individual loan gets below $400, we pay it off. We've got two in that bracket right now, and I'm lucky enough to have awesome parents - they cosigned one of my loans, and decided they wanted to be totally out of debt this year, so they are paying off the one they cosigned on. That'll be $4,000 out of our hair. 

    A friend of mine and I started our own etsy shop recently where we sell our crochet creations, so any income from that for stuff I have made will go straight into the loans. Every little bit helps.
    Married: 10-2-2010
    Punk's birthday: 3-28-17
  • @Heatho620 Thanks for following my blog! :)
  • I just wanted to chime in as I am a financial advisor. I don't know where the mindset came that you have to have zero debt before TTC or having a baby. In reading this post, I'm not sure if that is the viewpoint of some or not, but it seems that way. Of course there is a lot of good advice on here on buckling down if you are not able to afford the current payments AND a child. But if you can swing it, it's OKAY to just make your student loan payments month after month. I live in a more expensive part of the country as well, and it's not realistic around here to expect to buy a house, raise children and have zero college debt. 



  • bmo88bmo88 member
    @hartmich I don't think you have to be debt free to have a baby and I don't think many people are saying. But I do believe you don't need to have debt for your whole life if you intentionally plan how to pay it off.
  • My husband and I have $120,000 combined in student loans and I feel the same way. We have some credit card debt right now that we are focusing on paying off, especially because the interest rates on our credit cards are so much higher than what we pay on our student loans so I want to get those paid off asap (I use readyforzero.com which is really helpful). However, I don't plan on paying off our student loans before ttc, I'm okay with finding the right balance (for us) of working on paying them off and still living our lives while doing so.
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