What would you have done?

thepicklemonster · February 2016

I am 8w into my first ever pregnancy. So, DH has a condition where food gets stuck in his esophagus sometimes when he eats, but it usually passes on its own. A couple times in his life he has needed to go to the hospital for it, but not since we've been together so I've never had to deal with that with him. Last night was one of those times. At 2 am he woke me up and said he needed to go to the ER. He seemed so annoyed and upset so of course I didn't want him to go alone, I threw on clothes and went with him. When he checked in, he mentioned to the nurse that I'm pregnant and she was like "honey, go home. DH is going to be fine, but he'll be sitting here all night and there is all kinds of nasty stuff coming through." DH seemed to kinda want me to stay anyway but I went home. A few hours later he texted me saying he felt so helpless and lonely, but I didn't get the text until a bit later when I woke up, and by then he said they were taking him in for an endoscopy and I should just pick him up when that's done.

I feel very guilty for not being there. Would you have stayed all night with him? Did I do the right thing?

WinchestertoPittsburgh · February 2016

I would have stayed. The nurse telling you to go had no right to do that. I work in an ER and am pregnant. I'm not quitting my job because there's germs everywhere, not just in hospitals.

I don't mean to make you feel bad, but I would never want to be left in a hospital by myself, even if it was something routine.

blaf322 · February 2016

I would have stayed.... I would want him there for me, after all. I don't mean to make you feel bad, but you asked. Maybe make a special apology dinner of all his favorite stuff

westcoastfoodie · February 2016

Cut yourself some slack. It's your first pregnancy so you had no idea what to do or expect and this was a medical professional telling you to leave. TBH, I probably would have left, and I think my husband would understand, especially if it was something that is somewhat routine. However, I am SUPER paranoid about getting sick since my loss. If I were in your position, and the shoe were on the other foot, I would want my husband to go home (if that makes sense).

br0co1ii · February 2016

That's a tough one. I can see it either way. It's hard to say what I would do since I've never been in a similar situation. Since all is said and done now, maybe it would be a good idea to show your hubby that you truly do care. Spend extra time with him, or grab him a special small present of some sort. You know him best. I'm not sure if he'll have any dietary restrictions after this, but a special ice cream date or similar might be nice.

FemShep · February 2016

I would have stayed, but I think it's also on your DH to communicate his wishes. If he really wanted you to stay, but he told you to go, that's on him.

I might bring it up and ask him if he really wanted you to stay, because you need to know how to best support him, and tell him that next time you'll do whatever he wants and needs but that he should always feel comfortable letting you know.

llsarmy · February 2016

I would have stayed. I agree with the above poster that he should have spoke up and asked you to stay. I don't think it's something to beat yourself up over though.

thepicklemonster · February 2016

Thanks for all the responses. Right after I posted this, a doctor called me and said DH was still asleep but the procedure went well and he'd be up in an hour. I totally freaked out because I didn't know he was put asleep! He had made it seem like it was a minor thing, which maybe it is, but whoa. I grabbed a bag of a few things for him and rushed to the hospital. I'm waiting for him to come out of "recovery" now. Apparently he'll be able to go home right away but I'm shaken up.
I think I should have stayed last night but what's done is done. First pregnancy, first year of marriage.... I made a mistake. I will cook some soft foods for him today and try not to beat myself up.

Thanks again for the candid responses and advice.

LGW2015 · February 2016

Hey there. Like PPs have said, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it either way. I've had an endoscopy. It is minor but they do have to sedate you for it (they are putting a tube down your throat so you really don't want to/can't be awake for it). The sedation wears off pretty quickly though once the procedure is done. I was by myself in the ICU when mine was done. Yeah it sucks but it is what it is. He'll be fine! And so will you xoxo

queen_frostine · February 2016

I would have left. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but with someone TELLING me to leave, the discomfort of the situation (which you know he HAS dealt with himself before), and all the pregnancy fear, yes, I would have left, too. In any case, what's done is done, so like others have said, make it up to him by showing him you care in other ways.

blaf322 · February 2016

@thepicklemonster definitely don't beat yourself up about it! This is such a minor thing and not worth the worry!

Dulmaria · February 2016

I think I would have stayed with him, too.

No reason to leave him there all alone.

fitlady21 · February 2016

I would have stayed too. Logically I know pregnant women work in hospitals plus I'm a pharmaceutical rep, and am in and out of hospitals all day.

But in the moment, I can see how someone telling you to leave would worry you. Just be sweet to him when he wakes up and it will be fine!

ByeBabyBunting · February 2016

He's a big boy, if you already had your LO and this happened you wouldn't haul the kid to the hospital. It wasn't life threatening, he was fine, don't beat yourself up!

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

I would have stayed, but washed my hands and MAYBE asked for a mask for my face. Extreme yes, but immune compromised is no joke.

krzyriver · February 2016

I probably wouldn't have stayed. My husband knows I would never leave him alone at the hospital under normal circumstances. I would have gone home and rested. Actually he probably would have made me go home and rest. I'm not as much concerned with the fear of infection cause I worked in health care and knew lots of pregnant ladies.

veetveet · February 2016

I would have stayed. But then again I am the biggest worry wart!

mrsman2018 · March 2016

A tough one, but don't be hard on yourself. You do have to take care of yourself and rest.
I would have stayed. I work at a hospital and am pregnant, so that would not bother me. But my husband is my bestie and I could not leave him.

dam0ne4 · March 2016

I don't think either way is wrong. I could see myself not staying but staying would have been fine too

thepicklemonster · March 2016

Hi all, OP here again. Thanks for the supportive responses. DH was not upset with me at alllll and was thrilled to see me there when he woke up. Most importantly, he is all better!

emmaaa · March 2016

Glad to hear he has recovered well!

LGW2015 · March 2016

Yay! So glad everything is well.

heatherperkins14 · March 2016

If he wanted you to stay, he should have said so. You are pregnant and if you are like most of us, extremely tired. You did what you thought was right. Don't beat yourself up.

jillianpardo · March 2016

@thepicklemonster update us after you chat with him. it's obvious you are a caring person or you might not even be feeling guilty. make sure he knows how much you care and ask him what would be best in the future.

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